"Do you have any place you can call home?" Alistair prayed he hadn't put his foot in his mouth like he had when he asked Eliisa if anyone close to her died. She opened her mouth to speak, like she had an obvious answer to his question but closed it quickly. Her eyebrows knitted together, he could practically taste his boot in his mouth.
"I guess…" she sighed sadly and looked up at him, or one would think. It felt like she was a thousand miles away, her eyes were looking through him "I guess my home is with the Warden's now, with you." She gave a soft smile and placed her small hand on his shoulder, squeezing before moving to talk to Leliana.
Alistair,
Returning to camp from Honnleath with success. We have the golem but it has an attitude. I like it. I'll explain everything when I get to camp.
Eliisa
P.S. The golem almost killed the messenger bird we may have to separate them.
He saw her and immediately perked up. Being with family wasn't the same without her. He pulled her over, gushing to her, inviting her to dinner. She shook her head desperately. His heart and head hurt. Why didn't she want to stay? Did he say something wrong? He begged her, pleaded with her. Everything felt off without her. He felt like a child again.
"Alistair," his name on her lips always made his heart jump but now it sounded warbled and far away "Alistair, please. How did you get here?" it felt his head was splitting, she shielded him from the demons, he fought back when he found himself. He stuttered and stammered when she ran up to him concerned. He reached out to her when her face filled with fear as they faded from each other.
He's the bastard, she chided herself. How could she not have put it together? Why did he end up having to put it together for her? Alistair from Redcliffe. Alistair who Arl Eamon had taken an interest in. He was the boy from the stables. The one from the Arl's wedding when she snuck away from the adults because it was too boring. The one Maric and father spoke of when she was playing hide and seek and hid in father's office.
She promised her skinny ginger friend, back when they were just children playing in the hay that she would return and play again. Her nine year old self meant it. Her ten year old self meant it. Her ten year old self was angry when her only friend the same age as her got taken away. And she knew why. At the age of ten she understood. She understood and hated it. She almost cried in anger. Cailan had found her. Cailan who was 15 but understood her immediately.
They promised to keep it quiet from everyone. That they would watch out for him when they had the power to. She didn't know why she was expecting the same skinny child from before.
It's been a decade but feels like it's been much longer.
The dragon had tossed her in the air, he could hear her screams. His stopped breathing and he yelled out to her. He was too far away, and the dragon focusing on him, he'd never catch her in time. Eliisa! Someone get to her! Maker blast it all! Sten rushed to catch her before she slammed into the ground. She was fine, shaken but fine.
He breathed.
He had been hurt. Not in the physical, bleeding sense, but in the disappointing aching heart 'someone fix this and make it better' hurt. And she did nothing, could do nothing. She probably knew that Goldanna would react that way. She should've known that taking her poor, sweet, and idealistic Alistair to her wouldn't end well when she saw the pitiful shack she lived in. She knew she probably made it worse when she told him that people tend to only look out for themselves. She had the scars from it. The burns. The ache.
He had the look in his eyes that she had come to known all too well. Her heart ached. She's certain she hurt him when she didn't, couldn't fix it for him. She would speak with him tonight.
"You know," he whispered "Eliisa told me you knew about me. That at one point, you both knew when you weren't supposed to. That when she visited Redcliffe during the Arl's wedding, when we met that first time she didn't know but-" he cleared his throat "she overheard her father and Maric talking about me." Alistair sighed "That when she tried to meet me again in Redcliffe I was already given away to the Chantry. She said you two didn't speak of it often. That it was a promise between the two of you, to keep the secret safe from even her brother. And that-" his throat closed "That you sent me to the tower because of my-our blood." Alistair looked at the pyre that King Cailan burned on "I didn't want any of this." He whispered bitterly. "You couldn't have at least tried to-" he sobbed words dying in his throat. He saw his companions in the corner of his eye. He saw her, his beautiful lady. He wanted nothing more than to hide away from her gaze.
