a/n: i figured that this year i would be among the first to get out some
xmas fics. well, that's if people put out xmas fics. hell, i don't know.
but in any case, this starts out sad, but it gets happy, i promise. and
don't forget to leave a review. don't forget to check out some of my other
stuff. enjoy!!
It was clear that on the Eve of Christmas, Severus Snape was going to kill himself. He had been plotting it for weeks and weeks with sketches of death and gore on his notes and in the margins of his books. The entire staff had been worried about the professor ever since the sudden death of his wife had left him alone in agony.
Hermione Granger had been the most cherished thing in Severus's life from the very beginning. She was the only one who had ever brought a smile to his face and made him feel like he was worth something. It was, after all, eveyone else that made him feel like dying.
"Bastards," Snape muttered as he walked past a large painting full of mouthy wizards in a council.
The long stretch of hallway that lead out of the dungeons was drafty and sullen despite the lively decorations that adorned the walls. Brightly strung fairy lights and tinsel everywhere. It was sickening.
The sound of laughter and genral happiness came from the main foyer ahead and Snape felt like he would die. If only it were that easy...
"Severus!" a joyous voice called out to him. It was none other than one of his least favorite people, Sirius Black.
"Get the hell away from me, Black," Snape said icily as he tried his best to walk through the gathering of people in the foyer.
"Oh, have some fun. It won't kill you," Sirius said with a knowing tone in his voice.
Snape continued walking on through the castle, hopping flights of stairs and quickening his pace past the opening of the Gryffindor common room and all the way up to the Astronomy Tower. Not quite the highest place in the castle, but damn close. It would work well enough for his purpose. Or so he hoped.
The tower was quiet and cold as he swung the door open to bang loudly aginst the wall behind it. There was no light to show where he was walking, but a quick spell fixed that.
The door ahead of him lead out onto a large ledge that was used for star- gazing on the nights when the weather was nice. With quick steps Snape was outside on the icy ledge, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. But he was not afraid.
The snow below was a sea of white as he surveyed the lands around the castle. Hagrid's hut had smoke coming out of the chimney, the windows around other parts of the castle were glowing with light, and a lone figure stood looking up at him from below.
"What the...." Snape said as he bent down on one knee to have a better look at the familiar woman.
"Severus..." the wind blew quietly into his ear.
"Hermione," Snape called in a whisper.
A sudden freezing wind blew and he felt his footing begin to go. He was slipping off, about to fall into nothingness. He could almost feel it....
"Got you!"
A hand came down on his shoulder, pulling him back onto the stone ledge and out of harm's fall. Snape's head hit the stone and he saw stars in front of his eyes.
"What the hell were you thinking?" came the enraged voice of one Remus Lupin as the man continued looking over the ledge at the snow below.
"I was surveying the possibilities of flying without wings," Snape replied.
"Snapes don't fly," Remus said as he stood up slowly so as not to slide on the ice.
Lupin turned and walked back through the door in which he had come, a look of intense worry on his face.
The walk back through the castle was hell. If he couldn't kill himself by jumping off of a stupid ledge then maybe the sounds of others' happiness would do it for him.
As he began to walk back to the dungeons, Snape began to think about Christmas. It would be the first Christmas without her. How would he ever make it without hearing the sound of her voice or the feel of her skin upon the day's first light?
All he wanted was her for Christmas.
"Don't look so down, my boy. Christmas is almost here!" called out a bothersome painting.
Snape stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to face the short little man in the picture. In a flash of anger Snape ran over to the picture, throwing it off of the wall and onto the floor below.
Then without another thought toward the picture, he finished the walk to his office where the entrance to his quarters was.
When he first stepped into the secret hallway where the door to his quarters was, he knew something was wrong. There was a glowing light coming from the crack under his door, where he had turned out the lights when he had left.
Snape burst through the door with his wand still shoved in his pocket, hoping that the someone on the other side of his door was there to rid humanity of his existance. He had no such luck since it seemed that there was no one in his living room. That's with the exception of a very large Christmas tree.
"What the hell?"
Snape walked up to the tree and touched some of its branches. So many memories came form the feel of the tree. He could remember decorating the Christmas tree with Hermione in the years that they were together. The few glorious years.
Snape felt the tears welling up in his eyes. He missed Hermione so much it was hard to breathe.
Snape stood ther next to the mysterious Christmas tree for a few lingering moments, thinking about the past and things that would never be again. In the midst of his thoughts he heard from his bedroom the sound of a crackling fire. Perhaps whoever it was thought that they were going to make themselves at home.
Snape walked over to his bedroom door, pausing just outside to listen at what was going on from the other side. Aside from the fire cracking, he heard the faint sound of someone humming. It sounded almost like...
"Oh God," Snape whispered as the tears began to flow down his cheeks once again. All of the memories were making him delusional.
Snape grabbed the handle of the door and turned it slowly, prolonging the fear in the back of his mind. Fear of what he wasn't sure.
