Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or anything associated with them. I am writing this for pleasure and not for profit.
This is set during Mockingjay when Finnick and the others are in District 13. Just a pointless oneshot really that wouldn't get out of my head.
tying knots
He ties knots, and he's not exactly sure why he ties them, or how it helps, but it seems to help him, so he carries on tying those knots. The knots are strong, and then are sturdy, and they can't be broken as easily as he can. Maybe it's because it's a sense that something is held together in his shattered life. Maybe it's because it shows him he can do something, and the pain from the rope burn as he continually ties knots makes him remember that he is still alive, and still fighting. It hurts him, tying knots, and he knows it's meant to mend him, but it's not exactly happening, and he's not exactly sure what can mend him anymore.
Except Annie. Annie is the only thing that can mend him now. He doesn't know what's happening. She's like a child, she doesn't know what's going on. Finnick sometimes wonders if he's as mad as she is now, if he's gone down the same route as his beloved Annie. Maybe he has. And maybe there's no going back. Annie went insane- why not him?
Maybe it would be easier if he was insane, maybe everything would just be better. Maybe things wouldn't matter so much. Is he insane? He doesn't know. He's definitely on his way to crazy, if he isn't already there. His mind is spinning round in circles, and he's not quite sure what's up and what's down, and why he's tying these knots, again and again and again.
He feels sick and dizzy, and he has the band on his wrist, he's mentally unstable, and he's not quite sure what he's doing, and why Katniss appears in front of him, and then disappears again, and she's not quite there, and he knows that she's going crazy too, and maybe they're just a little bit similar, and just maybe they're in it together.
And just maybe there are too many 'maybes' drifting through his head.
The Capitol knows how to use him, and they know how to make him hurt. Where is she? Where is Annie? Where is the woman he loves and wants and needs? And he's tying knots, and really, it's all too much for him, thinking of all of this, so he just concentrates on the knots he ties, and pushing the taste-less District Thirteen food around his bowl, and trying not to break down. It's all in vain really, because he's already broken down, and he knows it, and he's trying not to know it, because what does admitting that he's crazy do to him? And so he ties knots and he ties knots.
Has he ever been totally sane? Not since the games, really. He's always been a piece in their games, and unless the rebellion succeeds, he will forever be a piece in their games until he dies. He's a puppet, and President Snow holds the puppet strings, as he holds Annie too. And Christ, Annie is his, and she should be in his arms holding him, and he should be holding her, and he should not be reliving her screams he heard from those jabberjays in the arena, but he can't seem to stop reliving it and reliving it, and wondering if those fabricated screams are real now, and if Annie is screaming for real, and if… and if what? He doesn't know anymore.
Switching backwards and forwards. Propos. Peeta's interview. More propos. Peeta's interview. We Remember Them. Narrated by you. Why did they choose you? It's painful, and you filmed them because you wanted to help, but you're in so much pain. Peeta's Interview. Propos. We Remember Them. Peeta's Interview. You will all be dead by sundown. The camera falls, a scream. Blood. Darkness. Silence. Screams from someone in the room. Silence again. Talking. What's going on?
He's with Katniss, and they're walking down, and he goes to compartment 'O', 'O' for Odair, and that's his surname and he knows that, and it's one of the things on his very short list of things he knows for definite. He's Finnick Odair- he knows that. He's Finnick Odair, and he won the Hunger Games, and he loves Annie Cresta, and he's in the middle of a rebellion, and he's been deemed insane, and he's not exactly sure what else he can add to that very short list. He's a little bit scared- no, scratch that, he's completely terrified of what could happen to Annie, and he's not going to say anything, nor will he cry, because he's Finnick Odair, and he knows that, and he ties his knots.
The bombs start to fall. Bombs. Screaming. Hysterical laughter. Terrified whispers. He's alone. No Odairs. Tying knots. Waiting. Wondering. Deciding to stop wondering, and stop thinking, because it's all too confusing for him and all too painful.
She comes to visit him. Katniss. She talks to him, and he's known it all along, that Snow is using Annie to get to him and Peeta to get to Katniss, and there is absolutely nothing he can do but wait for those bombs to stop so he can finally think freely again.
He gives his rope to Katniss, and she ties knots, and he feels helpless without his rope, but he's got Katniss, and she'll sit with him, because she knows how he feels, and aren't they both a little bit crazy? Aren't they both just wondering what will happen, and if they'll ever get their loved ones back?
She gets her own rope, and they tie knots together. They've forged this bond, and they're tying knots, and they're barely speaking, just tying knots, and maybe it makes them feel better, or maybe it just stops them feeling, or maybe it just stops them thinking, and he's not entirely sure what's up and what's down and he only knows that he's Finnick Odair, and he loves Annie Cresta, and he won the Hunger Games and they are trying to stop the cruelty, and the bombs still come down on them.
Round and round, again and again. Is there anything else he can do but just tie knots?
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Also, I still need a Hunger Games beta, so if anyone would like to offer their services, I'd love it if you could beta my oneshots for the Hunger Games.