Wizards of Waverly Place
Jerry McPhee 3
It was an ordinary day in Waverly Place, New York, well, as ordinary as days in Waverly Place New York had been since the events of "Jerry McPhee 2," which admittedly hadn't been that normal. The Russos were going about their, semi-normal normal days as usual, with the feeling that soon things would not be as moderately normal as they had been, and they were right, for soon events would come up that would lead to other event(s) and repeated in undetermined numbers of pattern that would f***ing change their f***ing lives, forever, only this time, I mean it!
Theresa was making some coffee, and was looking, suspiciously, from side to side. Jerry was sitting at the counter, drinking some coffee, that had already been made. "Ha Jerry, haven't you noticed that things have been kind of, different lately?" Asked Theresa.
"No, everything seems pretty, normal." Said Jerry.
"I know, but it's like a, suspicious kind of normal, and also the fact that nothinig bad has happened to us in a long time." Said Theresa.
"What are you talking about, bad things always happen to us, remember just last week when Justin got that bad haircut?" Asked Jerry.
In a flashback to a week ago, Justin was looking in the mirror and trying to fix his hair. "Uh, oh." He whined as he tried to fix his hair.
"Ha ha!" Laughed Jerry.
Now, Theresa started talking. "I know, it's just..." Started Theresa.
"Sure, we're not the luckiest people, but it's never that serious when bad things do happen." Said Jerry.
"I know, but I just have this feeling like, something important, something big is going to happen soon, I don't know why, I just do." Said Theresa.
"Well ya, there's been, bad things happen to us, but we've always gotten through it, no matter what." Said Jerry.
"I know, but I've been thinking, what if something did happen, something, really big that could possibly change our lives, I mean, would we able to handle it, or would it, tear our family apart, I don't know, maybe I'm just over thinking." Said Theresa.
"Mm." Said Jerry as he drank some coffee. "This is good coffee." He said casually.
"Thanks." Said Theresa, quietly.
Alex then walked in. "Ha dad, I went outside, there's a parking ticket on your car." She said.
"Oh, our lives are so boring that events are repeating themselves." Moaned Jerry.
"No Jerry, police put tickets on your car every time you park in a handicapped zone." Said Theresa. "It's not events repeating themselves."
"Ya dad, just because people have boring lives doesn't mean that events in their lives will repeat." Said Alex.
Max then walked in reading the paper. "Ha dad did you hear, the government raised taxes again, now you'll lose more money from your paycheck." Said Max.
"What, well I'm not going to take it anymore, I'm writing a letter!" Yelled Jerry.
"Oh my god, they do." Said Theresa.
"Well, that should be enough repetition for one day." Said Alex.
Justin and Juliet then ran down the stairs, holding an envelope. "Guys, we just read this letter!" Yelled Justin.
"We have the best news ever!" Yelled Justin.
"Alex is dead?" Asked Theresa.
"What the hell?" Asked Alex quietly.
"No, we just got a letter from Professor Slughorn." Said Justin.
"The lightning guy?" Asked Max.
"Ya, he works at Hogwartz." Said Juliet.
"He personally invited us to come back to learn magic there!" Yelled Justin.
"And for the first time me!" Yelled Juliet.
"Oh my god, things that just happened three months ago are already repeating." Said Theresa.
"Except for Juliet." Said Jerry.
"No, as long as she's involved with us, she'll get boring." Said Max.
"No I won't." Said Juliet. She then started to eat some cereal. "Mmm, all this fiber, and no cardboard." She said as she ate it. The group just stared.
"Oh, I don't think this is going to be repetetive, we're going to Hogwartz, in London, two places in the world where nothing ever happens twice." Said Justin.
"That's great, so when do we leave?" Asked Max.
"Tomorrow, that's when the train leaves." Said Justin.
"Train, so like a magic train, right?" Asked Juliet.
"No, just a regular train." Said Alex.
"A, regular train, but how..." Started Juliet.
"Ya we don't know, that's how we got there last time." Said Theresa.
"Well, I'm sure they wouldn't do it unless it was safe." Said Juliet.
"Ya, but we'd better pack some ultra dry anti-perspirent." Said Alex.
"Oh I don't have any, I sold it all to some deep sea divers." Said Jerry.
"What did ya get for it?" Asked Theresa.
"Okay, I gave it away!" Yelled Jerry. "Eh, it's been, three months, I'm sure they've improved their trains be now."
"I hope so, I'll be back tomorrow morning, see ya." Said Juliet.
"Ya ya, by." Said the family.
The next day, Juliet walked in. "Ha, I told you I'd be here!" She said as she came in.
"Ya, it's not like we didn't beleive you." Said Alex.
"Ha, how could I miss an exciting year at Hogwartz?" Asked Juliet.
"A year, I put a duck in the over for tonight." Said Theresa. Everybody stared. "That's right, I can afford duck now."
"What tonight?" Asked Alex. "What did you think, we'd take a train to London, go to class, and then come back at night?" Asked Alex.
"Well ya, it was too good to be true three months ago, but I never stopped beleiving, guess I should though." Said Theresa.
"Probably." Said Max.
Justin then walked down the stairs, with a large trunk. "Uh, hu." He groaned as he struggled with it.
"Wow Justin, that's a large trunk." Said Alex.
"Ya, ho ho ho, merry Christmas." Said Justin as he threw it.
Jerry then walked down stairs. "Well I'm ready to go." He said. He had three small suitcases, even smaller than the palm of his hand!
"Wow Jerry, are those magic suitcases that shrink?" Asked Theresa.
"No, but that's a great idea!" He yelled.
"We'd better get going, I things are just too repetitive here." Said Justin.
"Wait, then what is in those bags?" Asked Max.
"Well, certainly not the new ipad, that things so f***ing big it wouldn't fit in this house, ha ha." Laughed Juliet. Everybody stared. "Ya sorry."
"Come on, our cab's here." Said Alex. She went and opened the door, and a man with a package was there. "Ha, package for Mrs. Russo." Said the man.
"Okay, ugh!" Groaned Alex as she picked up the large package.
"Now that, could be the new ipad." Joked Jerry.
Theresa then opened the package. "Hu, my new ipad, yes!" She yelled. "Okay, I have to name it, iTheresa." She said as she typed it.
"Very original." Said Max.
"Now let's move!" Yelled Justin as he grabbed his trunk, and went out the door. "Ah, oh!" He screamed as he, and the massive trunk, fell down the stairs.
"I think something's wrong with the stairs, na, must be everybody who walks on em." Said Jerry as he went out the door.
At the train station, "King's Cross," the Russos were buying tickets. "Ah, the Russo family, how much did it cost to get your bags here this time?" Asked the man.
"Damn, I forgot about that, wouldn't have had to carry these bags." Said Alex.
"Ya, we need six tickets to..." Started Justin.
"I know, the #4, underwater train to London, I remember." Said the man. He looked up at Juliet as the tickets printed. "Who are you, I don't remember you, did you have another child?" Asked the man.
"No, I'm Justin's girlfriend." Said Juliet. "I was invited this time."
"Well I'm very happy for you, I remember when I had a happy life with a woman, it was lovely, now take these tickets, I have to call my wife." Said the man.
"Okay." Said Alex.
"He didn't ask for any money." Said Theresa.
"Then he doesn't want any." Said Jerry.
"Somebody with a life that happy doesn't need money." Said Max.
"Probably not, unless he wanted the new ipad, that costs, a lot, of money." Said Theresa. Come on, according to my ipad, the train is coming in." She said.
There was a loud grinding, horn, and the massive train came in. "Good thing you had that ipad." Said Justin.
"Oh shut up Justin!" Said Theresa.
"I want the window seat!" Yelled Juliet.
"Trust me, no you don't." Said Max.
"Oh." Said Juliet.
In London, the city of fog and boggers, the train came out of the water, soaking wet, and all the windows were shattered. Juliet walked out with the Russos, covered in water, and was ringing out her hair. "Oh, what the f***, what dumb bastard came up with the idea of an under water train?" She asked, angrily.
"Nobody, this is just a regular train." Said Alex.
"Ha, this happened last time we went here, I thought you said nothing ever repeated in London." Said Theresa.
"Ya, but we came from New York, should it happen to repeat in London, that's just a coincidence." Said Justin. "Don't worry, things'll start happening, that have never happened before, and you won't see it coming."
"I hope so, last time was horrible, and I will not go through it again." Said Jerry. "Okay, maybe one more time."
"Uh, I'm all wet." Whined Max.
"Here, use my new ipad, I just downloaded the hair dryer app." Said Theresa as she pulled out the ipad.
