Title: Because of You
Characters: Michael/Sara
Spoilers: Pretty much the whole of season 1
Author: AvanEeden
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I don't own Prison Break or any of its characters.
Summary: Following his revelation about the escape plan, Sara has to make a decision that threatens to tear her (and Michael) apart.
The Scotch simply wasn't enough. She needed a different fix. She took the morphine from the cupboard in the prison infirmary not knowing whether or not she would actually use it. It was insurance for the event that she could not cope, could not get her mind out of the rut that it was stuck in. The guilt, the lies, the deceit. Hers, her father's and Michael's.
What she did went against all her convictions. She spent ages crying in her car, desperately looking for an answer, a means to an end. An end to her pain. Yet she found none. Images of him sweep through her mind. The first time he came into the infirmary. He was not like the other convicts. He was polite, laid back, relaxed even. He even introduced himself. As if it was normal to be in prison.
The only times she sensed any tension in him was when she tested his diabetic status. He seemed anxious then. Of course it all makes sense now. He had lied to her, faked illness in order to get access to the infirmary. During the riot – he was concerned for her safety and their ability to outrun the convicts trying to get to them. Her question about how he knew where to go caught him off-guard, but she was too occupied with the situation at hand and how she was going to get out of it safely to think much of it.
She remembers the look of hope on his face when the phone rang - then disappointment when her father refused to grant Lincoln clemency. The shear pain on his face when Lincoln was taken to his death. Her concern for his health when he was admitted to the infirmary with a serious burn. That night in solitary when he seemed dead to the world. His blank stare haunted her, made her want to hold him tight and never let go.
But then he lied to her. The kiss still confuses her. Was it real, made from real emotions and feelings or was it some cheap attempt to steal her keys. Was he overcome with guilt at using her and then decided to use Nika to get to her? Was it all an act? He told her that it was – at first anyway. That he needed to be with her, but then wanted to be with her. She wants to believe it. She is desperate to believe it. That someone could actually love her like that. But she doesn't know what to believe anymore.
Her whole life consists of betrayal. Her mother died when she was young, leaving her to tend to her family. Her father was too preoccupied with his own ambitions and aspirations to pay much attention to her. So she turned to drugs to relieve the pain and the loneliness. It worked – for a while at least. Until that boy died in front of her. She should have been able to do something, but her drug induced stupor prevented her from doing so.
She had pulled herself together. Managed to put her life back together again. Do what she had intended to do – help other people, make a difference. At a prison no less, but it was something. She often doubted her ability to really make a difference, but with him there was no doubt. She knew that she could get through to him. She just needed time. Then he turned her whole life upside down with his confession about breaking his brother out.
She couldn't believe she was so stupid. All the signs were there, her questions and concerns answered. Him knowing exactly where to go to escape the other convicts during the riot. How unlike the other prisoners he was actually polite, well-mannered, charming even. His education and intelligence.
And after dropping that bombshell, after all the lies he actually had the audacity to ask her to help them. To leave the door to the infirmary open. She spent hours walking alongside the lake contemplating whether she should. Her guilt over her father's involvement. His inability to forgive his daughter for her past mistakes. That's what drove her over the edge. Her decision was simple, at least so she thought. When she was sitting in her car outside the prison all her doubts and fears came swarming back.
As she walked inside she had no idea what she would end up doing. As she was about to exit her office she found herself staring at the shelf containing the morphine. It was an easy escape from the pain, the betrayal. As she sat in the car it became too much. She started to cry.
TBC