Pining for Pink
She wasn't exactly sure when it had started. She didn't think it was there when they were children. She knew that she liked being around the bubbly girl a lot. As they grew older she definitely found herself drawn more to Ty Lee more than Mai.
She'd found herself missing the acrobat once they'd all went their separate ways. She'd never be able to bring herself to tell her friends her feelings though: how lonely she was without them. Being with them had somehow managed to calm her. She wanted to be the center of attention and with them she could. Who else would care about her? Not her mom who doted on Zuzu every chance she got. She'd tried being nice to him when she was little but it was ignored. The more her father focused on her and was cruel to Zuko, the more her mother ignored her.
At least if she was mean to him her mother noticed her.
Zuzu was a wimp. He cried when he got hurt. What sort of warrior was he? She'd learned long ago not to show pain. Her father taught her that.
She'd tried, in her own way, to reach out. After a while though, she'd forgotten how to do so without sounding mean. 'Come play with us' sounded like teasing. She convinced herself that it was.
Lu Ten died.
She didn't really know him. She'd heard her father say that he was a weakling. That Iroh was a weakling as well. She told her brother something similar.
Her father was going to kill Zuzu. Somehow, that didn't seem right to her. Besides, he didn't care about Zuzu. Shouldn't she be the one he killed?
She didn't want to let Zuzu know that she cared though. She mocked him about it. Then their mother came in. She knew she'd do something about it.
Her mother left. She left Zuzu with some message and gone. She'd never said a word to her though.
Her father grew more agitated with her. The longer her mother was gone the angrier he got. He told her she was looking too much like her mother. It hurt a lot and she had to force herself not to limp through the halls.
She was twelve now. She barely spoke to her brother now and if she did only cruel words left her mouth. She looked in the mirror and saw the greatest mask.
She saw a girl that day who reminded her of Ty Lee, who she hadn't seen since she was nine. She went up to the girl and began talking to her. The girl seemed too dazed to fully respond to her.
They met for a few days. It wasn't the same though. The girl was pretty though. Without thinking about it she kissed the girl.
Her father found out. The girl was banished. She was beaten and the very next day she found herself engaged to General Zhao.
Her father banished her brother. Her mask was flawless as usual as her face smiled gleefully as her brother begged.
She felt truly alone now. She tried to remember the times when she was happy. The only thing she could think of was before she'd begun bending.
She wasn't exactly sure when her fire had turned blue. It had been a gradual change. As she slowly died inside her fire changed. She hadn't cried in years. She could feel something bubbling beneath the surface.
Her brother had actually found the Avatar! He was, unfortunately, unable to capture him though. Her father sent her.
It was a prime opportunity to reunite with Mai and Ty Lee. So she did.
Ty Lee made her heart skip a beat. She wanted to hold onto the other girl, to break down into tears and confess everything that ate her up. She didn't though. Instead she tricked her friend into joining her.
Mai was too easy to convince, Mai who was bored with everything. She wished she had that problem.
She told her father that Zuko had killed the Avatar. Her brother was allowed home. He was angry at her for giving him credit. She felt insulted.
She watched as Zuzu and Mai grew closer, wishing that she and Ty Lee could do the same. She watched jealously as the brunette flirted with every boy. She despised Ember Island, watching Zuzu and Mai play kissy face.
She tried. She couldn't. She tried to compliment Chan on his outfit. Her words spewed out. What was she supposed to say? Everything revolved around war.
Ty Lee gave her advice. She went with it, feeling incredibly foolish as she played the idiot. That boy was too full of himself. He was acceptable though. She told him. He was frightened of her after that.
They four of them ended up venting later that night. She envied Zuko as he expressed himself, envied that their uncle loved him. She wanted to tell Ty Lee that she understood how she felt, wanting to be noticed. She wanted to tell Mai that she understood not expressing yourself.
She almost slipped. She told them her mother thought she was a monster. She managed to cover by making it seem like nothing.
Zuko left and went to join the Avatar. She'd almost seen it coming. She had to silence the part of her that cried out for him to take her with him.
Her father was furious with her for her poor judgment of her brother.
Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her. It wasn't a terribly large surprise in Mai's case. It hurt though. Everyone loved Zuzu more than her.
Ty Lee…She almost cried when she felt the girl strike her. It was at that moment she realized she loved the acrobat. It angered her. Oh god how it angered her…hurt her. She had the guards lock them away.
She felt almost numb speaking to her father. He told her he didn't need her. It had been her idea to burn Ba Sing Se! How could he leave her behind? She wanted to see her anger. He tried to appease her. He made her Fire Lord, then made it a useless position.
If she couldn't trust Mai and Ty Lee not to leave her, to betray her, then who could she trust? Certainly not the servants. Not the Dai Li, who'd already turned on one master. Not her father…
Even herself.
Her hair wouldn't obey her. "All right, hair, it's time to face your doom." She grabbed the scissors and hacked her bangs off.
Suddenly the numbness vanished. It hurt! It hurt so much. She could see her mother in the mirror. Mocking her, telling her the things she'd always wished to hear. Lies!
She threw the brush at the mirror, watching it shatter, watching her mother fall to pieces.
Zuko interrupted her crowning moment. Anger shot its way through her. He challenged her and she accepted.
He hadn't been the one to defeat her though, that filthy water tribe peasant had done the deed. She wished she'd been killed back then.
The dam inside her burst and she began shrieking and crying.
They locked her away.
Azula sighed, leaning her head back against the cold wall of her cell. Everyone was busy making the world a better place now. A better place for everyone but her.
Mai refused to see her and Ty Lee was off Agni knew where. At night she dreamed of the pink clad girl. She sometimes imagined herself beside the brunette, decked out in pink as well.
Her mind really must be leaving her.
She stiffened as she felt her eyes tear up. She ignited a small blue flame in her hand.
As a tear crept down her cheek she extinguished the flame.