"Eads, Eads," the young Snape hissed. He was bent over the desk at an angle Harry thought was odd. What on Earth had he fallen into? This was wrong. It was the Defense classroom, he was sure, which logically made the grown man behind Snape the Defense professor. "You're hurting me."
Harry didn't want to look, but he also couldn't turn away. All at once the wrong was obvious. Snape's trousers were around his ankles. The professor was pressing not just against him but into him. No. Harry clenched his eyes shut and willed himself not to hear the noises. Sure, he was warned in Muggle primary that teachers weren't to touch students, but he hadn't believed it ever actually happened. And to Snape no less. How could Snape ever be hurt like that?
He winced as he opened his eyes to confirm his suspicion. Snape was indeed leaning into it, trying to kiss the Eads fellow and bring them closer together. Did that mean he wanted it? The memory changed like a puff of smoke blowing in his face. It was still the two of them, but this time on a bed and inactive. Eads slept peacefully while Snape sat with his knees pulled up. Harry didn't have to get closer to see that his body was shaking.
Another change. Eads was absent from this memory. Snape sat alone in an old claw-foot bathtub that had mold around the edges with an unprotected razor in hand. Once again, Harry squeezed his eyes shut. Hating Snape was okay, but watching him attempt suicide was different. The memory did not leave, even after Snape let out a long noise of pain. How long did it take to bleed out?
"Come on," Snape whispered. "Come on."
Curiosity won out. Harry opened his eyes and set his jaw, determined not to vomit. Snape's wrists were intact. The slice was along his abdomen and he was pushing against it. Something pushed up against his abdominal skin and Harry jumped back. Everyone knew about that scene in Alien, even him, though he'd never seen it. When the alien comes out of the guy's stomach. It looked like that. The little head popped out first and he heaved. It started crying immediately. The arms were next, as if it was crawling with assistance from Snape's pressure. He was both certain it was a baby and quite certain that babies were not born that way.
Once the baby boy, by the looks of it, was out, Snape wiped the goo off gently and cast a series of cleaning spells. That done, he cast a spell with his wand at his abdomen and flung it outward. As the placenta flew out so did all the bile Harry could manage. Disgusting! By the time he looked back up, Snape was fixed up right and the baby was in the basked under the sink.
"I'll be a few hours," Snape whispered. "I'm sorry." Instead of kissing the baby's head, he touched it, moved the hair around.
As he walked out the door, Harry chased after him. "How could you?" he yelled, knowing it wouldn't do any good. Snape had a son that he'd birthed alone and left under a sink. He wished he'd never stuck his head in the pensive.
Somehow it got worse. The boy was older in this memory, a year-old maybe, and sitting on the floor shaking an empty fag carton. Snape was lying on the bed with some guy between his legs, crying. How bad must it have been for Snape to get fucked, willingly it appeared, with his kid in the corner? Unless there was a portion of the room Harry couldn't see, it only contained a small bed, chest, sink, and toilet. Where on Earth was the Eads fellow? If he'd gotten Snape pregnant, then he should have stuck around.
The memory ended quickly, like something was coming and they were running.
He gulped for air and his legs gave out. He shouldn't have seen that, shouldn't have seen that.
"Having fun?" Snape's baritone echoed through the chamber.
All Harry could do was sob, and he didn't even know why. Because of the pain Snape had felt; because he would never be able to un-see it? Was that why Snape was cruel? Because life had been so cruel to him? Was that why he was so strict? Because that was the only way to keep some semblance of control.
Snape didn't say anything until he'd stopped crying. "Is that it boy? Are you sad?"
"Sad?" Harry repeated. He wasn't sad, he wanted to vomit.
Snape gripped the front of his shirt and held him tightly. "You disgust me!" His spittle hit Harry's face. "Prince Potter can't get through a single lesson without invading someone's privacy? Why don't we see how you like?"
What? Harry fought against his grip. He only barely knew what the lesson he'd be receiving would entail. His spine tingled and then he was back at the Dursley's, under Vernon's fist. Except he wasn't in the body being beaten, he was above it, with Snape. This was a bad one. Vernon's fist kept coming down and blood pooled around his body. His arm was clearly broken, but he kept it wrapped around his head anyways.
"Stop," Harry said in time with himself. He didn't mean Vernon though. Why was Snape making him watch this? Vernon pulled his belt off and started hitting with that too. "Stop!"