"Okay." Said Max as he took it. He pushed the button, and it fanned out hot air. "Ah." Said Max.
"Ha, give me that." Said Juliet as she grabbed it and basked in the hot air.
"Ah." Said the two.
"So, where the hell is our ride?" Asked Justin.
"Oh, I'm sure the pick-up truck will be here any second." Said Theresa sarcastically.
It was right then, that a horse and wagon pulled up. "Who wants a ride?" Asked the driver.
"Morgan Freeman!" Said the group.
"Yep, this was the only job I could get since "Driving Ms. Daisy." Said Morgan.
"No, no I saw you in "Million Dollar Baby," just seven years ago." Said Justin.
"Okay, the truth is, since I won my Oscar, everybody has been hounding me, so I needed some cover, and I miss riding the reigns, you want a ride or not?" He asked loudly.
"Alright, sorry, but thanks for sharing." Said Juliet.
"Ya, it does help to know I have people on the inside." Said Morgan.
"Okay." Said Jerry as he and the rest of the family got in. "So how much?" He asked.
"Oh no charge, this one's on Morgan." Said Morgan.
"I like him." Said Max.
"A lot more than that pick-up truck guy." Said Alex.
"Ya, he's a jerk, now let's go!" Said Morgan as he pulled on the reigns.
The horse started to walk, and Theresa fell off the carriage. "Oh f***!" She yelled as she fell.
At Hogwartz, the group was looking at the school. "Wow, this place is a peice of crap!" Yelled Justin.
"Of course it is, I mean that dumb ass Dumbledore built it himself." Said an old lady who greeted them.
"Ha, who are you?" Asked Max.
"I am professor McGunnigal, and I am the broom, teacher, person." Said Minerva.
"Oh, that's nice." Said Theresa as she rubbed her head. "...I fell out of a carriage."
"Ha, it happens." Said Minerva.
"We thought Headmaster Dumbledore would greet us." Said Juliet.
"No, he died." Said Minerva.
"What, but we just saw him, three months ago." Said Jerry.
"Yes, but he died since then." Said Minerva.
"Well, he was pretty old and disgusting." Said Alex.
"Indeed." Said Minerva.
"Ha, can we go in now, we have to meet Professor Slughorn, and we were late last time." Said Justin.
"Well then it won't happen again!" Yelled Theresa.
"That's right!" Yelled Minerva. "Nothing ever repeats in London, city of clocks and boggers."
"Can we go in now?" Asked Max.
"Oh certainly, but I must ask you to consider taking my broom class." Said Minerva.
"Okay." Said Alex.
"We, will." Said Justin.
"Alright, one, two, three, four!" Yelled Minerva as she played the drums, loudly, but well.
"Wow, she's good." Said Theresa.
She stopped. "Ha thanks."
In the school, the Russos were walking. "Oh, where the hell is Slughorn's office?" Asked Justin.
"Ha, I'm Draco Malfoy." Said Drago as he walked up.
"Okay, I have never heard of you before." Said Alex.
"Where's that, uh, Harry Potter?" Asked Max.
"Oh that loser died in a train station explosion." Said Drago.
"Great, he was a jerk." Said Max.
"Wait, who's Harry Potter?" Asked Juliet.
"Don't worry, I don't think you'll ever have to meet him." Said Jerry.
"...I know you'll never have to meet him!" Yelled Theresa. "He's dead."
"Ha, who are you?" Asked Drago.
"Juliet Van Houten." Said Juliet.
"Wow, you are a fascinating looking person." Said Drago. "Would you go out with me some time?" He asked.
"Sure..." Started Juliet.
"No, she's my girlfriend." Said Justin.
"Oh, right." Said Juliet.
"Why?" Asked Drago.
"I don't know." Said Juliet.
Slughorn then walked by. "Oh man, I'm late." He said.
"Yes, you are." Said Max as he shot lightning at him.
"Ah!" Yelled Slughorn.
"Hurts doesn't it?" Asked Jerry.
"No, I just got my utility bill, look how high it is." He said as he handed it to Jerry.
"Hu, ah!" Yelled Jerry as he looked at it.
"So, should we get to my office?" Asked Slughorn.
"No, not until I get to her!" Yelled Drago.
"Excuse me?" Asked Juliet.
"Oh get out of here Drago, he annoys all the people I call here." Said Slughorn.
"So, just how many people do you call here?" Asked Theresa.
Slughorn got all sweaty. "Come on, let's go to my office." He said as he ran off.
In Slughorn's office, he was trying to balance a pencil on it's eracer. "...So, I heard Dumbledore died." Said Justin.
"Who told you!" Yelled Slughorn.
"That, old lady at the door." Said Max.
"What old lady, did she have drums?" Asked Slughorn.
"Ya." Said Alex.
"McGunnigal, well ya, he died, and we all miss him." Said Slughorn.
"Is that his stuff in the garbage?" Asked Theresa.
"Uh, no, ya what was I supposed to do with it?" Asked Slughorn.
"Give it to his family?" Suggested Juliet. She started to laugh. "Okay I'm sorry."
"So, why did you call us here?" Asked Jerry.
"Do you really want to know?" Asked Slughorn.
"Will it involve work?" Asked Jerry.
"Oh yes." Said Slughorn.
"Then hell no." Said Jerry.
"But you will find out, in due time." Said Slughorn.
"Ah s***!" Yelled Jerry.
"So, Justin, are you thinking about taking the broom class?" Asked Slughorn.
"Ya, I thought about it, an n..." Started Justin.
"Well you should, in fact, you should join the school Quiddle team, you'd be a great Quiddler." Said Slughorn.
"Actually, I'm not that into all the flying broom stuff, I think it's just a flamboyant display of mag..." Started Justin.
"Just take it!" Yelled Slughorn.
"Alright, but you have to get me to the head of the class, and I want the best broom, no rain checks." Said Justin.
"Sure, just as long as you take it." Said Slughorn. "Ha, I can do anything."
"So, if Dumbledore died, does that mean you're the Headmaster now?" Asked Juliet.
"Oh no, that's Professor Snape, and I hope you never have to meet him." Said Slughorn.
"Sorry to dissapoint you." Said Snape as he walked in.
"Ah!" Screamed Jerry.
"Sorry, you're just kind of frightening." Said Theresa.
"Oh don't be sorry, I like being frightening, Slughorn, what are these people doing here?" Asked Snape.
"Oh, I invited them here to learn, Dumbledore reccomended them himself, ya know before he died." Said Slughorn.
"Whatever." Said Snape. "You know my rules, I'm fine with any student, so long as they don't, ride brooms in the halls, shoot magic in class rooms, or steal anything from my office." Said Snape. "Have a nice year."
"Thank you Headmaster Snape." Said Juliet.
"I don't like you." Said Snape as he left.
"Ha ha." Laughed Alex.
"Okay, get out of my office." Said Slughorn.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Said Jerry as he left.
In their dorm room, they were admiring their room. "Wow, this place is huge!" Yelled Justin. It echoed.
"Who said that!" Yelled Jerry.
"Mr. Russo, that was an echo." Said Juliet.
"Oh, sorry, I've never been in a room big enough to make an echo." Said Jerry.
"She would know, living in a cave." Said Alex.
"I don't live in a cave!" Yelled Juliet.
"Mason lived in a cave." Said Max.
"Oh please don't talk about Mason." Said Alex.
"That boy was like a son to me." Said Theresa.
"Wow, this is a great view." Said Juliet as she looked out the window. It overlooked a gym, full of muscular, sweaty men pumping iron.
Jerry walked over and looked. "I'll say it is." He said as he looked out. It also overlooked a porno drive in.
"This is a dangerous town, I think each of us should take shifts taking lookout through the window." Said Justin.
"I'll go first." Said Alex.
"There won't be any men working out at night." Said Juliet.
"I'm not an idiot!" Yelled Alex.
"Okay, we'd better get ready for classes, they start, ten minutes ago." Said Justin.
"Ha ha, you're in trouble." Said Jerry.
"Jerry, you signed us up for a class for parents without magic class." Said Theresa.
"Oh, would I do that, was I drunk?" Asked Jerry.
"No, you're just stupid." Said Juliet.
"Ha, leave him alone, he is a nice person!" Yelled Theresa.
"I thought you were nice Juliet." Said Max.
"I am nice, you guys are always insulting each other." Said Juliet.
"Words can hurt too." Said Alex.
"What the hell..." Started Juliet.
"Oh, and we're fifteen minutes late already." Said Theresa.
"Ha ha, you're in trouble." Said Alex.
"Ha, you're late too." Said Theresa.
