A/N: This is set straight after Cyberwoman, literally after Jack nods at Ianto when Ianto is cleanin up. It is set to the song Wonderwall by Oasis, which is a wonderful song, and I hope this fits. I did try my hardest so please read and reviw, if you dont mind (
Today is gonna be the day
that they're gonna throw it back to you
Jack walked through the hub and watched as Ianto cleared up his own mess with a black bag and a litter picker. He had just finished talking to Gwen about what would have happened if she had stood by Ianto. He left her in the office, most probably in tears, but to be honest; Jack didn't really care that much.
--
Ianto watched, out of the corner of his eye as Jack walked across the hub, hands in his pockets watching Ianto clear up after last nights disaster. Ianto just knew he had to wait, wait to be retconned. Because one day, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, but one day, Jack was going to throw his punishment into Ianto face.
By now you should've somehow
realized what you got to do
Jack walked with a pace down into Iantos place; the archives. As he swallowed his surroundings he tried to digest Iantos thought process of last night; what must the young man have been thinking? And what was Jack gonna do? Retconning was an option, and so was execution, but that was Torchwood one's style and was out of the question. But Jack couldn't bring himself to retcon the youngest member of the team.
--
Ianto saw Jack stride into the archives, and began worrying what Jack would be doing down there. What would the Captain do in archives, a place which was like London to and American? A Maze. Ianto thought about Jack trying to find his way around the archives, trying to find a single file, and it brought a smile to his face. A smile which had been hidden for the past few months. He looked up towards Jacks office and saw Gwen eyeing him with an inquisitive look, tear marks streaking her foundation brushed face. He caught her eye and looked down in guilt; he should be the last person to show his happiness around here
I don't believe that anybody
feels the way I do about you now…
Jack took out a file from the "Ian-Idn" draw, and looked at the picture attached with an old silver paper clip. He lifted the picture and read the file;
19 August 1983
Torchwood London Archivist
Parents: Father Deceased, terrorist attack Mother, Deceased, terrorist attack
2 Sibling: Ieuan Deceased, terrorist attack, Gwen Deceased, suicide
1 Minor Criminal Offence Theft
Relationship Status: Girlfriend Deceased
As Jack read Ianto's file he felt a stab of sympathy toward the younger man, and also a stab of guilt. He never knew about his parents, only his father being a master tailor, but never about their deaths, or his siblings. Maybe this was why he never really bonded with Gwen? Reminders? Memories? Love? Hatred? Jack tucked the file neatly away, feeling as though someone was watching him read Ianto's file with bleeding eyes which ripped the soul. He shut the door quietly and put his head in his hands. He was surprised to find himself crying. He turned around and jumped as he saw a young man in a suit, carrying a bin liner, standing behind him.
--
Ianto watched as Jack pulled out a file. He knew the drawer well; it contained only his file. He wasted seconds watching as Jack stroked the photo attached. Ianto immediately blushed, he remembered the photo well. He was ill the day it was taken.
He saw tears fall from Jacks face, and it was so quiet that he almost heard them hit the paper, though Jack didn't even notice himself.
He put his head down as Jack put the file away and walked to the wall behind Jack and stared holes into Jacks head. Jack was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, but Ianto was still surprised that Jack didn't notice him. It was up until Jack shut the drawer, wiped away a few tears and turned around, that it was silent.
--
"Ianto,"
"Sir,"
"How long have you been down here?"
"37 seconds shorter than yourself sir,"
Jack smiled, "That bloody stopwatch,"
"Sorry, sir," Jack waved away the apology, "I saw that you were, erm, reading my file?"
"Your file? Why would you think it was your file?"
"My file is the only one in that drawer, sir," Jack smiled; how could he even think of cheating Ianto about archives?
"You never told me,"
"About what, Sir?"
"Your family,"
"You never asked," Jack smiled, "Sir," Ianto added. Jack chuckled to himself again and turned around and opened the drawer again. He closed his eyes and picked out the lonely file, and unclipped the photograph
"This photo, I remember it,"
"So do I,"
"You were ill on the day it was taken, yes? The flu?"
"Yes sir, that would be the reason I look dreadful, Sir," Ianto felt awkward talking this casually with his boss the day after his psychotic girlfriend tried t kill them all
Jack spoke as if he was talking to himself, "You still look beautiful,"
"No one has ever called me that,"
"Maybe no one has felt what I'm feeling right now,"
"And, if you don't mind me asking, what is that, Sir?"
"Confusion,"
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your eyes is out
"You look….tired, Ianto,"
"So do you, Sir," He quickly added, "If you don't mind me saying,"
"Not at all," Jack chuckled, "but you, you look different,"
"I don't understand what you mean, Sir?"
