I OWN NOTHING
He was lonely.
Why him?
Why was he fated to suffer this way?
Of course, others suffered like this, suffered the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back, but this was worse.
Why him?
Why did he have to be in love with the one person he absolutely could not have?
It hurt him, far worse than any physical pain.
Why couldn't he love a nice girl, someone who loved him back?
He'd had his chances over the years to be with a girl, but he'd turned down every single one in favor of the person he truly loved.
His brother.
Kaoru had always given up everything for his brother. He'd thrown away every opportunity to be loved, only to find himself on the receiving end. He'd thrown away everything, only to be tossed aside like meaningless garbage.
Of course, that wasn't entirely true. He knew Hikaru didn't think of him as meaningless, as garbage, or as meaningless garbage. He knew that Hikaru loved him, just not the way Kaoru wanted him to. He wanted to be Hikaru's one and only, the only person in his life that mattered. It seemed to be that way when they were younger, but now Hikaru was growing distant. He was reluctant to hold Kaoru's hand. He didn't speak to him as affectionately as he used to. In fact, outside of the Host Club, Hikaru treated Kaoru as nothing more than his brother.
He supposed that was fair. They were brothers, after all. Identical twins. There was no reason for Hikaru to love Kaoru in any way but in that of a brother.
Kaoru knew this. He knew this, and yet he still wanted more.
He wanted what they'd had before puberty and girls and breasts and society. He wanted more than anything to pull Hikaru back to their own little world, the universe that was theirs and only theirs. The world they had created, and spent so much time in. Kaoru wanted to be in their universe, but he wanted to be in it with Hikaru.
Unfortunately, lately, he'd spent quite a lot of time there alone. Hikaru didn't join him anymore. Didn't hold his hand and close his eyes. Didn't press his lips against Kaoru and tell him to be quiet, and that he tasted like strawberry cake. Didn't tell him that strawberry cake was his favorite flavor. He didn't do anything that had made him Kaoru's when they'd shared their little universe.
The universe. Stars and galaxies. Kaoru wasn't sure when he started calling it that, but he supposed it was because being with the one person he loved had made him feel weightless, as though he were floating amongst the stars. He'd felt supernovas explode in his chest when he'd been kissed by Hikaru. He'd felt the energy of a thousand stars behind his closed eyes as his brother held him close in the dark shadows of their room. He'd felt the heat of a million stars countless times as affectionate words were whispered to him in the shadows, urging him to be quiet or they'd get caught, telling him he shone brighter than any star. He'd looked into his brother's eyes and seen love burn fiercely, more brilliant than any sun. He'd also slowly seen the stars fade, watched the suns burn out and leave an emptiness that was unable to be filled. He'd watched his favorite galaxy fizzle out without any idea on how to make the stars shine again.
The universe used to be Kaoru's favorite thing, but now, he wasn't quite sure he wanted it anymore.