"Not as late as you." Said Max.
"I gotta go, I've never been late in my life." Said Jerry. "Oh wait, I've never been on time for anything, eh." Said Jerry.
At the magical defense class, Snape was talking. "So I says, I can't teach you, unless you'll learn, then when he turned his head I shot him." Said Snape.
Alex then walked in. "Ha, I'm here to learn how to use magic to defend myself." Said Alex.
"Well then you came to the right place, ten minutes late, I might add." Said Snape.
"Ha, I thought you were the Headmaster." Said Alex.
"You thought right, but this way I bring home two pay checks a week, and people might think I'm a male prostitute." Said Snape.
"Oh, sorry I didn't understand that." Said Alex.
"Oh there's much you don't understand, and I will teach you it all." Said Snape. "Now let's f***in' start the class!" Yelled Snape.
"Hi, my name is Ginny Weasley, I take this class." Said Ginny as she shook Alex's hand.
"Ha, you're pretty good looking, my brother would like you." Said Alex.
"That's nice but your brother's not here, you are though." Said Ginny as she stared at Alex.
"Uh, ya." Said Alex as she moved her chair away.
"Okay, so, give me a situation, any situation." Said Snape.
"Ha, how about this situation!" Said The Situation as he stood up and took his shirt off and flexed. "Uh, you got your tickets to the gun show?" He asked as he looked at his bicepts.
"Okay, anybody?" Asked Snape.
Ginny was still looking at Alex, longingly. "Ha, what do you do if someone is molesting you with their eyes?" Asked Alex nervously.
"Yes, excellent situation." Said Snape.
"Not as excellent as this one." Said The Situation as he flexed, right in Juliets' face.
"Uh." Said Juliet.
"Mr. Situation, please sit down and stop making a situation out of yourself." Said Snape.
"Ha Mr. Snape, you can't stop The Situation, from making a situation, out of his Situation." Said The Situation as he flexed again.
"Woo!" Said Molly Weasley as she fanned herself.
"Well Ms. Russo, to propel the molestation of the eyes, you must create a light, so bright, noone can continue to look at it." Said Snape.
"Okay, illuminate." Said Alex as she shined a bright light in Ginny's eyes.
Ginny just stared, squinting. "The brightness of your eyes outshines the light." Said Ginny, dreamily.
"Oh my goodness." Said Alex.
In the halls, Max was walking when Mrs. Malfoy walked up to him. "Excuse me young man, what are you doing, roaming the halls?" She asked.
"Oh, I was just looking for my classroom." Said Max.
"Oh this schedule isn't correct, you should be in the school's childcare center." Said Mrs. Malfoy.
"Childcare, I'm fifteen years old." Argued Max.
"Well, rules are rules, report to this room immediately." Said Mrs. Malfoy as she pushed him in the direction.
"But, but..." Started Max as she pushed him away.
In the childcare center, Max walked in. "Ha welcome to childcare, I'm Sirius." Said Sirius.
"Ha, you look pretty old, are you fifteen?" Asked Max.
"Yes I am." Said Sirius. "But that's on a scale from one to ten." Said Sirius.
"Ah." Said Max, confused.
It was then that Mrs. Malfoy walked in. "Hello, I am the childcare supervisor, and I cannot wait to watch over both of you." She said as she sat on her desk and pulled dress above her knee.
"Oh my goodness." Said Sirius.
In the broom class, Professos McGunnigal was teaching when Jusitn walked in. "There he is, the top student in our class, Justin Russo!" Declared Minerva.
"Top student, he just came here, and ten minutes late." Whined Hermoine.
"Oh shut up already." Said Minerva.
"Ha, did you know my room overlooks a porno drive in?" Asked Justin.
"You got my old room?" Asked Drago. By the way, they all had on the black robes, scarves, all that.
"Now, for this class, you will learn how to ride a broom, Mr. Russo, please get on a broom, and ride it." Said Minerva.
"Okay." Said Justin as he got on the broom. "Ha, what do I do no..." Started Justin as the broom flew, and he smashed into a pipe. "Oh s***!" He yelled.
"This boy is a natural, he made solid contact with that pipe like nobody's business." Said Minerva.
"I didn't do that on purp..." Started Justin.
"Mr. Russo, I am making you captain of the Quiddle team, now step into this closet for the initiation." Said Minerva.
"What okay." Said Justin as he stepped into a glass closet and closed the door. Minerva then pulled a lever, and the closet began to vibrate. "Ha, there's something really weird going on with this closet." Said Justin.
"That's just the initiation, keep calm." Said Minerva.
"Okay." Said Justin. "Ha my body's getting all skaky inside, what is this..." Started Justin.
"A few more, okay you're done." Said Minerva as she turned the lever off.
Justin shook off, then walked out and sat in his seat. "Kay, that was pretty weird." Said Justin to Drago and Hermoine. She just looked at him.
Jerry and Theresa were looking at their directory. "Okay, this should be the place." Said Theresa.
Jerry knocked on the door. "Uh, hello." He said. The door opened.
"You're late, come in!" Yelled the man.
"Okay." Said Theresa as they walked in. The room was all busy, full of people.
"Uh, is this the parents without magic class?" Asked Jerry.
"Why yes it is, I'm your operator, Lucius Malfoy, and I will connect you, to the party line!" He yelled. "Ha, get these two newbees some beers!" He yelled.
"Ya!" Yelled the group.
"I don't understand." Said Theresa.
"Here ya go two cold beers." Said Hermoine's dad.
"So, uh..." Started Jerry.
"Ha, enough talk, we got darts to throw, football to watch, and beer and nachos to drink and eat, now let's party!" Yelled Lucius.
"Ha, you look like you have magic." Said Theresa.
"Ha, another part of this that's not real, this isn't a class, some of us aren't without magic, and most of us aren't parents, are you in?" Asked Lucius.
"We're in!" Yelled the two.
"Alright, let's get to it!" Yelled Lucius as he opened a keg of beer, and it shot all over Theresa.
"Whoa." Said Theresa as she took her coat off. "Ah!" She yelled.
In the dorm that night, Theresa was talking. "Ya, that parenting class is great, I'm learning a lot, about parenting, ya." Said Theresa.
"Ha, did you guys know there's a porno drive in outside?" Asked Max as he looked out the window.
"Just be quiet and look out." Said Theresa.
"Okay." Said Max as he continued to look out the window.
"Uh, oh, that initiation really messed up my body, I hope it didn't give me, like, vibraty things where my organs stop working." Said Justin.
"I don't know, sure did a number on your brain." Said Alex.
"Who cares, your tops in your class, and school, and you've only been here less than one day, your picture is all over, and all the girls want you." Said Juliet. "I know I'm your girlfriend, but I'm jelous, you're so much more successful than me, I want pictures, I want top honors, I want girl, throwing themselves at me, I want it!" Yelled Juliet.
"Oh ya, I got this thing going on with a girl in the defense class, yep, pretty serious, I don't know, big things happening." Said Alex.
"Oh ya, well I got this guy on the side, a situation..." Started Juliet.
"Oh just shut up Juliet!" Yelled Alex.
"So Max, how was your day?" Asked Jerry.
Max kept looking out the window, not even hearing him. "Max!" Yelled Theresa.
"Hu!" Said Max as he turned around.
"How was your day?" Asked Theresa.
"Uh, ya." Said Max as he slowly lowered himself into a chair. "Well, since I'm only fifteen they put me in the childcare center, there's some guy there, he must be fourty years old, but the weird part is the teacher, she's even older than he is, and she's all, amoury." Said Max.
"That's horrible, she has a husband, and he's the teacher of the parents without magic class." Said Theresa.
"Well, Mrs. Malfoy is the childcare spectator, her husband has magic." Said Alex.
"Uh, we'll go to bed, and maybe tomorrow this will be forgotten." Said Jerry.
"No maybe about it." Said Justin. "Uh, there was a jostle."
"Good night." Said Theresa as she turned out the light. "Oh, ah, ha!" She yelled as the ran into the wall.
"Kay, I'll be at the window." Said Max as he walked back to the window.
"Kay by." Said Juliet as she picked up a Victoria's Secret's magazine.
The next day, the grou was sitting around the room, eating breakfast when Justin walked in, wearing his uniform. "Ha, today's the big match, who's coming to see me, nobody, awesome." Said Justin as he left.
"Yep, going to meet Ginny, I don't know, big, fantastical, lesbian fun, "Kids Are All Right," Anette Benning, can't be late, by." Said Alex as she left.
"Ha, do you think Alex is telling the truth, you know, about that girl?" Asked Juliet.
