Disclaimer: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.
It was nearly eight on Wednesday night as Olivia flicked off the kitchen light and headed to the sofa. She picked up the book Casey had lent her two months ago but had yet to even start. Curling her legs up under her she studied the cover; a tall, dark man with crystal blue eyes stared up at her. While he bore no resemblance to her AWOL partner she couldn't help but think of him.
Their relationship had changed in the last month or so with them spending more time together after hours. It never felt awkward or forced, if anything it felt incredibly natural. Initially, it was Fin's birthday, then a retirement party for the desk sergeant. Next, Dickie had invited Olivia to his hockey match and Lizzie had followed up and asked her to join them for dinner afterwards. When the social events waned, it became DVDs and dinner, usually at Olivia's. It was friendly and social but never inappropriate, both seeming to enjoy the closer bond but not pursuing anything else for fear of damaging what they were nurturing.
But today, after days of unexplained calls, sudden absences and a seriously pissy attitude, Elliot had raced out of the squad room after another nondescript phone call just after two and hadn't been seen or heard of since. Despite Olivia being less than impressed by his actions and by the coarse words he spat at her after his call, she had swung by his place on her way home to check on him. He wasn't to be found.
Flicking to the first page she read the first paragraph, twice, before realising the words weren't sinking in, her mind still very much on Elliot. Picking up her cell she hit one on the speed dial and listened to the voice mail of his cell, she left her fourth message for the evening. Ending that call she went back to the menu and pressed two, this time she got his answering machine at home and left message number five.
With her phone discarded on the coffee table, Olivia picked up the book once more but again she was distracted by the blue eyes looking up at her. Slowly she ran her finger across the face on the cover, hoping the anonymous man would give her some answers, but he didn't. Still deep in thought she was startled by the buzzer.
"Yes," she answered.
"Um, hello, ma'am. My name is Bob, I'm a cab driver," came the deep voice over the intercom.
"Yes, Bob," Olivia said.
"Well, ma'am, I'm downstairs, outside you apartment block, have been for the best part of two hours…" he began to explain.
"Why?" she answered, wondering why he had been and why she needed to know.
"Your husband is in my cab and he just won't get out," said Bob.
"My husband?" she repeated.
"Yes, ma'am. You are Mrs Stabler, aren't you? Mrs Elliot Stabler?" he asked.
"He's not my husband, he's my partner," Olivia explained.
"Husband, partner, spouse, significant other, all the same to me, ma'am," Bob said.
Olivia grinned, he was probably right; there's was a marriage of sorts. "Is he okay?"
"No, not really. Can you come down and get him?" asked Bob.
Grabbing her keys, Olivia shut the door behind her and raced down the stairs to the lobby, opening the door she was greeted by the bitter cold of the February night and the man she presumed to be Bob.
"Sorry, ma'am," he said, as Olivia wrapped her arms around herself to ward of the chill.
"Where did you pick him up from?" she asked, looking to the cab and seeing Elliot with his head back and his eyes closed.
"Mt Sinai Hospital," he explained. "Picked him up just before six, said to bring him here. When we pulled he gave me his wallet, and said he couldn't go up just yet and could I please wait until his money ran out," Bob said glancing back to the car.
"And his money's run out?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah, about an hour or so ago. Ma'am, he's not in good shape and I just couldn't force him out," Bob said, stepping towards the vehicle.
"Has he said anything?" she asked, following him.
"Just this address and that you were the only one he wanted to see, this was the only place he wanted to be."
Olivia followed Bob to the cab and watched as he opened the passenger door. Elliot's eyes opened and his head slowly turned, his face not registering Olivia standing behind the driver.
"Time to go home, Mr Stabler," Bob said, offering his hand but Elliot didn't move.
Stepping around Bob, Olivia leant into the car and pulled back his seatbelt, before stopping to look at him. When her eyes locked onto his, she saw a deep sadness and her heart dropped.
"Hey El," she said quietly, helping him to swing his legs around so his feet rested on the pavement. He didn't reply. "Come on out," she prompted, but he just looked sadly at her.
Reaching down, she grabbed the lapels of his overcoat and pulled him up; Bob reaching in to ensure he didn't hit his head.
"He hasn't been drinking, ma'am," Bob said as Elliot stumbled forward into her.
"You sure?" she asked. Although there was no smell of alcohol and he'd come from the hospital, he seemed incapacitated. Quickly, Olivia ran her hands under his jacket and around his body, steadying him against her, and warming herself as a bonus. "Whoa, El!" she said as he shuffled into her. "You okay?" she asked and tried to maintain eye contact with him but he wouldn't and dropped his head onto hers. She wrapped her arms around him tighter and softly kissed his cheek.
