As the author of this fan fiction, TEAM-SHAKIRA, is not responsible for any pain caused to the readers by following these steps. Doing so may result in trauma, mental scarring, broken bones, blindness, baldness, tears and death. Naruto is a Ninja…you are not.

Naruto sat in the classroom, subing for Iruka-sensei. "Okay kids today we will be learning about," no one was paying attention. Naruto frowned. "OKAY YOU BRATS! LISTEN UP!" The children looked up. "Over the next few weeks, I'm supposed to teach you about the nin in our village and how they got to where they are-" but he was cut off.

A little boy with shaggy brown hair interrupted him, "Is it true that you are very annoying?" he asked innocently.

Naruto scratched his head, "hehehe..that's not true…"

A little girl stood up. "That's so true! My mommy says that you annoy EVERYONE!"

"I DO NOT!" Naruto shouted.
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO NOT!
"DO TO!"

"HA!" The evil little girl said, "You just admitted it!"
Naruto stuck his tongue out at the little girl. He continued to talk, " I'm supposed to teach you about getting to be a ninja…but I'm not very good at teaching so…"

Another boy asked, "Then what are you good at?"
The evil little girl said, very seriously, "Annoying people!"

" I DO NOT!"
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO TO!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO NOT!
"DO TO!"

The kids snickered... Naruto had made the same mistake. Naruto frowned. "I'm good at telling stories!"

The evil little girl called out, "ABOUT ANNOYING PEOPLE!"
Naruto's frowned deepened. "Fine…I do annoy people…" Naruto said. He would do anything to get this little girl to shut up.
Said little girl then pouted, "I don't know how to annoy people…" She said sadly.
Naruto's moth dropped. "Are you sure?" She nodded softly. Naruto beamed. "I CAN TEACH ALL OF YOU HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE!"

And so he began...

"You guys all know Anko, right? She taught me how to annoy Sakura, the Hokage's apprentice."

It all started out when Anko was bored out of her mind. All she had to do was fill out the tons of paperwork. Instead...she decided to have fun.

All you have to do is follow the steps. Naruto started out by writing them on the board. His spelling sucked, as was soon pointed out by the class genius, Sora. Sora was soon elected to write on the board as Naruto dictated.

"So basicaly you...and then you...uh..." The class was getting very annoyed.

"You know what? I'll get Anko to come over...she can tell you..."

"Okay brats...You wanna know how to annoy Sakura? I thought so. It's simple." She sat at Iruka's desk and propped her feet up.

1. Go to her house and knock on the door repeatedly, even when she opens the door
2. When she stares at you like you are crazy, ask her if she is on her period.
3. When she slams the door on your face, repeat step one.
4. Ask her if she dyes her hair.
5. Ask her (after she punches you) if she is on steroids.
6. Watch her pull her hair out.
7. Repeat step four.
8. Run away…make sure she is chasing you.
9. Run back to her house.
10. Go in to her house, like you own it, and lock her out of her house.
11. Draw open a curtain and stick your tongue out at her.
12. Sell her stuff on eBay.
13. Jump out of her room and race to the Hokage Tower screaming "Sakura is a man!"
14. Place her stuff on the stairs leading up to Tsunade's office.
15. Barge into Tsunade's office and steal her sake bottle.
16. Run back down the stairs and hand Sakura the sake bottle
17. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Please note that if unable to do this, you WILL die.
18. While running scream, "SAKURA STOLE TSUNADE-SAMA'S SAKE BOTTLE!"
19. Run to Sakura's house.
20. Realize that you locked yourself out. -_-
21. Be a NINJA! Sneak through the window.
22. Leave a note… "To My Beautiful Cherry Blossom, Meet me at the training fields tonight at six. Your One and Only, S. U."
23. Casually unlock the door and leave.
24. Circle back and watch her flail.
25. Meet Naruto at Ichiraku.
26. Tell him that you arranged a date with Sakura for him.
27. Watch him run out of the ramen shop, leaving a bowl of ramen, yelling like a mad man.
28. Watch him run back in, scratching his head.
29. Tell him to meet her at the training fields at six.
30. Then tell him that he must call himself "Stupid Uzumaki" during the date.
31. When he complains blackmail him using his ramen bowl.
32. Wait for him to agree.
33. Tell Naruto that he can't tell anyone about the date, otherwise he can't be Hokage.
34. Watch Naruto leave.
35. Snicker at how gullible people are…
36. Find Ino at flower shop.
37. Tell Ino that Sasuke wants to meet her at the training fields tonight at six.
38. Watch her flail.
39. To add to her flailing, tell her that he chose her over Billboard Brow
40. Repeat step thirty-eight.
41. Tell her that she should wear black so that she doesn't look like a pig.
42. RUN!
43. Find Lee.
44. Tell him that the power of youth has finally given him a chance with Sakura.
45. Watch him cry a river.
46. Watch him strike the Gai pose.
47. Hear him proclaim that he will "protect the most beautiful blossom in the world with the power of youth,"
48. Tell him that she wants the relationship a secret.
49. Then tell him that she wants to meet him at the training fields at six.
50. Then tell him that their babies are going to have pink hair, uni-brows, large foreheads, and a horrible fashion sense.
51. Nod with him when he agrees, though your inner is wondering how much stupider society can get.
52. Leave Lee
53. Find Karin
54. Tell Karin that Sakura stole her man…
55. Then tell her that she will be kidnapping him at the park tonight at six.
56. Then remind her why she is the better nin (as if… -_-) and tell her to ambush Sakura ambushing Sasuke.
57. Leave Karin and her evil thoughts.
58. Find Ino at the mall
59. Help her pick a dress for her "date"
60. Tell Ino she needs to lose some pounds.
61. Poke her in the stomach.
62. Repeatedly.
63. Find Sakura
64. Call Sakura Pinky for the rest of the day.
65. Tell Pinky that she should do something with her large forehead like put a brain in it.
66. Get told of by Pinky.
67. Flick Pinky's forehead
68. Repeatedly.
69. Run in a circle singing "Guess What? Chicken but! Guess Who? Chicken POO! You're a Winner..CHICKEN DINNER!"
70. Proceed to cackle like a maniac.
71. Sakura will act like she doesn't know you.
72. Proclaim that you guys are best friends and joined at the hip.
73. To prove it, tie both of your legs together with one of the stores expensive belts.
74. Walk around.
75. Make sure that Sakura lands flat on her face.
76. Get kicked out of the store.
77. Get kicked out of Sakura's life. (Don't worry my little minions…she can't resist your chubby baby fat…)
78. Wait for 5:30.
79. At 5:30 head to Sakura's house
80. Offer to do Sakura's make-up.
81. Put white powder on.
82. Make her nose red.
83. Make her lips red. (Note, my little kiddies, You must make sure that the lipstick smears…)
84. Give her raccoon eyes.
85. Tell her that she is late and needs to go.
86. MAKE SURE THAT SHE DOESN'T LOOK IN THE MIRROR.
87. Go remind Naruto about his date.
88. When ignored, burn ALL OF HIS RAMEN (That was sooooo mean of you, Anko-san! Good Job…-said evil little girl-)
89. Hide in a tree and watch it unfold…