"You're in the same class as her, you can see for yourself." Said Jerry.
"Ya, Alex with some other girl, do you think she's gonna make out with her?" Asked Theresa, deeply wondering.
"Do you think she'd let us watch?" Asked Max.
"Uh." Said Juliet as she dabbed water on her face.
In the magic defense class, Alex walked in and sat right next to Ginny. "I've been thinking about what you said, thinking about it a lot, and I want in on it." Said Alex.
"I thought you might, I knew it." Said Ginny as she pulled Alex in and kissed her on the lips.
"Ya, well the thing is, we'll be together, exclusively here, nowhere else, but very much so here, make it noticable." Said Alex.
"I don't care where, how, or why, just as long as it's you." Said Ginny.
"That's good, cause that's all it is." Said Alex.
Snape then walked in. "Okay little bitches, I got my pay checks yesterday, and it happened, so let's get to it, who here, thinks that they can defend themselves against any magical threat, and if you can, I will grant you one wish." Said Snape.
Juliet then looked up, quickly. "Ha, I can!" She yelled.
"Okay, who wants to volunteer to duel with her?" Asked Snape. "Give her a situation to deal with." Said Snape.
"Right here Mr. Snape!" Yelled the situation as he stood up and flexed his muscles. "Uh, let's see her deal, with this situation, hu!" He yelled as he flexed.
"Alex, you should go up there, and duel to defend the honor, of our love." Said Ginny.
"Okay, and I will use that wish to wish that we will be happy together, always." Said Alex.
"I hope you can do it, I need for it." Said Ginny.
"I'll do it!" Yelled Alex.
"Okay, let's hurry it up, the Quiddle match is coming up, I have bets and I have to be there to collect." Said Snape. "First person to go unconcious loses, cause we all know what happens to you when you're unconcious." Said Snape.
"Okay, let's do this!" Yelled Juliet.
"Ha wait, I don't even think Juliet's a wizard, how can..." Started Alex.
"You don't need magic to defend yourself, on three, one, two, three!" Yelled Snape.
"Ah!" Yelled Juliet as she tackled Alex on to the floor.
"Uh, you bitch!" Yelled Alex as she shot magic at Juliet, but she dodged every shot.
"Ah!' Yelled Juliet as she slapped Alex, over and over.
"Uh, oh!" Said Alex as she threw Juliet off her and into a wall.
"Oh, I think Ms. Russo, has something cooking for you Ms. Van Houten." Said Snape.
"Oh, you should see, what The Situation has cooking." Said The Situation as he flexed his pecks. "Five hundred degrees, no pre-heating, for, hell, as long as you can stand it." He said. "Hu!"
"Uh ha!" Yelled Alex as she grabbed Juliet's head and smashed it into the wall.
"Uh, uh, uh!" Said Juliet.
The Situation then picked up Snape's desk. "Uh, this situation, is about to crash down, going three thousand miles an hour, leaving the world devestated, hu!" He yelled as he threw the desk out the window.
"Ah!" Yelled a man from outside.
"That's it, I have had enough situations for one day, not all of you, leave this class, I have to get to the Quiddle match." Said Snape. "Ah, my tickets were in my desk, eh, I'll buy em from a scalper." He said as he left.
"Hu, you may have won this round, but I will get my wish." Said Juliet.
"Ya, well I..." Started Alex.
Ginny then walked up. "You, were valiant, out there." Said Ginny. She inhaled heavily then kissed her, very hard. "See you at the match."
"Yya." Said Alex.
Juliet then walked up to her. "You don't know just what you have." She said, angrily as she left.
"Wow, I am accomplishing so much here." Said Alex.
"Everybody, accomplished a lot here." Said Molly.
In the parenting without magic class, everybody was drinking bear. "Uh, ah!" Yelled Hermoine's dad as he held a bottle between his legs and popped the cork out. Beer shot out. "Ya!" He yelled, then he drank it. Somebody bumped into him. "Uh, ha you f**got!" He yelled as he punched him.
"Ya!" Yelled Lucius as he cut the corks off all of the kegs, and beer shot everywhere.
"Ya!" Yelled everybody as they dance around.
"Woo!" Yelled Theresa, who was wearing a plain white shirt, which was covered in beer, and you could see through it.
"Ya!" Yelled Jerry as he smashed chairs on people's heads.
"Ya!" Yelled Hermoine's dad as he fell on the ground.
In the hall, Snape was talking. "Uh, where do I get some tickets?" He asked.
"Ha, I'll scalp you some tickets, two thousand dollars." Said Justin.
"Okay." Said Snape as he payed, took the ticket and left.
"Justin, are you ready for this match?" Asked Minerva.
"Uh ya, I was born ready." Said Justin. "So who are we playing?"
"Oh we don't have team names, so just some other guys." Said Drago.
"Great, those p***ys are going down!" Yelled Justin.
"Good, see you on the court." Said Minerva.
"Justin, I was thinking, since you're the head of the class, and the whole school, which used to be me, I would like to get involved with you, be, your situation." Said Hermoine.
"Uh, I don't know, I already have a girlfriend." Said Justin.
"Oh that's okay, this is just a one night thing." Said Hermoine.
"Well, in that case sure, bet Alex doesn't even have a girl as special as you." Said Justin.
"No, I don't remember her getting on my, list." Said Hermoine. "Oh, I will require fourty dollars." Said Hermoine.
"Okay, here." Said Justin as he payed her. "Okay, so I'll see you to..." Started Justin.
"Ha, I got, one serious, situation for you." Said the situation as he walked up. He punched Justin in the face.
"Ah!" Yelled Justin as he fell on the floor.
The Situation then flexed his bicepts as Hermoine. "Can you smell, what the sitaution is cooking?" Hermoine then left. "Hu."
In the childcare center, Max and Sirius were sitting there, looking at the empty desk. "So, can we go?" Asked Max.
"Even if we can't, I doubt anything can stop us." Said Sirius as he picked up a desk and threw it out the window, then he jumped out it. "See you at the match!"
"By." Said Max as he walked out the door.
At the Quiddle match, everybody was watching, especially Slughorn. The Russos were all sitting together. "Mom, what's with your shirt?" Asked Alex.
"What do you mean?" Asked Theresa.
"It's all covered in beer." Said Max.
"And we can see your boobs." Said Alex.
"Oh, sorry." Said Theresa as she pulled her coat closed.
"Ha, I got a can of spray wipped cream, the guy told me, it's not just for food, it's good for a lot of things." Said Jerry as he sprayed it in his mouth, then on his forehead.
Ginny then walked over. "Uh, hi." Said Alex, annoyed.
"I know you said not to see you outside the class, but the pain of your absence was overbearing." Said Ginny.
"I saw you ten minutes ago." Said Alex.
"Ya I know." Said Ginny. "I got you this hat." She said as she put a hat on Alex, which read "Huzzy." "I figured we didn't have any thing we could wear that matches, now we do, and I'm so excited." Said Ginny.
"Ya, ha I'd appreciate it if you left." Said Alex.
"I know, this is a lot to take in at once, but just bear with me, I have two methods when it comes to this, all, or nothing." Said Ginny.
"Uh." Said Alex, confused.
"I love you." Said Ginny as she kissed Alex, very hard.
"Uh, oh." Said Max as he watched them.
Juliet then walked in. "Oh ha, it's the tramps." She said. "I hope you two are happy, cause I'm not."
"Juliet, you're not staying to watch the match are you?" Asked Theresa.
"Ya, I am." Said Juliet.
"Ah s***." Said Theresa.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a big hand, to the two teams from Hogwartz, who don't have names." Said the narrator, Mr. Malfoy.
"Ya!" Cheered the crowd. "Ya!" Yelled Jerry as he sprayed whipped cream all over his face as he stood up. "Ah!" He yelled as he sprayed it on Juliet.
"Ah!" Yelled Juliet.
"Ya!" Yelled the crowd as they all flew out on the brooms.
"Ha." Said Justin as he waved at the crowd.
"Woo." Swooned Molly.
"Boo!" Yelled Alex.
"Shh." Said Ginny as she continued to kiss her.
"And there off, and here comes the Golden Quoofle." Said Lucius.
"Ha!" Yelled the wizards as they went for it. Suddenly, the Snitch flew, extremely fast, past them, and they all fell off their brooms.
The Quoofle flew right near Justin. "Ha, get away!" He said as he smacked it. "Come on!"
"What is he doing?" Asked Theresa.
"Catch the f***ing Snitch!" Yelled Slughorn.
"This, thing, it's like, magnetized to me, ah!" Yelled Jusitn.
"Ha, what's that?" Asked Alex.
