Breathe
A One Shot
Authors Note- Just a little one shot I guess, from Cuddy's point of vision(kind of), after the death of House. (He hasn't died in the series, or in my other fics. Just for the sake of this one. I'm generally a Housecam shipper, but I think this may be a House/Cam/Cuddy triangle, so if you don't like it, don't read it.) (Don't own house, or "Breathe" By Anna Nalick)
-Eh. This is teen rated, but it may be a bit disturbing, Like depression/Gore disturbing.
Lisa Cuddy lay solemnly atop her bedspread. Her khakis were crinkled, and her blazer had been thrown to the side in a fit of rage. She tugged at the hem of her gray tank top, picking away an imaginary thread. She lay there, listening to the traffic screech by outside her window.
She turned her head, her hair spilling out against the pillow, to look at the roses outside her window. She was a perfectionist, more so a failure. She rolled onto her stomach, crawling along the large mattress. She reached the pillow, arching her back before flopping onto it.
Her outstretched arm reached for the ringing phone. Stacy.
2 AM and she calls cause I'm still awake. Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him...Winter just wasn't my season..
Wilson and Stacy. That had been doomed since the start. Yet Cuddy felt paralyzed, surrounded by freeway traffic, waiting for the crash. Stacy had become close, leaning on Cuddy for comfort since House had died. There was no denying Stacy's mind must be doing somersaults.
House had come along and ripped all of their hearts out, come to think of it. Cuddy silenced the phone, letting her hand fall back onto her pillow. She rolled back onto her back, letting her arm rest across her stomach. She felt her eye twitch slightly, before rapidly turning herself back over and burying her face into the pillow. Crying herself to sleep, she was surprised she hadn't drowned.
Morning wasn't any different. The funeral brought about a million memories before she had even slipped her shoes on. Black leather loafers, House had hated them. Cuddy laughed, while crying, choking in the process.
Yeah we walk through the doors... so accusing their eyes... Like they have any right to criticize, hypocrites...You're all here for the very same reason...
House had been one of those people who took control of a room, only stepping in to it. Sometimes though, he had a tendency to make things unravel. Like string, Cuddy had been left frayed and broken. She turned to Cameron, seated on the front pew.
It was different seeing Cameron in church. Cuddy took a seat, smoothing her skirt down. Her eyes were too dry to cry now. Cameron turned to her, her eyes searching for something.
Yet, Cuddy did the only thing she could at the moment. She offered Cameron a weak smile. It was an unfair trade for a woman who had just lost her fiancee.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hour glass glued to the table...
Cuddy was out of time now. She never had the chance to tell him. To tell him she loved him. Love was a funny thing, it never appeared without hate. She didn't hate him because of the things he did, she hated him for tearing through her life like a hurricane. But, she didn't really hate him. No, of course she didn't. She just wanted one more moment.
No one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe..
Cuddy nearly choked again, remembering the T shirt House had given her after she'd spilt coffee down the front of her blouse. She still had that shirt. A piece in her car, a piece inside her pillow case, a piece currently clenched inside of a closed fist.
She paused a moment, her eyes stopping on the casket.
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss, 'Just a day' he said down to the flask in his fist. 'Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year'. Here in town you can tell he's down for awhile, but my god...it's so beautiful when the boy smiles. Wanna hold him...maybe I'll just sing about it.
She remembered the morphine shot she'd given him several days ago. All she'd wanted to do was hold him. That's it, she promised herself. But he was gone within seconds, his body away from her grasp. God, she missed those eyes. Those eyes that saw everything, even when they wouldn't admit it. He'd gotten worse these past few weeks. Cuddy wanted desperately to take away his pain, to drown herself in it. Just so he wouldn't have to feel a thing.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hour glass glued to the table...
Cameron sobbed violently in front of her, being pulled into Foreman's locked arms, as he himself shed his own tears. Chase himself was currently covering his eyes with an open palm.
No one can find the rewind button boy's, so cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe..
Today, Cuddy felt the world. She felt guilt, for loving House while Cameron did, perhaps even Stacy did. She felt happiness, because she knew House wasn't enduring his ill fated pain any longer. She felt sorrow for his parting. She felt angry for never speaking up.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel
Cuddy felt her foot grow heavy, like the gas pedal. The smash was a surge through her body. Her lungs gasped for air, only choking from the warm red river that rushed into them.
You shout cause your just as far in as you'll ever be out, And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again...If you only try turning around..
Cuddy cried out, opening her eyes to find House. He lay peacefully next to her, only pressing a finger to his lips. She smiled, feeling her breath leave her again, setting her head atop his chest.
2AM and I'm still awake, writing a song. If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me...Threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud...And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.
She swore she had only closed her eyes for a moment. She woke in the dark though, searching. The weight on her chest pressed back though, her breath straining. She turned her head to the side where House had been, greeted only by a machine.
It whirred at her, absorbing the comfort, draining her heart. She let her tears fall, using her only mobile hand to pull the sheets away from her cold body. There she lay, mangled, bruised and broken.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable...
She let her free arm fall, grasping, searching in the dark for it.
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table...
Finding what she was looking for, she smiled weakly, pushing the last of her strength into her hand and pulling. Silence flooded the room, the whirring having disappeared. Cuddy felt the air leave her lungs.
No one can find the rewind button now, sing it if you understand
And yet, she smiled sweetly, greeted by House's welcoming arms. "It's okay now," he whispered, stroking her hair. She knew it was. She knew it finally was.
And breathe, just breathe