ღIntroductionღ
I was born on February 4th to my parents Ryouji and Kotoko Fujioka. Just before I turned four, my mother passed away. I didn't know why or how she died, I was too young and my father never told me. What he did tell me, however, was that I would never see her again. I became withdrawn and soon became independent. Taking over the chores in my house after I turned six years old. I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, and everything else within a short year.
At age seven, my life started going downhill. My father started to come home later and later. One night he didn't come home, on that same night. I got hurt. I had been making dinner for myself when the knife slipped and sliced my wrist. It happened when I was reaching for a piece of tuna while finishing cutting some vegetables. I wasn't known for getting any bruises or cuts, so when I did get cut, I didn't know how to help myself. It ended with me in the hospital, and it was my father's fault. If he had been there, then I wouldn't have lost so much blood.
Two years ago, when I was thirteen years old, my father came home more and more often. Just in case I got hurt again. Nevertheless, it would never fix what happened to me six years ago. Every day, he would tell me it was his fault that I got hurt. However, he would change it to "It's all your fault! If you would've been more careful, you wouldn't have been hurt!". I finally snapped after six years of that.
I am a patient person, but after six years of being constantly belittled and told that I was useless and being put down. I couldn't stand it. I killed him. Everything was horrible in my life because of him. I didn't want to get up to go to school because of him. I wanted to stay curled up in my bed because of him. I even contemplated suicide because of him. I wish I hadn't done it, I truly did. I was forced to leave my home and friends. Sent to an orphanage. That was when I was fostered by the Morinozuka's.
No one realized I had done it. Not even my best friends.
ღNowღ
A loud blaring noise sounded, causing my eyes to snap open. It continued to play music to my right as I breathed deeply. Calming my heart. My hair brushed lightly against my forehead, my hair hasn't gone past my ear since...well...you know. I usually wore a wig if I went to social occasions. I rolled over and slammed my fist into the clock, and the red letters blurred before disappearing. I cussed loudly and sat up. Picking up the black alarm clock. That was the fourth alarm clock since I had moved here.
I tossed it onto the bed and rubbed my caramel-brown eyes. When I opened them, a small bundle of blonde hair rushed towards me. Mitsukuni jumped onto the bed and wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. A small, quiet, laugh slipped out of my throat. This was one of the times where I let my mask slip. My mask was totally different from Takashi's. I only had it up in front of people whom I hated, disliked or didn't know. When Mitsukuni figured that out, he was extremely happy that I didn't put it up in front of him.
Takashi walked calmly into my room a few seconds later, he lifted Mitsukuni off of me easily and nodded at me. I would've done it myself, but I didn't like to use force against my friends. It scared me, I might hurt them.
"Haru..hi?" Dad asked, staring up at me, blood dripping from his stomach.
I knew my mask was thrown on, and I shoved the blankets down roughly. I didn't notice the two cousins looking worriedly at each other as I got up and headed into my closet. Shutting the door with more force than necessary. I heard the padding of their feet as they left the room. Going to eat before they went to school. "Why does that image come up every single morning," I whispered to myself, angry that I couldn't control my memories like I wished I could.
I ran my hand over a few clothing items. I touched a black bag and chewed my lip. I unzipped it, staring at the blood soaked outfit. "Why does it keep eating at me?" I whispered. The door handle rattled and I cursed, zipping up the garment bag and shoving it back into position. I grabbed a top.
"Fujioka-sama, do you need any help? Mitsukuni-sama said you looked sad," a female sounded from the other side of the door. I took a deep breath before opening the door and shaking my head with a slight smile. She giggled into her hand. I frowned at her, wondering what she was laughing about, and looked down. My pants were on backwards and my shirt was too small. "I think that's Mitsukuni-sama's," she giggled, turning me around and ushering me back into the closet. She grabbed one of my larger tee shirts and a pair of tan capris.
Her name was Motoko, and she was the only maid I let dress me, since she knew I hated frilly clothing. I really didn't like anything too girl. It was too bothersome to wear, heels hurt my feet, and dresses were too restricting. She also didn't shove me to wear makeup, which always felt heavy and thick on my face. I preferred to feel nice and light. Easier to move around in and ten times more comfortable.
A short time later, after I had brushed my hair. Motoko held up my wig, I frowned at her and shook my head. "Come on, Fujioka-sama," she plead as I started to leave my room. I shook my head once again and turned to look at her.
"I have no reason to wear a wig," I replied shrugging my shoulders, "I'm not going to a big party, I'm not entertaining anyone, and I'm not going out today." Motoko lowered the wig slightly, looking a bit disappointed. I wanted to please her and just wear the wig, but I was stubborn and opened the door. I walked out of my room and down the stairs. The moment I finished walking down the stairs,
Mitsukuni grinned at me and yelled "Haru-chan's come to see us go!" and raced over. He threw his arms around me and nuzzled against me.