"Oh, that's the, uh." Said Ginny as she hugged Alex and threw her head back.
"Ha, it's Snape, and he's chanting some kind of spell." Said Alex.
"He must be throwing the game in his favor." Said Juliet.
"Well I won't let it happen, Max, come with me, the rest of you, stay here and look casual." Said Alex.
"Where are you going?" Asked Ginny.
"Nowhere, I won't be back." Said Alex.
"Please hurry." Said Ginny. "Uh." She said as she hugged Theresa.
"Uh!" Said Theresa as she shoved Ginny off.
At the spectator's box, Alex and Max walked up. "Kay, there he is." Said Alex.
"Let's teach him a lesson." Said Max.
Snape went on chanting. "Kay on three, one, two, three!" Said Alex as she and Max shot magic.
The spectator's box then exploded, and Snape fell on to the feild. "Ah!"
"Whoa, there is a man on the feild!" Yelled Lucius.
"What do we do?" Asked Juliet.
Suddenly, The Situation walked out on to the feild, with no shirt on. "Ha, this is what, The Situation, has in store, for you boom peopl..." Started The Situation as she bludger his him and he fell unconcious.
"Uh, ah!" Yelled Justin as he fell off his broom. "Uh, cu, cu!" He coughed, as the Snitch suffocated him.
"Remain calm!" Yelled Lucius.
"Ya!" Yelled Hermoine's dad as he jumped, in slow motion, and ran, and began to give Jusitn the heimlick meneuver. "Ya, ya!" He yelled.
"Hu, cu!" Yelled Justin as he coughed out the Snitch.
"Ya!" Yelled the crowd.
"We win!" Yelled Drago.
"Hu!" Yelled The Situation as he hit him. "The Situation, wins every round, right up to the bell!"
"Ha ha ha." Laughed Slughorn.
The next day, the Russos were walking when Slughorn walked up to them. "Ha guys, you wanna come to my office?" He asked.
"Not really." Said Juliet.
"Just come on!" Yelled Slughorn.
"Ha, can I come too?" Asked Ginny.
"Will she be listening?" Asked Slughorn.
"Oh no." Said Alex.
"Okay." Said Slughorn. In his classroom, he was talking. "Okay, so you've probably been wondering why I called all of you here." He said.
"I thought it was just because you like all of us." Said Alex.
"No." Said Slughorn. "Anyway you all probably realize that Voldemort is posing great threats to the world."
"No, actually I haven't heard of him since we came here three months ago." Said Justin.
"Well he is, don't get me wrong about that." Said Slughorn.
"Kay, so, why are we here?" Asked Max.
"Well, I think I finally realized why we've never been able to kill him no matter what." Said Sllughorn.
"Have we ever tried?" Asked Theresa.
"No, but I can only assume." Said Slughorn.
"Ha, assume makes an ass out of you and me, but mostly you." Said Jerry.
"Ha, can you grant me a wish, I want that girl there, and every other girl at this school." Said Juliet.
"No, I can't grant wishes with this kind of stress on my shoulders, or at any time, but my point was..." Started Slughorn.
"What did he just say?" Asked Juliet.
"Oh I wasn't really paying attention." Said Max.
"Okay, what I have realized through a life time of note taking, investigation, and Dumbledore told me before he died, that Lord Voldemort has made himself, nearly unstoppable, and it gets worse." Said Slughorn.
"What's worse than unstoppable?" Asked Justin.
"I said nearly!" Yelled Slughorn. "Anyway, I have intel that Lord Voldemort is working on making himself immortal, and once I'm dead, he will be able to tap into my memories, and find just what he's looking for." Said Slughorn.
"So he has to wait until you die?" Asked Alex. "Why didn't you ask us to come here and talk to you on your death bed?" Asked Alex.
"Because he wants us to get to work before Voldemort becomes immortal!" Yelled Justin.
"Justin, there is no yelling in Slughorn's office." Said Theresa.
"So, was there a point to calling us in here?" Asked Jerry.
"No, I just called you here cus I wanted ya to bitch at me." Said Slughorn. "You see, we have to kill Voldemort before he beomes invincible." Said Slughorn.
"Well duh." Said Alex.
"But, Voldemort cannot be beaten, not so easily, you see since he came into power about ten years ago, Dumbledore and I, mostly him, have been looking into him, finding what makes him so powerful, and just two months ago we found what it was. It seems Voldemort has found a way to tear his body into separate parts, so that when he is destroyed, he is kept alive by another part of himself." Said Slughorn.
"Now that's complete bulls***, last time we saw Voldemort, he was in one peice, with all of his part, as far as I could see." Said Justin.
"That's not what I mean you dumb ass!" Said Slughorn. "I mean, he has managed to separate his soul into multiple peices, and conceal those peices in random objects, which he scattered to various parts of the Earth." Said Slughorn. "They're called Soulcruxes."
"Ya we know about those." Said Max.
"Well I don't, nobody tells me anything." Said Jerry.
"You're not even a wizard, why would you want to know?" Asked Theresa.
"Just for general knowledge." Said Jerry.
"Back to my point, if we could ever hope to defeat Lord Voldemort, we must first destroy each of his seven Soulcruxes, and only then will he be vulnerable." Said Slughorn.
"Seven?" Asked Alex.
"Damn, that's a lot of Soulcruxes." Said Juliet.
"That's why I called you here, I'm not going to live forever, and when I die it's only a matter of time until Voldemort finds his source of eternal life, so we have to get started finding the Soulcruxes as soon as possible, Dumbledore has already found one, and managed to destroy it, but it was too much for him to withstand, that's why he died." Said Slughorn.
"I thought it was because he was really old." Said Jerry.
"He was pretty old, but him dying is not important now, I believe I have found another, so there's only five left, you know, after we destroy this one." Said Slughorn. "And that's where you come in."
"Which part, destroying this one, or the other five?" Asked Max.
"Both." Said Slughorn.
"Ah s***!" Groaned Alex.
"Wait, what are you saying exactly?" Asked Theresa.
"We'll talk about that later, for now we have to figure out how to procure and destroy the Soulcrux, which lies in these very halls." Said Slughorn.
"Wait, procure, I thought you said you already had it." Said Justin.
"No, I said I found one, not had, found." Said Slughorn. "The tricky part is that Professor McGunnigal has it, and she will not part with it to just anyone."
"But she will to me." Said Justin.
"Oh shut up you fat head, why would she give it to you?" Asked Alex.
"Because I'm the top student in the school, and especially in her class, trust me, she'll give it to me." Said Justin.
"Don't be so sure." Said Slughorn.
"Oh, I am." Said Justin.
"After we destroy this Soulcrux, will you grant me a wish?" Asked Juliet.
"We'll see, but we have to hurry, I could die any second." Said Slughorn.
"Yessir." Said Max.
"That's the spirit, now all of you, get the hell out of my office." Said Slughorn.
"Okay." Said Alex as she left, and Ginny fell on the floor.
"Uh." Groaned Ginny.
In the broom class, Justin walked in. "Hello, Professor McGunnigal." He said.
"Hello Mr. Russo, I wish to commend you on your victory at yesterday's match." Said Minerva.
"Ya ya." Said Justin. "Okay, here's the deal, I have this girlfriend, actually, she's a whore." Said Justin.
"I understand." Said Minerva.
"And, I need to give her something special, to show her I love her, and..." Started Justin.
"Mr. Russo, I know you want my necklace, but I cannot possibly part with it, it means too much to me." Said Minerva.
"...Then why don't you have it on?" Asked Justin.
"Because, everytime I put it on it bites me, which is odd, but I still like it." Said Minerva.
"But I, I, blu!" Yelled Justin as he left.
In the defense class, Alex walked in, nobody was there, except Snape, and The Situation. "All I'm saying is, you can't make up situations, when there is such a situation, in your presence, right here." Said The Situation as he flexed his pecks.
"Mr. Situation, please, I have a student, please leave, and feel free to never return." Said Snape.
"Okay, hu!" Yelled The Situation as he threw a desk out the window. He headed for the door. "Hu!" He said as he flexed at Alex.
"Mr. Snape, where is the class?" Asked Alex.
"Ms. Russo, I wanted to speak with you." Said Snape.
"Oh ya, well I wanted to speak with you, about how you were using a spell, to throw the game in your favor yesterday." Vindicted Alex.
"Well, I might want to talk to you, about how you snook into the spectator's box, and exploded me!" Yelled Snape.
"Ha, it wasn't just me, it was also my little brother, who I told to help me, okay, what did you want to talk to me about?" Asked Alex.