The door opened and Snape thought that surely he had gone crazy. On his bed sat Hermione wearing one of his long flannel shirts and a bright green bow in her hair. She smiled when he walked in and jumped off of the bed to go and embrace him.
"You can't be here," Snape said as he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent that he had been so long without smelling. "You aren't real."
"Severus, must everything be real to you?" Hermione asked as she trailed a finger down his cheek.
"I don't want to pretend you're here if I have to wake up tomorrow morning and know you'll be gone."
Hermione shook her head and reached up to give him a feather soft kiss. She kissed his mouth and his cheeks, his nose, and his forehead. Her hands ran through his hair, pushing the locks out of his face and behind his ear.
"I love you," she murmered into his mouth as she kissed him again.
That waws all it took for all of the doubt in Snape's mind to wash away. He felt nothing more than her lips, heard nothing more than her words, and wanted nothing more than to knowledge that she'd be there with him forever.
Hermione stayed with Severus through the night and well into the morning. Around four she finally fell into a deep sleep, her body mixed in a tangle of arms and legs with his. It surely had to be heaven.
When the sun came up light came in through the small cracks of the window that Snape had covered since the day he had moved into Hogwarts. It hit his eyes and he rolled over in his bed to get rid of the bothersome light. Then he remembered the previous night....
Quickly he sat up in the bed and looked around. There was no sign anywhere of Hermione in the bedroom, although her scent still lingered. She couldn't have gone far unless she had gone altogether. His heart beat heavily in his chest.
Jumping out of the bed he threw on the pair of discarded boxers from the night before and ran into the living room where he saw that Hermione was standing in front of the Christmas tree with a smile on her face.
"I thought you had gone," Snape said quietly.
"Severus, there's something I didn't tell you last night," Hermione said gravely.
Snape walked over to Hermione, pulling her close and kissing her lips good morning.
"You can tell me anything."
Hermione guided Snape over to the couch and sat on his lap, her arms locked securely around his neck. This something she had forgotten must have been important.
"What is it love?" Snape asked.
"You tried to kill yourself last night, didn't you?" Hermione asked softly.
"Yes, I did," he said as he looked away from her intense gaze.
"You succeeded."
Shocked, Snape looked at Hermione quizzically.
"How is that possible? I mean I'm here, and you're-"
The intense realization hit him and he felt like the breath would leave his body. How could he still be alive if he were sitting there holding his dead wife? She felt so real...
"Is this heaven?" Snape asked quietly.
"For you and I it is. And we'll be here forever if it's what we both want."
For the first time since Hermione's death Snape smiled truly with the knowledge that he would never again be alone. He would forever have the love of his life and now the love of his death by his side.
It was clear that on the Eve of Christmas, Severus Snape was going to kill himself. He had been plotting it for weeks and weeks with sketches of death and gore on his notes and in the margins of his books. The entire staff had been worried about the professor ever since the sudden death of his wife had left him alone in agony.
Hermione Granger had been the most cherished thing in Severus's life from the very beginning. She was the only one who had ever brought a smile to his face and made him feel like he was worth something. It was, after all, eveyone else that made him feel like dying.
"Bastards," Snape muttered as he walked past a large painting full of mouthy wizards in a council.
The long stretch of hallway that lead out of the dungeons was drafty and sullen despite the lively decorations that adorned the walls. Brightly strung fairy lights and tinsel everywhere. It was sickening.
The sound of laughter and genral happiness came from the main foyer ahead and Snape felt like he would die. If only it were that easy...
"Severus!" a joyous voice called out to him. It was none other than one of his least favorite people, Sirius Black.
"Get the hell away from me, Black," Snape said icily as he tried his best to walk through the gathering of people in the foyer.
"Oh, have some fun. It won't kill you," Sirius said with a knowing tone in his voice.
Snape continued walking on through the castle, hopping flights of stairs and quickening his pace past the opening of the Gryffindor common room and all the way up to the Astronomy Tower. Not quite the highest place in the castle, but damn close. It would work well enough for his purpose. Or so he hoped.
The tower was quiet and cold as he swung the door open to bang loudly aginst the wall behind it. There was no light to show where he was walking, but a quick spell fixed that.
The door ahead of him lead out onto a large ledge that was used for star- gazing on the nights when the weather was nice. With quick steps Snape was outside on the icy ledge, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. But he was not afraid.
The snow below was a sea of white as he surveyed the lands around the castle. Hagrid's hut had smoke coming out of the chimney, the windows around other parts of the castle were glowing with light, and a lone figure stood looking up at him from below.
"What the...." Snape said as he bent down on one knee to have a better look at the familiar woman.
"Severus..." the wind blew quietly into his ear.
"Hermione," Snape called in a whisper.
A sudden freezing wind blew and he felt his footing begin to go. He was slipping off, about to fall into nothingness. He could almost feel it....
"Got you!"
A hand came down on his shoulder, pulling him back onto the stone ledge and out of harm's fall. Snape's head hit the stone and he saw stars in front of his eyes.
