For Sean Astin, who is superb as Sam.
~Untouchable~
I grew up watching Frodo. And even when I became his gardener, nothing would please me more than just being allowed to watch him. Back then Frodo was still untouchable. I don't mean that badly. He was the most kind, caring Hobbit I could imagine- and certainly not afraid to get dirty if the situation required it. He often came outside to help me tend his garden. And he always used to touch you when you spoke to him, to touch your arm or to take your elbow and walk with you. But to me he was still untouchable. So beautiful and fragile, that I thought he must break. He had the highest, finest cheekbones I ever saw and pale skin that was sharp against dark hazel hair.
And eyes that could see beyond Hobbitton and out into the world.
Frodo always wanted to travel. He loved the Shire but he wanted to see the lakes and mountains of Bilbo's stories. I just wanted to see elves. I figured one day we'd go travelling. That day came sooner than I expected.
And Frodo stopped being so untouchable.
We travelled through the Shire, and to Bree and though Black Riders surrounded us I wasn't afraid. As long I was with Frodo I was happy. It was at Weathertop that my heart broke. It sounds silly but it's true. As Frodo screamed in agony, I sobbed and prayed he would survive. I prayed to anyone who would answer that he should live. I offered my very soul in exchange for Frodo's life. And he survived and I kept my soul.
But my heart was still broken.
It was at Weathertop that I realised just how much I needed him. He was no longer my master or even my friend. He was my life. Every thought of mine was with Frodo. Every breath I took was only taken to help Frodo and his quest. Every beat of my heart, each labour of my body, was for him. I watched over him constantly; I watched over him even as he became a wraith. And I wished I myself had been stabbed to save him the pain.
Even if Frodo didn't manage to save the world, he had become the world for one person.
At Rivendell I sat by Frodo's bed. I ate by his bedside, and slept by his bedside and on occasions I even wept by his bedside. And all the time Frodo lay as still and as beautiful as death. Like a changeling lying alone in the last sunlight before the end of the earth. Sometimes I thought he would never wake. And sometimes, I thought I would never wake from the nightmare I was in. But he did wake up and my nightmare ended for a short time.
I held his hand and splattered it with my tears.
We used to listen to stories at night. Told by elves that were said to be the fairest of all things. They weren't though. Not through my eyes. Not when I compared them to Frodo, with his tired, shadowed face and haunted eyes. He didn't touch my arm anymore- he would pull me into a tight embrace and hold me so tight I thought he wished to stop my breathing. I wouldn't have cared if he did.
I could have died in those arms.
And when we stood on his balcony, and the stars drenched his hair in silver light, I kissed him. I started to apologise- I would have got onto my knees and begged for forgiveness- but Frodo cut me off. He said that soon there would be no stars and that he would need a light when it all went dark. I said I didn't understand and Frodo just smiled and told me that one-dayhe would explain it to me. Then he claimed my lips with a kiss.
The following day he said he would take the ring to Mordor.
Our last days at Rivendell were a merging of sweet hot kisses and creamy white skin; clinging, clawing embraces and the warmth of another in the same bed. We were together and that was all that mattered. I almost broke down as we left Rivendell. That was the last time I allowed myself to be weak. From then on I was strong if only for Frodo.
And he said I was his light in the darkness.
Even now as I sit in the rocks of the Emyn Muil I'm still trying to be strong. Even though entire armies are after us and the fires of Mordor burn scarcely a week's journey away, I'm strong. Even though Frodo doesn't kiss me anymore, and he would sooner stroke the ring than caress me, I'm still strong.
He's become untouchable all over again.
And if he destroys the ring, then we'll kiss again. And if the ring is caught, then I'll die by his side.
~Fini~
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