"About yesterday, when you exploded me to stop me from throwing the match, that was a great display of defense, I did it with the intention that one of my students would spot me and try to stop it, and I knew it would be you, and I am proud." Said Snape.
"Really?" Said Alex.
"Yes, you have really spawned from my lessons, and so, you are now the top student of my class." Said Snape.
"Really the top student?" Asked Alex.
"Yes, even above The Situation." Said Snape.
"Ah, you cannot top, The Situation, in his situation!" Yelled The Situation from the hallway.
"Take cover." Said Snape as he and Alex hid behind a desk. A chair then smashed through the window. "Okay, that, is why I called." Said Snape.
"So, that's another thing that makes me ahead of Juliet." Said Alex.
"Yes, I guess so, but no matter how many things Ms. Van Houten excells at, she will never be happy, until she realizes what is really important in life." Said Snape.
"Okay, now leave so I can count my money." Said Snape.
"Hu?" Said Alex.
"You stopped me from throwing the match, I never said it didn't work, and the two paychecks help, by the way it happened again, see ya." Said Snape.
"Kay by." Said Alex as she left.
Justin was walking in the halls, and he knocked on the door of the parents without magic class. "Ha, shh!" Yelled Lucius. He opened the door, slightly. "What do you want?" He asked.
"Ya, I'm Justin Russo, I wanted to tell my parents that the plan didn't work." Said Justin.
"Hold on, I'll tell em." Said Lucius as he closed the door. The you could hear a glass smashing on the door. "They say don't come to talk to them until something does work!" Yelled Lucius as he slammed the door.
"Uh, okay." Said Justin as he kicked the door open. Everybody was standing around casual, the room was covered in beer, and few bottles were on the floor. "Hi." Said Theresa.
"Ha, Professor Slughorn wants us to come to his class, right now." Said Justin.
"Okay, we were just finishing up." Said Jerry.
"Uh." Groaned Hermoine's dad on the floor. Jerry pushed him back with his foot.
"This is some class here, no desks, chairs, and, red lights?" Asked Justin.
"Do you want to keep Slughorn waiting?" Asked Theresa.
"I don't care, I'm so upset it didn't work." Said Justin.
"Ah." Said Lucius.
In Slughorn's office, they were talking to him. "So, you didn't get the necklace?" Asked Slughorn.
"No, she said it was too important, so we'll obviously have to steal it from her." Said Justin.
"Well ya, that's what I wanted to do." Said Slughorn. "Ha, where's Alex and, that other girl who used to go here?"
"Ginny, I don't know, I haven't seen her since her since we left your office." Said Max.
"No, I put her in that closet, I meant, the other one, I don't know." Said Slughorn.
"So how do we go about getting the necklace?" Asked Theresa.
"We don't even know where she has it hidden." Said Jerry.
"Well, she said that it bit her, we could just tell her that it's a Soulcrux, and..." Started Justin.
"No, the more people who know, the more will tell Voldemort about it, we'll have to steal it." Said Slughorn.
"I know, what if there was a big party, she'd have to wear her nicest jewelery." Said Theresa.
"So, we could pretent to throw a party, invite McGunnigal, and take the necklace from her on her way to the party." Said Max.
"Who says we have to pretent, we can throw a party if we want to." Said Justin.
"Okay, set it up for tonight, that Soulcrux will be ours." Said Slughorn.
Alex then walked in. "Ha, I heard Justin's plan didn't work, just thought I'd come and tell you."
"Thanks, we've been here for five minutes." Said Theresa.
"Alright, enough talk, we have a party to put together." Said Jerry.
"Okay, but we still don't know where Juliet is." Said Max.
"Maybe it's better if we don't know." Said Justin.
Juliet then walked in. "Ha, why didn't anybody tell me you were meeitng with Slughorn?" Asked Juliet.
"I don't want to talk about it." Said Justin.
"What?" Said Juliet.
"Come on, we have work to do." Said Alex.
"What, okay." Said Juliet.
"That night, Minerva was walking to the party, wearing the necklace. "Ow, ow, ow." She said as it bit her.
"Ha, give me that necklace." Said Slughorn as he walked up wearing a robber's mask.
"Ya!" Yelled Minerva as she shot magic at him.
"Oh!" Yelled Slughorn as he fell on the floor.
"What a jerk." Said Minerva as she walked on. Justin then flew by on a broom, and snatched the necklace. "Hu, ha, Justin Russo!" She yelled.
"Whoa, a broom in my hall, Alex, do something!" Yelled Snape.
"Uh, I don't know, he's not really hurting anybody but you." Said Alex.
"Good, rule number one of defense, never defend anyone but yourself." Said Snape. "Justin Russo will pay for this."
In the party room, everybody was just sitting around, eating crab, with no tables or music. "Ha, do you think he got the necklace?" Asked Max.
"I don't care, all I care about is this great party I threw, which nobody came to!" Yelled Theresa.
"I came, so can I go home now?" Asked Jerry.
"Mrs. Russo, you know this wasn't a real party don't you?" Asked Juliet.
"It was real to me." Said Theresa.
The next day, the group was in Slughorn's office, with the Soulcrux. "This is fantastic, though it took the effort of all of us, I'm pretty sure I can destroy it on my own." Said Slughorn.
"All of us, I did it on my own." Said Justin.
"Ya, but I tried to take it, remember the guy in the robber mask, that was me." Said Slughorn.
"Nno." Said Justin.
"Okay, if you need any help..." Started Juliet.
"Oh I won't." Said Slughorn.
"Just call us!" Yelled Juliet.
"Ha Slughorn, I noticed you weren't at the party last night." Said Theresa.
"I was knocked unconcious." Said Slughorn.
"Oh, sure you were." Said Jerry.
"I was, Alex, Justin, you saw me." Said Slughorn.
"I, don't remember you being there." Said Alex.
"I had the robber's mask on!" He yelled.
"Uh, were you the old lady in the green?" Asked Alex.
"That was McGunnigal!" Yelled Justin.
"It's too bad you didn't come, mom made the crab thing." Said Max.
"Ah, I love the crab thing, damn that old lady for knocking me out." Said Slughorn.
"Still with that story hu?" Asked Theresa.
"You know what happens when you're unconcious." Said Juliet.
"...Oh my goodness, I hope you're wrong." Said Slughorn.
"Well, I..." Started Justin.
"Everybody leave so I can destroy the Soulcrux!" Yelled Slughorn.
"Okay." Said the group as they left.
"Uh." Groaned Ginny in the closet.
"Ha, quiet you!" Yelled Slughorn.
In the defense class, Alex walked in. "You wanted to see me Mr. Snape?" Asked Alex.
"Yes, I was unable to find your brother, quite frankly I can't remember why I was looking for him, but I had something more important to tell you." Said Snape.
"Look, sorry you didn't get invited to the party last night." Said Alex.
"Oh that's okay, I had to go and pick up my two pay checks anyway, it happened again, anyway, what I wanted to tell you..." Started Snape.
"My mom made the crab thing." Said Alex.
"The crab thing!" Yelled Snape. "...No, it was worth it, anyway, you are, a great wizard, you may not realize it, but you are." Said Snape.
"Well Mr. Snape, I don't, pride myself in doing magic, it's really Justin's thing." Said Alex.
"Oh, I'm sure he's great at it, but you, you know how and when to use it, but no matter how great a wizard is, they all must sooner or later come to realize the one most important fact in being a wizard." Said Snape.
"What's that?" Asked Alex.
"That, great wizards must learn to abandon their feelings, they cannot have emotional attatchements to others, for the safety of them or otheres." Said Snape.
"Uh, okay." Said Alex.
"Every wizard comes to realize it sooner or later, mostly in times of great chrisis, in the case of a chrisis, people, magical and non-magical will realize that it's every man for himself, and they will abandon those who have followed with them so far, that is how being a magical being a magical turns out, it's not glamorous, but that's how it it." Said Snape.
"Ah, I, guess." Said Alex.
"Alex, I have had many great students, and of each of them I have told this, and, much like them I must ask you, to hand to me, your most treasured posession." Said Snape.
"Most, treasured posession?" Asked Alex.
"Everyone has one, and I assume you have it with you." Said Snape.
"Well, my old boyfriend Mason, he gave me, this pipe tube, when it's opened it plays a siren's chanting, he gave it to me, it means a lot to me." Said Alex.
"Alex, will you part with your past, give it to me." Said Snape.
"Uh, okay." Said Alex as she handed it to Snape.
"Thank you, now if you'll excuse me, I have exactly the same appointment, with my second best student." Said Snape.
"Okay, by." Said Alex as she left.