"Are you right to get him upstairs, ma'am?" Bob asked, shutting the door.
"Yes, Bob, we'll be fine. Thank you so much for everything," she said looking from Elliot to Bob.
"Here's his wallet, ma'am," he said, tucking it into Elliot's coat pocket.
"Oh, the money! You said the money ran out…" she began, but he interrupted.
"Don't worry about it, Mrs Stabler," he said. "I didn't touch anything in his wallet, honest, it's all there."
"But, Bob, you've been with him for two hours," she said, holding Elliot tightly.
Bob smiled gently at her. "Whatever he's got going on with him, I can't put a price on it." He moved around to the other side of the cab. "Good luck, ma'am, Mr Stabler. I hope it all works out." With that Bob was gone and Olivia moved around to Elliot's side and slowly walked up the steps to the lobby with him.
As they waited for the elevator, Olivia looked up at him and caressed his cheek with the hand she'd freed to press the button.
"You gonna talk to me, Elliot?" she asked quietly.
He tilted his head and gave her half a sad smile but said nothing. The doors opened and they moved into the cabin, Olivia standing beside him as the doors closed. Still nothing was said.
Moving from the elevator to her apartment, Elliot held onto Olivia's hand tightly, not wanting to let go, not daring to let the connection break. With one hand taken, Olivia fumbled with her keys but eventually got the door opened. Elliot walked in with her before she shut and locked it behind them. Olivia broke their connection and silently removed his jacket. She turned and took four short steps to hang it up; when she turned back he was right behind her, his eyes filled with tears.
"What's wrong, Elliot?" she said, rubbing her hand up his arm. "Talk to me." He shook his head, three teardrops escaping as he did. Olivia had seen him cry before, in fact she thought she'd seen every one of his emotions, but she'd never before seen him like this. Knowing she wasn't going to get any answer soon and knowing he had come to her for a reason, she changed tack.
"What do you need from me, El?" she asked gently, her hands holding onto his.
"Hold me," he whimpered, as his blue eyes watered.
Olivia moved in and ran her arms around his body. Her elbows sat at his sides as her arms cradled his back, her hands resting on his shoulder blades, drawing him closer and closer to her. His head came down to rest on her shoulder and she turned and gently kissed the side of his head.
Within a few moments she could feel his whole body trembling and instinctively pulled him closer still. One hand moved up to his head, cradling it to her. She tried to think of something, anything to say which would help the situation but she couldn't, so instead she kissed his head again .
Fifteen minutes later, Elliot finally let her go, missing her touch instantly.
"Sorry," he mumbled, brushing her shoulder where his tears had dampened her sweater.
"Don't worry about it," she replied, taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. When he was seated, Olivia headed to the kitchen, returning with two beers. She opened his and handed him the bottle before opening hers and sitting beside him.
Silence settled between them as Olivia watched him, willing him to speak of his own accord, she didn't want this to turn into an interrogation but her self restraint was weakening as each minute past without dialogue.
"Elliot," she said gently, resting her hand on his forearm. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be here to listen, okay?"
He nodded and smiled, then sighed deeply. His eyes glazed over as he sat and looked at her but still he said nothing.
"You hungry?" she asked, breaking the silence. "You didn't eat lunch and I'll bet you didn't have dinner."
"Not hungry," Elliot said, resting his head against the sofa and closing his eyes.
"El," she said gently. "Please tell me what's going on."
"Haven't been well," he said quietly. Olivia nodded, she knew he'd had the flu last month and had been very run down in the last few weeks.
"And?" she asked when he offered nothing.
"Went to the doctor to get it checked out the other day and he ran a lot of tests, trying to figure out the reason I was feeling like shit," Elliot said, sounding almost detached from the conversation.
"He the one who rang today?" she asked, holding onto his hand to offer support.
"Um, yeah," he said quietly and then sighed deeply.
"Bad news?" she prompted, and when he nodded her heart sank. "What?" she whispered.
Elliot sat up a little straighter; he took a deep breath and looked past her, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
"The doctor said…" he began, his voice unfamiliar, "Mr Stabler, the tests have come back and the results aren't too good, I'm afraid. The indications are you have Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma …"
Olivia gasped and Elliot's eyes came back to her face. He reached out to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry, Liv," he added and she was confused.
"Why are you sorry?" she asked.
"Because I yelled at you today, I shouldn't have done that," he whispered, his hand cupping her cheek.
With no words to express her thoughts, Olivia did the only thing she could think of, she held him tightly and prayed to God this was just a bad dream.