He was dying.
He was dying and it was her fault. He shielded her from the werewolf bite. He took the blow that was meant for her. He laid in the Dalish camp, feverish, bleeding, and dying. Wynne was working herself ragged, Morrigan had given her all her potions and recipes, the Dalish had offered them whatever help they could and it wasn't good enough.
He was dying.
He whispered to her, in his feverish state, how much he loved her. She cried, the first time you hear those words aren't supposed to be from your dying boyfriend. They're words that are supposed to be light and whispered happily, arms wrapped around each other with soft kisses placed on cheekbones. They weren't supposed to hurt, cause regret and ache.
She barred her teeth at the werewolves in front her of. She would cut down every single one if it meant she would be able to say those words back to him.
Eliisa vomited. She cried and screamed. She didn't look the part of the high born lady who's been trained to conceal her emotions, to run a Terynir, to lead armies. She looked like a frightened child. And he couldn't help her. He called out to her, tried to calm her down and fight with the grace she so easily seemed to exhibit. He pushed at the flesh and rock that had fallen when the Broodmother spotted them. She was alone against that thing and no one could get to her. He could see her just beyond these fucking rocks and they just wouldn't budge. Morrigan better hurry with that golem, with Shale.
He wasn't sure what he would do without his lady love.
She glared holes into Eamon, daring him to argue with her. How dare he? How dare he expect Alistair to-?
"And why not Anora?" She snapped
"You know why, your ladyship." She snorted. How dare he try to take Alistair from her?
"He's a person, Eamon!" she yelled. She heard murmurs outside, she didn't care if all of Redcliffe Castle heard. "He's not some trinket you throw in a drawer thinking it may be useful to you one day!" They argued with each other into the dead of night. Voices echoing throughout the castle.
They had finally made plans for a future. A future with each other. Travel Ferelden, travel Thedas, finally settle down, and enjoy the short time they had left, with each other. Her whole being ached. She wanted to cry and scream and break things.
Another noble is taking her family from her.
She didn't look herself. How could she be though? The way her hands close around Howe's throat, choking the life out of him. The way her eyes lit up in an unforgiving way. Her coldness towards Anora, towards him and her friends. She willingly gave herself to the guards. She lied to them. Told them she was the only warden there. Zevran got him out telling him to shut up and move when he protested.
He hadn't known that telling her the idea of being king didn't bother him would mean she would throw herself to the wolves for him. Zevran gave him a bitter snicker.
"That has nothing to do with her sacrifice, my friend."
She couldn't tell where he was, but she knew he was down there. He commanded the troops, helped them fighting. She couldn't sense the taint in his blood from so far up. Or maybe it was the Archdemon screaming at her. Wynne called to her, breaking her of her thoughts. Shale managed to break one of its claws, making it angrier.
She prayed that this ritual Morrigan spoke of worked. She prayed that her king would be safe and sound and wakes up in a comfy bed with soft pillows. She prayed that she would run down and jump into his arms. She prayed that they would soon have small feet running against a wooden floor and jumping into the bed with them begging them to wake up. She prayed and prayed and prayed to the cruel Maker.
"I will not let you take this away from me." She snarled and the ugly beast. It screeched at her, like it was laughing at the notion that she would even try.
Eliisa,
Hurry home, I miss my Queen, terribly. These nobles seem far less intimidated by me than you. Your last letter was vague and ominous, but I know you'll be fine. I've already got word of the destruction of the keep and how you saved Amaranthine, try not to have too much fun out there.
Love,
Alistair
They didn't speak or move or even breathe. All the excitement. All the joy. It was all taken away in an instant. They had finally…she swallowed and tried to ignore the world around them. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to hide away with her husband and turn away the rest of the world. It was like she was back in the Fade, with the Sloth demon showing her nightmares and pain. He was already being called away from her. He snapped at Eamon, saying he needs to be with her. That this…this wasn't supposed to happen.