"I always come to see you go," I replied, smiling down at him. I ruffled his hair before pulling away. The two boys looked at each other, and Takashi nodded once. "Oh, and before you guys try to kidnap to go to school again, I will run...this way now. Have fun at school!" I called, remembering the last time I hadn't been careful when the two boys had tried to take me to school. Mitsukuni had said they had the day off and he wanted to go to an amusement park with them. However, I ended up sitting down with Mitsukuni sitting on my lap. The teacher was droning on about stuff I hadn't learned yet, which is what happens when you are a first year in a third years class.
"Haru-chan, I want a hug!" Mitsukuni yelled chasing after me, making me run faster. People wondered if I get enough exercise if I barely ever leave the house. This sort of thing I had grown accustom too, however, since the first day I was here. I remembered as if it was like yesterday. I woke up, walked down the stairs and the two boys were getting ready to leave. Mitsukuni knew I had been fostered by Takashi's parents, but he didn't know that I was exactly happy about being here. When he tried to hug me, I ran away. After a while, I stopped hiding and turned it into a game. I didn't take off like a scared rabbit the moment he called my name the first time, I would wait until he started running after me to take off. They realized that after a while, and Takashi started playing as well.
In short. Mitsukuni chases, I run, I run into Takashi, and then I get hugged by Mitsukuni. However, this time I knew that if he hugged me I wouldn't have a chance to stay home. I was so glad I had been taking gymnastics while they were at school, my social worker thought I needed to vent out my 'depression' somehow. However, the real reason I chose gymnastics was because it helped me get out of situations like this. I could jump pretty high now, as well as do a lot of things the boys didn't know I could.
Takashi stepped out from a corner, the one he usually hides behind, but this time I ran faster. I used his arms, which were, like usual, reaching forwards to support me encase I fell, to launch myself over him. Mitsukuni smacked into Takashi, causing them both to fall over in surprise. I saluted them and giggled, "That was fun boys, but I must eat, and you two need to get to school in, oh! Ten minutes!" I gasped in fake surprise and then looked at my watch. It was August 4th. I raced past the cousins and towards the door. I pulled on my shoes and grabbed an umbrella before heading into the rain.
I jumped into a spare car and closed the umbrella. Telling the driver to go to Kanazawa Cemetery. I couldn't believe I almost forgot that it was August 4th. It had been almost eleven years since she died, it had been a year and a couple months since my father died. When Mitsukuni and Takashi offered to take me to Kanazawa to visit his grave for anniversary of his death, I flat out refused. I had lied and said I didn't want those memories flooding my head even more. It was partial the truth, but I knew I wouldn't cry if I visited my father's grave. It would hint them that something was off, and that was too close to the truth.
Staring out the window, I hadn't noticed that my younger 'brother' was sitting beside me. When he spoke, it scared the crap out of me. "Why are we going to Kanazawa?" he asked, looking out the window opposite from me. Chika-kun was sitting on the opposite side of me. "Are you making us ditch school? Dad won't be happy with you," he scolded, hitting my head with his slightly wet umbrella. Chika-kun rolled his eyes slightly.
"Idiot, she didn't see us, we usually take the same car as Mitsukuni and Takashi," he stated coldly, turning to look out the window with bored eyes. "Morning Fujioka," he said flatly, I nodded at him. Satoshi whacked him on the head with the umbrella, which caused them to start yelling at each other.
"Driver, if you will, please make a stop at Ouran Middle School and drop these two off, please," I told him as I stepped out in front of the cemetery.
The air instantly chilled me, and I cursed for not remembering to grab a jacket. It was unusually cold today, but nonetheless it was the anniversary of my mum's death. My hand trailed up the cold smooth surface of the railing, the railing was wet from the rain. The plain gray umbrella shielded me from most of the rain, except when wind shifted the direction and my exposed shins were splattered with water. I walked past some graves of people whom I didn't know. However, soon I came to stop in front of two gravestone. One had flowers, and the other one didn't. I kneeled on the damp ground, brushing away some of the dirt and grime from the name Kotoko Fujioka 1970-1998.
"Hey Mum," I whispered pulling leaning back slightly, "Sorry, I didn't bring you flowers, I'll do that later tonight," I murmured staring at the ground. I sighed and closed my eyes. "I'm losing what I found. This world so hollow. Even as I'm finding answers, it's forgetting all the questions I called home. Even now, passing the graves of unknown, reason clouds my eyes. Splendor fading, and the reflections of a lie will keep me waiting for love that has been gone for so long...Today's ending is the proof of time killing all faith I know," I laughed softly, "Faith is all I hold. I've lost who I am, but I can't understand why my heart is so broken. I'm rejecting everyone's love, even you, and you aren't here.
"All I know, is the ends beginning. All this time, spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. All is lost, hope remains, but this war's not over," I spoke to her. I continued speaking to her, telling how much I missed her. My eyes drifted close as small tears squeezed out from the corners of my eyes. I missed her so much. I missed her hugs, her voice, and her laughter! If my father had just let her stay home like she wanted, she wouldn't be dead, and neither would he. None of this would've happened. I don't know how my mother died, but I knew she died because she didn't stay home with us that day.