The Situation then walked in. "Mr. Situation, I must ask for your most treasured posession." Said Snape.
"Uh, The Situation, treasures nothing more, than his situation, hu!" Yelled the situation as he flexed his pecks.
"Oh my goodness." Said Snape.
At Slughorn's office, Justin and the group walked in. "Ha, did you destroy the Soulcrux, no?" Asked Justin.
"No, it's really hard, I don't know." Said Slughorn holding back tears.
"I knew you couldn't do it!" Teased Max.
"Max, don't tease the ma..." Started Theresa.
"You are a loser, you are a loser." Said Alex.
"Well, I'd like to see you try." Said Slughorn as he handed it to them. "Good luck, hope you can't do it!"
"Oh, we will, there's six of us and barely one of you." Said Juliet.
"Ha, I have an idea." Said Jerry.
In a classroom, The Situation was holding the necklace. "Uh, you will see, what situation, you have gotten yourself into, hu, ya I can't do it." Said The Situation as he handed it to Max.
"Ah, The Situation." Said Alex.
"Okay, I must admit, I cannot handle, every situation, given to me, just don't tell anybody." Said The Situation.
"Don't worry." Said Max.
"Thank you, see you losers." He said as he shoved Justin on the ground.
"Oh!" Yelled Justin.
"Oh what do we do now, I don't care that we couldn't brake the Soulcrux, but that Slughorn will rub it in our faces." Said Theresa.
"Okay, desperate times, call for illogical ideas." Said Jerry.
"Like what?" Asked Juliet.
Later, not too much later, the three were shooting magic at the necklace, and it was flying all over the place, busting windows, hitting walls, all of that. "Uh, this damn thing won't break!" Yelled Justin.
"Okay, I got it." Said Jerry as he pulled out a gun and shot it. The bullet bounced off and hit Theresa.
"Ah!" Said Theresa. "Maybe this isn't the safest place to do this."
"Mrs. Russo, this is not a safe job." Said Juliet.
"Ha, we've been doing this for like half an hour, I don't think it's working." Said Max.
"No, if we keep doing it it'll work." Said Alex as she shot magic. "Oh, my eye!" She yelled.
Snape then walked in. "What the hell is going on here, shooting magic in a classroom, that's another thing I told you not to do, along with riding a broom in the halls, Justin Russo." Said Snape.
"Uh oh." Said Justin.
"Ya I remembered." Said Snape. "That's two out of the three things I asked you not to do, and if you do the third, I will be very angry, now I'm going to pick up my pay checks, wish me luck." Said Snape as he left.
"Luck for what?" Asked Jerry.
"Forget it, Slughorn must have some idea about how to destroy it." Said Juliet.
"How do you think Professor McGunnigal got that Soulcrux?" Asked Max.
"Well, Slughorn said the Soulcruxes got scattered to random places on Earth, so this one, must have landed in a display case, and Professor McGunnigal, found it, and, bought it, it doesn't matter how she got it!" Yelled Justin.
"Okay, it was just a question." Said Max.
"Come on, let's go see Slughorn." Said Alex.
"No, we wait for him to call us." Said Theresa.
"What, mom it could take him hours to..." Started Justin.
The phone rang. "Hello Slughorn." Said Theresa.
"Who the hell is this?" Asked The Situation on the other line.
In Slughorn's office, he was talking to them. "So, you weren't able to destroy the Soulcrux?" He asked.
"No." Said Alex.
"Uh, ur!" Yelled Slughorn as he got up and slammed his head into the wall.
"Mr. Slughorn, I don't think ordinary magic can destroy the Soulcrux..." Started Max.
"Of course it can, Dumbledore destroyed that Soulcrux with his magic, like nothing, well, he did die from that." Said Slughorn.
"Well, he must have said something about destroying them before he died." Said Justin.
"Well, he did have a theory, since the Soulcruxes and Voldemort's soul are pure evil, that they can only be destroyed by something completely good, something pure." Said Slughorn.
"Well that's not true, Dumbledore destroyed one of them, and he wasn't pure, I mean he was all old and, disgusting." Said Jerry.
"His magic was pure, he never used it for evil, he had pure magic." Said Slughorn.
"So, we need something pure to destroy the Soulcrux right?" Asked Theresa.
"Um, duh!" Said Slughorn.
"Do you want my help?" Asked Theresa.
"Ha, I got this, pure tap water." Said Juliet.
"Okay." Said Max as he poured it on the Soulcrux necklace. "Well damn, that didn't work."
"Well if that didn't do it, I don't know what will." Said Justin.
"No, we need something, pure, magical pure, like, I don't know, sprites, sirent chants, whatever." Said Slughorn.
"Wait, did you say siren chants?" Asked Alex.
"No." Said Slughorn.
"Ya, sirens have the most pure voices of all living creatures, well when they're chanting, when they talk, it's like, all crackly, like, ha ha ha!" Said Justin.
"What is wrong with you?" Asked Theresa.
"Sorry, I am bad under pressure." Said Justin.
"You're bad any time." Said Juliet.
"Ha." Said Justin.
"I know about that whore!" Yelled Juliet. Justin just sat and looked away.
"Okay, I have an idea, let's meet here tomorrow night, I'll have a way to destroy the Soulcrux." Said Alex.
"Okay, see ya then." Said Slughorn as he pretended to walk down the stairs, behind his desk.
"Ha, we didn't decide a time to meet." Said Justin.
"Eh, he's all the way downstairs." Said Max.
"Good point, let's go." Said Jerry as they left.
The next day, it was early in the morning, and Theresa woke up, on the couch. "Uh, I can't believe I lost the key to the bedroom." She said as she went and opened the door. "Oh dammit!" She yelled.
Jerry then walked out. "Ha."
"You were in there all night!" She yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was unlocked?"
"You didn't knock." Said Jerry.
"Yes I did, for three hours." Said Theresa.
"Was that you, eh." Said Jerry.
Theresa noticed Max looking out the window. "Max, are you still looking out the window?" She asked.
"Ha, Justin's been skipping his lookout shifts." Said Max.
"What, I forgot about that." Said Justin.
"Well the porno drive-in is still out there." Said Max.
"Really, Juliet why didn't you tell me?" Asked Justin.
"Ha, I only watch for the workout guys, oh, they should be out right now." She said as she looked out the window.
"Okay bar bells, get ready to see, what the situation, has cooking for you." Said The Situation as he went to pick up the bar bells. "Oh, my back!" He yelled.
"Ha has anybody seen Alex?" Asked Jerry.
"I don't know, did she come with us?" Asked Theresa.
"I wonder what her idea to destroy the Soulcrux is." Said Justin.
"Well I bet it's a stupid idea, cus she's stupid, and that's what her ideas are, they're stupid." Said Juliet.
"Juliet, why're you being all catty?" Asked Max.
"I'm sorry, why do all the good things happen to Alex, I just learned that I'm behind her in our defense class." Said Juliet.
"I also heard you're behind The Situation." Said Justin.
"Whore!" Yelled Juliet.
"That doesn't bother me." Said Justin.
In the broom class, there was a very small class in there. "Ha, there aren't very many people here." Said Hermoine.
"Where's Justin?" Asked Drago.
"I don't know, and I honestly hope I never see that deviant again." Said Minerva.
"I thought he was your favorite student." Said Hermoine.
"He was, then he stole my necklace, it was the nicest thing I ever bought, now it's gone." Said Minerva.
"So who's head of the class now?" Asked Drago.
"I don't care anymore, the class is canceled." Said Minerva.
"Ha, my dad is the head of the parents without magic class." Said Hermoine.
"Oh, that class is all darts and drinking beer." Said Minerva.
"I knew it!" Yelled Sirius.
"I wondered why my parents always smell like beer." Said Max.
"What are you doing here?" Asked Minerva.
"The childcare center was shut down, I was told to come here." Said Mrs. Malfoy.
"Mom, dad is running a class that's all drinking beer and playing darts." Said Drago.
"Hu!" Gasped Mrs. Malfoy.
Mr. Malfoy then walked in. "Ha, this isn't the bathroom."
"Lucius, you've been running a snuff class?" Asked Mrs. Malfoy.
"Uh, well she's a whore!" Yelled Lucius pointing at Hermoine.
"Well so am I!" Yelled Mrs. Malfoy.
"Hu." Said Drago.
"Uh, hu." Said Mrs. Malfoy as she pulled up her skirt over her knee.
"Ha, those two are mine!" Yelled Hermoine.
"But he's like thirty years old!" Yelled Minerva.
"No, he's only fifteen." Said Max.
"But, that's on a scale from one to ten." Said Sirius.
