It s been raining for a week straight. I sit on my window ceil and wish that tomorrow something good will happen. I hear we have new neighbors, Mario says it's a guy and two girls. Sexy twins. I need to see for myself. I wake up the next morning lying on the floor beside a tipped over bottle of gin and some old t-shirts that just asked to be washed. The sun seems to beam down on me burning into the skin on my forehead and the sound of a moving truck pierces my ears with every loud beep. I groan and sit up as the beeping stops breathe in and expect the bitter smell of raindrops to sting my nose but it never comes. I smell the sweet breeze of air that sweeps through my room around me and back out the window; I walk over and look at the big u-haul truck sitting in the driveway of the yard next door. Mario, Chris, and Darius are over there taking furniture off the truck and into the house, there are two girls helping while another sits in the passenger's seat of the u-haul. She looks familiar, her long brown hair pulled into braided pigtails on her honey colored shoulders the rose colored lips that smile... She looks over and waves at me, I nod and walk over to my cell and call Vanessa: my new baby. I like my new room. It's so big. I picture everything I plan to do. I will paint the walls black, no! Purple with black pin stripes and her name in graffiti letters..."Sydney." saying her name even hurts as much as losing her. I look down at my feet and try to not cry but a tear drop hits the floor as someone behind calls my name "babe?" I jump and turn to see my other part, Jaydin. My identical, except that one thing. Our eyes. Mine the mix between grey and blue. Hers the sweet sky blue color, the reason most guys love her, she comes closer and hugs me begging me to tell her of my trip but I refuse to tell her. After a couple hours of a begging I gave up, we stayed up all night talking until we both fell asleep on my bed hugging close together and I dream of that day. She lay in the hospital bed suffering as every minute passes the weight of the world puts pressure onto this child's brain. She tells me not to cry so I try to gain control of my emotions. I can't tell her what might happen in the next day or so, she sleeps as if she didn't already know, as days pass she talks less and less then not at all. She sleeps more; when she is awake she wants only me. I was 15 and scared. I promised her so much. So many things I said I would do for her. They weren't lies it's just her time to go. The doctor comes over to me and tells me that its time.... I lean over Syd's bed and peck her lips as a silent tear rolls onto her cheek and the nurse pulls the plug to her life support. I sat there witnessing my daughter's last breaths as they quickly waste away to nothing. Her tombstone states a short life. "Sydney Maye Williams 2006-2006" I wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning to a car beeping its horn. Jaydin is still sleeping; I pull away from her and walk out onto the balcony. There is a grey BMW in the middle of the road with its lights on at the passenger's door open. There is a woman running up the sidewalk into marc's arms, they kiss and hug then she spots me and sticks up her middle finger. I giggle and go downstairs to the kitchen and cook breakfast, sweet strawberry pancakes and orange juice is enough to hold me for now. I watch TV until about 10 that is when I see one of the three guys that helped us move in come downstairs alone. He looks at me and smiles, he's beautiful. He has dark blue eyes and sweet bronze soft skin; he's shirtless and muscular unlike anyone I've ever seen. He sits next to my head and plays with my hair like he used to do when I'd spend the night over his house lying on his lap and he asked me to come with him and Ashay to a new restaurant outside of town. I refuse. I'd rather stay home tonight and get used to the new room need to paint and decorate. He tries tickling me to get the true answer to why I won't come, but he fails and lets me go on about my way with only a small peck from his lips onto my cheek. I have nothing more to do in this big house so I get dressed in my favorite thigh length purple plaid dress and black stilettos, steal Jaydin's car keys and drive to the closest home depot looking for black paint and brushes, old people watch as I crawl on the floor to search the bottom level. I crawl and crawl until my hand come on top of a black converse sneaker, there's a man's laughter and a sultry French accent asked "may I help you?" I look up at him and I'm struck like lightning. He's tall with spiky black hair; he has a smile full with pearly white teeth surrounded by the smoothest lips. He helps me up and my face levels with his neck, I find myself eyeing him up and down until he lets me go and asks me why I was on the floor. I haven't heard a word he's said. He could have fully cursed me out and I wouldn't care, he is sexy. I haven't seen sexy before. He tilts my head up and makes me look into his face, "need paint?" I blush bright red and nod as I back up. He looks