A hand rested on my shoulder, causing my heart to momentarily stop. "Haruhi?" a familiar voice asked, and then Takashi kneeled down. I saw he was looking at the grave where I had my hand rested. I glanced over his shoulder to see Mitsukuni's usual happy expression, turned down. He looked angry and sad at the same time. Four other people stood behind him, looking confused, but I could see the remorse in their eyes. I stood up swiftly, almost whacking mine and Takashi's heads together.
"What the hell are you doing here! You should be in school!" I scolded, angrily. I wiped my eyes quickly on my damp shirt and glared at them. My umbrella laid abandoned at the side. I felt increasingly angry, irritated and I wanted to be alone.
"Haruhi, why didn't you tell us that today was the anniversary of your mother's death! We would have come with you!" Mitsukuni said, looking sad and angry at the same time. "You wouldn't have had to come by yourself!" he looked up at me as he stepped forwards.
"I don't have to tell you guys everything, Mitsukuni! I wanted to come here by myself! Mind your own damn business for a change!" I growled, looking at the smaller boy. Three of the four boys behind Mitsukuni stepped backs. Takashi stood up and touched my shoulder.
"Nh," he stepped forwards, looking a little disappointed and sad.
"Just. Leave. Me. Alone," I growled at them, turned around and as soon as my foot stepped off my mother's grave, memories flooded into my head.
"Haruhi! What's wrong sweetie?" my mum asked me, I wiped my tears away and looked up at her.
"Nothing, Mommy...I just want you to stay home today," I whimpered, wrapping my tiny arms around her legs and hugging them.
"Haruhi, why didn't you tell me sooner, I would've stayed with you," she knelt down in front of my and pushed my hair from my face.
"Haruhi!" Takashi grumbled darkly. Mitsukuni was on the ground and I was standing above him. I turned to look at Takashi and he stepped forwards, "Calm down," he reached to grab my arms. I took his hand and immediately twisted it behind his back and kicked him, making him stumble forwards and almost tripping over Mitsukuni.
"Haru-chan, you're scaring me," Mitsukuni stood up, and put on a cute face, "I don't like it when you get like this," he whimpered, hugging himself.
"So?" I asked as Takashi moved to knock me out. I dodged quickly and then smirked up at him. "Aren't you cute, trying to knock me out, when you can barely hit...me..." my vision blurred and I stumbled before falling forwards. He caught me as I fell.
"Fujioka-sama? Fujioka-sama, you're awake! Good!" Motoko announced to me as well as everyone else. "You had us worried there! I'm guessing she came out again, didn't she?" Motoko asked, pulling the blankets off my body and handing me some clothes. "You should change into your school clothes," she said, walking out of the room with a mysterious look on her face. I looked towards the door as she shut it, I looked down at my clothes and frowned. I was just wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. My caramel eyes shifted around the room, trying to remember what happened after I talked to mum. After a couple minutes I gave up and rolled out of bed and looked at the new alarm clock. It was six thirty-six in the morning. Raising my eyebrow, I grabbed the clothes that lay on my bed.
"Haruhi," Takashi spoke when I entered the kitchen. I avoided his cautious gaze as Mitsukuni entered the room. I bowed deeply.
"I am sorry for anything I said or did when I wasn't myself yesterday," I apologized, when I straightened he hugged me tightly with a large smile. I returned both, it was great having friends who forgave me so easily. Especially since they knew I wasn't myself when that happened, and when I woke up from it I couldn't remember what had happened. If I fell asleep during that period. If I didn't, I could remember but I didn't have control over my body.
Mitsukuni smiled before hurrying out of the room to get ready for school. Takashi explained to me that Sakura had decided that it was time for me to start going to school. She thought it would help me 'iron out my social skills' and help me move forwards. I didn't agree to it, "I'm mad at you," I muttered looking at him.
"It's not my fault," he countered. I paused, a memory rushing through my mind.
"Either way, Dad, I'm still mad at you," I stretched my arms, looking down at the plane tickets. I pushed them away and turned back to look at my homework. He started his overdramatic rant as I stood up and walked into the kitchen.
"It's not my fault," he cried following me, "Why can't my only daughter just love me?" When I didn't answer, he begrudgingly started to chop pieces of food up as I searched for something to drink.
I started away once again, head hurting and my anger increasingly growing. I heard Takashi quietly following me as I walked towards the sink.
"Ungrateful," he muttered lowly and I shut the fridge door. I shook my head, irritated and then as I walked past him. I grabbed his wrist, quickly turned it so the blade tip was facing his stomach and then shoved his body into it.
I lifted a large knife by the sink and stared at it. My heart racing. I saw Takashi watching me cautiously from the corner of my eye. He walked around the island and headed over to me silently. Once he was behind me, I twisted around with the tip of the blade touching his stomach.
"Haru...hi?" he whispered as red liquid stained his clothing.