Disclaimer: I do not own almost any of the characters used in this story. I own Death by Chocolate, and the unnamed agent featured here.

Hello! If this is your first experience with the A Winner Is You! trilogy, it's a set of fanfiction author's tournaments hosted by yours truly, and open to all comers. The first tournament was hosted here: .net/forum/A_Winner_Is_You_The_Forum/40602/, and the second was hosted here: .net/forum/A_Winner_Is_Two_Forum/54576/. The forum for the current and final tournament is here: .net/forum/A_Winn3r_Is_You/78799/. You can just follow along with my branch of the story, but you have to see everybody's entries to get the full picture, and I highly recommend you join - it's a ton of fun. The tournament starts in January; if you want to join, you'll need an entry in by then!

Anyway, if you're not new, you should already know most of what Deadpool reveals in his explanation of events. It's still worth a look; some new info does get dropped. Also, Lex handles the Superman Problem.

A Winn3r Is You! Main Plotline

Deadpool

"Okay. Let's hear it from the top."

"From the top? Alright. In a caaaaave many miiiles to the Sooooouuuuuth… Lived a boooooy –"

"Cut the Robin Williams crap. You know what we want to hear."

"Well, I know that you guys think you want to hear it, but I doubt you'll be happy with me afterwards."

"We aren't happy with you now." A pause; the agent blinked as he shuffled the papers. "Why tournaments?"

"Spirit of competition?" Deadpool chuckled. "No, seriously, they wanted to promote that new mall. The Mall of the Center or some bullcrap like that, right? Am I right? Do I get a cookie?"

"Ypu're about right… El Centro Del Mundo. "The Mall of the World", but there's a Spanish pun on 'Center of the Earth' in there. I've been there. Nice place, real nice. A shopping mall so big that it's a resort all on its own… and it's all duty-free, too. Doesn't make up for the cost of flying there, though."

"I guess not…" Deadpool scratched his head. He was handcuffed, so it was awkward. "Actually, I don't remember a resort. They must have added it later, because during the first tournament it was all shopping mall and, like, a couple of roller coasters. And an aquarium. And a crazy spooky generator thing. And a rooftop with lots of glass. And a library. And-"

"Focus, Deadpool."

"Tell you what, chap… if you surprise me, I'll stop messing around and finish the story neat and clean. That's a promise." He offered his left hand, although the cuffs made him extend his right halfway as well. "Deal?"

"…I picked a bad day to quit drinking." The agent reached into a drawer and pulled out a silver flask. He took a long draught.

"Hey, can I have some?"

"No. Keep at the story."

"Okay, so they wanted to promote the mall's opening, and this one guy Marty –"

"I thought Sakyo was behind this?"

"Who's telling this story, buddy? Sheesh! Yeah, anyway, Sakyo says, 'why not a tournament?' And that's a weird idea, but nobody can think of anything better, so they give it the go-ahead. As opposed to the go-between, or the go-fuck-yourself, which is what they gave Sakyo more recently BUT I'M SKIPPING AHEAD."

The agent sighed.

"I'm sorry, am I boring you?"

"Please carry on."

"I intend to! Anyway, Marty then says 'Our host should be somebody charismatic; I know this demon who's a great DJ.' And that's a TERRIBLE idea, and Lex says, he says to Sakky, he says, 'who are you and why are you talking to me?' Or maybe he reluctantly gave another go-ahead. I think he just said yes because Doctor Doom hates demons. So Sakyo calls in a few dark favors and the demon comes out and get this, he's made of chocolate. CHOCOLATE. OM NOM NOM. Deadly chocolate. So of course I have to get into this tournament! And I do! We have a great time, five rounds, the world ends-"

"I thought this tournament was cancelled?"

"Well, yeah, but only because history was changed. I can't remember the events, but I can still read most of the fanfiction, so I have what I assume is a reliable log of what happened. Where did Aelsthla-Mental go anyway?"

"…I picked a bad day to quit smoking." The agent produced a cigar from his same drawer.

"Can I have one of those bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?"

"No." A lit match, a puff, and another. The room began to reek. Cubans, definitely. "History was changed, you say?"

"Mmmyeah. Roku won – well, Kyuubi won and destroyed the world, but let's say Roku won for the sake of story progression – he won, and his dying wish was that the whole fucking thing had never happened. OH YEAH! That's why Marty Sak wanted a demon host – granting the winner a wish makes for an awesome, singular tournament prize. Still, they should've opted for a djinn – a little less dangerous than demons, and with the whole wishes and charisma thing. Also, Robin Williams, just like you said."

"So his dying wish came true and altered the time stream?"

"Huh? Yeah. Death by Chocolate flew up into space or something… it got kinda meta, even by my standards, and then… The whole thing never happened. DbC cancelled the tournament and sent everybody home. But there was an issue, because the guys Death by Chocolate had hired for tournament cronies had ripple-effect-proof-memories, and wanted to get paid for stuff that never happened because it would've been off the books anyway."

"That's why the mall opening was pushed back, right? There was some vandalism."

