Secret
"I should go."
"Why?"
"You know why."
The silence between them was palpable. She knew she wanted him more at this moment than at any other in their long history together. She remembered him that long ago night almost 12 years ago. The start of their prospective love affair.
"You know I love you, Donna."
During the thirty seconds of silence he wanted to stay and make it work for them. She had to know how he felt.
Harvey took two steps forward toward Donna, and Donna took two steps toward Harvey. They came together and Harvey tenderly kissed her. The depth of his passion and love revealed itself in one breathless kiss.
"I love you, Harvey," Donna whimpered in his arms. Long held back tears fell from her eyes. She wanted to scream from the mountaintops that this man loved her.
His pulse was racing. This was definitely not like the last time. This time there was twelve years of memories, special times, sad times, happy times which more deeply connected them to each other. There had been other relationships for each. Harvey's last attempt at a romantic relationship had been with Scottie a friend with benefits. Donna's last serious relationship had been with the disingenuous Stephen Huntley whom Harvey had beaten for her when he had found out Stephen's betrayal and how Donna had come to feel about herself. Seriously, though, if they had ever taken a moment to look at themselves each would have known that from that night on there was no one else but the other. This was especially true for Donna as she had carried a secret from that night 12 years ago that no one else except one at Pearson Specter Litt had ever known or would have ever guessed. She had never told Harvey.
When Harvey had called her and said that Evan Smith had been settled and that he had wanted to celebrate with her, Donna had quickly hidden the photographs so he would not ask questions of who the person in the picture was. Donna suddenly kissed Harvey deeper and with more urgency opening her mouth and when their tongues touched each tasted the wine they had had earlier. Donna felt Harvey's urgent mouth as his lips descended to her shoulder. He brushed her beautiful red hair away from her long neck to give him greater access. Donna pulled away for one minute and led Harvey to her bedroom by the hand. They each undressed the other savoring each other in the dim illumination from the candles that Donna had lit earlier. They took their time in undressing and preparing for an event long awaited but at the same time may never happen again.
Donna pulled at Harvey's tie and then kissing him lovingly unbuttoned each button of his vest laying it down on the chair next to her nightstand. She then lovingly kissed him and unbuttoned each button of his shirt and pulling it from his suit pants. She could feel the fever in his skin and the hardness of his desire. She finally pulled Harvey's t-shirt over his head revealing a beautiful chest. Harvey had quickly removed the rest of his clothing and stood naked and vulnerable in front of the woman he loved.
Harvey took his time undressing Donna slowly. He kissed her deeply and removed her pajama jacket the sequins shining in the candlelight as the knit jacket slipped to the floor. He trailed kisses down Donna's shoulder kissing away a strap to her tank top revealing one perfectly round breast and erect nipple to which Harvey descended and gently suckled. At Donna's sigh she bent back which urged Harvey to do the same to the other side. He did as she bid and when both breasts were revealed he had Donna raise her arms and he pulled the top over her head. Donna made to remove the rest of her clothing but Harvey protested with a gentle "no" and signaled how much he wanted to do it.
As each piece of alabaster skin gently sprinkled with freckles was uncovered, Harvey whispered breathlessly "Oh, I've forgotten how beautiful you really are." He never really forgot he just pushed the memory away whenever it bid come to him. They kissed and Harvey bent her back until they fell onto the bed. He stopped long enough to see tears from Donna's eyes. He brushed them away.
"I love you so much, Harvey. Don't hurt me, please," Donna said. She knew his reputation and remembered the other time when he broke her heart. His sweet urgency brought back that time fresh in her mind.
Holding her close to him as he lay on top, Harvey smiled and gently brushed her tears away. "You are the last person I ever want to hurt. You'll never need to feel scared because I am always here for you." This was the truth. He smiled and kissed her again. He felt loved and encased within Donna's arms and he felt safely vulnerable an unusual feeling for him. Until that moment when Harvey saw those tears in Donna's eyes, he never really knew that she alone had the power to make him happy. She was all he ever really needed.
He entered her with a tenderness that Harvey never realized he possessed. He looked into Donna's eyes as he did this. All his love for her and how he almost lost her welled up in his eyes as they looked into hers. At his gentle movements, they both sighed deeply with intense pleasure. "I love you, Donna. I mean it," he whispered into her ear as he continued to move within her as he kissed her behind her ear.
Donna nodded too moved to speak aloud and spilled happy tears on his neck as she held him tightly and moved with him.
The sun shone brightly in through Donna's bedroom curtains. Harvey woke and kissed the top of Donna's head which lay on his chest. He was actually contented. He was not sure how things would be between them today or in the future. All he could feel was happiness that Donna would not be ripped from his life that she would still be with him. He felt different. He knew he wanted her as his own and not just his secretary which was a revelation for him that he acknowledged. Only he was not sure if she wanted more. He dreaded what Donna was going to want in the cold light of day. She asked him not to hurt her. He hoped he would never hurt her. He was not sure how not to hurt her.
"Good morning, sunshine," Donna said as she looked up at Harvey. She reached up for a kiss that Harvey gladly gave her.
"Good morning. How did you sleep?" Harvey asked smiling.
"How do you think?" Donna purred placing an arm around his neck and kissing his ear.
" I slept wonderfully," Donna said as she rose to get out of bed. Harvey's hand suddenly reached out and pulled her back.
"Donna, about last night," Harvey started to say.
Fearfully, she came back to the bed. She did not climb back in beside Harvey, but she sat on the edge leaving Harvey's hand in hers.
"I'm actually surprised you're still here and it's daylight," Donna said smiling trying to deflect what she hoped was not regret from Harvey. "I hope it's because it's me you just had sex with and that you've lost your stomach for touch and go in the night."