A moment later he was standing before Snape again, trembling, ugly-crying, dripping snot down his chin.
"Did that feel good?" Snape hissed. "You're pathetic."
Harry sank to his knees, unable to both stand and hold back tears. This was too cruel, even for Snape. He hadn't meant to see…that. Snape had meant to see what he saw. And probably enjoyed it. Why wouldn't he enjoy it?
"Now you know my secret; and I know yours. I will handle your uncle. In exchange," he paused dramatically, "are you listening?" Harry whined as he nodded. "You will not speak of what you saw under any circumstances, to anyone."
"I…" It was blackmail, a dirty trick. He saw what Vernon did and now he'll 'handle it' in exchange for silence? He won't. He'll tell Vernon to hit him harder. "Liar."
Snape hummed like he was snorting. "I might be a cold, unloving bastard Potter, but I do not hit my child."
Harry hiccupped, but nodded. It didn't matter if Snape was lying. He couldn't pass on the unlikelihood that the man might make his life better. At least Snape wouldn't tell. "I promise."
"Get out."
-:
With the amount of energy it took not to think about Snape, Harry had none left over to devote to not thinking about Voldemort. When his attention slipped, he went straight to the image of Snape pushing the baby out. Or the image of Snape's bleeding hands or shaking body. And once he thought of those he couldn't help but start thinking about how Dumbledore didn't know. How could he not know? It happened in his school, under his nose. He was supposed to protect his students. And once that train of thought ended, he went straight to the baby. Was the baby okay? Did he go to Hogwarts with them? He'd be a 7th year. Harry couldn't think of a 7th year Slytherin with the name Snape…or Eads, for that matter. And then the disbelief would set in. Snape didn't hit his son? Yeah right.
Before he knew it, they were back at Hogwarts and he had to not think about Snape's secret while having to look at him. He failed immediately upon sitting in the Great Hall. Hermione elbowed him twice before he took his eyes off Snape. "What?"
"Umbridge is gone!"
He snapped his head back around to the table and confirmed that Umbridge was indeed gone. There was a middle-aged man sitting next to Snape. That had to be the new Defense professor. Snape looked worse than usual. Pale and dead, and Harry couldn't help but think he'd been tortured. The look on his face grew more severe throughout the sorting and dinner and Harry changed his mind. He was actively being tortured, but by whom?
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked quietly. "Is it…?"
"No," Harry snapped. "It's just…a bad feeling."
One by one they stopped eating until it seemed like only Ron was munching. Time for the explanation of the new professor. Dumbledore would have some good story, but they didn't need one. Nobody would be disappointed.
"I have a few announcements before you get tucked into your dorms and reminisce over your holidays. Our dear Professor Umbridge has been recalled to the Ministry as pertaining to emergency legislation passed by the Wizengamot regarding the registration of witches and wizards." He paused to smile and the Weasleys clapped.
"Yes, thank you for beginning the applause for our new Defense professor. I am pleased to welcome back one of our most renowned professors. You may have read his books, or seen his name listed in the Prophet as one of the most influential scholars of our time. Please join me in welcoming back Professor H.B. Eads."
They clapped. Snape stared straight ahead. Harry tried not to vomit. He'd known. Snape had known Eads was coming back. That was why he demanded silence. But what would it hurt him for Dumbledore to know? Eads never would have been brought back if he'd spoken up. But instead of speaking up Snape was risking Eads taking advantage of another student. What the fuck sort of professor did that?
"You know who?" Ron asked as he nodded his head toward the head table.
"I've read a few of his books," Hermione responded with the look she used to have around Lockhart. "He really is brilliant."
Eads whispered something to Snape, who nodded politely in response but did not say anything. The man didn't seem to get the hint and leaned closer. As he whispered, he patted Snape's arm like they were old friends. Snape gulped back his adam's apple before turning to face the other man. Their conversation seemed to be civil. There was no indication that they were not in fact old friends, and that bothered Harry the most. Snape must be the best liar in the world. But he still had a tell. Every now and then his eyes would go to Ravenclaw and after a few minutes of looking, Harry found the back of the head he was looking for.
The head had Eads' light-brown hair and Snape's greasy shine. He looked to the staff table frequently like he was seeing something fascinating. His father for the first time? His parents having a civil conversation for the first time?
