A/N: I'm so excited about this fanfic! I just started watching House a few weeks ago, and I'm in love with it. (and House, hehehe) Please enjoy this first chapter! And please leave reviews! :)

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House strummed his Flying-V guitar, its sound echoing from his office. He continued strumming as he saw the annoying faces of his co-workers passing by. Cuddy strode in, the same look on her face. She unplugged his guitar jack.

House sighed. "That's…what? The second time you've done that?"

"You need to stop," Cuddy replied.

"I could. But what's the fun in that?"

"I'm getting complaints from some of the patients."

"Maybe they need to buy earplugs. Or they could just drown me out. If some of the patients are husbands, I bet they're really good at that."

House set his guitar on its stand and sat down at his desk. Cuddy threw a folder onto it.

"New patient. She was found-"

"C'mon. I just sat down. You could've given me the case while I was still standing."

"Just diagnose her." Cuddy gave him a look, and walked out.

--

"Evangeline Summers; twenty-eight years old; found unconscious in her apartment after a seizure. She has swelled joints, constipation, and her hair is falling out." House paused as he wrote on his whiteboard. "Any suggestions?"

"It could be Irritable Bowel Syndrome…" Taub started.

"That would explain the constipation, but not the hair loss or joint swelling," 13 answered.

"But what could cause unconsciousness and seizure?" Kutner questioned.

"Maybe she's on pills…" 13 began.

"Maybe it could be aspirin. Or even an illegal drug," Kutner added.

"Well, let's go find out," House said as he walked out. His team followed him into Evangeline's room.

Evangeline watched House as he came up to her and looked her over. She had a pretty face that was held within her dark curls; her amber eyes stared at him questionably.

"What kind of a name is Evangeline? Sounds too heavenly for me."

"And what kind of name is House? Sounds too uninteresting for me," she countered. House stared at her for a moment before continuing.

"Have you been taking any pills lately?"

"Yes."

"What kind of pills?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It depends. It either has to do with nothing, or everything," House answered.

Evangeline stared at him. "I've been dealing with depression lately…"

"Ah. She's been taking happy pills," House said.

"She could have taken too many at once, which would explain the seizure and unconsciousness," Kutner said.

"Depression, constipation, swelled joints, hair loss….what do these have in common?" House questioned.

A few seconds passed as House tapped his foot.

"Could be lupus," Taub assisted.

"Not without mouth sores. It's hypothyroidism." 13 answered.

"Ding-ding. We have a winner." House turned to Taub. "Start her on some Levoxyl after the happy pills die off. Tell me when the results are in."

--

"He's been having pains in his hands lately," the mother explained anxiously.

House examined the teenage boy's hands.

"It could be an early case of arthritis!" The mother added.

House tilted his head. "Have you been masturbating lately?"

The mother gasped. "He would never! How can you even-"

"Continuous masturbation of yourself or someone else causes stiffening in the hands' joints." House looked at the mother. "Ask my hooker."

The mother looked appalled, but remained silent. House turned back to the boy.

"I haven't been masturbating…" the boy said.

House shown light in the boy's eyes. "Follow the light with your eyes; only your eyes." He flicked from left to right slowly, then rapidly. House glanced at the boy's hands. The thumbs slightly twitched as the boy watched the light. "Hmph."

"Well Dr. House?" the mother asked.

"Your son is fine. He has hyper-active hand-eye coordination." House grabbed his cane and headed for the door. "I suggest laying off the video games for a while."

House shut the door and headed down the hallway. He passed a corner when he heard commotion coming from a patient's room.

"Clear!" 13 shouted.

House walked in and saw Evangeline shaking on her bed.

"What happened?" House asked calmly.

"She was allergic to the Levoxyl! It triggered cardiac arrest!" she replied. "Clear!"