She hated him. She hated how good he looked, how wonderful he was, and how much she wanted him. She especially hated that last part. She hated needing anything - and he made her feel as if she could live without him about as easily as she could live without water. She had been trying (rather unsuccessfully) to overcome her feelings for him - well, for almost as long as she had known him. Ever since she had met him she had had feelings for him, and it seemed like those feelings had been snowballing ever since. In the past few months a kind of burning desire for him had developed in her chest whenever she thought about him. But she would crush those feelings. Besides, why would he want her when he could have any woman in the world?
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He loved her. He loved the way she looked, the way she walked, and the way she talked. He loved everything about her. He loved her stubbornness, her laugh. More than all of that, he loved loving her. So he decided to do it. It felt right. He knew what he had to do.
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For the last several months, they had been working on the summer program A.C.E. that the college at which they both worked held every summer. They were the directors of the escapade, which meant almost constant collaboration just to get the thing going. They saw each other at least every day and worked closely together several times a week. Lately, a sort of latent tension had been building in the air, and that night it exploded.
Events came to a head as they were debating the special activities for the weekend.
She scowled at that adorable way his forehead wrinkled when he thought. "Chad, I think it's a waste of our time."
"Why? We could have bad weather like last year, and then we'd have to come up with alternative plans. Wouldn't it just be easier to make those plans ahead of time?"
"Why bother? That weather was a complete fluke. And if it does happen again, which it won't, we can just play it by ear. It worked last year."
"But we know better this year. We should be prepared." He met her scowl with his own. "I think that you're just lazy."
She stared at him as if she couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. "Excuse me? Who's the one who actually does all of the work around here?"
"All of the work? Get real, sonshine. It's not like you have to do everything."
"That's exactly what it's like. I do everything around here. You're too busy kissing ass both literally and figuratively to help me with the planning!"
"Now what's that supposed to mean?"
"You spend all of your time sucking up to the dean and sleeping around."
"Having more than one date every decade does not mean I sleep around. Maybe if you were prettier, you might have a boyfriend toput up with you." Immediately after the words flew out of his mouth, he regretted them. He wanted to shout you're not ugly Sonny; you're beautiful, and I love you. But he held his tongue. He'd said too much already.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence between them. When she finally spoke, it wasn't in her usually voice. Instead, the words sounded almost dead. "I'm sure that you're quite busy Chad, so why don't you go home while I finish up here. Don't worry about a thing." She gave him a smile even more forced than usual. "It's not like I'm busy tonight anyway."
He moved towards her. "Sonny, I ...I..."
She held up her right hand. "Don't." Another weak smile. "It's late. You can just forget about it. It's not a big deal."
"Okay. Bye."
She didn't answer.
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Only after he had left and was waiting for the elevator to open (that school must have the slowest elevators) did he realize that he had left his keys in her office. He turned around and headed back. Standing by the door, he heard her sobbing inside. That surprised him, given her nature. He gently pushed the door open.
"Sonny?"
"Go away. Just leave me alone."
He closed the door behind himself and slowly approached her desk. "Sonny, it's me, Chad." When she didn't answer, he kept talking. "I just wanted to see how you were." No answer. "I was pretty mean and i shouldn't have said that, and I apologize." Still no answer. "I don't know why I said those things." Despite her silence, he plunged on. "You're not ugly. You're - you're beautiful and, and - and wonderful."
She finally turned a tear-stained face towards him. "Really?"
She looked so young and vulnerable; all wanted to do was to hold her and to protect her from everything that's bad. He leaned in. "Really."
They kissed.
It was a sweet, soft kiss. It took her by surprise; she made a little "umf" noise as his lips pressed against hers. From that moment on, they were dating.
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It wasn't really dating. They never went out anyplace. And going out on dates is sort of a requirement of dating. During the day, they gave no indication to their co-workers that they were involved. But at night they would get together and hang out with one another. That's the way things were for many months - friends during the day, anything else during the night.
It wasn't as if Chad never tried to get an emotional relationship started. He did. But for some unknown reason, whenever he tried to have a serious talk with her, she kept changing the subject. She kept trying to avoid a real relationship, and he had no idea why. Still, he wasn't complaining...