Deadpool laughed raucously. "Vandals. Right. These guys fought DeathyChoco on the front courtyard of the mall, and then Mewtwo fought him in the mall itself. I think. That chapter's missing. Anyway, they lost, but ChocoDeath was pretty weak afterwards and couldn't sustain himself on the mortal plane… or some bullshit like that. Anyway, BORED lost a lot of money on the cancelled tournament. So they tried to get it back – still doing a tournament with Mary, but now with no demons or wishes."

"And that was A Survivalist Is You?" The agent's eyes were behind a haze of smoke now.

"Yeah, I guess. They didn't invite me to this one. And by 'invite' I of course mean 'force to fight for your dear life against random super-strangers'. I can't imagine why they left me out; it can't be because immortality is cheating, can it?" Deadpool stopped for just a second to cough and clear his throat, making a disgusting noise. "Anyway, they built an island volcano lair, they filled the island with cameras, they kidnapped a bunch of the Most Interesting Men (and Women) in the Universe and dropped them there to fight for survival and an assload of money. A good old combo of Survivor and Bond Villainy, right? Well, here's the best part – the island is also a testing ground for their new killer satellite!"

"We've seen it. That's why the United Nations has decided to become involved, in the interest of World Peace."

"I lol at you, sir. Anyway, I get approached by Death by Chocolate one day, and-"

"How did the demon contact you?"

"The most eldritch, spooky form of all communication… land line. But yeah, he says he's willing to pay me very richly in order to get inside the island – which was magically sealed, by the way – to set up a summoning circle for him. He can only pay me in chocolate, of course. I haggle him up to pudding. Chocolate pudding. Tons and tons. More pudding than I know what to do with. Would you like some? TOUGH! You can't have any, you were selfish with your cigars!"

"Please… please move on with the story."

"So I take him up on my offer. Nobody on the up-and-up was headed toward this island, so I rowed out from Honolulu. BORED didn't want me there, but long story short I dug my way under the shield and got in. Most of the contestants were dead by now, of course. Isn't that depressing?"

"Yes, it's terrible. That's why-"

"All these people dying, and I'm stuck here with jackasses like you!" Deadpool crossed his arms and fumed. "Life ain't fair, I tell ya. So by the time I get to the HQ, most of the contestants are dead and most of the crazies BORED hired to enforce the rules have gone rogue. Crazy thing about that, but I'll tell you later. So I get in, and I pitch this big-ass jar of dirt that I've been carrying around, but the dirt's actually enchanted cocoa powder. BAM! Instant summoning circle!"

"And that got DbC onto the island?"

"Oh, yeah, big time. In the chocolate. So the demon starts chasing around the three BORED members present like he's a coyote in a roadrunner factory… hatchery… roadrunner thing. It's a bad scene. Lots of incidental deaths, especially with this demon also working for BORED who's got his own agenda. I know they said they weren't gonna do demons that tournament, but Sakyo doesn't seem to have anybody else who owes him favors… that's kinda sad, actually."

"So… what happened?"

"CHAOS ENSUED!" Deadpool leapt up on his chair for emphasis. "Almost all the Contestants died, except a couple that could leave under their own power and figured out it was a good idea. Two of the loyal Enforcers and like four rogue ones made it out alive. BORED all got out of there, as far as I know. It turns out that the crazy-ass layout of their base was good for trying to lose people chasing them. I got a ride with Smoker, one of the Enforcers who went Rogue. He says he's a Marine working for a group called the World Government… even though you guys are the closest thing we have to a world government. Really, it makes about as much sense to me as it does to you, and I'm crazy and you're just ugly."

"…Why did the demon attack BORED?"

"Oh, that's the best part. It turns out the BORED leader – Lex Luthor, according to Chocomon – and some of the other members had built this kill sat of theirs to destroy souls. I thought it just tickled, but whatever. Anyway, soul destruction is a crime against the natural order, so until they stop using the thing and make amends for the damage they've already done, Hell has open season on their asses. Deathy McTaste gets first dibs because he's worked with them before. The crazy thing needs any three keys to work, from a set where each BORED member has one. So then Merry Sue, he says-"

"AGH!" The agent pounded his arms on the table. "We were just getting to the truly useful information. I picked the wrong day to stop doing mushrooms." He began to leaf through his drawer.

Deadpool blinked. "Hey, can I have one?"

"… Sure, why not?"

"Wow, that's a change – NOT THAT I'M SURPRISED OR ANYTHING!" The agent offered a dark blue plastic bag. Deadpool reached in and pulled out a mushroom. "What gives? This is just a plain old button mushroom!"

"Ha! I surprised you! Now you have to cooperate and finish your story!"

"Fair enough." Deadpool's grin was visible through the mask. "I got you to play by my rules first. Anyway, the island got nuked to kill whatever was left and erase the evidence, but the demon turned out to have been on Sakyo's flight out of there. He confronted the guy, and Sakyo defected from BORED – after all, everybody's doing it! It's the new sensation that's sweeping-"

"You said you'd stop going off on tangents."

