I sat in our old bedroom, today. I lay down in my spot, my hand brushing against where you used to lay. I could feel a bit of my heart break, chipping off and falling to some empty void inside my body. I picked up the picture of us, flinging it across the room, hearing the glass shatter, feeling my heart chip and crack faster, like ice under warm water. Tears slipped down farther from my ducts, down soft skin to the wooden floor covered in glass shards. I wouldn't allow myself to cry aloud, though. If I just let the tears slip, I wasn't really crying. I was just letting my anger out in a different way. But if I sobbed, if I sobbed…you would win. You took everything else; I wouldn't let you take this. Not this one last thing I had, that you think you have. I stood up to you, today. And you weren't even there. I got up and cleaned up the mess, and I stared into the mirror. I felt the tears slip down my face; I watched them fall warmly onto my shirt front. I watched as the water spot grew bigger and bigger until the whole lining to my collar was soaked. I cleared my throat, and I said this to you. I hope you heard it. I hope you felt it. I hope each word; each emotion vibrated through your bones and made you cry. Made you feel the anger and the pain and the sadness you caused me all this time.
"I don't need you, anymore."
Did you hear it? Feel it with each syllable as the words melted from my lips to the bathroom linoleum? I hope you did. I hope you felt the last string you held to my heart snap off and whip against your soul.
Because I felt it. I heard it. As you read this, I want you to know that I love you. And I also hate you. But mostly, I love you.
I told you, you weren't taking this one thing from me. I wasn't going to sob. So love, I grabbed this pen and paper and wrote you this. And once I was done, I could feel the sob coming, and I could feel myself losing. So, I grabbed your sleeping pills you left here so long ago, and I took some. And after, I lied down, and I slept. But I didn't wake up.
I love you, boy.
-Baby Doll.