me up and down then reaches on the top shelf and pulls down a lavender bucket along with a silver one. How did he know this was some of the colors I desired? Who is he? Why don't I already know him? He checks me out and carries the buckets to my car and gives me a card with his name on it. "Call me if you need help painting." he said with another smile before opening my door for me and closing it when I am inside. He walked off as I came back to reality. I look at the card and smile at his name, "Eric Ashlynn." a gentleman's name. And such a beautiful gentle man he was. Later that night I began to paint the wall, I feel lonely. Everyone's gone out to eat together sit on my bed with my phone in my hand. Should I call him? I dial a familiar number and listen as the phone rings; I hear a woman's moans and grunting as he forces himself to say "hello?" I say nothing...what could I possibly say? Nothing....I hang up and think about crying. But all that comes out is that all too normal sigh.... I never thought that my sweet bapooh of a fiancée would be the one to cheat on me. I need to here the sweet voice of the hardware store worker; I go through my jeans pockets and look for that name that number. I dial in 3 heartbeats and listen as sweet piano music plays instead of the original ringing, this sounds so familiar. It played on the television the month before Sydney died, it played on the radio when my father left us and my mother committed suicide, it played from the room I passed by that day at the orphanage. Its sweet and soothing...tears flow down my cheeks and I hum the melody. All too soon it stopped but I didn't. He's quiet as I hum all the way to the end. I hear clapping and chuckling and my face runs red, he listened to me. "That was beautiful." he said as a smile spread across my face as his voice cleared the last few minutes from my brain. "Have you decided to let me help you with your room?" I close my eyes and softly say yes. He's quiet. I try to get his attention by asking, "can you draw?" he chuckles and said "maybe. Where do you live?" I give him my address and he hangs up with a low "see you soon, beautiful." I lay on my bed as his last word play over repeatedly in my head, like a broken record until I stop it and get up to change out of my dress and into short shorts and a white tank top. I wanted to look cute but this is no time. Half an hour passes and the door bell rings, I twist my ankle as I skip a step and tumble all the way down. I limp all the way to the front door and smile as I open the door, he's wearing a tight muscle shirt and the same black jeans he wore earlier today, and he's got a bag slung across his back that clanks every time he moves. I blush and he walks in rubbing my cheek, "you're so gorgeous." he grabs the door and closes it then locks it as I limp into the dining room and sit on the table moving my ankle around its swollen...I reach down to rub it but he has my entire leg in his hand. My face is hot as he looks up at me with that gorgeous smile. He runs his hand up my thigh and kisses my leg then my tummy and chest and finally my neck, he grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around my waist as my head tilts back and he kisses my jaw. "Beautiful? Are you okay?" he snaps his fingers as I snap back to reality and look away from him. His face is close to mine, he moves away with my hand in his, "we should get started...." I say as I jump off the table and walk up the stairs. We walk in my room and he puts the clanky bag on the floor next to my bed and asks me what I had in mind of putting on the wall. I pull out my drawing book and pull out the paper with Syd's name on it and he nods as he looks at it. He picks up a brush and began gently painting my once beige walls purple getting the top of the wall where I couldn't. I stood next to him and began painting, after a moment it start getting hot and I undo the buckles on my overalls and let the from fall along with the back letting Eric see the soft pink tube top I wear. He looks at me then looks away fighting a smile, "so..." He says, "what's your name?" I look up at his face then down into the paint pan to wet my brush again as I say my name then my nickname. "that's beautiful." it took us maybe 2 and half hours to do my entire room then another 47 minutes for him to graffiti Sydney's name on the wall. We take a break and lay on my bed, talking about utter nonsense then it comes up "who is Sydney?" my smile faded away in what felt like seconds and the back of my eyes were burning. I sit up hoping he hadn't seen the first 4 tears roll down the side on my face; I tell him that it was my daughter. I wait to here him get up grab his things and leave me sitting there blubbering like a big baby. This time I can't stop the tears and the pain so I just cry and wait. There are arms around me and I envision Darius. He hugs me to stop the tears like he always did. He pulls me onto his lap and holds me tight. "Where is she, Jordin?" I sniff and tell him everything. The tumor on her brain killed my baby. She's gone