Dear Harry,
How are you?? How's being on the Quidditch team for England?? I watched your match on Saturday - truly amazing, Harry, real talent, good job.
Now I know we're all graduated from Hogwarts, and well-settled into our new lives, and all of 21 years old, but still, I couldn't help reminiscing about those old years - Hermione the know-it-all, Fred and George the jokers, Cho the quiet girlfriend...*wink*...and Professor Snape the menace. Every year was a story in its own way, but you know how horrid I am at writing, so I got together with this fabulous writer, Joanne K. Rowling is her name, and she agreed to write our stories down and sell them to the Muggle world as fiction. Cross your fingers for a bestseller!!
Anyway, since the Daily Prophet doesn't go to Africa where your next game is, I'm sending you a few clippings from the Special Sunday Edition. Okay?? Enjoy!!
Love, RON.
Harry Really Flies!!
"IT'S EASY," THE PHENOMENAL SEEKER REPORTS
Greetings fans, time for another Sunday Sports Special with your favorite Quidditch reviewer - Ginny Weasley for the Daily Prophet!!
This week, a report on the fantastic game played by Harry Potter at England's recent match with Australia. The 'Leaping Kangaroos,' as they call themselves, could do little to stop the wonderful Snitch-catching of Harry Potter nine minutes into the game. This broke all records, and Harry is truly proud, I'm sure, though modest as always!!
The game started with England's possession of the ball, and their great Chaser, Angelina Johnson, taking the ball far up the field. A quick pass to Katie Bell, and a score for England as the Kangaroo Keeper dawdled at the other end of the goalposts!!
Angelina Johnson, with her incredible speed - she has done a good deal of work at the summer training! - scored three more goals with Katie assisting as Harry, omnipotent as ever, floated above the action vigilantly. England's marvelous keeper Oliver Wood did an absolutely stellar job at preventing any Australian-held Quaffle from getting near the goals.
But soon, it was Harry's turn. As the Snitch became visible in a flash of gold far below the goalposts, he sped down on his lovely Silver Streak 2000 broom and grabbed the Snitch - with his teeth! - before Australia's Seeker could touch it.
It was a great game, and a spectacular pleasure to watch. England has truly kept the Golden Gryffindor team of Hogwarts alive!! Congratulations, and let's all pray for another game like this one when they go against the Mighty Africa Lions next week!!
Special Report: Draco, In Your Dreams!!
ROBBERY OF GRINGOTTS IS SPECTACULAR FAILURE
Passersby were stunned early Saturday morning to see the convicted felon Draco Malfoy roaming the streets, and even more surprised to see him surrounded by Gringotts goblins!!
It seems that the fool, after breaking out of an Anger Control Center, a rehab branch of Azkaban, attempted to rob Gringotts, a feat no wizard has tried in all time. It turned out to be a fabulous failure, and Draco is now in the world - famous Pomfrey Hospital recieving top care for his magical and physical wounds.
The goblins seemed unavailible for comment, but a Daily Prophet reporter managed to snag a young intern at the bank for a short word about the incident.
"All I can say is, don't ever try to rob Gringotts," she told us, "because you'll be up to your neck in Trouble with a capital 'T!!' Obviously, Draco was not right in the head - that's been proven before."
After that, several Gringotts officials cleared us out. The Daily Prophet could gather no more information about the incident.
Marriages, Births, Announcements
CONGRATULATIONS RON AND HERMIONE!!
The famous Ron Weasley, T.V. commentator for Quidditch Weekly Network, is proud to announce his marriage to Hermione Granger, highly acclaimed Daily Prophet bestseller of her books Hogwarts Study Guides and More!!, Advanced Arithmancy, Everything You Didn't Need to Know About Muggles, and more. Congratulations, lovebirds!!
ANOTHER WEASLEY IN THE WIZARDING WORLD
Fred and Alicia Weasley, happily married for two years, now have a new light in their life!! Little Samantha Weasley, born 7 lb on March 5th, 2012 at 3:47AM in the morning, is a very energetic baby so far. The first thing she touched upon birth was her mother's old Hogwarts Quidditch broom, clearly a good omen for her later career. This marvelous announcement also explains Alicia's mysterious leave of absence from England's Quidditch team. She sends them her and Samantha's love and congratulations for their recent win.
Letters to the Editor
WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT HARRY?
Dear Daily Prophet,
I am seriously offended by your extreme focus on Harry Potter. What's so great about him?? He's married to some Cho person from Quidditch Weekly - who ever said that gave any helpful information on Quidditch!?! - and he's never really done anything spectacular, not even had any kids yet - never MIND that he's expecting!!
Focus on some cool people for once, in a non-negative way - like Draco Malfoy. Now there's a real man for you!!
-Nimor Hari: pansyparkinson@heldback.hogwarts.edu
WEASLEY COVERAGE A JOKE?
Dear Daily Prophet,
Why all this Weasley junk?? What's so great about seven hundred million annoying lanky kids with red hair and awful-looking freckles??
All the boys play horrid pranks and fly around hitting Bludgers, and all the girls seem to think the Potter family is made up of good-looking saints!! Please stop this favoritism!!
-Wes Lee Arpor: pansyparkinson@heldback.hogwarts.edu
MORE MALFOY PLEASE!
Dear Daily Prophet,
I would just like to comment on the extreme lack of attention paid to a really wonderful guy, Draco Malfoy. He's my hero!! Look at the brave, handsome daredevil - flashing through streets, robbing banks, wearing those flowing black capes - and you can't even give him a Special, Special Report!!!!
This is a serious lack of competence on your part. I want to see it cleared immediatly.
-Iluv D. Racoe: pansyparkinson@heldback.hogwarts.edu
Author's Note: Please tell me in your reviews or email whether
this was lame, funny, stupid, or any other word you choose to
use. ;) This is a new idea I got today while updating my site,
Ninamazing Bookworm. It occured to me that I loved journalism,
so... You know where it went from there. *grinz* Anyway, thanks
for reading. Luv you all!!