"Donna, I'm not that man anymore. At least not where you're concerned. I love you."
"Ok, Harvey, but I am not the same woman I was twelve years ago. We are not the same people. This time you dropped the "I love you" and I know how much it took for you to say that. Now we have to face reality and see what you want to do about it."
"What do you mean do about it?" Harvey knew that he should not have stayed that Donna was going to ask him to give more. He was not sure yet how he wanted to react to this.
"Harvey, I'm going to make breakfast. Eggs over easy, right?" Donna said breezily as she proceeded to the kitchen.
"You never forgot. Ok, if I take a shower?"
"Sure. I think I have some of your old Harvard sweats I borrowed from you the last time I crashed at your place after a hard night."
"Donna, that was how many years ago?"
"Oh only about six," Donna said.
"You're sure they'll fit?" Harvey continued to shout at Donna who had left the room.
"I'm Donna. I know they'll fit," she called from the other room.
After burying himself back into the sheets for a few minutes and enjoying breathing in the clean smell of Donna's perfume, he suddenly smelled bacon and eggs frying in the pan.
"Wow, I could get used to this."
Harvey exited from Donna's bedroom with his hair still wet dressed in his Harvard hoodie and sweats carrying a framed photograph in his hands.
"Hey, Donna, how old were you when this picture was taken?"
Donna had been so busy preparing eggs, bacon, and waffles that she could not fathom what photograph of which Harvey spoke. Then she turned around, glanced at the picture and making a dismissive noise with her mouth said, "That's not me."
"It sure looks like you. Is it one of your nieces or cousins? You once told me that the whole family has red hair just like you except your mother didn't if I remember correctly. I took notice after I accidentally spat that shrimp in sprayed hair at that God-awful dinner party."
As she turned her attention back to the meal she was preparing she realized that she had never put away the photograph from where it was on top of her bureau. She had not removed it because the last place she thought she and Harvey would end the night was in her bed.
Nonchalantly, Harvey had placed the photograph face down on the dining room table and walked into the kitchen.
"Well, breakfast smells great. You sit down and I'll finish up."
"You're going to serve me? Wow I may just get used to this," she remarked playfully hoping that Harvey had forgotten all about the girl in the picture.
"Yes, you deserve it. Besides what else can I do for my girl," Harvey stated as he filled two plates with eggs, bacon and a waffle each.
"Harvey," Donna said hoping to continually deflect any additional questions Harvey may have lingering in his mind about the child in the photograph and detecting that he had called her "his girl".
"Harvey," Donna said again as he brought his own plate of eggs and bacon to the table. "Now that you told me you loved me, what is our next step?"
Harvey lowered his head in defeat. He knew she was going to say something to his confession of last night. "I don't really know. I told you I love you because I do and I thought you should know. However, I'm not sure yet if there is a next step. I know I don't want things to change. I still want you at work and maybe after at my place or your place once in a while."
Donna smiled and shook her head.
"You really think you can tell a woman you love her and then she would have no expectations? Let me tell you something. I know this is you and you for some asinine reason can't help it, but sometimes the man in the relationship wants change, too."
"Really. How do you know?"
"Do you honestly think you're the first guy to tell me he loves me? You know, I have been your faithful secretary and friend because I love you. I didn't want things to change because I wanted to be with you in any way I could. You say those words "I love you" like it doesn't mean anything to you or me. It was just a reason to get me into bed."
"Donna, I was leaving because I knew we would break your rule and it would be a huge mistake. I will never regret last night just like I didn't twelve years ago, but you can't think I was going to change overnight."
"Why? Don't you realize you have changed? You have been breaking your walls down. You did with Scottie last year. You cared about Mike since you hired him and now you even care about Rachel. You said you would be Louis' best man at his wedding although you were lucky you did not have to go through with that. Most of all you have always cared about Jessica and that's why you backed down when she came to realize about how bad that merger had been. So you see Harvey you do allow for change, why not with me? Is this new revelation to make me not only your assistant by day, but your whore by night?"
"Donna, you were never that to me nor would you ever be that to me. I'm loyal. You know that. When I am in a romantic relationship you know I screw things up somehow and I want to prevent that from happening to us. I love you way too much to lose you and I need you too much to think I could be a good lawyer without you."
Donna shut her mouth and finished her food and folded her napkin. She thought to herself. Well he thinks he hasn't changed, but he has. I still can't tell him about the girl in the photograph. He is loyal and if he knew what I knew he would do something straight out of loyalty and obligation not out of love.
"Donna, take the day off. I'll pick you up around seven and we'll go out to dinner. My surprise, ok?"
"I'm fine. I don't want to take the day off unless you want to take it off, too. I could cancel your appointments from here. "
Harvey pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows in a thoughtful way.
"Nah, we'd really have the rumor mill churning if we're both out today."
"So you've never cared about the rumor mill before. What's different now?"
"Because I don't want you to get hurt by their lies and fantasies."
"Since when I have cared what people think? I'm a big girl, Harvey. I can take it."
"Ok. Cancel my appointments. I will call Mike and Rachel and see if they can handle some stuff for me. I will go back to my place and get a change of clothes. I'll be back here in about two hours. Pack a suitcase because we're going away for more than just a day."
"Whoa, Harvey, it's only Wednesday. Where are we going and how long?"
Harvey came up to her then and kissed her and in a low, sexy voice said," Pack as little as possible because what I have planned doesn't require clothing. Think warm."
Donna looked at Harvey perplexed. She couldn't think what he meant by warm. Then realization struck as it always did when dealing with people.
"I'll be waiting."