"It's like…" Jack stepped forward and stroked Iantos cheek with the back of his hand. Ianto found himself leaning into Jacks touch. He was longing for the physical contact that he could not have with L-…her. "The spark has gone out; the light behind your eyes has gone,"
"Since When?" Ianto said, his tone a little sharper than earlier
"I….Don't know," Jack pulled his hand away,
Since Lisa Got Worse… Ianto thought to himself
"But, no offence, everyone has noticed. Owen, Toshiko, especially Toshiko, and even Gwen," Jack saw Ianto wince at the name. "Ianto? How did…how did Gwen Jones die?"
"You should know. You read my file."
"I know it was suicide…but..?"
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
"She stabbed herself. Jack. She knew her whole family was dead, she thought I was dead and she stabbed herself. I walked in the door as she did it. I was looking for her, just to make sure I had someone. I watched her fall to the floor; and I knew I was too late," Ianto didn't realised he was crying, but he did notice that his face was buried in Jacks chest, and a hand which was running through his hair, and the strong arms wrapped round him. Ianto cried harder and he and Jack both fell to their knees, their bodies entangled; Jack trying to steady the younger mans crys.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry…"
"I've heard that too many times before Jack, and there is no doubt that it doesn't make anything better."
"I know it doesn't I understand,"
"But you don't, Jack. I've lost everything. I have nothing left. Last night reminded me of that. Nothing is left for me here."
"I'm here," Jack said, in voice barley above a whisper.
"But at what cost? What are you to me?"
"Friend,"
"Boss,"
"Friend,"
"Lover?" Ianto mumbled
"What ever you want me to be," Jack said confidently
"You're a part time lover and a full time friend," Ianto sang under his breath.
"Exactly," But Ianto knew that Jack had heard all of this before; Jack had heard 'I love you', and he had heard 'ill stay with you forever' too many times to keep count.
I don't believe that anybody feels
the way I do about you now
"You know I'll try, Right Jack?"
"Try what?" Jack asked
"I'll try to make it up to you. I promise. I will do anything to make all of this go away," Ianto looked into Jacks eyes and realised the proximity of the situation but couldn't bring himself to drag his own eyes away. "I will, I'll make everything better, really Jack, I promise I will try. This was my entire fault, my entire fault…"
"Shh," Jack cupped Iantos face and kissed his forehead before settling for an embrace, wrapping his arms around Ianto's shaking body. Ianto buried his face in Jacks neck and grabbed the edge of Jacks military coat to try to calm him self down. He breathed in the scent of the ancient man, and felt feelings he had never even known possible.
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
"It's gonna be hard, Ianto. I trust you, Toshiko still trusts you, but…well you know what Owen and Gwen are like," Ianto nodded
"I don't deserve your trust. She…she killed you Jack."
"I know, but I don't know why I still trust you. Like you said, I shouldn't trust you, not one bit. I should actually retcon you," Ianto gasped, "But I can't bring myself to do that. Why would I punish someone for…for being in love?" Jack wrestled with the words to make them roll of the end of his tongue.
"I know it's going to be hard Jack. But, will you help me?"
"Yes. Always,"
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Jack looked down at the young Welshman and wished that he could tell him everything he was feeling. He didn't want to be a part time lover; he wanted Ianto to be his everything. His throat constricted with the thought of it. He couldn't tell him now anyway, not after Lisa. But Jack just wished he could, because he did, he did love Ianto. After all the bravery he had shown after Torchwood One, bringing Lisa here, and all the loyalty, Jack had fallen for him. Ianto wouldn't ever fell the same; it was obvious he was very much in love with Lisa still. Maybe Jack had to wait.
Because maybe
you're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
you're my wonder wall
Ianto could feel Jack looking at him and immediately started blushing; he could feel the heat and blood rush to his cheeks. Why that happened, Ianto didn't know. He had called Jack his part time lover, but Ianto didn't want that. He wanted Jack to be his everything; but he would never admit it. Jack was Ianto's hero. He gave him a job, he saved his life plenty of times, and now he was going to help him. Ianto just wanted to tell Jack abut his feelings, about this devotion, and his hidden passion for the older man. But he would have to wait, Lisa had just died a mere 12 hours ago and Ianto still loved her. But Ianto knew Jack wouldn't ever feel the same, Ianto just wouldn't good enough. But Ianto was happy with Ianto being his hero, being his part time lover and a full time friend for now. Because after all, Jack was his wonder wall.
A/N: For those who do not know, the "full time lover and a full time friend" lyrics is from a song from the film Juno. The song is Anyone else but you - by The Moldy Peaches.
Thankyou for reading.