"What the hell were you thinking?" came the enraged voice of one Remus Lupin as the man continued looking over the ledge at the snow below.
"I was surveying the possibilities of flying without wings," Snape replied.
"Snapes don't fly," Remus said as he stood up slowly so as not to slide on the ice.
Lupin turned and walked back through the door in which he had come, a look of intense worry on his face.
The walk back through the castle was hell. If he couldn't kill himself by jumping off of a stupid ledge then maybe the sounds of others' happiness would do it for him.
As he began to walk back to the dungeons, Snape began to think about Christmas. It would be the first Christmas without her. How would he ever make it without hearing the sound of her voice or the feel of her skin upon the day's first light?
All he wanted was her for Christmas.
"Don't look so down, my boy. Christmas is almost here!" called out a bothersome painting.
Snape stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to face the short little man in the picture. In a flash of anger Snape ran over to the picture, throwing it off of the wall and onto the floor below.
Then without another thought toward the picture, he finished the walk to his office where the entrance to his quarters was.
When he first stepped into the secret hallway where the door to his quarters was, he knew something was wrong. There was a glowing light coming from the crack under his door, where he had turned out the lights when he had left.
Snape burst through the door with his wand still shoved in his pocket, hoping that the someone on the other side of his door was there to rid humanity of his existance. He had no such luck since it seemed that there was no one in his living room. That's with the exception of a very large Christmas tree.
"What the hell?"
Snape walked up to the tree and touched some of its branches. So many memories came form the feel of the tree. He could remember decorating the Christmas tree with Hermione in the years that they were together. The few glorious years.
Snape felt the tears welling up in his eyes. He missed Hermione so much it was hard to breathe.
Snape stood ther next to the mysterious Christmas tree for a few lingering moments, thinking about the past and things that would never be again. In the midst of his thoughts he heard from his bedroom the sound of a crackling fire. Perhaps whoever it was thought that they were going to make themselves at home.
Snape walked over to his bedroom door, pausing just outside to listen at what was going on from the other side. Aside from the fire cracking, he heard the faint sound of someone humming. It sounded almost like...
"Oh God," Snape whispered as the tears began to flow down his cheeks once again. All of the memories were making him delusional.
Snape grabbed the handle of the door and turned it slowly, prolonging the fear in the back of his mind. Fear of what he wasn't sure.
The door opened and Snape thought that surely he had gone crazy. On his bed sat Hermione wearing one of his long flannel shirts and a bright green bow in her hair. She smiled when he walked in and jumped off of the bed to go and embrace him.
"You can't be here," Snape said as he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent that he had been so long without smelling. "You aren't real."
"Severus, must everything be real to you?" Hermione asked as she trailed a finger down his cheek.
"I don't want to pretend you're here if I have to wake up tomorrow morning and know you'll be gone."
Hermione shook her head and reached up to give him a feather soft kiss. She kissed his mouth and his cheeks, his nose, and his forehead. Her hands ran through his hair, pushing the locks out of his face and behind his ear.
"I love you," she murmered into his mouth as she kissed him again.
That waws all it took for all of the doubt in Snape's mind to wash away. He felt nothing more than her lips, heard nothing more than her words, and wanted nothing more than to knowledge that she'd be there with him forever.
Hermione stayed with Severus through the night and well into the morning. Around four she finally fell into a deep sleep, her body mixed in a tangle of arms and legs with his. It surely had to be heaven.
When the sun came up light came in through the small cracks of the window that Snape had covered since the day he had moved into Hogwarts. It hit his eyes and he rolled over in his bed to get rid of the bothersome light. Then he remembered the previous night....
Quickly he sat up in the bed and looked around. There was no sign anywhere of Hermione in the bedroom, although her scent still lingered. She couldn't have gone far unless she had gone altogether. His heart beat heavily in his chest.
Jumping out of the bed he threw on the pair of discarded boxers from the night before and ran into the living room where he saw that Hermione was standing in front of the Christmas tree with a smile on her face.
"I thought you had gone," Snape said quietly.
"Severus, there's something I didn't tell you last night," Hermione said gravely.
Snape walked over to Hermione, pulling her close and kissing her lips good morning.
"You can tell me anything."
Hermione guided Snape over to the couch and sat on his lap, her arms locked securely around his neck. This something she had forgotten must have been important.
"What is it love?" Snape asked.
"You tried to kill yourself last night, didn't you?" Hermione asked softly.
"Yes, I did," he said as he looked away from her intense gaze.
"You succeeded."
Shocked, Snape looked at Hermione quizzically.
"How is that possible? I mean I'm here, and you're-"
The intense realization hit him and he felt like the breath would leave his body. How could he still be alive if he were sitting there holding his dead wife? She felt so real...
"Is this heaven?" Snape asked quietly.
"For you and I it is. And we'll be here forever if it's what we both want."
For the first time since Hermione's death Snape smiled truly with the knowledge that he would never again be alone. He would forever have the love of his life and now the love of his death by his side.