forever and she's not coming back. Tears fall onto my chest and I look up at him, he's crying along with me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him as tight as he holds me; I feel his lips on my neck. Am I dreaming again? I groan lightly and just think forget it; I shall make the best of this moment. I put my hands on his cheeks and peck his lips once....twice....three times until he begins to kiss me back. His hands are on my waist; he lays me down and kisses me deeper as he lies on top of me and moves my hair from my face. "You are beautiful." I sit up looking him in the eyes. "Are you serious?" He nods. No one has ever referred to me as beautiful; I've been merely cute or pretty where as Jaydin Jaylin and Ashay are spectacular, gorgeous, wonderful, amazing, and perfect. If Jaydin and I are identical twins, should we be compared as the same? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe there is something more different between us than I can see. His fingers trace up my arm and he kisses my wrist. "I don't want to speed things up too fast." He's perfect... What is he hiding? No man is this great. What does he want from me? He claims it's not sex but I know it is. With guys it always is. He gets up and picks up another paint brush and outlines his creation and writes my name under it. He packs up his bag and looks down at me, "There is a carnival tomorrow night at the park. Would you like to come with me?" Before I can think about it I've already said yes and we are downstairs kissing goodnight as he gets into his silver Chrysler 300 and off he goes. I go into my room and look at his mural again, such talent in him. How was I lucky enough to find him, there are at least another 400,000 thousand women in the world, or at least the United States, and he chose me. Is this karma messing with my head again? I don't want to be another lost love in the seas of loneliness. It's cold out there. I find myself raiding boxes and totes of my clothes looking for the perfect outfit like a girly girl trying to impress that one special guy. For once in this life, I'm happy again.
I awake to another sunny cloudless day but somehow something seems off, I shake that feeling away as i lay there looking out the window at marcs house, he's standing in the window looking into my room with binoculars. I laugh then grab my cell phone and call Darius asking him to please tell his friend to stop being a peeping tom before I call the police. Marc ducked down as I hung up. Jaydin walked in my room and crawl on my bed hugging me, she tells me that she wishes I had come to dinner, everything was amazing. "My night was pretty amazing too." I say fighting a smile. She opens her mouth to speak but turns to ogle the mural, "wow. You did a good job, that's…wow." I laugh as I tell her about him, everything about him. The small things then the larger things. Then I ask her, "will you come somewhere with us tonight? You and Mario? " she looks down and blushes, "like a date?" I nod "exactly" she says she'll think about it and runs out of the room.
The day seems to drag on. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes into hours. Hours into more hours. Its 6o'clock. I sit on the stairs, in a black fitted t-shirt and a pair of boot cut jean with my all black converses, waiting. I've listened to Jaylin play the same Faith Evans song over and over 9 times, that's 36 minutes. Jaydin comes down stairs wearing the exact same thing I'm wearing but with grey instead of black. Now we choose to dress the same? She looks down at me, "are you sure he's on his way Jo?" I nod and she walks off and out the door to Mario's car. She wanted to go to the carnival with me but Mario surprised her with ice skating. I call Eric's phone, "Thank you for calling but sorry that I missed you. Leave your name and I'll be sure to get back to you." He is busy that's all. The doorbell rings and Jaylin runs down the stairs in a mini skirt tube top and heels along with Ashay. They are going salsa dancing with Darius, Marc, Vanessa and Chris. Lucky luck lucky them. I check my phone, no calls. I kicked my shoes, I feel comfortable. I go downstairs and make M&M cookies from scratch when the doorbell rang. I clean my hands and answer it; he's standing there with a bouquet of lavender and jasmine surrounded by white lilies. "I'm sorry I'm late. I ran out of gas on the interstate." He leans forward and kisses my cheek and hands them to me. I smile as I smell them, I've never gotten flowers out of the blue before, quite as kept I've never gotten flowers before. They smell sweet and they are beautiful, even more now than in the stores. "Are you ready to go?" I look down at my clothes and back up at him, "I need to change..." he laugh and spins me around. "You're as beautiful as can be. Get your shoes and we can go." I grab his hand and pull him in then run up stairs to put the flowers in a vase and put on my shoes. I walk downstairs and he's sneaking one of my cookies, I laugh and he jumps putting the half bitten cookie back under the others. (to be continued)