Inspired by Kermit the Yoda and Debwood-1999's work. It seemed really fun and it IS really fun:)
Disclaimer: I own nothing but Alexis Michaels. She's mine.
.~.
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
Subject: Alexis Michaels
So after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Subject: Alexis Michaels
You might have found the rare bro goddess. I thought they were myth
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Justin Gabriel
Subject: Heath Slater
I give him blowjobs while he watches sports. How am I not his bf yet?
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
I'm transferring to Degrassi. I don't care that it's severely Canadian. Classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get out of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. What rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
I just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. Tequila really lowers my standards
To: Alex Shelley
From: Chris Sabin
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us needs to start doin drugs
To: Chris Sabin
From: Alex Shelley
Wtf? Why?
To: Alex Shelley
From: Chris Sabin
I want awesome conversations to show the world
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting
To: Alexis Michaels
From: The Miz
I was playing the convince him I'm sober game through texting. I spelled most of the words right. I hope.
To: Matt Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
To: Ken Anderson
From: Rob Van Dam (school setting)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified then when you dove out the car window after your credit card
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Where you at
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Assisting at a photo shoot in Williamsburg till 7ish. Wassup?
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed
To: Christian
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Edge
He kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Matt Hardy
He's weird. He'll kiss me after I go down on him but he won't kiss me after I eat anything with mustard
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
Is it wrong that I would like to tie you down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Heath Slater
Milquetoast, coolest word ever
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
It was easier than trying to explain why you couldn't fly
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now I can tan while PTFO
To: Everyone
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Matt Hardy
Matt is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth"
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge and Christian
We have officially mastered the walk of shame
To: Chris Jericho
From: John Morrison
Subject: The Miz
Mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. This includes door stops, power drills, and g.i. joes
To: John Morrison
From: Chris Jericho
Subject: The Miz
And then my dad would be all like 'hey, mike, where's the remote?'
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Seriously….what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas?
To: John Cena
From: Alexis Michaels
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex