The EGG Series

by FireCracker7

A funny series with Goku and Vegeta hatching eggs. Large saiyan family fun!

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by underscore)
Archive? You'd better.
Pairing Goku/Vegeta DRAGONBALL Z

A/U -Squick Spoof! For all you 'male pregger' obssessives.

Bad Breakfast

Goku and Vegeta were having a family. It happened so suddenly,
neither of them had prepared by buying milk or sending out announcements. As usual, they did the wild thing on such a regular basis it was a miracle that they weren't both pregnant at the same time. Sometimes Goku expected to have babies, and other times Vegeta was caught staring at himself in the mirror. A few times their grown children stood around and explained the reproductive cycle of saiyans to them, despite the fact they knew nothing on the topic and were only part saiyan in the first place.

It all happened so strangely. Goku and Vegeta were relaxing at their huge log home (made of wood) when one day Vegeta began jumping up and down. Goku asked him about his strange behavior...

"Vegeta, are you okay? You're acting really weird."

The ouji continured to hop around and flap his arms like a loon. "Ka...ka...rot...I feel so strange!"

Dumbfounded, Goku stared at his mate. "What's your problem? You're acting like...like..." his eyes went wide as Vegeta ran into the bedroom and sat on a huge nest he had made.

"Kakarot! It's time!!"

"Dont' worry, I'll boil some water!" the tall saiyan ran in circles.

Vegeta sat crosslegged on the nest. "Do that later. Go to the store and get me some pickles and ice cream."

Goku sketched a grocery list. "Will do. Anything else?"

"Yes, I have a taste for tomatoes and chocolate."

Goku stared at his love. "You're really weird, koi."

Vegeta started knitting baby booties. "I can't explain it...I just have these odd cravings. It must be my delicate condition."

Goku headed for the door. "I'll be back later, sweetheart. Try to get some rest."

"I will, dear" Vegeta grabbed his stomach, feeling a twinge. Goku raced to his side.

"Should I take you to the hospital yet?"

"No, don't worry about me...just get my food already!"

Much later Goku returned with the strange items his mate wanted. The house was crowded with people. The Son and Brief family were in full attendance, along with all the z warriors. Everyone stood in a circle and discussed saiyan mating habits, rituals, and how men could get pregnant. This was remarkable, since none of them could possibly know what they were talking about. Bulma could explain it all scientifically, which was pretty good considering she knew nothing about medicine or saiyan physiology.

Goku asked the simple question, "Why is everyone here?"

They all spoke at once. Goku insisted they all be quiet, since Vegeta was expecting. Suddenly a shout came from the bedroom, and an avalanche of people went to see. Vegeta sat proudly on a pile of purple eggs.

"WELL ALL RIGHT" Goku laughed and pounded his chest. "I'm a daddy!"

Gohan and Goten pouted. "You're already a daddy. Those are just eggs."

"Not just any eggs" Vegeta sniffed. "These are royal house eggs!"

Goku stuffed cigars in everyone's mouth, including little Pan. She puffed on it.

"Hey, gran'pa, this is good, but can I have a toke instead?"

He shook a finger at her. "Not before ice cream."

Vegeta pulled out a long list of names. "We'll have to choose once they hatch."

Everyone looked over the list and offered suggestions before going home. Goku went to boil more water, while Vegeta ate his plate of pickle/ice cream/chocolate/tomato stew.

"How many did you lay, koi?" Goku asked. He couldn't get Vegeta off the nest to find out.

"Eighty three" Vegeta said proudly.

Goku nearly fainted. "It looks like I'll be entering a lot of tournaments. We'll definitely need money."

Vegeta continued to knit booties. "I've already contacted the grocery store downtown about food. We have a milk and banana contract."

Goku nodded. "Yeah...I'd better build an addition to the house, too.
I wonder who they'll look like?"

"There'll be enough of them to look like most everybody."

The two lovers curled around their nest and settled in for a night of rest.

The next day Goku prepared a huge victory breakfast and the whole gang was invited back. Everyone ate greedily, stuffing themselves.
Goku's souffle was a hit.

Bulma commented first. "Goku what's the recipe for this souffle? It's absolutely marvelous!"

The others nodded in agreement between mouthfuls.

"Delicious."

"Tasty."

"What's the recipe?"

Master Roshi kept pulling something from his teeth. "The bacon crisps are tasty, but why did you mix them into the souffle? Wouldn't it have been simpler to cook them separately?"

Goku shrugged. "Ah, well, you see..."

Yamcha kept rolling something over on his tongue. "Something is...weird. Fluffy."

Tien smacked his lips hard. "Yeah" he pulled something off his tongue also. "Feels like a...hairball?!" he stared at his food in shock.

"Gross!" Yamcha held up a curly brown crispy thing. Vegeta frowned.

"Kakarot. What did you use in this souffle?!"

Goku tapped his chin. "The usual. Eggs, milk, chopped onion, cheese-"

""What's so strange about any of that?" Krillen shrugged.

Vegeta made several facial expressions. "What eggs did you use?"

"The ones in the green box, by the-"

The ouji jumped up from the table. "YOU IDIOT. THOSE WERE OUR BABIES!!"

"Oops."

Bulma screeched, holding her throat. "You mean...we ate monkey eggs?!"

Chi Chi turned green. "GHKK. We're murderers! Cannibals!"

Roshi picked up another brown crispy curl. "Then these are...are"
he held his gut and ran for the bathroom.

"TAILS!!" Trunks and Tien shrieked, running after him to puke.
Yamcha, Krillen and the others passed out cold on the floor. Vegeta grabbed Goku by the collar and shook him.

"Moron. It'll be six months before I can lay another hatch!!"

Goku grinned, grabbing his ouji and dragging him to the bedroom. "I guess we'd better get started, then!"

THE END

A/U -Squick Spoof! More Pregger idiocy. Sequel to BAD BREAKFAST.

Bigger Batch

The two saiyans were going at it again, twenty hours a day, six days a week. Goku was determined to make it up to his mate for cooking their children.

"Kakarot...are you trying to kill us both?" Vegeta gasped, collapsing on the bed.

Goku kissed his sweaty ouji on the forehead. "Oh, stop complaining.
Besides, making babies is fun!"

Vegeta rolled to his side under checker board satin sheets. "Hn, fun,
if we don't die from the strain!!"

Goku reached around, patting Vegeta's stomach. "It must be working.
You're getting fat again!"

Vegeta flushed. "I am not!"

"Sorry" Goku pecked kisses over dark eyelashes. "You have the prettiest glow."

"Hn" Vegeta cuddled. "Now let me sleep."

Goku wrapped his arms around his mate. "Mm. I can barely hold you now."

Vegeta pushed him off. "I'm not fat! I just ate a lot!!"

Goku rubbed the swollen middle again. Dark eyes went wide. "Hey,
monkeys in a barrell! I think they're moving around."

Vegeta elbowed him back. "I'm not a damn good luck charm! Stop rubbing me."

Goku tickled under the angled jaw. "You're so kawaii...are you mad at me?"

Vegeta immediately blushed and giggled, since that what pregnant men are supposed to do. At least that's what people have said.

"Just stop calling me fat...OUCH!" Vegeta grabbed his middle.

"What? What happened?"

"I think some of the babies are bungee jumping."

Goku lay his head across the round belly. "Wow! I can hear them.
They're having a contest!"

Vegeta stared down at himself. "What's the challenge?"

Goku frowned. "Hmm. Well, whoever jumps with the most style wins.
Then they celebrate!"

"OH NO" Vegeta slapped a hand to his forehead. He knew what that
meant. A saiyan celebration meant fighting.

"Kakarot, get the alka seltzer...if they start fighting I won't get any sleep for days!"

"Hold on, koi!" Goku immediately leapt out of bed and raced to the bathroom. Vegeta watched him lovingly, thinking how he wanted to jump his bones. Goku returned with the tablet and a glass of water.

"Now drink this and get some rest."

Vegeta took the seltzer. "Much better. Now get into bed, I'm horny."

Goku looked him over. "But...are you sure? I mean, you're pretty far along..."

The ouji purred, coiling his tail. "Must be my hormones talking again."

Sultry eyes looked him over slowly. "You do look kinda sexy all round like that."

Vegeta sat up suddenly. "That's it, you've killed the mood!" the dark eyes were full of accusation.

Goku plopped next to him. "What'd I do this time?" he was incredulous.

"You called me fat!"

"Ai, I give up" Goku threw his hands up. Vegeta motioned for him to come closer.

"What are you waiting for. Climb into bed!"

"But you just said-"

"I had a mood swing, koi" Vegeta puckered a kiss. "Don't mind me."

Goku settled in next to him under checker board satin sheets. Vegeta stroked his mate's tail.

"Now let's do it."

"But 'Geta, you're too far along!"

"That didn't stop you three hours ago. Or ten. Or twenty. Or-"

"All right, I get the point!" Goku embraced him.

"You need more convincing" Vegeta rubbed the black tail roughly. Goku bounced and howled.

"Nookie time!!"

And they did the wild thing for the one hundred and twenty fifth time...

Goku woke up worn out from satisfying his greedy mate. He turned over, but Vegeta was missing from bed.

?? Where'd he go to?

Climbing out of bed he felt something smooth and round roll by his foot. An egg.

The tall saiyan gawked. "What the hell?!" he picked it up. It was pale blue in color. Joy spread across his darkly handsome features.

"Then this means...WELL ALL RIGHHHHTT!!" he jumped for joy, then paused, staring about the bedroom. Eggs were everywhere. On the floor, down the hallway, on chairs. There was even one in the bedroom windowsill.

"Come on!" Goku couldn't believe his eyes. Carefully he gathered the eggs in his nightshirt.

"VEGETA!! Where are you?!"

"In the family room, where else?" came an answering shout.

Goku walked slowly, picking up more eggs as he went. Vegeta was in the family room, sitting on a huge nest in the center of the floor. A thick tail coiled the hatch protectively.

Goku was annoyed at his mate. "For Kami's sake, Vegeta, you dropped eggs everywhere! I almost stepped on one!!"

The ouji purred, the picture of serenity. More eggs were underneath him in a pile.

"Sorry, koibito" dark eyes sparkled. "They started popping out before I could get to the nest."

Goku laughed. "Well, I've got a lot of them here. Why are they different colors?"

Vegeta moved off the nest and pointed at the pile. "The pink ones are girls, and the blue ones are boys."

"Wow" Goku was stunned and happy. He carefully placed the other eggs in the nest.

Vegeta sighed blissfully. "Aren't they beautiful?"

Goku hugged him. "Almost as beautiful as you. By the way, how many did we get this time?"

"A hundred and twenty five."

"Duhh...ah...huh?? That's more than the last batch!"

Vegeta counted on his fingers. "That's one egg for each time we did the monkey hump."

Goku grinned. "Oh."

"I think we should pick names now and not wait until the last minute."

Goku kissed his happy mate. "I know just who to ask for suggestions."

The z gang visited once more, having spent the last six months heaving and barfing from eating monkey eggs.

Tien stared at the brood. "Man, that's some cluster you got there!"

Chi Chi held up a pink egg and tapped it. "We never laid eggs together, Goku. How come?"

Goku scratched his head and looked up. "Well, I don't know. Fate?
Either that or our dna characteristics and relatively incompatible alien physiology were incapable of such biological reproductive factors."

Chi Chi dropped her jaw. "Ah...duh...?"

Goten made a face. "C'mon, mom. I wouldn't wanna be no stinking egg."

Gohan shook his head. "Me neither. It's embarrassing."

"Only saiyans lay eggs" Vegeta reminded them all.

Goku raised his hands. "Anybody hungry?"

"WE'RE EATING OUT!!" everyone shouted.

Goku pouted. "Geez, you don't have to get an attitude!"

Krillen examined the nest. "Man, you've got even more this time around!"

"One hundred twenty five" Vegeta puffed out his chest proudly.

Bulma went white. "Where'd you put all those? Cripes, you guys need to go to family planning classes or something!"

Goku glared at her, folding his arms. "Excuse me? Who needs a plan.
We KNOW what to do!!"

Yamcha stared at the pile also. "Yeah, that's crazy. All those babies? You'll go broke feeding them! Not to mention other stuff-"

Vegeta jerked a thumb. "We already have a truck out back loaded with diapers."

"And I'm growing banana trees in the backyard" Goku added. "The kids can eat and get exercise at the same time."

Master Roshi snorted. "Maybe you boys should get...you know...'fixed?'"

"Nah. Everythihg works okay" Goku answered. Roshi fell over.

"That isn't what he means!" Chi Chi yelled. "Don't you think you two are a little...prolific?"

"Maybe, but we've got a lost empire to make up for."

Vegeta pointed at her. "What's your problem with large families?"

"I've got no problem with large families, but this is ridiculous!"

The Ox King walked in with a huge scroll. "Okay. I've brought a list of names" he unrolled it.

"We'd better get comfortable" Trunks complained. "This is gonna take all day."

The scroll crashed to the floor. The Ox King cleared his throat. "Here we go. "Oxi, Oxman, Oxgirl, Oxyshe, Oxyhe, BaddOx,
BebyOx, GooOx, Oxtant, Oxall..."

"Is it me or do those names all sound the same?" Yamcha shrugged.

"AHEM" the Ox King glared, then continued. "Oxoo, Oxme, Oxyeh, He-
beOx, She-beOx, GabOx, LuOx, Oxoee, Oxmofo, Ox-dun-ki..."

"Oh, for Kami's sake!!" Bulma held her head. "Vegeta, you can't be seriously thinking-"

"EXCUSE ME" Ox King bellowed. "Now then...Oxbaybee, Oxyitt, IttyOx,
BittyOx, PeeweeOx, OxGen, ParadOx, BadOx, Oxfomee, BubbaOx, LolOx..."

Chi Chi couldn't take any more. "Have you lost your mind, father?!"

"Oh, I don't know" Goku considered. "The names have a nice ring to them."

"Yeah, all the same ring. What about you Vegeta?!"

The ouji pulled his chin in thought. "Perhaps. We'll test out the names once they hatch."

"You're both nuts!"

"QUIET" Ox King hollered again, shattering windows. Everyone ducked from flying glass. The massive man coughed once more at the silence.

"Where was I...oh, yes. PoboOx, QuerOx, Ox-that-dances, Ox-that-
hides, Ox-that-sings..."

"People that puke!" Tien held his ears. "Kami, where does this end!"

"They'll all hatch before he finishes that list" Roshi complained.

Ox King lifted his fist in defiance. "FoxOx, Oxbow, Oxymoron, Oxpei,
Oxtail, Oxbow, Oxmosis, Oxmorpho, AntroOx..."

"Time out!" Vegeta raised his hand, grimacing. "We'll look those names over later!"

Big eyes went round. "Do you mean it, Vegeta? You aren't just humoring me?" the huge man eyed him with suspicion.

A sigh. "Yes. Now enough already!"

Goku held a hand to his ear. "Wait. Everybody, hear that?"

Silence. Everyone looked around at a strange cracking sound.

"They're hatching!" Vegeta bounced with glee. "My babies are hatching!!"

Once again a happy Goku stuffed a cigar in everyone's mouth. Pan of course didn't want hers.

"Gran'pa, you promised I could have a toke this time!"

"Sure, kid. Knock yourself out" Goku handed her a roach. Pan puffed. "Not bad. Now I wanna see my little cousins!"

"There's enough of them, that's for sure" Piccolo stared in amazement as small heads popped from pink and blue shells.

"Mamadadamamadada!!" tiny voices squealed everywhere.

"Wow" Tien looked at one of the baby saiyans up close. It bit him on the nose.

"YOU LITTLE MONSTER!!" Tien grabbed his face in pain.

Vegeta laughed. "What did you expect an infant saiyan to do? Fool!"

Goten shook his head. "This is weird."

Goku plucked up armfuls of babies. "Yeehah! I'm a daddy again!!"

Seven months later.

A frazzled Vegeta stood starkly in the center of the living room,
covered with infants. Babies were draped over his head and shoulders,
wrapped around his arms and legs. He couldn't move. Babies climbed the curtains, swung from the ceiling, hung on doors. Some played on the furniture. Goku stumbled into the room, smothered with small ones as well.

"Did you get the formula ready yet?!" Vegeta yelled over squalling infants.

"NO!" Goku shouted back. "I've got to get the rest from outside...I'm only counting eighty four in the house!"

Vegeta did some mental mathmatics. "That means forty one are still outside in the banana trees. For kami's sake, get them inside before all that sunlight gives them diaper rash!"

"Okay" Goku tripped over infants on the way out. Vegeta sighed. The house was soundproofed because of neighborhood complaints about noise. A hundred and twenty five yowling babies made a lot of noise.

A pile of little squealers rolled into the room moments later. Vegeta stared at the sight.

"What in...Kakarot! Are you in there?!"

"Hai" Goku peeped between small faces. "Took me awhile to catch all the little buggers, but I got 'em!"

Vegeta shook his head wearily. "I'll fill the tub with formula."

The two saiyans fed and changed their brood in record time, about five hours. They collapsed in exhaustion in the den. Goku stared at the ceiling, sprawled over a lazy chair.

"I'm wiped out. One hundred sixty diaper changes, Fifty nine baths."

Vegeta wasn't impressed. "Hn, you should talk. It isn't easy cooking thirty gallons of formula cereal."

They were silent awhile. Suddenly Goku stood up and starting hopping around, flapping his arms.

Vegeta stared at him bug eyed. "What's your problem, Kakarot?"

Goku continued to wave around. "I...I feel funny, Vegeta..." he jumped on the nest and started knitting baby booties.

The ouji promptly passed out cold on the floor.

THE END

A/U -Squick Spoof! The pregger madness continues. Sequel to BIGGER BATCH.

Barrel of Monkeys

Eighteen months after the blessed event.

Goku and Vegeta got back from the grocery store after five hours of shopping. They rented an eighteen wheeler rig to haul baby food,
training pants, cereal, diaper powder, milk, and fruit juice.
Normally it took only three hours to shop, but once Goku dropped his hatch they had sixty one more mouths to feed, bringing the total to one hundred and eighty six babies.

Piccolo, Dende, Krillen, Trunks, and Tien volunteered to babysit while they were gone at the store. Bulma and Chi Chi refused,
insisting that unless the two saiyans got spayed they'd never help out.

Vegeta opened the front door while Goku drove the truck around the back yard. The ouji had barely turned the key when wailing squalls assaulted his ears.

"Mama! Papa! Mama! Papa!!"an avalanche of toddlers and infants either waddled or crawled at him.

"Kami!!" dark eyes went wide before he was smothered with love. Only saiyan strength kept him upright. In vain the ouji looked about the house for Piccolo and the others. Suddenly, a small form popped up from a sea of infants.

It was Krillen. "Hey, Vegeta, over here!!" he waved in desperation.

Vegeta frowned. Meanwhile, babies hung all over him, coiling their little tails around his neck, arms, and legs.

"Where's Piccolo and the others?!" he demanded, shouting over the din.

"HERE!!" Piccolo bellowed, scrabbling from a pile of small ones. They clung to him everywhere like a vine. Trunks staggered up next, with mini-saiyans hanging on him like a necklace. Dende was pinned against the wall by the press of small bodies.

"I still don't see Tien" Vegeta scanned the house again.

"He's in the bathroom. Some of your kids had to be cleaned up."

"What?!" the ouji bounded gracefully across the room, babies still sticking on him like glue. "The fool...if anyone but Kakarot or myself bathes them-" he continued down the hallway. Barebacked babies were everywhere, raising their arms to be picked up. Vegeta gathered as many as he could. The others climbed on their siblings in a monkey chain.

What outrage is this? he stormed into the bathroom. Tien sat cursing on the edge of the tub, rubbing his arms and hands. Small saiyans hung by their tails everywhere. A row of babies were suspended from the shower pole in a line. Vegeta saw one of his daughters upside down on the door, her tail looped around the knob.

"What is this?!" the ouji demanded.

Tien was redfaced. "You can have them. Donate them to science, or send them to the zoo, I don't care!" Tien yelled back.

"You dare?!"

"They won't stay in the water when I put them there!" the z warrior complained. "And I'm sick of them biting me. Do they have to climb on everything all the time?!"

Vegeta laughed. His babies laughed too, a weird burbling sound.

"They're playing with you, idiot. Are you telling me small ningens don't bite?"

"Small ningens don't have these kind of teeth. Do what you want, I'm finished here!!" he stalked out, careful not to trip over infants in the hallway.

Vegeta stared after him. "Hn, never let a human do a saiyan's work."

Closing the door after him he proceeded to wash his babies.

Goku was busy loading up the kitchen. Screams from the living room sent him running. He was just in time. Poor Dende was getting chewed on. Small arms batted at the infants, to no avail.

"Goku, could you please help me here?!" the small namek pleaded.

Goku clapped his hands together. "Eitaa. Nesane, ou!!"

The toddlers immediately let Dende go, burbling and gurgling. Dende staggered away, covered with small bites. Piccolo saw from his vantage point.

"Why don't you muzzle these things!"

Goku glared at him. "I don't appreciate your comments about my babies!!" he went over and picked up a cluster of them by the tail.
The young namek collapsed in relief.

"Sorry, Dende. They just wanted to taste your flavor."

Dende immediately healed himself. "It appears I was the flavor."

Piccolo placed infants in cribs. "It's time for us to go, Goku. This group should be fine until tonight."

Goku stared at his tattered friends. Piccolo's cape and turban were all but shreds. Poor Dende and Krillen looked like rejects from a clothing bin. And Trunks...

Goku scratched his head. "Wait a minute. Where's Tien and Trunks?"

Piccolo picked up more squealers and plopped them alongside their siblings. "Tien left because he was tired of getting chewed up. No one's seen Trunks since he went outside."

"Outside, huh?" Goku considered that. "I'll be right back!"

Trunks was outside, sitting up in a tree. Pee wee saiyans clung to him. Goku stared up.

"Hey, Trunks."

The demi-saiyan waved. "Hey, Goku. Looks like my little brothers and sisters wanted to play."

Goku beamed with pride. "I see...well, time for them to come inside now" he clapped his hands together.

"Adesa, reimnge!"

Mini Gokus and Vegetas fell from the tree like rain, plopping on their mother/father (they were from two hatches, you know).

Trunks bounded down as well. "Need any more help?"

Goku staggered inside, covered by little ones. "Nah. I already took the supplies to the kitchen. You guys can go home now."

The two saiyans curled on their giant mega sized king big bed. Months ago they decided to get room sized mattresses, that way the small ones could sleep right there with them. It proved to be a stroke of genius. The babies slept better, and they couldn't use their cribs for monkey bars.

Vegeta yawned, curling beside his mate. They snuggled comfortably under satin sheets with Snoopy designs. Babies littered the bed everywhere, their small bodies curled as they purred softly in their sleep.

Vegeta blearily looked around at their brood. "Kakarot, did you do a count? Are they all here?"

Goku nuzzled sleepily. "Yup...all...one hundred...and...eighty six...here and accounted for."

"Hn" Vegeta squinted as he stared at the ceiling. Saiyan eyesight noticed a small tail waving from the ceiling light fixture. He poked his tired mate.

"Hah" Goku jolted a little. "What is it now, 'Geta?'"

"ShebeOx is on the light again. Get her off, before she falls in her sleep!"

Goku stared up in the dark. "What the...she's up there again??"

Carefully the tall saiyan stood on the bed (babies rolled to the side as he moved) and plucked their daughter down by the tail. He plopped her on the bed and climbed next to Vegeta once more.

"She didn't even wake up" he embraced Vegeta. The ouji rested his head against Goku's cheek.

"Just as well...we don't need them all squalling at three in the morning."

"Hai."

A small clicking sound interrupted their conversation. A few of the babies had climbed under the satin sheets with the Snoopy prints. The mini-saiyans had found their favorite teething rings. Goku and Vegeta winced as tiny fangs clamped down on their tails.

Goku grimaced. "I'll be glad when they're out of this phase!"

Vegeta snorted. "Tomorrow I'm getting a pool inflatable and filling it with jello."

The pair snuggled once more in silence. Vegeta laughed softly.

"What's so funny?" Goku wanted to know.

"I finally beat you, Kakarot. After all, I laid one hundred and twenty five eggs. You only dropped sixty one."

"I would have had more if I hadn't been so tired, so that doesn't count! My strength was used up after the first hundred and twenty five!"

The ouji snickered. "So you say. Could it be that the mighty Kakarot is finally defeated?"

Goku indicated their brood. "With a hundred and eighty six children,
who wouldn't be?!"

Vegeta sighed. "You've got a point there. Think we could leave some on doorsteps?"

"Maybe."

"How about the zoo?"

"Eh!"

They looked at each other a moment. "No way."

Goku glanced out their bedroom window. "Uh, 'Geta, I just remembered something else."

"Hmm?"

"Tomorrow nights a full moon."

Vegeta gave a strangled cry...

THE END

A/U -It's hell raising 186 kids.

Pee Wee Pileup

Mr. Wiggins briskly approached the front door of an unusually large house. Green eyes lit with excitement as he considered the possible size of his commission.

Surely a home this big...these people must be loaded.

He'd been an insurance agent for over twenty years, with one of the most prestigious client bases in town. Yet even he was awed at the sight of the huge home. He pulled his moustache in amazement.

Incredible, why wasn't this address listed in the general directory?
Oh, well...

Long fingers pressed the buzzer. Moments later a muscular, compact man with a huge shock of black hair appeared, his arms full of babies.

"Yes, what do you want?" dark eyes flashed with impatience.

Wiggins coughed into his hand. "Excuse me, sir. My name is Harold Wiggins, and I'm a household hazard insurance agent for the Merger Corporation-"

"Not interested" Vegeta cut him off.

Wiggins was used to such responses. He was in sales, after all. "Sir,
I realize you're busy with the little ones, but if you could just spare a moment of your time-"

Vegeta curled a lip. "Do you want me to slam this door in your face?"

Wiggins wasn't impressed, straightening to his full height. "Hardly necessary, sir. As you know, household hazard insurance is-"

The door closed on his foot. Wiggins almost smiled. Damn, they do this all the time! it was one of the reasons he started wearing steel tipped shoes.

The graying man heard voices arguing just inside. Must be the missus. Seconds later another man stood in the doorway, taller and with a more pleasant expression. He also had armfuls of infants.

Wiggins stared. "Ah..."

Goku smiled. "Hi. So you're Mr. Wiggins, huh?"

Wiggins blinked. "Well certainly, sir, but-"

"Vegeta told me. Come on in!"

Dumbfounded at the sudden turn, Wiggins followed him inside. Goku waved him to a couch.

"Just find a spot to squeeze in, then we'll talk!"

Wiggins gawked. Speech failed him as he stared. Babies were everywhere, sleeping in piles on blankets spread across the floor.
Some curled up against clusters of pillows in corners. Others had climbed the windows and clung to curtains. Still more hung from ceiling fixtures and doorknobs by their tails.

Wiggins clutched his throat. Tails?!

Goku indicated for him to sit. "Make yourself comfortable, Mr.
Wiggins" he plopped down on another couch across from the agent.

Wiggins planted his long and lanky form. "Ah...yes..." he looked about the house at all the small bodies. "This is some day care center you've got!"

The babies Goku held wrapped around him tightly, tucking their little heads against his chest and chin. Tiny tails coiled his arms like bands.

Wiggins could only stare with his mouth open. "Uh...they certainly seem...affectionate."

Goku beamed with pride. "These are my kids...this batch is Ox-that-
Hides, OxyGen, Oxbow, Oxtail, Dancing Ox, and DisbeeOx."

Wiggins gave a strangled sound. "Say what?" Is he some kind of clown?

Goku continued, pointing about the room at babies. "Over there is OxRunn, GoboOx, SheBeOx, ArrOx-"

"Sir" Wiggins was annoyed. "Can we get to buisness?" he opened his briefcase briskly.

"Yeah, sure" Goku cooed at the clucking infants piled on him. He glanced at Wiggins shortly. "By the way, this isn't a day care center. It's our home."

Wiggins used that as a lead in. "Indeed, Mr. Goku. And that's precisely why I'm here. A home such as yours clearly needs hazard protection-"

Dark eyes bored into him as the smiling face dropped. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

Wiggins held up his hands. "Certainly not" don't want to blow a big commission here!

"Kakarot, why is this...'person' still here?" Vegeta entered the room with infants draped over him.

"He wants to sell hazard insurance for our home."

Wiggins blinked. "Wait...you mean the two of you??" he rolled his eyes. Ghods, another one of these bizarre modern arrangements.

Vegeta was angry. "What's your problem...either explain yourself or leave now!"

"I meant no offense" Wiggins did his best to regain his composure.
Fags... "Now, if you'll look over some of these brochures that explain the advantages of our coverage-"

He paused, feeling tiny feet kick him in the hip. Perplexed, he lifted a sofa cushion. A baby girl lay underneath, small legs moving in sleep. Vegeta walked over and picked his daughter up by the tail.

"I wondered where OxBoo went" and without another word he headed down the hallway with OxBoo and siblings in tow.

Goku turned his head and shouted after them. "Vegeta, she's already had her cereal, so she'll be good until three!"

"All right!" came the response down the hallway. Wiggins shook his head.

"Mr. Goku, if I may speak plainly. With so many children here, it's clear you need our protection."

Goku managed to free a hand, waving him off. "I don't think so."

"Why not?!" Wiggins was stunned.

"Look around at the furniture. We never buy anything that isn't plastic or cast iron anyway."

"Are you certain that-" Wiggins looked down at his feet, feeling a warm nudge. A cluster of babies sat staring up at him, their little tails waving. Wiggins forgot his train of thought.

"Don't worry, they always do that" Goku reassured him.

"Yes, well...OOFPH!!" the world went dark as something warm plopped on his head.

"Sorry about that!" Goku moved to pluck an infant off Wiggins' head.

"Can't you control these brats?!" the agent blurted without thinking.
Goku glared at him.

"You'd better leave now. I don't like your attitude!"

Wiggins tried to catch himself. "I didn't mean-"

The babies at his feet gave tiny growls to emphasize the point, their tails puffing like little furballs.

Wiggins abruptly stood, closing his briefcase. "I'll find my way to the door-" Freaks.

Vegeta had reappeared. "No one insults our children" he extended a flat palm. "BIG BANG ATTACK..."

Wiggins' eyes bulged. "What the?"

Goku pointed at the door. "Get moving, before you wind up across town!"

Wiggins stalked off. "What kind of threat is that supposed to be" he muttered, going out.

Goku bounced BabeeOx and BubbaOx on his knee. "Were you really going to do that, Vegeta?"

The ouji smirked. "And ruin our home? I was hoping the fool would say something stupid outside."

"By the way, Goten and Gohan are coming over shortly to help change the babies for bed."

Vegeta stared at the chandelier. "Hn, SheBeOx is at it again."

Goku looked up as well. "I wonder how she manages to do that!"

Sure enough, a small round face peeped down at them from atop the light fixture, clucking happily. Vegeta couldn't help but smile.

"Little monkey" he murmured, floating up to get her. She cooed as Vegeta settled to the floor once more, nestled tightly in his arms.

Goku laughed. "Maybe we can put up a camera and find out how she manages to-"

The doorbell rung. Goku went to get it.

"Great, you guys got here just in time!"

Goten peeped around. "Ya, dad, it looks like you haven't gathered the bisken yet!"

Infants turned at their voices. "Gohben! Guhhan!" they gurgled. Goten found a sudden urge to bolt for the door as their brothers and sisters waddled and crawled their way.

Gohan picked up one and was immediately smothered. "Good grief!" his voice was muffled under the press of small bodies.

Goten didn't fare much better, nearly stumbling across the living room as baby saiyans climbed on his legs and clung for dear life.
Vegeta shook his head in amusement.

"Hn, I can only imagine once you have your own, Goten!"

"Gughkk. Sure" Goten squeaked as tiny arms encircled his throat,
nearly choking him.

Goku laughed at his son. "He's got plenty of time to worry about that, Vegeta!"

"Kakarot is that infernal device ready yet?"

"Yeah, it's down in the basement. Everyone follow me, and pick up the pee wees as you go!"

It took the four of them several trips up and down the stairs. They plucked babies from the bannisters. From inside cabinets. Off the floor. Under sofas. Off of tables. Down from the drapes again. Off the stairways.

Gohan found himself wheezing with his tenth armful. "Dad, Vegeta-
sama, do you go through this every day?!"

The ouji bounded down the stairs carrying clinging infants. "Of course. One hundred and eighty six small ones tend to be everywhere."

Goten staggered along as well. "Geez, this is worse than heavy training!"

Goku laughed, tossing mini-saiyans over his shoulders. "Stop complaining. At least now I'll know you get a workout!"

Goku stood at one end of a huge conveyer belt. He yelled over the sound of the machinery, list in hand.

"OKAY, EVERYBODY, YOU'RE ALL ASSIGNED GROUPS. GOTEN, YOU HAVE 3 THRU 5. GOHAN, YOU HAVE 2 AND 6. VEGETA, 1 AND 7. I'VE GOT 8 AND 9!"

The babies were separated into corner pens with numbers. Each saiyan grabbed infants from his group and placed them on the conveyor belt.
Goku laid out the diapers, Vegeta lay the babies over them, Goten did the powdering, and Gohan pinned them up. In less than forty five minutes all one hundred and eighty six were done.

"What's next?" Gohan asked.

"Feeding" Vegeta told him. "We've developed a more efficient way of doing that also."

Goten winced. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

They did it chain gang style. Goku put the bottles in their mouths,
then handed them to Vegeta, who made certain they drank the milk. He in turn handed them to Goten, who patted them on the back. Goten then handed them to Gohan, who burped them. The efficiency was amazing. In one hour flat every baby had been fed. Once that was done they used the same method to put them to bed. Gohan stood at the base of the stairs, Vegeta on the midflight, Goten at the top of the stairs, and Goku just outside the bedroom. They tossed the babies up one by one,
with Goku hurling them onto the bed. The small saiyans squealed with delight as they bounced on the huge mattress.

Vegeta smiled. "Well done. That's the fastest we've ever managed that."

Goku brushed his hands off. "Yeah, I think we can shave off another twenty minutes, though."

Gohan stared in wonderment. "How?"

"I can make a giant slingshot. Then-"

The other three saiyans left the room in silence.

THE END

A/U -Vegeta's sick. Can Goku provide the right cure, or will their babies help?

Good Medicine

Vegeta felt horrible. He had a fever, chills, and his eyes were watery. Goku insisted that he go to bed.

"SNAFF. I'm fine, Kadarkot" the ouji sniffled, blowing his nose again.

Goku frowned and pointed at the bedroom. "No way, you can't even talk clearly. Now get to bed or I'll carry you myself!"

"ATHOO!!"

Gohan and Goten entered the living room, holding babies (of course.
Gohan shook his head at the flushed ouji.

"Vegeta-sama, you look awful. Father's right, you can barely stand!"

"STHOO!" Vegeta hacked and cleared his throat. "Dank du for the critique."

Goten stared. "Ya, Vegeta-sama, even you hair is beginning to flop over!"

Vegeta glared at the young demi-saiyan. "Dat's reedickudus...raydackludoos...it's dumb!" he finally blurted,
wheezing.

Goku smiled gently, stroking the thick mane. "Nope, the boys are right...now are you going to quit being so stubborn?"

Dark eyes were dull with cold and weariness. "All dight...wu win, I can bardy stand as it is" he almost toppled over.

Goku caught him. "Vegeta!"

Goten stared at the flushed features. "Man, he's in bad shape, dad."

Vegeta managed to lift his head. "Duh prince of da...duh prince of saiyans is nevuh in bad shape."

Some imp made Gohan peck the proud forehead. "Vegeta-sama, you're too hard headed."

"Don' kiss me, boy!!" the ouji snorted and snuckled in Goku's arms.

Gohan grinned misheviously. "Well, we are all family now."

Goten smiled also. "Ya, can I have a kiss too?"

Vegeta pointed a trembling finger. "See how these brats treat me when I'm down?!"

"Stop being so cranky" Goku hauled up his mate over hs shoulder.

Vegeta spluttered in rage. "K-Kakarot!! Put me down this instant!!"

"Nope" Goku walked through the house with a red faced ouji hanging on him. The babies clucked and chirped as they went by.

"Looks like all the 'Oxes' approve" Gohan pointed at little ones everywhere.

"They would" Vegeta grumbled, his tail looping around Goku's waist to brace himself. Goten giggled.

"Shut up, brat! This isn't funny" Vegeta growled.

Goten was smug. "Sorry, Vegeta-sama. I'll make you some soup."

Goku nodded in approval. "Good idea, I'll put him to bed-"

"STOP TALKING LIKE I'M NOT HERE!!" Vegeta roared, clutching his head.

Goku carried him into the bedroom. "You're making it worse" he chided. "Now be still a minute, will you?"

Vegeta mumbled something about bakas and lamebrains as Goku gently set him down on the huge bed, pulling off his boots. Vegeta fell back against red satin pillows in exhaustion.

"Tell your brat I don't want any soup."

"You're getting it anyway" Goku ordered, watching his mate shiver. A broad hand lay over the ouji's forehead.

"Pretty bad...I'll bring the soup in. Meanwhile we've got to get you warm."

Vegeta wrapped his arms around, teeth chattering. "W-whatever-I'm-
freezing!"

Goku looked through the closet at blankets. He snapped his fingers suddenly.

"Hang tight, Vegeta! I have an idea..."

Goku entered the room a few minutes later loaded down with babies.
Vegeta stared at him wide eyed.

"Kakarot...what in Kami's name are you doing?!"

The tall saiyan smiled, plopping babies over top of him. "I thought I'd bring Oxbox, OxyGen, OxyBoo, Ox-that-Hides, Oxbunn, DereBeeOx,
IttybOX, BittyOx, BoboOX, Ox-in-a Box, MaalOX, BaybOX, Oxrun, Oxbay,
Ox-down-low, and Ox-up-high."

Vegeta watched as the small ones scrambled across him. "But whatever for?"

Goku clapped his hands. "Odore, nesa di!" the babies immediately clung tightly to Vegeta, making a living cocoon.

The ouji blinked, dumbfounded. "You're insane, Kakarot" he said,
straining to a sitting positon despite being smothered. "This is ridiculous."

Goku smiled cheerfully, turning to rummage through the closet for blankets. "No, there's a method to my madness. You'll see in a few hours."

"But" Vegeta's protests were cut off by high pitched purrs. Goku spread a GI-Joe sheet over his mate and their burbling infants.
Vegeta sighed, staring down at it.

"I feel silly."

"You get a blanket, too. I don't want you catching a chill."

"Who can catch a chill like this?" Vegeta made a face as small lips suckled his fingers and toes.

"Here we go!" Goku threw a thick Pokemon blanket on top. He stood back, hands on hips. "Warm enough now?"

"Whob wouldbn't be" Vegeta was snuffled in a cozy pile.

Goku headed out. "I'll check up on you later."

Goten made a pot of his special prune and onion soup for the patient.
Gohan edged into the kitchen with his father and brother.

"Hey, guys. Wanna see something cute?"

The three peeped into the bedroom. Vegeta was out like a light, his mouth open in sleep. Mini Vegetas and Gokus purred quietly, wisps of dark hair peeking out from under the blankets.

"Wow" Goten was amazed.

"I think they sang him to sleep" Gohan grinned.

Goku winked at his oldest sons. "Yup. Besides, babies make great hot water bottles!"

Vegeta felt remarkably better once he woke up. Goten brought a large bowl of soup on a tray.

The ouji frowned. "What's this?"

Goten beamed. My specialty soup. Try it, it'll fix you right up!"

Dark eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Hn, we'll see" Vegeta took the tray and poked at the soup gingerly with a spoon.

"Why is it dark purple?"

"It's supposed to be."

"And what are these things floating around? I don't recognize them."

Goten peered at the bowl. "Well, that's cheese. And those are cooked onion rings."

Vegeta tasted it. He immediately dropped the spoon and grabbed his throat.

"Are you trying to poison me, boy? What is this wretched slop?!"

Goten was insulted. "Hey, that's nutritious. And it's good for killing a cold."

"I guess so, if it kills the patient. Now what is it!"

"Onion and prune soup. The cheese is for calcium."

Vegeta held his head and groaned. Goku entered the room, smiling.

"You look better. I see you're eating the soup."

"Dad, where's Gohan?"

"He left. Seeing all the babies reminded him he was supposed to pick up Pan from Bulma's."

Vegeta peered around his mate, noting his odd stance. "What are you holding back there?"

"Oh" Goku half turned. His thick tail coiled tightly around SheBeOx,
who clicked her tongue and grinned.

Goten made an observation. "You know, she really looks a lot like Pan when she was a baby."

Goku looked behind himself. "You think so? Her hair's different"
it was true. The black mop was typical saiyan, rakish and wild.

Vegeta sniffed indignantly. "SheBeOx is pureblooded saiyan, Goten.
Pan is a quarterbred."

"You make her sound like a horse" Goten replied. He turned to his father. "She get stuck in something?"

"No. As usual, I had to pull her off the highest light fixture again."

"The chandelier in the central hallway?" Vegeta asked in surprise. "That's twenty some feet from the floor!"

Goku tapped his chin. "I wonder if she can fly a little. None of the others seem able to climb that high."

"Highly unlikely, although levitation isn't out of the question."

"You look much better, Vegeta. I see my treatment worked."

The ouji glanced down at the sleeping pile of babies. "Hn, so that was your plan...ingenious, Kakarot."

"Hai, I knew they'd purr you to sleep. Plus, they make good heaters!"

Vegeta nearly laughed. "So they do. My recovery time was surprising.
No thanks to Goten, who all but poisoned me with that wretched concoction!"

Goku rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Vegeta, was it THAT bad?"

Goten handed him the bowl from Vegeta's lap. "Taste it, dad. He's exaggerating!"

Goku grabbed the bowl and downed it. Vegeta cringed.

"GHHKKK!!" the tall saiyan turned green, sticking his tongue out. He glared at his son.

"Goten."

The demi-saiyan was sheepish. "Ya, dad?"

"This stuff tastes like cat piss. Don't make any more, you hear me?!"

Goten nodded quietly. Vegeta cracked up, holding his sides in laughter. Maybe being sick wasn't such a bad thing after all...

THE END

(A/U -SPOOF! Babies can't keep secrets.

Monkey Shines

Goten and Trunks were bouncing their brothers and sisters in the air.
The chibi saiyans squealed with delight as they were tossed high around their playroom. Vegeta and Goku were in the dining room hall,
discussing preparations for the evening formula.

"I think they're ready for some fruit mash, Vegeta. The bananas are getting pretty ripe on the trees, you know."

Vegeta placed his hands on hips, tail puffing. "I disagree, that will make the cereal too heavy!"

"Bananas are nutritious. I can put some in the blender-"

"A small amount then. Otherwise-"

He didn't get to finish. A pacifier bounced off his head from above.
Both saiyans looked up, perplexed.

"What the?"

"Again?"

SheBeOx hung over the chandelier, her little tail waving. Bright eyes peeped at her parents.

Vegeta tapped his foot. "That does it. One way or another I'm going to find out how she keeps getting up there!"

Trunks and Goten entered the room, (loaded down with babies of course). Trunks laughed.

"Hey, I see she's back up there again."

"Yeah" Goku frowned, looking around. "I can't figure out what she's using to climb on...the highest thing she should reach would be the doorframe!"

The other babies started squealing, kicking and waving at their suspended sister. Goten looked at the suddenly noisy infants in his arms. Some of them stretched little arms up in an attempt to reach the ceiling.

"Hey, what's got them all excited?"

Vegeta pointed. "They want to get up there, too-"

Trunks had a thought. "Hmm. I wonder."

"Got an idea, Trunks?" Goku asked.

"Yeah...maybe SheBeOx isn't the only one climbing up there."

Goku and Vegeta looked at each other,in surprise.

An hour later they still couldn't discover how SheBeOx managed to find the highest ceiling fixure in the house. Vegeta tried placing her in the hallway and hiding to see if she'd do anything. Nothing.
Goku even hung her on the doorknob to see if she'd scale the door.
Nothing. Meanwhile, Trunks and Goten were cooking banana cereal in the kitchen.

Goku and Vegeta returned to the playroom, picking up mini-saiyans as they went. Vegeta sighed. "I'm out of ideas. Can you think of anything?"

Goku shook his head as they entered the playroom. "No...I think she knows we're trying to trick her."

"Hn" Vegeta eyed the rest of their brood. Babies were gurgling and rolling about, kicking their feet and waving their arms. Some batted rubber balls, while others gummed the huge pool doughnut that Vegeta filled with jello.

Goku grinned at it. "That was a good idea for a giant teething ring, 'Geta. It's certainly more sanitary than tires!"

Vegeta growled at him. "Our children are not teething on TIRES,
Kakarot!"

"I wasn't going to suggest that. But they've already burst three rings this week with their teeth. Lime jello isn't the easiest thing to clean from carpets you know."

"I'll use unflavored jello next time, since it has no color."

"Good" Goku saw OXyBoo crawling past them to the door. Without turning around he scooped the infant up in his tail and tossed him back into the room. OXyBoo clucked in delight as he bounced into his siblings.

Vegeta blinked in dismay, staring at round little bottoms clad in Rocky and Bullwinkle diapers.

"Kakarot...where in Kami did you get those ridiculous diapers? They hurt my eyes with those bizarre patterns!"

"I got them on discount from a children's clothing warehouse. With a hundred and eighty six kids, we need to keep our budget under control."

"Is that the same establishment you keep buying those wretched sheets and blankets from?"

Goku shrugged. "Hey, when you get 'em that big, you can't be picky.
Do you know how hard it is finding coverings for a 28 foot square bed?"

Vegeta frowned in thought. "Next week I'm going to see if we can get a deal on plain diapers-"

"SPLOOOCHHH!!"

The homemade teething ring had burst, covering at least eighty babies in green goo. Some rolled in it. Others ate big chunks. Still more smashed the glop over their heads.

Goku glared at his mate. Vegeta sighed. "There goes another one."

After shampooing the carpet (not to mention cleaning and feeding the babies) the two saiyans were worn out. Goten and Trunks went home to be treated for exhaustion.

Goku, Vegeta and their brood settled in for the night under Gummy Bear blankets. As usual, some of the chibis slept on top of their parents.

Vegeta felt his eyes close in sleep. "Kakarot" his voice was droopy.

"Hn?" his mate was bleary. "What, Vegeta...m' sleepy..."

"If...you get...anymore of these...idiotic...bedcovers, I swear...I'll tie your tail...in a knot."

"Hmm" snoring replaced any further comment.

Goku awakened in the middle of the night, noting the absense of warmth on his stomach. Sitting up slowly he looked about in the dark.

What??

Keen saiyan eyes noted that all the babies were missing. Glancing down he saw Vegeta curled at his side, only the top of his head visible under Gummy Bear blankets.

Goku smiled softly at his mate. He looks so kawaii like that.

As if on cue, a thick tail coiled his leg under the blankets. Goku stroked it gently before unwinding it.

I'd better find out what's going on with the chibis.

Slipping out of bed he went to solve the mystery.

Goku nearly laughed himself sick when he discovered their children.
Silently he crept back to tell Vegeta the news. The ouji was fairly cranky when he woke up.

"Now what is it, Kakarot. I want to sleep!"

Goku grinned devilishly. "Look around. Notice anything different?"

Bleary eyes opened in surprise. "The babies? Where are the babies!!"

Goku held his shoulders down. "Take it easy, they're okay. But you won't believe what they're doing!"

Vegeta blinked. "Where'd they go to?"

Goku pulled him up. "Follow me!"

Both saiyans nearly fell over in laughter. The chibis were linked in a monkey chain that extended throughout the entire house. Small hands and tails curled tightly as each baby formed an individual 'link.
The long chain went down the hall, over the bannister, across the canopy, down the stairs...like living streamers they hung low and high, from the floor to the ceiling.

Goku and Vegeta walked downstairs to the central living room. Smiling triumphantly, Goku pointed towards the ceiling.

"Notice anything waaay up there?"

Vegeta beamed with delight. The very first baby in the chain clung to the highest ceiling fixture. SheBeOx.

The ouji grinned widely. "So that's how she keeps getting up there!"

Goku nodded. "Yeah, when they get down, she can't...so SheBeOx stays stuck there!"

"Well, well!"

Their smiles turned to panic. The huge chandelier creaked and swayed under the living weight.

"Kakarot!"

"Come on!"

The saiyans flew like a shot, grabbing babies at the end of the chain. Half asleep, the chibis held each other tightly as their parents dragged the string back upstairs (It was no easy task dragging a hundred foot chain of babies.)

"Hn" Vegeta couldn't believe what their children had done. "This is like hauling cable!"

Goku chuckled as he braced the 'chain'. "Tell me about it!"

They didn't bother unhooking them. The chain of small ones lay in a huge coil over the bed. Goku rummaged through the closet again.
Meanwhile, Vegeta settled under the Gummy Bear sheets again and stared.

"Kakarot, what are you doing now? Turn off the light!"

"I will, but the chibis will catch cold if they aren't covered."

"They're nesting in this blanket now. They'll be fine!"

"Not the ones on top. Hold on."

Goku spread a lime green fur blanket over the babies. Vegeta pinched his eyes shut.

"Another hideous eyesore. Kakarot, how am I supposed to sleep with that day-glo nightmare nearby?"

His mate sidled under the Gummy Bear Covers. "C'mon, Vegeta, the fur blanket isn't that bad."

The ouji snorted. "Not for a bordello!"

Goku shut off the lights with a small burst of ki. He cuddled his mate in the darkness. Soft, high pitched purrs filled the room.

"See? Told you...they're nice and warm now."

Vegeta gave him a sideways look. "Kakarot, that ghastly fur is glowing!"

"Wha?" Goku looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, a lime green glow radiated in the dark.

"Ugh" he cringed.

Vegeta smirked triumphantly. "Well?"

Goku leered at him, pulling the covers over their heads. "I wanna see you glow next!"

Vegeta yelped as he was grabbed under the sheets...

THE END

A/U -Squick Spoof! Babies are taken care of...now how about momma and poppa?

Bump and Grind

They pawed each other feverishly under the Gummy Bear blankets,
trying in vain to control their urges. An outside observer would see nothing except a room full of sleeping infants (under day-glo green fur) and a rather large bump that moved and shifted under Gummy Bear sheets. Goku surprisingly was the first to stop. He sat up abruptly,
his sleepshirt already torn from one shoulder. The thick mop of hair was rakishly wild from their antics.

"Umm...Vegeta, maybe we shouldn't do this here with the babies and all" the broad chest heaved.

The ouji also sat up suddenly, his hair a haphazard mess. Dark eyes glazed with lust set above flushed cheeks.

"Hai, maybe not" he panted, licking his lips. "But you started this,
Kakarot!"

Goku growled hungrily. "And I can finish it, too!"

Vegeta lay on his back, exposing tempting delights under the sheets. "So do something about it...if you can!" his voice was rough.

"Fool!" Goku plunged over him, bouncing the bed. Babies rolled like marbles everywhere. The Gummy Bear sheets did a peculiar dance in the dark.

"WAAAAA!!"

Muffled curses could be heard in the dark. The two saiyans frowned,
poking their heads up again.

"Now you've done it" Vegeta hissed. "Ox-up-high is crying!"

"You did it with your bouncing!"

"Who dropped on me like a truck?!"

"WAAAAA!!"

"Kuso!" Goku swore. "Now they'll all start bawling before long."

The saiyan's prediction was prophetic. Moments later the room filled with cries, as one baby set off another, then another...

Goku grabbed the nearest infant and cooed, trying to settle it.
Vegeta picked up a baby from his side.

"It's no good this way."

"WHAT??" Goku couldn't hear him.

"I SAID IT'S NO GOOD THIS WAY" Vegeta bellowed over the noise.

Goku nodded. "I'LL GET THEIR PACIFIERS!"

"GOOD IDEA."

The tall saiyan pulled up his tattered pajamas (saiyans always get violent before they do it) and bounded from the room. Vegeta meanwhile purred loudly in an attempt to calm all the infants he couldn't hold.

Goku rummaged through the lower kitchen cabinet, pulling out the crate of Batman Pacifiers. He raced upstairs in a heartbeat.

"Got 'em!" he shouted, waving the box. Vegeta shushed him.

"Can't you see I've got them calmed down?"

"Oops. No problem, these should fix them right up" he immediately began stuffing pacifiers between tiny lips. Vegeta turned on the overhead light and stared.

"Kakarot...what are those things?!"

Goku huffed as he continued popping plugs in their mouths. "What do they look like, Vegeta? Pacifiers!"

The ouji pointed. "Why are they shaped like...costumed heads?"

"Oh. Well, some of them are batman, and some are robin. You know,
fictional crime fighters."

"The department store sells those things?"

"No, I got them from-"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me, I know. A discount warehouse for children's items."

Goku grinned. "How'd you know?"

"Kakarot, you're flirting with a black eye."

Goku half turned and waved his tail seductively. "No nookie, then."

Vegeta hissed through his teeth. "You're aggravating me!"

His mate purred. "Good. Now help me out here!"

The ouji reached for the pacifier box. "And if I don't?"

Goku grinned slyly. "Then burst, or use your hand."

Vegeta grabbed pacifiers and began stuffing. "No fair" he growled.

An hour later the bedroom was filled with sounds of infants sucking.
Vegeta was about to explode, his body feeling swollen.

"Kakarot" he growled. "Enough, let's go downstairs!"

Goku bent over deliberately, exposing bronzed flesh under tattered pajamas (Vegeta had ripped them earlier).

"Huhh, okay. Just a couple more to go."

Annoyed beyond reason, the ouji inspected a few of the pacifiers closely. "The nipples are different colors" he observed.

"Yeah, they're flavored. I noticed the kids preferred them over the plain ones."

"What are the flavors?"

"Blueberry, cherry, lime, lemon, and licorice."

Vegeta sampled a nipple with the tip of his tongue. "Hn. Not bad" he popped a pacifier in his mouth.

Goku turned away to keep from laughing. Vegeta continued to suck,
perplexed at his mate's reaction.

"Whub yor problem?"

The crazy sight of Vegeta sucking a pacifier was almost enough to make Goku forget his raging libido.

"Krkkk!!"

"What the??"

The tall saiyan stared as his mate crunched down on the pacifier and threw out the front piece. Goku groaned in disgust.

"For Kami's sake, Vegeta. You aren't supposed to eat it!"

The ouji continued to crunch away. "The nipple tastes like candy,
Kakarot."

Goku made a face. "I'm not even going there..."

Vegeta licked his fingers in satisfaction. "I thought I'd try a licorice one."

"That figures. I know how you love licorice."

Vegeta bounded across the room. "I'd love something else about now"
he glanced at a prominent bulge and clutched it, squeezing the soft heat.

Goku howled before Vegeta muffled his mouth with a hand. "Do you want to wake the chibis again??"

"Then quit grabbing me like that" Goku hissed, his tail slamming the wall. Vegeta pressed into him for a kiss.

/I want your taste now/ sultry eyes looked up into equally smouldering ones.

"'Geta" Goku growled, crushing him close and chewing an ear. The ouji arched against him, his tail a furry whipcord. They kissed frantically for a few moments. Goku eventually pulled free of the contact, lips moist.

"Ve-geta" he rasped, looking at the babies. "Not here..."

The ouji glanced at their brood briefly. "Agreed" he growled. "Let's go downstairs, I said!"

Goku dragged him out of the bedroom by the tail.

When it came to sex, saiyans rarely stopped once they got going,
regardless of circumstance. Needless to say, Goku and Vegeta didn't make it downstairs without shredding the remnants of their pajamas.
Heat radiated from spicy flesh as they tangled in the hallway and collapsed on the carpet. Purrs became growls as two bronzed bodies flexed and strained against each other in the dark. Arms, legs and tails wound tightly as they rolled through the house.

Silence, save for rasping breath and sloppy kisses. Strong hands clutched and gripped quivering flesh, teased rippling muscle.

Vegeta snaked his tongue out. "Hn, you're taking too long...perhaps you can't do the job any longer" he taunted, wiggling his hips.

Goku snarled, his tail puffing and lashing. "Tell me after you scream" he thrust against his mate rapidly. Vegeta howled and bounced, his tail flailing about as their erections rubbed and flared. Two days of nonstop childcare brought out the worst in saiyan lust, and pent up desire raged out of control. Goku bit down on Vegeta's lower lip as they ground together in frenzy. A huge vase crashed to the floor as wild tails knocked it from a glass end table.
End over end they rolled down the hallway, tumbling down the stairs.
With a loud thud they finally landed at the base of the stairway.

Vegeta grabbed the base of Goku's tail and yanked, which was all it took at that point. Goku shrieked in pleasure he jacked off against his mate, hips grinding in wild circles. Vegeta wailed as his mate set him off. Eyes rolled back as he roared and fired out, bucking them both from the floor. Bellies flooded from volcanoes of wet heat.

Somewhere, vaguely, they heard odd noises.

They fell on their sides in bliss and exhaustion. Golden flesh glistened in the dark from lovemaking as they nuzzled. Lazy tails swept across slickened skin.

Soft purrs. "Hn, I liked that" Vegeta rumbled, wrapping his legs tightly around his mate, toes curling.

Goku smiled against the spicy throat. "You're the best, Vegeta...but next time I'm pounding you into the floor."

The ouji nipped his ear, slapping his tail across the broad back. "We'll see, koi. I might jump your back first!"

They held each other in content, soft stroking and enjoying mutual body warmth. Tongues teased in slow open kisses.

"Nfmpth...kami...I was going nuts..."

"Thhuh...m'too...damn near...hopped your bones upstairs..."

One tail found another, coiling and ruffling. Soon heated skin sparked once more, as feverish caresses replaced tender touches.

Sloppy kisses now. /Getting horny again, Vegeta...turn over!/

/You first...I want it now, Kakarot!/

They grabbed and pushed against each other, growling in loveplay.
Bites were exchanged. First Vegeta was flipped over, then Goku. Back and forth the game went. Soon they found themselves squashed in a bare corner of the rec room. Tongues flicked together wildly as erections were fisted.

The strange noises they heard earlier got louder. Sucking sounds.
Both saiyans froze, eyes blazing in the dark. Tails fluffed instinctively.

/Kakarot, did you hear that?/

/Hai, but I don't sense danger./

The two yelped as something bounced off their heads. A pacifier.

Goku rolled off of Vegeta. "What the?" they both stared up. Pairs of shiny little eyes peeped down the stairs between the banister rails.
Babies littered the steps as well, staring down. The dark was no hindrance to saiyan vision. All of them were still suckling on pacifiers.

"Kami" Vegeta went pale. "There's no telling how long they've been watching us."

Goku was redfaced. "I thought I heard noises earlier, but-"

"I got caught up too, koi."

Suddenly the babies grinned, waving their little tails. Some started to crawl down the steps to their parents, while others sat and clapped their hands.

Goku and Vegeta sat against the wall in frustrated lust,
heaving. "Shimatta, another week of cold showers" Goku cursed.

Vegeta shook his head sadly as their children climbed over them. "In another week I'll be humping at the zoo."

They returned upstairs with their brood, plopping infants on the orange and red striped mattress. The weary small ones soon fell asleep. Goku noticed the lime green fur blanket and gummy bear sheets pushed in a corner of the bedroom. Vegeta smirked.

"At least our children have good taste. Not to mention their eyesight intact."

Goku glared at him. "Now that's funny, Vegeta. The thermostat cut off, so the room warmed up. That green blanket probably got too hot for them."

"That and our noise" Vegeta reminded him.

"Ah...yeah. Anyway, I'll put these up. We aren't sleeping on a bare mattress!"

Vegeta climbed across the mattress, carefully easing between babies. "Hurry up!"

Goku grunted, pulling out a gold lame' cover with black tassels. With a casual flip of saiyan strength, he shook the sheet out over everybody.

Stupefied, Vegeta shielded his eyes from the glare. "By the Kings of Vegetaseii!!"

Goku sidled up alongside him, sliding underneath the shiny fabric. "I thought you'd like it. I figured I'd splurge..."

Vegeta looked pained. "Kakarot..."

"Gold lame' is pretty expensive, about twelve bucks a yard. But since I needed such a large amount, the guy at the warehouse let me have this for seven bucks a yard."

Vegeta squinted at his reflection in gold. "What infernal warehouse sells 784 square feet of gold lame'?"

"Curtain suppliers for theatres. They thought I was a mall owner!"

Vegeta settled back against Brady Bunch pillows. "Hn, it's somewhat decadent...and I am still horny..."

Goku curled into his side with a sloopy grin. "And it feels good against your skin..."

Vegeta purred, eyes lidded. "Sleazeball...you'd hump right here with the babies?"

Goku licked his throat. "What's a sleazy saiyan?"

Vegeta licked his lips. "This reminds me of my childhood."

Goku was curious. "Oh? Something happen in the palace?"

A snicker. "I'll say... father had rather...impulsive appetites. He loved to bed inferior class soldiers."

Goku propped on an elbow. "So the king went slumming?"

"Hn, he slummed with your father."

"WHAT??"

Vegeta laughed quietly. "Hai, I was about five...I was playing near the throneroom and heard noises from a side chamber."

Goku sat up in stunned surprise. "But how...out of everyone on the planet did he end up with my father?!"

"Bardock earned favor by his loyalty and reputation. He was brutally efficient in world purges, and had one of the highest success rates."

Goku was silent, thinking again what could have been. Vegeta continued. "Anyway, I loved to sneak up on people, so I followed the sounds. Father had the outer chambers sealed off, so there was no danger of intrusion. But a small princeling was unaccounted for."

Goku shook a finger at him. "You were supposed to be asleep" he surmised.

Vegeta smiled mischeviously. "Hai, the nanny placed me in my room but I sneaked out. Anyway, I got a good look behind the curtain. They were really going at it!"

Goku shook his head in disbelief, picturing the scene in his head. "Weird!"

Vegeta gave a half smile. "Oh, but it gets better. I couldn't stop watching. It seemed so strange to see the King like that, on his belly."

"Dad was uke, eh?"

The ouji made a face. "Only because he wanted to be, I guess. How would I know? Anyway, I tried to slip away but they smelled me.
Father demanded that I come out."

"Bet you wanted to hide."

"Run is more like it. He wanted to know why I watched them."

"Did my father say anything?"

"He just smiled and said I was cute. I took offense, naturally."

"Naturally."

"Royal pride was instilled in me even at that age. Bardock was still a third class soldier."

"Hmm. So what happened then?"

"I stared at their bodies...they smelled funny to me. Their scent was very strong, different. Father said I'd understand someday when I got older."

"Were you punished?"

"No. He...just started kissing Bardock and they went on with it like I wasn't there!"

Goku stared. "So our fathers...did it in front of you on purpose?"

Vegeta shrugged. "Saiyans. What can I say? I watched for awhile,
until they got too wild and noisy."

Goku made a face. "Huhh."

"We aren't any different, you know. And you definitely...have some of Bardock's characteristics."

Goku flushed red. "You don't have to draw me a picture."

"Bardock's scar was my father's mark. He claimed him as his 'special'
one."

"That's incredible!"

Vegeta yawned. "Hai...but back to the present, Kakarot. I'm still horny, and this soft fabric feels really good against my cock."

Sultry eyes were dark with fire. "Let's see, 'Geta" Goku slipped his hand low and squeezed the throbbing shaft. Vegeta bucked.

"Kami! Careful, or I'll make a mess right now" he hissed through his teeth.

"Yeah, I think we should..."

Vegeta lowered hot eyes, his tail thumping under the sheet. Sculpted hands stroked his mate, feeling an equally hard erection pressing against his hip.

"SEITEKI. Let's bounce!!"

And under a sea of gold lame' they got down to serious monkey humping, bouncing babies everywhere.

THE END

A/U -SPOOF.The family that growls together, howls together...

Fuzzy Fun

Goten, Gohan and Trunks spread a huge net across the back yard. Goku and Vegeta placed fifty babies inside a slingshot mounted on the back patio. Once the small ones were secured, the two saiyans pulled back the giant elastic band.

"GROUP ONE, FIRE!!" they bellowed, releasing the spring. Babies went hurtling through the air, squealing in delight as they tumbled into the heavy net. The demi-saiyans rolled them up like a fisherman's catch and dragged them across the yard before shaking them out into the pool.

"GROUP ONE IS IN!" Trunks bellowed.

"CHECK" Vegeta hollered back. "GROUP TWO COMING UP!"

An hour (and four slingshots) later, all 186 infants were in the pool. Gohan, Goten, and Trunks made certain their small siblings didn't climb out. Goku and Vegeta rolled two wheel barrels of soap chips out by the pool.

"All right, eltti syekno (small darlings)" Vegeta purred. "Bath time"
he shook buckets of soap chips into the water. Goku likewise dumped buckets of white flakes from the other side of the pool.

"Make sure they don't get soap in their eyes" he instructed the others.

Goten tried to contain wiggling babies that wanted to play. "Ya, dad,
but what about OUR eyes!"

"I've got the stick" Trunks flew in circles above the pool, stirring the bathwater with a light pole. Babies scuttled over to it and started to cling. Vegeta spied them with alarm.

"Trunks, they're climbing the pole!" he pointed. "Get them off!"

"Oops!" Trunks shook burbling infants clear. They plopped back into the water. Gohan rolled up his pant legs and waded in, scrubbing little bottoms with soft cloths. He was soon joined by Goku and Vegeta. Goten lifted up Ox-from-Somewhere.

"Hey, look! It's a mini me!" he shouted brightly. Ox-From-Somewhere grinned, sticking his tongue out. Trunks took off his shoes and joined the others in the pool.

"Ya, so does that one there" Trunks pointed at Ox-That-Moves.

"Here, make yourself useful!" Gohan threw some washcloths at him.
Trunks barely avoided getting hit in the face.

"Funny guy!" he shook a fist.

Goku and Vegeta sudsed up little heads. The small ones burped and splashed. Goku squinted as he desperately tried to keep soap out of his eyes. Vegeta wasn't faring much better, getting completely soaked as well.

"I'm not sure who's getting the bath here!" the tall saiyan laughed.
Vegeta nodded between splatters.

"Hai, we'll all have to change later."

Meanwhile, their sons were having some extra fun of their own. Goten picked up OxyGen. "Say, guys, what do you think? Does this one look like me, too?"

Trunks shook his head. "Nah, he looks more like Gohan. But see here"
he picked up OxyBabee. "Look. Papa's shrunk in all this water!"

"Very funny" Vegeta glanced over at him while dunking babies.

Gohan laughed. "Yeah, a teeny Vegeta-sama. Here's dad!" he hauled up Ox-Down-Low.

Goten pointed gleefully. "Looks like me, too!"

"Goofball. The ones that look like dad are going to look like you!"

"Here's two Gohans" Goten picked up Ox-that-hides and BubbaOx.

"Those are girls."

"So? They still look like you!"

"Are you all crazy?!" Goku finally interrupted, catching a face full of water from the chibis.

"Dad's having a rough time over there" Gohan snickered as he lathered more infants. He plucked up one in each arm.

"Hey, Trunks!" he held out BooOX and BaybeeOx. "Are these your babies?"

The demi-saiyan laughed. "The hair and coloring is all wrong, but they do look like me in the face..."

Vegeta shook his head. "They're all insane."

"This one looks like Pan!" Goten found SheBeOx.

"These ones look like everybody" Trunks held up GoGoOX, MaalOx and OxyRun.

"Itty bitty Goku-sans" Trunks plucked up Oxtail and Oxbow from the suds. "Aren't they adorable?"

Goku glared at them. "What is this?" he caught another faceful of bath water.

"Here's two more Vegeta-samas" Gohan bounced Ox-Go-Low and Ox-Stay-
High. "They're so cute."

Goten peered over. "Hey, you think Vegeta-sama looked like that when he was a baby?"

Gohan teased his younger brother. "Well, with you and half these chibis here I already know what dad looked like!"

"Some of 'em look like my dad with your dad's hair, and your dad with MY dad's hair-"

"ARE YOU CLOWNS FINISHED??" Vegeta bellowed. "Either help or get out of the pool!"

The ouji's outburst set off a round of happy squeals and squalls.
Saiyan babies loved noise and confusion.

"Gomen" the embarrassed demi-saiyans murmured.

Three hours later two saiyans and three demi-saiyans were exhausted and drenched. The 186 chibis were happy, clean and dry. There was something wrong with that picture. Vegeta pulled at the valve on the wall of the inflatable pool.

"Kuso! The pressure's too high...this valve won't open!"

Goku tried to help, reaching around Vegeta's arms. "Man...this...thing is tight..."

A short distance away, Goten snickered. "Good thing we know what they're talking about" he nudged Trunks.

The purple hair eyed him disapprovingly. "Hentai!"

"I'll say" Gohan whispered. "Little brother is a pervy of the worst order."

Meanwhile, the clean and dry chibis sat in the sunshine, cozy and comfy on a huge 'Godfather' blanket, under the watchful eye of their big brothers.

The two saiyans continued to pull, with no results. A stray baby crawled over to the other side of the pool unnoticed. Ox-that-bites.
Strong little hands gripped the thick walls of vinyl.

Goku and Vegeta sensed a small ki much closer than the others. Goku frowned. "Could one of the babies still be in the pool?" he peered over the side.

Vegeta let go of the valve and looked around. "I don't think so...they're all over there on the blanket."

Trunks thought he spied a little round bottom on the far side of the pool. The orange diaper was hard to miss.

"Hey, over there!" he pointed. "I thought I saw Ox-that-bites-"

Goku and Vegeta looked at each other quickly. "OX-THAT-BITES!!" they bounded over the pool to grab her. Too late. Sharp teeth clamped down through thick vinyl...

SPLOOOOOSHHHH!!

A thousand gallons of water careened over the lawn everywhere,
crashing against the enclosed wood panel fencing, through the gate and out into the street.

Goku snatched up Ox-That-Bites. "Hey, Vegeta, the babies will get wet again!"

The ouji blasted underneath the blanket with ki, floating it high above the calamity. Trunks, Goten, and Gohan pulled the blanket over the roof (now covered with babies) giving the neighbors something to talk about for weeks.

Goten looked himself over as he hung suspended in the air. "We look like drowned rats!"

Gohan and Trunks kept infants from tumbling off the roof. "We almost were drowned rats!" his brother retorted. Vegeta shook his finger at the mischevious chibi as she gummed Goku's forearm.

"Ox-that-Bites. You know better!"

Ox-that-Bites clucked at him, drooling.

Goku shivered in his wet clothing. "Well, we watered the lawn and cleaned the street all at once!"

The chibis were hauled inside and put in their playroom. The next step wasn't a pleasant one...combing their hair and tails. Especially tails. Saiyans had a tendency to shed at certain times of the year.
The adults sat about in the playroom, picking up babies and tagging them to be combed.

Goku checked off on the wall chart. "Okay, who's got numbers one thru thirty-seven?"

"That's me" Gohan raised his hand.

"Thirty eight thru seventy five?"

"I do, of course" Vegeta responded.

"Seventy six thru one eleven?"

"Over here, dad" Goten hollered.

"One twelve thru one forty eight goes to Trunks" Goku pointed at the purple hair.

"Got it."

"And I've got the last group. Everybody got their combs and bags ready?"

"Yeah, but what if they bite?" Goten wanted to know.

"Deal with it, boy" Vegeta snapped. "You've got saiyan blood...why should tiny wounds bother you?"

"I'm not looking to get chewed on, Vegeta-sama."

"They do hate to have their tails combed, papa" Trunks added.

Vegeta stared at them both. "Unbelievable" wimps.

"Well, it needs to be done so let's get on with it" Goku told everybody. He plopped down in a pile of babies.

Goten rolled up his sleeves. "I should get combat pay."

The next two hours were a testiment to manual dexterity as the adults managed to avoid getting chomped. Chibis yowled, mewed and kicked as they got combed. Gohan twirled OxyBoo around in his lap so he couldn't bite. He ran a comb through the thick little mop.

"Boy" the demi-saiyan grunted, "this is like grooming a carpet!"

Trunks wasn't faring much better. "Kuso! I broke another comb."

Goku tossed him one. "The box is over here, if you need more."

"Thanks" Trunks caught it and stared at the handle. "Strawberry Shortcake?"

Gohan grinned. "Don't complain. Mine's Barney the purple dinosaur."

Vegeta meanwhile was efficiently combing babies. He glanced up. "Use the detangler" he pointed at the tank sized bottle of Mane n' Tail.

Goten nearly got his hand crunched as BubbaOx snapped at him. "Dad,
can you toss me a bowl of that conditioner?"

"Sure. Just don't use too much."

The conditioner made their job a lot easier. Goku lathered little tails all around and combed the snarls out. "Much better" he commented.

"Yeah, not bad" Gohan smiled at gleaming little heads. "Sure beats getting bit."

Trunks glanced over at Goten. "You okay over there?"

Goten was still struggling with his group. Oxi, Oxtail, Ox-that-hides and OxBox were hopelessly gooked with conditioner, their heads and tails nearly white with cream. Goku laughed out loud.

"Goten, don't you think that's a bit much?"

"Silly boy!" Vegeta added, annoyed. "What in Kami's name did you do,
pour the bowl over their heads?! Take this towel and wipe them off"
he slung a fresh towel at the demi-saiyan.

Goten blushed, catching it. "Gomen, mine got a little runny...I guess the conditioner is thin in spots."

"Not as thin as your brain" Vegeta told him.

They finished bagging all the hairballs and loose fur and hour later.
The babies were fed and put to bed. Goku tucked them in under Smurf sheets and Gundam Wing blankets. A few infants curled under Spiderman pillows.

Trunks stared. "Uh, Goku-san, where do you get your linen?"

The tall saiyan grinned. "Oh, you like our bed and sheet combinations?"

The demi-sayian made a face. "Uhm..let's just say they're different."

Goten looked at the patterns. "Frankly dad, they're weird. Nothing ever seems to match."

Vegeta folded his arms, stifling a laugh. "Goten apparently has taste you haven't developed, Kakarot."

Goku sniffed. "I happen to like them! Besides, I keep telling you it's hard to get traditional stuff in 784 square feet!"

Gohan gritted his teeth. "I'd say that's a reach alright. But Goten's right, even the diapers are strange. I didn't want to say anything earlier, but..."

"Anything else you want to criticize, Gohan?!" He glared nose to nose with his son.

Gohan cringed. "No. But really, who dresses their babies in day-glo orange diapers? I mean, I'd never put them on Pan-"

"You've only got one kid to keep track of. I've got a hundred and eighty eight! The color makes them easier to keep track of!"

"I ah...suppose..."

Goku continued, his tail bristling out. "And before the day is done I may only have one hundred and eighty SEVEN kids!!"

Goten snickered.

Gohan shrugged. "Never mind."

Trunks put on dark sunglasses. "There, that's better."

Vegeta clapped a hand on his forehead. "Kami, this family is a loon bin."

It was a beautiful, quiet night. Silvery rays shone gently into the house through filtered windows. Goku and Vegeta curled together in the darkened den, staring up at the panorama through the skylight window.

A soft sigh. "I must say Kakarot, this is an improvement over those horrid bed covers upstairs."

The tall saiyan winked at his mate. "I'm not a complete goof, Vegeta.
This is our cozy nook. Do you like it?"

The ouji stretched languidly against the taller body, the nap on his tail lifting. "Hn, very nice...very...saiyan."

It was true. The inflatable mattress was encased in purple satin lined with gold cord. Matching sheets and cream satin pillows edged in gold and purple tassels finished the look. Underneath the mattress was another sheet of black satin draped across the floor. Half empty goblets of Sherry sat on a small brass tray.

Vegeta nuzzled, inhaling spicy flesh. "Hn, perhaps I spoke too hastily about your taste" he licked an ear.

Goku purred. "What's it like, ouji?'

A hot tongue tip trailed his throat. "Nnmph...sugar...spice...everything nice..."

Goku gripped the ouji against him, hot chests pressing. "You know the moonlight really brings out your cheekbones, Vegeta."

Vegeta smiled wanly, his fine features planed in soft light. "Flatterer...you aren't bad yourself" he ruffled the thick hair affectionately.

They were silent for a bit, enjoying their time together. A realization struck them both. Vegeta turned over on Goku's belly.

"Kakarot...what did you say about the moonlight?"

Equally dark eyes went wide also. "I...you don't think..."

They got out of bed immediately, slipping on matching purple satin robes. "Check the calendar!" Goku pointed over the desk. Vegeta went over and stared at it, his eyes widening in horror.

"Kakarot!!"

CRASH!

The saiyans raced upstairs at the sound of breaking glass. They already knew what happened. Goku ran through the house and closed all the windows. Vegeta bounded into the children's bedroom. Too late.

"KAKAROT, GET IN HERE."

Goku entered a room of chaos. Baby oozaru were everywhere, growling and climbing the walls. Some had already escaped outside. Vegeta blasted the wall with a force field to hold some of them in.

Vegeta looked weary. "I'd better get the solar simulator. It's gonna be a long night."

"I'll get the ones outside!" Goku transmitted out.

The neighbors called the police. Downtown at the third district,
Captain Henderson operated the main desk flooded with phone calls.

"Captain Henderson, third district-"

"I'd like to report creatures running in our yard!"

"Uh huh...ma'am, could you be a bit more specific?"

"What do you mean, specific. Monkeys are loose in my yard!"

The sargeant picked up the other line and shook his head. Henderson pointed at him. "You handle this, Pickersot. I don't know what's going on, but there seems to be a panic out there tonight. I've got a meeting with the commissioner in about an hour."

"Let me deal with it" Pickersot winked, speaking into the other line. "Sargeant Pickersot here, ma'am. Now if you could give details we'll gladly help-"

"The citizens of south city aren't safe. Remember the ape stories-"

"Your problem, please?"

"Small ones are in my yard, tearing up my lawn. They're chewing on my shrubs!"

Pickersot fought to keep a straight face. "Can you describe these so called creatures?"

"What's wrong with you, officer? They're monkeys! Black fur, red eyes-

"Red eyes, huh?"

"Yes! And they have sharp teeth! My husband shot at one-"

"What's the location?"

"68th north avenue, forty five hundred block!"

"A moment, ma'am" Pickersot called to a nearby officer. "Send a few squad cars over to 68 north, forty five hundred. Got an outside disturbance."

The officer nodded. "Another call from that area?"

"Yeah. It could be a hoax or serious, but we won't know until it's checked out."

Goku was thankful the pack instinct was strong in saiyans. It made the chibi oozaru easier to gather and locate. All of the escapees were two blocks down the street and not one of them had separated.
The saiyan ignored the odd looks he got running through the darkened streets in a satin robe. If anything, the neighbors were avoiding him, scooting to their homes and slamming the doors shut.

Whatever he thought grimly, catching their scent between houses. It wasn't long before he heard growls and roars.

Better transmit back there. I don't need to be seen running behind someone's house.

He winked out and reappeared in a huge backyard with about thirty small oozaru, who proceeded to trash the place. Garden hoses were bitten and chewed. Some of them were swinging in the trees and eating leaves. A swingset was turned over and crushed. Goku stood straight as a rod and gave a shrieking roar.

/Moc, lttil eno. I si mit o og moh!/ (Come, little ones. It is time to go home!)

The chibi were-apes shuffled his way, growling softly. They rocked back and forth impatiently at his feet. Goku looked up, sensing a familiar ki. Vegeta. The ouji flew into the yard like a shot. He was talking before he landed.

"Are they all here?"

Goku nodded. "They stayed together."

Vegeta nodded, understanding. "Hai, the pack instinct is strong-"

The baby oozaru chittered excitedly, pounding their chests. Their parents shushed them with low growls. Vegeta pressed a button on the solar device, bathing the mini-apes in sunlight. Goku glanced off to the side, hearing approaching police sirens.

"Vegeta" he hissed.

"I hear them, but this comes first!"

Seconds later the apes began to shift and change...

PAFF!!

Confused babies sat in a pile, their tails knotted in fear. The saiyans cooed at their brood to calm them.

"EEK!! Freaks in our yard!!"

The startled saiyans snapped around. Frightened faces peered from a brightly lit kitchen window.

Vegeta spun on his mate. "Can you transmit us out? The police will be here soon!"

Goku nodded quickly. "Touch me and the babies at the same time!"

They were gone seconds later.

The house was sealed and barricaded, the babies secure once more in their room. Goku and Vegeta returned to their private nook and collapsed on satin sheets.

"What a night" Goku was frazzled, staring up at the skylight. Vegeta had plopped over him.

"Hai...I could sleep for days."

"Yeah" Goku kept staring up. Vegeta wondered at his silence after awhile. He looked into his mate's eyes.

"Kakarot?"

The long form stretched and vibrated under him. Sleepy red eyes glimmered. "'Geta, I feel really, really, good..." his tail puffed.

Dark eyes blinked in confusion. "What?" Vegeta glanced up quickly.

"Fool! Stop staring up there-"

"GRWWR...yeah...feel great..." Goku's hair shagged out. He smiled at his mate sharply.

"IDIOT!" Vegeta smothered his face with a pillow. "Third class nitwit!"

"Bub Begeta if bu cober by face I candt breefe" Goku was snuffled.

"Don't breathe then, baka! After everything we've been through, do you think I want to go hunting after YOU in the dark?!"

"Bub I-"

"QUIET. Your class never could control themselves, and I've had enough for one day. So lay there with your face covered!"

And true to his word, Vegeta pinned his mate to the floor all night...

THE END

A/U -SPOOF. The tooth will set you free...

Chomp

Vegeta wondered why his skull was killing him. The last thing he remembered was making glorious love with his mate and falling asleep in his arms. It was one of the few and precious times they had alone in their quiet nook in the den.

Warmth under purple satin shifted next to him blearily. /Vegeta, what the hell??/

/What, you too? I can't get my eyes to open./

/Ugh, me neither...feels like my head's busted. What hit me?/

A pause. /?? The mattress is too hard.../

/Why is my face wet?/

/Vegeta...it feels like the floor. Kami, am I in a coma or something?/

/I'll gladly join you. My brain's spinning in color!/

Blearily the two saiyans opened their eyes in the dark. Goku squinted at stabbing pain in his temples.

"Kami!" he rubbed his head. Vegeta winced at his outburst, holding his ears.

"Quiet" he hissed, pinching his eyes shut. "Are you trying to kill me with that noise?"

They took a few moments to assess their situation. Goku wobbled up to a sitting position. Vegeta managed to roll on an elbow.

Goku held his head. "You okay, Vegeta?"

The ouji massaged a palm against his eyes. "Hai. Get a gun and shoot me."

Goku blinked about in the dark. "I don't get it...hey!" he looked down. Vegeta squinted at him. "What?"

"The mattress is flat...we're on the floor!"

"Kuso!" Vegeta glanced down, focusing his eyes. Satin puddled around them everywhere. Curious hands groped along their ruined bed.

Dark eyes went wide. "Kakarot! I feel holes..."

"Me too! And the bedsheets are ripped in spots."

Vegeta managed to sit up as well. "But what could have caused..."

They stopped, hearing a small noise nearby. Goku put a finger to his lips and pointed across the room, smiling.

Ox-that-Bites sat underneath a service tray, her eyes shining in the dark. A small piece of purple satin hung from her mouth.

Vegeta laughed quietly. "Little monkey...are you trying to kill us?!"

Goku chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Now I know what happened to the mattress!"

The baby crawled over to them and climbed on top. Vegeta gently pried the fabric from her teeth. "Yzari ibihe" (Crazy chibi) he smiled lovingly at her.

Goku nuzzled the little mop. "Berdikta. You'll be the end of us yet,
girl. She must have bitten the mattress. It's no wonder a piece of the sheet got stuck in her teeth."

Vegeta grinned at the thought. "Our heads probably bounced off the floor in our sleep."

Ox-that-Bites gave a sleepy yawn before sliding underneath the bedsheet and squeezing between her parents snugly. Small hands and feet curled as she tucked up.

Goku and Vegeta gazed at their daughter tenderly.

"Oh, well. What's a concussion, more or less" Vegeta snuggled from his side, laying an arm across the baby.

Goku yawned also, eyelids heavy. He reached across and linked hands with Vegeta over their daughter.

"Yeah...besides, we have plenty of aspirin."

THE END

Someone better boil these kids some tires to teethe on...

A/U -SPOOF. Saiyan babies rule.

Asleep at the Wheel

Gohan, Goten and Trunks went up the long walkway to their parent's home. Oddly enough the front door was partially open.

Trunks peeped in first. "This is weird...why is the door open like this?"

Gohan nodded, looking around the front yard. "Yeah, someone might break in!"

Goten disagreed. "Well if they're stupid enough to go for it, it's their funeral...they'd get bitten up before they could steal anything!"

His brother laughed at that. "Hai, they'd never make it. Now we've got to find our Tousans."

The three demi-saiyans stepped through the strangely quiet house.
Gohan frowned.

"Hmm...they're here, but I don't see any babies about."

Trunks pointed down the hall. "In the kitchen, guys. Let's take a look!"

The sight was hilarious. Vegeta had fallen asleep at the kitchen table, his face in a bowl of oatmeal. Babies were everywhere. Some sat on the countertop eating sugar from the can. Others crawled around under the table covered with flour. Three chibis had squeezed inside the oven. Several more babies had smashed food on their faces and heads. Fat little legs and arms hung from the cabinets. Goten pointed at the ceiling. SheBeOx was in her usual place, hanging over the light fixture.

Trunks was sore from laughing. "Oh ghods, this is priceless...what happened here?!"

Gohan chuckled as well. "The inmates are running the asylum...do you think we should wake up Vegeta-sama?"

Goten stood over the sleeping ouji. "How can he breathe like that?"

Trunks grinned. "I have no idea...father, wake up!!"

"NMmmpff??"

Goten shook his shoulders. "Come on, you're gonna smother like that!!"

A cough. Vegeta abruptly sat up, his face covered in oatmeal.