"You're right. Sorry, I'm mad. Anyway, Sakyo joined DbC to save his own ass and gave him a bunch of information on BORED, including their supposed identities. Since Luthor's in charge, DbC established a perimeter inside Metropolis – and by that I mean a portal to Hell – and started planning an attack. Thinking quick, Luthor struck a deal – a game, for all the marbles." Deadpool gestured emphatically with the mushroom he'd been fidgeting with. "Do you know what kind of game?"

The agent sighed through his cigar. "Another tournament."

"YEAH! But this time, it's all set up like a giant chess match, or NASCAR race, or that Dark Tourney thing Sakyo did before he joined BORED. Whole teams compete, and BORED members or Chocorama sponsor them, and the winners get… well, there's no single prize. It's whatever the sponsors promised the team if they won. The winning team's sponsor, on the other hand, will get control of the satellite. And more 'sponsors' are getting in on the action – the X-Men, and some crazy superpowered emos. And you guys, right?"

"That's right. The United Nations cannot let a few rogue billionaires control a superweapon like the Lotus Eater Cannon Satellite. We have to gain control of it, so that… what?" Deadpool was laughing.

"I'm sorry, man, I just noticed that Lotus Eater Cannon Satellite's abbreviation is LECS. That's gotta be on purpose." Deadpool wiped his eye. "Also, won't Hell just attack you guys if you take control of the satellite? I know fear of the damn thing is keeping DbC under self-imposed house arrest, but…"

The agent's eyes narrowed. "Let us worry about that. Are there any other details you feel the need to give?"

"Hmm… details, details… oh yeah! A necromancer by the name of Jade Curtiss, one of the rogue Enforcers, smuggled some critical intelligence on BORED off the island. He's using it to blackmail them, right now, but maybe you guys can give him a better offer. Also, the most important intel on the tournament? The new host! The Merc with the Mouth, the Regenerating Degenerate, Yours Truly, DEADPOOOOOOOL!"

"…You."

"Yep."

"What could possibly possess BORED and the demon to agree on… you?"

"That's an easy one, Trebek…" Deadpool lifted his mask enough to pop the raw mushroom into his grinning mouth. "Both sides want me on the table, where they can keep an eye on me… AACK." He spat the mushroom onto the agent's shirt. "That's still got a little manure on it."

Luthor

Luthor knew precisely the moment that he would arrive. Superman always outflew any warning of his own arrival; Luthor just knew him that well by now. "I know why you're here," he said, his back to the Man of Steel as he dropped in from the left-open-as-an-invitation skylight. "But just to be sure, why don't you tell me?"

"I'm here because…" Superman turned to look at the side of the room, where Lex had left Giovanni, Kirei, and a new member of the organization playing poker. "… It's not like you to keep company in the room during our chats, Lex."

"Kirei here is a preist," Luthor explained dryly. "If you were to snap and break me in half, I'd have somebody to read my last rites."

Superman rolled his eyes. "The tower, Lex. There's a portal to the underworld here in Metropolis with a twenty-story tower sticking out of it. I flew right in there and the monster in charge of the operation said he's here for you."

Luthor finally turned towards Superman. "Yellow-eyed fellow? Made of chocolate? Yes, I know you're talking about. You needn't concern yourself. This is my problem, and I'll destroy him on my own."

"I appreciate that you want to clean up your own mess, but I can't just wait around for that." Superman shook his head confidently.

Lex's green eyes flashed. "I don't need you for this, Superman."

"That's not what this is about," Superman rebuked. "This is about minimizing collateral damage. I need to put a stop to this because I would guess a battle between you and the forces of Hell might have some civilian casualties."

"If you won't see things my way, then I'm afraid I'll have to take the decision out of your hands." Luthor snapped his fingers, and the BORED new recruit teleported right up into Superman's face. He was an imposing pale man with a beaky nose, dark hair that was slicked back, red eyes, and an old-style tuxedo with a red cape. And fangs.

"Ah, Superman," he said, in a lightly accented voice that rang like the echo in a tin can. "Hey, hello, I'm Dracula. I can control your mind. Look at me."

"What?" Superman asked, reasonable surprise registering on his face – it wasn't every day Dracula asked for your attention, even if you were Superman.

"Do you want to play a hand?" the vampire lord asked. Luthor smirked at Dracula's forwardness.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something –" a round, metallic sphere bounced off Superman's face. "What the – Kry…" Superman didn't get to complete his inquiry before the sphere snapped open and a red beam lashed out from the hollow core, ensnaring Superman. He was promptly sucked inside.

"Kryptonite Ball, go," Giovanni said, his smirk even wider than Luthor's. The ball bounced to the ground and began shaking. "Are you sure the green rock will make this inescapable for him?"

"Quite," Luthor said assuredly. The ball stopped shaking.

Giovanni captured Superman Lv. 100! Give a nickname to Superman (M)?

"That takes care of the alien for the time being," Luthor said with a sigh. "Now comes the hard part."

End

That's it for the first part of the prologue. Hopefully this will help set the stage enough for you all to start writing entries.