"Sakura sat, waiting for Sasuke. Her verdant dress was knee-length and brought out her jade eyes. She had her hair in a classical bun and her favorite black flats. She hoped that Anko had done her make-up nicely. "Strange" She thought. It was six and Sasuke, the punctualist of the group, wasn't there yet. Instead she saw a blonde running towards her.

"Sakura-chan! Let's go to…." He stopped in front of her. "What happened to your face.
Sakura was very annoyed. She was waiting for the love of her life and Naruto just had to come now. "What could possibly be wrong with my face?" She hissed at him.
"You look like a clown…" He never got to finish. Sakura punched him and in one blow, he was unconscious. She dragged his body behind the bushes and left him.

Further out on the field:

Ino ran into Lee. She asked what he was doing here.
"I am meeting the prettiest girl in the world! I will propose to her with the power of YOUTH!" he yelled, obviously happy.
Ino sighed. "I am here for a date with Sasuke…how I love him."
By this point they happened to be right in front of Sakura. And Sakura heard every word that Ino said.
"YOU MEANIE! INO-PIG! WHY WOULD SASU-CAKES GO OUT WITH YOU!?"
"I'M THE MEANIE?/ HE WOULDN'T TOUCH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST GIRL IN THE WORLD! I'M HERE FOR MY DATE WITH SASUKE…LEE IS ALL YOURS!"

Sakura sweat dropped…"I DON'T EVEN LIKE LEE…HE LOVES ME!"
"NOT MY PROBLEM!"
They didn't see that Lee had run away crying only to bump into a conscious Naruto.
"Why are you crying?" asked Naruto.
"I was here for a date with Sakura-chan, but she doesn't want me!"
Naruto smiled idiotically, "Because she wants me! BELIEVE IT!"
Lee ran away, leaving a river of tears and a confuzzled Naruto.
Meanwhile, Karin leapt out of a tree, landing on her but in the middle of Sakura and Ino. "SASUKE-KUN IS MINE!" and there as a big bitch fight. The end…"

The class genius raised his hand.
"What do you want minion?" Anko snapped.
"That was only 89...Naruto said there would be 101..." Anko glared at Naruto.

"hehehe…I have a few more…" Naruto said gulping.

90. Sign her up for anger management.
91. Wake her up very, very, very early
92. Tell everyone that Sakura is going through her period.
93. Narrate her every move (WOW! NARUTO KNOWS BIG WORDS!)
94. Sell her on eBay.
95. Tell everyone she's secretly a prostitute.
96. Then tell everyone that she is posing for Icha Icha Paradise.
97. Publish her diary.
98. Stalk her.
99. When she loses her temper (and you are still living) shake your head and give her a flyer for peace camp.
100. Ask her how many times she's been a man.
101. Ask her if she has an imaginary friend.

The evil little girl raised her hand, reading off of her notes, "What is a prostitute? What is a period? How do you go through a period?"

Anko and Naruto looked at each other and gulped.

HEHEHE...hope you liked...no LOVED IT! Who do you think Naruto and Anko annoy next? R&R...

Leave who you want...I may just take it into consideration...