"Whub the hull??" he mumbled, wiping cereal from his eyes.

Goten snickered. "You...you fell asleep in your oatmeal!"

Vegeta glared as the three demi-saiyans laughed. Ox-that-Sits crawled across the table and licked cereal from his cheek.

"I'm glad everyone thinks this is so funny" the ouji was sour.

Gohan nearly had tears in his eyes. "Sorry, but this is so funny...what happened?"

Vegeta stared at the chaos. "Kami, this kitchen is destroyed! It'll take hours to clean up..."

Goten pulled OxyBoo, Oxii, and OxyBabee out of the oven. They immediately clung to him like a vine.

"Gee, Vegeta-sama. How could you fall asleep like that...the chibis had a good time making a mess!"

They were interrupted by a crunching sound. Panicked, they saw Ox-
that-Bites and BubbaOx chewing on salt and pepper shakers.

"Get those away from them!" Vegeta shouted, now wiping his face with a towel. Alarmed, Gohan and Trunks swept the babies up and pried broken glass from their lips.

"Kami, this is unbelievable" Gohan popped a chunk of salt from BubbaOx's mouth.

Vegeta sighed, looking at the carnage. "Where's that no good mate of mine? He was supposed to be doing the wash!"

Trunks picked up MaaLOX, GoogooOx., Ox-that-Hides and HeBeOx. They were completely covered in flour, dusting everybody. Everyone coughed as the air went white.

"Kuso!!" Vegeta swore, his hair ashy with powder. Goten blinked, his face and lips white.

"Pafth. Let's find dad...he's probably got his hands full too!"

Trunks pointed at the cabinets. "We've got some more rescuing to do"
tiny heads peeped out at them.

Gohan plucked more chibis from the countertop. Smashed food got pasted into his clothing. The demi-saiyan frowned.

"Great. I just got this outfit back from the cleaners."

They staggered through the house, numb. The living and dining room area was a wreck. Babies clung to sheer drapes, shredding them with sharp nails. The banisters and walls had scratch marks. Vegeta grabbed chibis trying to eat upholstery stuffing from ripped sofa cushions.

"Cripes, they oughta be a demolition crew" Goten stammered at the wild sight. Babies hung like possums on every doorknob. Trunks shook his head.

"Papa, do you want to get them all off?"

"No, just leave them" Vegeta grunted. "At least those are sleeping."

Gohan stared at gouges in the carpet. "Dad's in the house...why didn't he watch the babies upstairs?!"

"I'll kill him!!" Vegeta swore as they went downstairs to the basement.

The madness continued. Goku was asleep in the washroom on a huge pile of clean diapers. Ox-from-Somewhere, DereBeeOx, Oxtant, Oxall, Ox-on-
the-Run, Oxtail, and Ox-go-Low had torn open detergent boxes and were covered in soap powder. OxyBoo was knawing on an apple. Babies burbled in the washing machine, playing in spinning water. Other chibis were in the wash basins throwing sponges.

"This is CRAZY" Trunks shook his head. "Goku-san's out like a light!!"

WildOx, Ox-that-Fights and Ox-that-Bounces were calmly shredding diapers with needle teeth. JumboOx, IttyOx, and BittyOx sat on Goku's chest and watched him sleep, drooling over his face.

"KAKAROT!!" Vegeta bellowed at the top of his lungs. Happy babies squealed at the noise (saiyan babies love chaos).

The tall saiyan blinked, catching a glop of drool in an eye.

"HEY!!" he jolted to a sitting position, rubbing his face. His chibis grinned and clucked.

Gohan eyed his father with disapproval. "Dad, come on! Look around you. The babies have torn up everything!"

Goku stared at them all. "Why are you covered in flour?"

"Never mind that, bakayarou!" a dusty Vegeta shouted. "The house is ruined...how could you fall asleep like that?!"

"Me? What about you?!"

"I...was upstairs in the kitchen."

"Yeah? Doing what?"

Vegeta stomped his foot, tail bristling. "Don't turn this around!
This basement is a wreck!"

Goku glared back, eyes flashing. "You look like a wreck yourself. I can only imagine what the upstairs looks like!"

The chibis shrieked in delight once more, enjoying the loud argument.
Trunks held his ears.

"Will you both quit it?! You're giving me a headache!"

"Yeah" Gohan winced, pulling diaper shreds from tight little lips. "Between you and the babies making racket, I don't know who's worse!"

Goten plucked WhoppaOx, OxyPop, and WheregoOx from the washing machine, shaking his head. "Man, is there any place they won't squeeze?" the soggy babies immediately wrapped their tails around his arms.

Vegeta huffed, taking some towels and cleaning soap powder from the other chibis. "Of all the idiocy, Kakarot...falling asleep with the machine running!"

"It wasn't running when I fell asleep!"

Goten rolled his eyes. "Oh great, they're gonna argue again."

"CRIPES!!" Trunks dived over to the washbasin just as Ox-Ishere and Ox-is-Not were about to make a meal of sponges and soap bars.

"You look like a freaking mess. Where do you get off yelling at ME"
Goku shouted at his mate, setting off another round of high pitched squeals.

"At least I expect the BABIES to drool!!" Vegeta bellowed again,
flour sticking to his eyes.

The chibis screeched with glee, screaming as they waved chunky arms.
Goten clutched his head in aggravation. "Geez, I just blew out an eardrum!!"

"QUUUIIIET!!" Gohan yelled. "Enough, already!"

Goku and Vegeta scowled at each other in silence. Gohan sighed.

"Now can we clean this mess up and get sane, people?"

Vegeta and Goku weren't on speaking terms after that. Goku went to buy replacement drapes and sofa cushions while Vegeta remained home doing repairs. Goten, Gohan and Trunks stuck around to help. Trunks refilled and painted the walls. Goten resurfaced the bannisters and table tops. Vegeta vaccumed flour from the carpet and cleaned the kitchen. Gohan straightened up the basement. Hours later, the demi-
saiyans collapsed in the living room after the massive project.

"Man, I'm wiped out" Trunks lay on the floor next to the coffee table.

"Me too" Goten agreed, sitting at the top of the stairs.

Gohan staggered down the hallway. "Kami, what a circus...and I thought Pan was destructive!"

"One baby is easier to care for than a hundred and eighty six"
Trunks stated the obvious.

"No sht, Trunks" Gohan was sarcastic. "I just hope dad and Vegeta-
same make up."

Goten nodded. "Yeah, or else call in the marines."

"You hear that?" Trunks turned his head. "Someone's at the door...it feels like Goku-san!"

Goten jumped up. "He must be back from the store!"

Goku staggered inside with huge boxes with an assist from Goten.
Vegeta suddenly appeared in the hallway, arms folded in consternation.

"Hn, hopefully you've found suitable replacements."

Goku threw him a look. "So help out, and quit standing there!"

"Are you two going to start up again?" Trunks wanted to know.

Vegeta didn't answer, mumbling and tearing open a box. Dark eyes went wide in shock.

"What are these?!"

"Curtains" Goku replied shortly, taking down the shredded sheer panels.

Goten whispered in Gohan's ear. "It must be bad."

Trunks reached in the box and pulled out a huge curtain panel. It had a blue striped background with giant grasshoppers.

Goten stuck his tongue out. Gohan covered his eyes in shame. "Kami!"

"No comments!" Goku shouted, annoyed. "It was all I could get on such short notice...sixty yards of curtain fabric isn't easy to come by,
you know?"

Vegeta meanwhile, just stood staring at nothing. Trunks waved his hand in the ouji's face but got no response.

Goten and Gohan went over. "What happened to him?!"

Trunks was dismayed. "I think he's gone into shock."

The sofa cushions were worse. Goku tossed them over the furniture and folded the boxes for trash.

Gohan observed him. "Dad, next time...let US do the shopping, okay??"

Goku glanced up quickly. "Everyone's a critic!"

"But..."

"I don't want to hear it, Gohan!" the tall saiyan stalked out the door with the trash. Meanwhile, his mate continued to stare into space.

Goten watched the frozen Vegeta. "This isn't good..."

"AAAAAIIII!!" the ouji finally screeched, pulling his hair. "My children wreck the house. My colorblind mate brings home comic book covers for furnishings!!"

The cushions were even worse, grayish green canvas with "ARMY ISSUE"
stenciled in huge black letters.

Goten winced. "Yeah, those go REAL well with red crushed velvet!"

Trunks made a strange face at the sofas. "Well...I ah...guess we could kinda get used to it."

"Only if the power blows" Gohan gritted his teeth, staring at the horrid combination.

Vegeta went to lie down after dinner. Gohan, Goten and Trunks couldn't stand the bad furnishings and went home. Goku brooded with the chibis downstairs.

"Everyone's a critic" the saiyan grumbled. Bright little faces beamed at him, clucking and chirping. Goku grinned.

"Well at least SOMEONE likes the linen. I'll have to talk to your sackii about this, little ones. I think he's still mad at me."

More chirps and burbles. Goku suddenly had an idea.

"Why didn't I think of this before?!" he snapped his fingers.

Vegeta couldn't sleep anyway. It was too early for bed and too late for anything else. Loud pounding from downstairs assailed his ears.
Thick brows pinched in confusion.

Now what's that insane mate of mine up to?

Curiosity getting the better of him, he paced through the house.

"KAKAROT!!"

No answer. Vegeta swore, stalking down the staircase. The baka can't even hear me over the noise.

He stood stupefied at the base of the stairs. Goku had built standing structures in the rec room, and the babies were climbing over them and pulling at the covers. The ouji blinked, dumbfounded.

"Kakarot, what in-"

Goku winked at him. "Finally made it, koi? I thought you were angry at me."

Vegeta shook his head in confusion. "I ah...what is this?!" he pointed at the chibis.

"Scratching posts. I took the leftover scraps of carpet they tore earlier and used it for covers. Tacking it over wooden poles attached to bases was pretty easy. All I had to do then was anchor everything to the floor."

Vegeta stared at him. "Scratching posts..."

"Hai, I told you not to get sheer curtains, but you insisted. This way they can exercise, play, and keep their nails trimmed at the same time."

Vegeta thought that over. "Hn, perhaps you're right...they snagged in virtually everything."

"Including our clothes. OxyBooboo shredded three of my undershirts last week alone. And it saves us the trouble of clipping their nails,
too."

Dark eyes sparkled. "Ingenious."

Goku smiled softly. "Now are you still angry at me?"

Vegeta dropped down next to him and coiled tails. "Maybe not...I'm feeling neglected."

Goku rubbed noses. "Is that a code word for horny?"

The ouji licked his lips. "What do you think?"

The chibis were asleep in a pile under their favorite JabberJaw blankets. Meanwhile, Vegeta stretched out on their section of mattress, buff and ready for anything. His mate eyed him hungrily as he approached the bed.

"I plan to wear you out" Goku growled softly, tail lashing.

Vegeta stroked himself in a wanton display. "Promises, promises,
Kakarot. My bones are cold. Perhaps you should get busy warming them up."

"We'll get busy all right!" he fell on his mate, creaking the bed. An icy breeze shot through the bedroom window.

Goku grunted. "Huhhh...it's cooler than I thought tonight. I'll get us a blanket-"

Vegeta reached for him. "Let's make a sandwich!!"

Goku bounded to the closet. "Hai, but who's the bread and who's the meat?" he started rummaging.

The ouji sucked a finger, hot eyes lifting slowly. "I'd rather have cream."

Goku felt his blood pressure explode from the sight. "Shimatta!!" he snatched a blanket and plunged over his mate once more. Vegeta glanced idly at the bed cover as it fanned over them.

"Kakarot...aren't these scenes from the movie Red Heat?"

Goku suckled his neck. "Hnnn..."

"Ah...uh...with...Arnold Schwarzenegger..."

Goku bit a curvy shoulder. "Damn right..."

"SHIT!!" Vegeta howled as his mate pushed into him, bouncing the mattress. A baby shot into the air from the recoil, plopping over the ceiling light.

Vegeta stared foggily as bright eyes peeped down at them.

"Ka..ka...ra..arot" the ouji managed. "You just knocked our son up over the light!"

Goku looked up over his shoulder briefly. "That's a new record...seven feet!"

"Ox-that-Peeps is looking at us!!"

"No problem!" Goku yanked the blanket over their heads and continued on. Vegeta clutched the broad back as he was pummelled.

"Stupid baka! That wasn't what I meant...but...what...the...hell..."

THE END

Sleazy, skeezy saiyans...