So, this is how it really went, okay?
/
Remember how you wanted me to ask you to the prom?
You weren't trying to be subtle and goodness knows I hate dances, but you always have this ability to make me want to do things I really don't want to do. You made me like you when I didn't like anyone - much less myself. You made me trust you when I didn't trust anyone. You made me feel things when I didn't want to feel anything.
Until I met you, I had been living some kind of twisted fairy-tale - all glitz, but not a shred of glamour. Nothing but fools and not a sight of gold.
That's the life I was leading before I met you.
It looked so good on paper, you know? It looked so good in the flash of lights.
But you walked on in and you turned it all upside-down - you shook a dose of Ohio-shaped reality into my L.A. fantasy... and I should hate you for it, right?
But I don't.
I just love you. I just... love you.
/
You in blue and me in white. This is how it really went down, okay?
/
So, I reached down and grabbed all that confidence that I boast about - but still lie about, too - and I broke into your locker and I leave you some stupid invitation.
With dolls. And actual use of the word 'stupid'.
But my smile gives me away and I think that is why you hug me so tightly.
I'm giving it all away, all to you, and you see it as plainly as the two Barbies on top of your algebra book.
You see what I am willing to do for you.
I laugh at myself, like my trying at all is a gift to wish for. Maybe I should offer it more freely, more often... And I wonder if you know, truly know, that for you - for you and you alone - I'd climb a mountain. Or face a rabid animal.
I'd leap over tall buildings. I'd go faster than a speeding bullet.
For you, I try and try again.
/
And I make sure I take your hand, keep it with me all night long. I keep you with me, okay?
/
I thought I was breathing.
I thought I was alive.
I thought I was ready.
But there you are, practically lighting up this room, and how did I get this lucky?
You'd make a joke or soothe me with soft words, if this were the moment for such things.
Nah, you are too smart for that, though.
You just smile at me and duck your head as though waiting - waiting for me to find the right words and to speak them, to tell you what rests at the bottom of my kick-started heart.
And what is there besides a few well-timed memories? A few seconds with my father. A brief glance with Kyla. Snippets of my existence, hazy and still sharp.
Oh, but there is you. You and your laugh. You and your kiss. You and your endless affection, pretty as a picture in your blue eyes.
There you are, Spencer Carlin, in my heart like you own it.
And you do.
I take a breath.
I feel my feet on the ground.
And I smile back at you, finally.
I smile and I tell you everything.
/
This is our dance and I won't let anyone cut in. Not this time, okay? Not this time.
/
Your cheek, flush with happiness, is pressed to my shoulder. And your arms are around my waist. I can feel the pressure of your weight against me and it's like I am holding you up and I could, you know?
I could hold you forever and never get tired.
The music dips low and people are pairing off, sliding after-hours grins onto their faces.
Everyone has a plan - another party, another drink, another chance at getting 'round all those bases and finding home.
And that used to be me, stuck up or fucked up - didn't matter. That used to be me, wandering from one place to the next, always looking for another high.
That used to be me, at the edges of simple joy, but too scared to get closer.
I've always been the timid one underneath all this brashness.
But you know that, don't you?
You know this and want me still. You know this and want me more than anyone else.
I'd say you are a special brand of crazy to desire me so much... but, then again, I hope to never see you change your mind.
Your lips are lightly coasting over my ear and I close my eyes.
I close my eyes, because I am revealed by your light touch.
I close my eyes, because no one else is allowed to see what you do to me.
"Let's get out of here." You whisper and then you leave a small kiss to my jaw, you kiss me there and let it linger so wonderfully.
And I nod because I cannot speak.
And I cannot speak because all this love is sweetly killing me.
/
No running away. No fire in the night. None of that... This is how it really went, okay? This is exactly how it is supposed to be...
/
It's funny what you've taught me in such a short amount of time.
How to let go of the bad. How to accept the good. How to stand and fight. How to be patient.
I've lived a full life for someone so young, you know?
I should have been as well-rounded as you. I should have been on top of things.
But going around the block a few times doesn't mean you've really lived, does it?
It just means you've been around.
Hanging around. Getting by. Surviving. These are things I used to do, too. Spending just enough energy to look good and shoot out a nice quip, but never going beyond that - never striving for more.
You strike me as a real go-getter, Spencer Carlin.
The 'more' is what you are all about, I think.
And I think I like that about you. I think I really like that about you.
We stumble into my room and the house is empty - as usual.
We giggle and we talk about the prom and you kick off your shoes and I am even enamored with your feet as they stretch, as they flex.
I stare at you and you beckon me closer.
You pull me in like a ship to shore and sail into you.
Just like that, you've got me.
Just like that.
/
END