Sonny wanted a full relationship with Chad. Hadn't she been dreaming of that for as long as she had known him? She'd just done some thinking since their first encounter when she had left herself open to him. Since then, she had decided not to leave herself vulnerable again. Sonny had nothing against Chad; she just didn't want to get hurt by their inevitable break up.
And then, everything changed. Their worlds got turned upside down.
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A year's worth of hard work was finally coming to an end. That year's A.C.E. would occur during the last two weeks of June. The Friday before it began, Chad and Sonny were supposed to be finalizing plans. Instead, they were in his office.
They were lying on his couch. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and a voice said, "Chad! Are you there?"
"Oh shoot," he muttered under his breath. He glanced at Sonny and mouthed "Hide."
She dove behind the couch. Chad stumbled towards the door, not bothering to pull on his shoes or socks. he pulled open the door.
"Yes. Oh, hi Tawni."
His sister Tawni walked into the room. "'Oh, hi Tawni?' What a warm welcome."
"Sorry. I'm just kind of busy."
"Oh."
Tawni pointed at his bare feet. "What happened to your shoes?"
"Oh, well, they were bothering me, so I took them off."
Tawni shot him a sceptical look. To change the subject, Chad bent down to see the little girl walking next to Tawni. "Hi Katie. Oh Tawni, she's gotten so big."
Katie beamed up at her favorite uncle. "I'm six!"
"Wow. You're really growing up fast." Chad said, smiling. Katie was so cute. Maybe someday when he and Sonny are older, they can...
Tawni cleared her throat. "Anyway, Chad. We just came up here to say hello. We just got here. This year's camp is going to be huge."
"Yeah. Sonny and I worked really hard on it."
"Speaking of Sonny, where is she?"
"Oh, um, she's down the hall, getting a soda."
"Ah." For some reason, Tawni smiled. "She sure does drink a lot of that stuff."
"Oh, well, you know, it keeps her wired."
She stood there a moment and then bent down to tie her shoes. When she stood she took Katie's hand again. "Come on Sweetie. Bye Chad. Oh, and Chad."
He turned to her. "Yes."
She tossed something at him. "You might want to give Sonny back her coat." She winked at him and left.
He closed the door firmly and locked it. Chad turned back around and said, "Well, that was close."
Sonny poked her head above the couch. "Close? More like right on target."
Chad smiled at her. God, she was so beautiful.
"Chad?" She was giving him an odd look.
"CHAD!"
"Huh?"
"Are you going to give me that?"
"Give you what?" He glanced at the coat in his hand. "Oh, this? Here." He tossed it to her.
"Thanks." She smiled at him, and he melted. "I guess we should get back to work."
"Real work?"
"Real work."
"Oh darn."
"Just work."
"Fine"
"Fine"
"Good"
"Good"
"We gotta stop"
"Yeah I know, we better go now though." Chad said.
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That Sunday, A.C.E. began. The first day was quite hectic as always. Chad and Sonny barely saw each other all day; they were so busy getting everyone and everything settled. That night, though, she sneaked into his room. Most of the faculty and staff were going to spend the two weeks living in the residence hall with the students. Although she and Chad lived only a few minutes away, the dean believed that it would be best for them to be close on hand just in case. They both knew that seeing one another in the dorms they might get in serious trouble if they were discovered.
But none of that mattered. Chad had an entire suite to himself, allowing them to be together without risk of discovery. They spent the whole night together just talking, doing the usual. Around one or two in the morning, she tiptoed back into her own room, taking great care not to wake Tawni whom she shared a suite with.
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They did this for several days. Tuesday morning, Chad waited anxiously for Sonny to enter the dining hall. She'd been acting oddly nervous the past couple of days, and he hoped that everything was okay. When she entered, he felt a smile bloom on his face. God, she was so wonderful. Of course, they were trying to hide their relationship, so she didn't eat breakfast with him. Instead, he ate with Tawni and Katie. She ate with her usual friends aka Nico, Grady, James, Selena and Taylor, including Matt. Matt was one of the professors at the camp, and everyone said that he was very good looking. So Chad was surprised to feel a twinge of jealously whenever he looked at her being with someone else, sitting together and laughing. He thought, I'm the one who makes her laugh.