"Ha, you can be my whore." Said Drago.
"Not if you were the last man in the world." Said Hermoine. Drago gave her a twenty. "Come with me." She said as she escorted him out of the room.
Near Snape's office, Alex was standing by the door, then, she took a hairpin, and opened the lock. Inside, she was looking through his cabinets. "Uh, where would he have it, ha what's this?" She asked as she looked in a book. "June 13, 17, 21, oh he's such a loser." Said Alex as she closed the book. She then noticed a shelf, titles "Most Treasured Posessions." "There it is." She said as she opened the cabinet. "There it is." She said as she took the pipe tube from the cabinet, and closed it.
"Ha, Ms. Russo, stealing from my office, ooh, that's the third thing, I am very mad." Said Snape, who had his two pay checks.
"Whoa, two pay checks, Mr. Snape, are you a male prostitute?" Asked Alex.
"Oh, don't suck up to me." Said Snape, who was very flattered. "Now, get out." He said.
"...I don't want to." Said Alex.
"...Please." Said Snape.
"I'll leave, and let you write this date in your book, if you forget all about this..." Started Alex.
"Deal!" Said Snape quickly.
"Okay, by." Said Alex as she left.
"Yes!" Yelled Snape as he ran over to his book.
That night in Slughorn's office, the group was sitting around. "Where the hell is Alex?" Asked Justin.
"I don't know." Said Slughorn as he looked out the window.
"Well I don't think she'd be outside." Said Juliet.
"Oh no, this window just overlooks a porno drive-in." Said Slughorn.
"Really, scuse me." Said Max as he looked out the other window.
"Ha!" Yelled Jerry. They both looked at him. "Mind if I whip?" He asked as he help up his can.
"No." Said the group.
"Great." Said Jerry as he sprayed it all over his head.
"You know what'd be good, a night gym, that way there'd be men working out, all night long." Said Theresa.
"Ya we're working on that, we just have to shut down two more classes." Said Slughorn. "Already got the childcare center and broom class, next, math and English, cus as all magic people know, math and English are errelivant." Said Slughorn.
"I don't care, just get that night gym." Said Theresa.
Alex then walked in. "Ha, I got it."
"Got what?" Asked Jerry, who was covered in whipped cream.
"Mason, gave me this pipe tube, with a siren chant in it, we can use it to destroy the Soulcrux." Said Alex.
"Perfect, all we've worked for is finally paying off." Said Slughorn.
"All you've done is sit in your office for the past week." Said Juliet.
"Shut up." Said Slughorn.
"So what precautions do we have to take for this?" Asked Max.
"We could turn off all the lights." Said Justin.
"Yes, very theatrical." Said Slughorn as the lights turned out.
"Oh I didn't do that." Said Justin.
"I know, we had to cut electricity at night too." Said Slughorn.
"Pretty smart." Said Juliet.
"I want this gym!" Yelled Theresa.
"Stop yelling, not let's f***ing destroy this Soulcrux!" Yelled Jerry.
"Now, the Soulcrux Dumbledore destroyed had to be opened, but it was a book, I don't know how to open a necklace, so just do it." Said Slughorn.
"Okay." Said Alex as she sat near the necklace. "Hu." She sighed as she opened the pipe tube. The chanting started, high pitched, loud, and pure. The necklace started to vivrate, moved across the table, and hissed.
"Hu!" Yelled Justin as he jumped and held it down.
The chanting continued. The necklaced hissed, louder and louder.
"That necklace is gonna blow!" Yelled Slughorn.
The hissing went on, then it stopped.
"Hu, that wasn't too bad." Said Max.
The Situation then walked in. "Ha, I got a whole new situation, the necklace is going do..." Started The Situation. There was a loud explosion, and he flew out through the wall. "Wa!" He yelled.
"Okay, one casualty, that's, oh, ya one person died last time too, but there's six of you, one will live." Said Slughorn.
"Okay..." Started Theresa.
"Ha, what, is going on here?" Asked Voldemort as he walked in.
"Voldemort!" Yelled Jusitn.
"I saw a man fly through a wall, now, I will make thousands do the same!" Yelled Voldemort.
"Oh, I don't think so." Said Max.
"Shut up!" Yelled Voldemort.
"Whoa, nobody tells my son to shut up." Said Theresa.
"Oh ya," Started Voldemort as he got closer to Theresa. "And what're you gonna d..." Started Voldemort. Jerry sprayed whipped cream in his face. "Ah, it burns!" He yelled.
"Ya!" Yelled Slughorn as he shot magic as Voldemort's stomach.
"Ah!, oh!" Said Voldemort.
"Ya!" Yelled Alex and Max as they hit him with frying pans.
"Oh!" He yelled.
"Hu!" Yelled Jerry as he kicked him out the door.
"Oh, you will all pay for this!" He yelled. Voldemort then started shooting up the halls with his dark magic.
"Whoa!" Yelled the group.
"Ha, what the hell are you doing to my school?" Asked Snape.
"Ooh." Said Justin.
"You, are gonna pay for wrecking my schoo..." Started Snape. Voldemort than threw him out of the way. "Ah!"
"Ha, you can't do that to Snape." Said Juliet.
"I can do, whatever I want!" Yelled Voldemort.
"Not on my watch!" Said Minerva as she walked up with Drago, Hermoine, Sirius, Mrs. Malfoy and Hermoine's dad.
"Hu." Said Lucius as he walked in. "Class ran late tonight."
"Oh, you losers think you can beat me?" Asked Voldemort.
"Ya, there's, uh, a lot of us, and, shut up!" Yelled Voldemort.
They all powered up their magic. "Oh s***." Said Voldemort. They all shot at him and he fell on the ground. "Oh, that's it, I, am gonna..." Started Voldemort.
"Ha, you, have gotten into one hell of a situation, messing up my school!" Yelled The Situation as he walked up to Voldemort.
"Okay, I don't know any of you people, but I know that you are pretty much the stupidest guy I have ever met in my whole life." Said Voldemort.
"Whoa, whoa, you can call The Situation a lot of things, but stupid, you will rue the day, that you ever made a situation, out of The Situation!" Yelled The Situation as he picked up Voldemort. "Rra!" He yelled as he threw Voldemort through the wall.
"Ah!" Yelled Voldemort as he fell.
"Woo!" Cheered the crowd.
"Well, I doubt he'll be coming back, in here." Said Slughorn.
"I'd be surprised if he did." Said Justin.
The next day, the group was packing up their things when Slughorn walked in. "Ha guys, we did a great job last night." He said.
"You didn't do anything!" Yelled Juliet.
"Ya, but, I never got to finish telling my story. Once I die, Voldemort will be able to access my memories, and know where to find eternal life, therefore, you must carry out this mission before he finds it." Said Slughorn.
"So, you want us to go out, and find all of his Soulcruxes, without you?" Asked Justin.
"Yes, I believe you can do it, you have all the knowledge we have gathered, you must use it to find them, and destroy them." Said Slughorn.
"Okay, so when do we get started?" Asked Theresa.
"Well, the best part about all this, is that Voldemort has no idea who knows where to find this eternal youth, he doesn't know it's me, and the longer he doesn't know, the longer it will take him to find it, therefore, you must wait to leave, you will leave the day you hear that I have died, that way he will not be able to trace me to you." Said Slughorn.
"Okay, that makes sense." Said Max.
"Okay, if I could give you anymore information I would, but I can't, all I can say, is I'm glad I don't have to do this, it'll be hard." Said Slughorn.
"So, how do we find Soulcruxes if they're scattered to random places on Earth?" Asked Alex.
"I have some notes, here, take them." Said Slughorn.
Jerry took them in his mouths. "Thanks."
"Let's go home." Said Theresa. "Thanks for, well, all this."
"You're welcome." Said Slughorn as he sat down and smoked pot.
"So, all this starts to end, the day Slughorn dies." Said Alex.
"I guess so, and, we'll have to be ready, by the time it comes, it'll be time, no matter what." Said Juliet.
"Ya, let's go home, all this originality is weirding me out." Said Jerry.
"Yep." Said Max.
"Let's go." Said Theresa.
"Oh." Said Justin as he fell.
Back at the house, they were eating cereal. "Mmm this is some good cereal." Said Jerry.
"Mm, oh ya." Said Theresa.
"Uh, this cereal sucks!" Yelled Justin.
"Why would they make this?" Asked Max.
"Of course Justin doesn't like it, no cardboard." Said Alex.
"Ha, leave him alone!" Yelled Juliet.
"Oh I love you." Said Justin.
"Ya me too." Said Juliet.
THE END