But the Taint is still too much for this. Too much for those little feet on wooden floors. She pushed him gently, placing a kiss on his temple.
"Go. Ferelden needs its king."
Eliisa,
Kirkwall was as bad as we thought it would be. I'm returning home immediately. Stay safe and be careful, something isn't right. We'll talk about your visit to Orlais, hopefully it was more entertaining.
All my love,
Alistair
Alistair,
First of all, I'm deeply hurt I wasn't considered as one of your companions on your adventure to Antiva. Why is it that I'm just now finding out all the details of where you are? Ass. Second of all, now you're going to Tevinter? If you're taking the path I believe you are, then be careful of Qunari, our friendship with Sten can only go so far.
Third of all, you're going to Tevinter so be careful of going to Tevinter.
So, Isabela and Varric Tethras? Interesting, I expected Zevran to travel with you, he must also be quite hurt from your scorn. Keep your flirting with our pirate friend to a minimum, you know how I get jealous. I may need to punish you, when you return to me.
I expect letters back or I will come after you. I will extremely upset if I find out that my husband dead in some swamp because of a rumor.
The queen misses her king.
Lovingly,
Eliisa
P.S. Get Tethras' autograph for me.
He held her close, not wanting to let go. He begged and pleaded like a child, but he knew her mind was made up.
"I need to go, Alistair." She whispered and kissed his neck. "I can't…I can't go through that again." He buried his nose in her hair. She was right, of course she was right, she was always right. The pain of coming so close a second time, only to…no. He couldn't think about that. Not now.
"I know, I know, I know, but" his voice shook and looked up from his desk. It had already been months and she was gone. Gone for their cure. "I really miss you."
My love,
I heard you lied to Leliana and Seeker Pentaghast about my whereabouts. My sneaky king, you shouldn't lie to important religious figures. I'm sure Leliana figured it out though, and didn't press the issue. I doubt she could find me, but it has been a decade. I wonder why they want me. I also heard they went to Tethras about the Champion. Is this about the war?
I know, I'm stalling. I know it's been so long of no contact and no information. I'm so sorry, my love. I can only offer contact. Zevran assures me we will get this cure and I can come home to you. I'm glad to have a friend keeping me steady in these times when I desperately need you.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself or I'll make sure Teagan does it for you. I may be miles away but I'm still the queen and Hero of Ferelden, I'm quite intimidating.
I will be moving further west soon.
I love you,
Eliisa
Eliisa,
I thought about it today. It's been two years since you left. It feels longer. Ferelden misses its queen. Were a proud people, you know? When the Inquisitor visits Denerim they all show respect but whisper amongst themselves how you would've, ahem "fixed the hole in the sky with your temper alone." Not my words, I assure you.
Come home soon. I'm starting to forget the sound of your laughter or the cute crinkly you get between your brows when you're angry. I really miss you, my love. Eamon has been introducing me to more noble women by the day and I'm running out of excuses to avoid them. I know what you want for us but, what's the point of having such little time left if I can't spend it with you?
Love,
Alistair
This was the third one this week. The third noble lady Eamon pushed on him. After his last letter to Eliisa…it's been three months. He pleaded with the Maker she was still alive. Don't take her from me. But He already had, hadn't He? She was far away, no way of finding her. Zevran would give his life for her, but would that save her from her fate? He sighed as he led this noble lady into the hall.
He had already ran out of tears when he found he was tired of it all. Tired of missing her. Tired of praying. Tired of having to compliment all these women and making excuses about why he refused each and every one of them. He was especially tired of the constant tapping at his window. Where was Shale when you need a bird killed?
The tapping continued, he turned to the window, about to shoo away the blasted animal. He froze, it was a crow. He know she liked raven's more, but Zevran was…annoying on point sometimes. He looked to the bird's talon and saw a small piece of paper attached to it. He nearly threw the lady into Eamon when he ran to the window.
Alistair,
I found it.
I'm coming home.
Eliisa
Alistair cried.