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Chad sprang up, a foolish grin plastered on his face. "Hi Sonny."
"Hi. Um, Chad, can we talk about something - alone."
He pulled the door shut and locked it. "Sure."
She wrung her hands nervously. "It's about us."
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She looked at him, sitting there so cute and pretty and sweet. She had to keep telling herself that this was for the best to go through with it.
"What about us Sonshine?"
"I think we should break up."
"What?"
"You heard me. I think that we should break up. You know, end this little fling."
"'Little fling?' We're together for 4 months, and all you call it is a 'little fling?' "
"Of course Chad." She forced a little laugh. "It's not as if we actually went out on dates or anything."
"I don't understand what this is about. Why do you want to do this, sonny?"
"I just think that we're - um - wasting our time with this." She said uncertainly. "Yeah, that's it." She plunged on with more confidence. "We're wasting our time. We both know it." She forced another laugh. "I mean, it's not as if we were emotionally attached."
Chad could barely comprehend this. What do you mean 'not emotionally attached?' I was very emotionally attached. I guess Tawni was right; Sonny isn't interested in anything serious, like Tawni said about a day go when she came over. He focused on her babbling in time to hear her say, "After all, you should be glad when this is over. You can start dating someone else without feeling guilty."
He wanted to shout, what someone else? There is no one else Sonny. You're the one for me. I want you. Instead, he muttered, "Yeah, I guess so."
"Exactly." She responded briskly. She stuck out her right hand. "So, Chad, I guess this is it. I'm glad we can make a clean break of it. I hope we can still be friends." And she meant it. She longed to remain his friend; at least then he would still be a part of her life.
He shook her hand. "I don't think I can do that, Sonny."
"Can't do what?"
"Remain friends." He knew that being "just friends" would be far too hard. He didn't want to see her if he couldn't have her.
"Okay." She said slowly. "Well, I hope you consider it."
"Never." He said firmly.
"Well, you never know."
"Never."
"Never say never."
"Sonny, don't ever throw Justin Beiber lyrics at me if you want to remain alive and I'm sorry, but I don't think we can ever be friends. Not after this."
There was a short pause. When she spoke, he could hear the genuine pleading in her voice. "Please, Chad. Don't say that."
He softened slightly. As much as he wanted to deny it, she held a power over him and probably always would. "Okay, maybe not never."
That smile she gave him was worth caving in. "Thanks."
"Well, bye sonshine."
"Bye Chad."
They shook hands rather formally. She turned to leave then whirled around again. "Oh Chad, by the way, someone said you where looking for me. What did you want to see me about?"
"Oh, it's nothing. I can handle it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." As she walked out, he muttered to himself, "I kind of figured out myself what your answer would be. No." And then he put his head down on the desk mournfully and mentally hit himself for being so stupid. Why would someone like Sonny want to settle down with a boring dud like him?
Unknown to him, Sonny was tormenting herself as she walked down the path to the student centre. She'd done it. She'd broken it off with him. This was what she wanted, right? Then why did she feel so miserable? Why did she feel as if her heart were being crushed? "I did the right thing." She said with a firmness she didn't feel. "Didn't I?" Her doubt expressed itself in that last part. Sonny wished that some divine voice would boom from the heavens "You did the right thing." The only response to her inquiry was the faint scolding of squirrels in the trees above.
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For the next several days, Chad and Sonny tried to avoid each other. That wasn't easy, of course. They both had duties that went along with running the camp, and most of those duties were the same. They managed to avert each other for the rest of the week.
During that time, Chad began to have serious doubts about allowing Sonny to break up with him. He wanted to know why she really wanted to stop seeing him. He didn't buy into that "we're wasting our time" crap ( A/N sorry I don't actually normally swear). He knew that there must be something deeper than just that. He thought about it almost endlessly coming up with many situations, each one more ludicrous than the previous ones. He finally decided to confront her. After all, she had claimed to want to remain friends, and honesty was one of the bases of a good friendship.
Thank you so much for reading, please review!
-Charlotte x