Dumbledore finished his speech and Harry was left alone while Ron and Hermione went about their prefect duties. He took the far stairs to the dungeons, knowing he wasn't likely to run into anyone on those. The only thing on that side of the dungeons was Snape's quarters. Exactly what he wanted.
He knocked on the door only once before it opened and a firm grip pulled him inside. "What are you thinking?" Snape demanded. His fist held Harry against the wall and his hair curtained his face.
"I'm thinking you look upset and Dumbledore doesn't know which means nobody knows and you have nobody to talk to and you're pretending like it's okay that he's here but it's not cuz he might do it again and your son who's in Ravenclaw looked like he's never even seen Eads before which means he has to pretend like everything is okay and so do you and it's not okay."
Snape opened his mouth as he rolled his eyes and then blinked a few times. "Aaric is fine. I will live. Eads is predatory, yes, but I am watching him. None of this is your business."
Technically it answered all of his questions. "Well maybe I'm afraid," Harry said. "You're you. If he hurt you, then…."
"Enough." Snape released his grip and shoved Harry in the direction of the sofa. Harry hurried over, acutely aware that Snape not hitting his son didn't mean he wouldn't swing at Harry.
The sofa looked ratty, but it was soft. There was shit lying about, which he hadn't expected: books and records, dishes, tidbits of clothing. "Apologies for the mess."
"Well I'm sure you've had a lot on your mind," Harry said. "It's still charming."
Snape grimaced. "I have had a lot on my mind for over 20 years, Potter. I simply lack energy."
"Do you think about me?" Harry whispered. As soon as he said it he wanted to hit his head into the wall. Snape gave no physical response. "All I think about is you. Him hurting you, you in pain. You said you'd talk to Vernon."
Snape sat gently on the coffee table and they were almost eye-to-eye. "Yes I have spoken to your uncle. No I do not think of you. I grew up like that. For me what I saw is nothing abnormal."
Harry's stomach dropped. "So you told him to hit me harder?"
"I told Petunia and Vernon that I would personally handle your discipline. In addition to everything else I am now on call to handle your attitude."
"So you can hit me? Thought you didn't believe in it."
Snape's eyes narrowed. "I messed Aaric up enough without my fists, thank you."
"And me?"
There was a long silence filled with terribly uncomfortable eye contact. "You are a boy; I am a man. My hands belong nowhere near you."
They entered a comfortable silence and Snape got up. It was easier not to think of Snape's secret here. Aaric: a good name. Aaric Snape. Yes, he liked it. He pulled the open magazine on the table closer but didn't read it. When Snape didn't return, he did what felt natural and started gathering dishes. They were on the table, the floor, the mantle, the counters. Surely if he ventured into the bedrooms he'd find more.
The rhythm of cleaning quieted his mind like nothing else. Was it sad that he felt the most at home in a domestic setting? It wasn't like he belonged in the kitchen. It just felt nice. And so he cleaned until the kitchen was to his liking.
"Why are you still here?" Snape snapped.
Harry dropped the plate he was washing and spun around. Normally he was very good at picking up on silent dismissals. His safety depended on it. He shrugged and studied the paper in Snape's hand. What was he doing?
"Are you boys decent?" a raspy voice echoed through the chambers.
"Yes," Snape responded.
Eads rounded the corner with his hands in his pockets and stopped when he saw Harry. "What did you do to your hair, boy?"
Boy? Harry blushed when he realized he was the subject of the conversation. He saw that Snape was blushing too. Not something he'd realized the man was capable of.
"Never mind," Eads huffed. "Severus?" He extended his hand and snapped his fingers until Snape handed over the papers in his hand. "Did you get the check?" he asked as he looked it over. "He's got a birthday coming up. Budget it wisely."
"Naturally."
"Good night then." Eads walked off without ever looking up.
Harry shook. Fear, pain, anger. Sometimes he could barely separate his feelings from Snape's. Eads was creepy and cold and inconsiderate. Having a dead dad was better than that.
Snape stayed perfectly still and Harry couldn't decide if he wanted to break the silence or stay in it. "You'll see his charming side in the classroom," Snape eventually said.
He identified it as both a half-assed apology and a send off. He'd witnessed something he shouldn't have, time to run and hide.