Note: The story is quite old now, I wrote it over a year before, but forgot it somehow. English is not my native language, if you can find strange grammar/spelling etc. please write me. It is planned to be a one shot, but maybe I´m writing more if I can make up my mind.

The story is AU, because I didn´t like the way Vamp died in MGS 4. Please read and review!^^

Emptiness

The room he was resting in was silent, except the soft humming of the machines that recorded his present states and the computer above his bed. He didn´tmove, but he wasn´t asleep either, just staring at the wall on the other side of the small room. His breathing was low, maybe a little too low, but for now he didn´t care, just laying there, with his back to the door. It was all he could do, all he wanted to, although he could stand up easily, but he didn´t bother.

He felt strange, now that he had his body back, it felt even stranger than back when he still wore his suit. As if the Limbs attached to his body weren´t entirely his own. There was a numb feeling when he flexed his fingers, when he moved or turned around. This was not his body, nothing he could call his own, it just did not belong to him in some way. It was just a vessel, an empty shell with an empty soul...yes, that was the word he was searching for, in the depths of his mind. He felt empty, drained out of life, energy and everything that could ever make him human again. And it all belonged to him, every feeling he knew he doesn´t have anymore, the body, he now possessed that was not his own, the thoughts that kept him awake ever since. Blue eyes slowly scanned the white wall and turned to the open window. There was no sun today, it looked gray outside, as if the sky knew how he felt inside. He would´ve laughed at himself now, if it weren´t so pathetic, so degrading to be here in this empty room, being alone with his thoughts.

How does it feel like? To be human again? Was he ever human, to start with it? He looked at his hands and breathed deeper...his mind wasn´t able to come up with a satisfying answer, or maybe he was just avoiding the truth. It doesn´t matter anymore, he´d lost everything that was at least worth living for a little longer. However, even now, life was mocking him, breaking him again. It doesn´t matter that he had his body back, it doesn´t matter that he was still alive, and it doesn´t fucking matter that he looked human again and not like some sort freak...it was just extrinsic...just an illusion for everyone to see and believe that he was "normal" again. As if it was enough to just give him back his body, it doesn´t change anything, it was just a facade, and it felt wrong. Wrong like everything around him, it shouldn´t be like this. He was supposed to be dead...maybe he just wished to be, now that he found out that his feelings were gone. There was no life left in this shell, the only thing he could feel was the dull emptiness, and he hated it. But he couldn´t make up of anything that could stir any emotion or just a glimpse of it within his heart.

He had felt alive back then, when he was fighting to survive, fighting because he had to, when he killed and shed blood. He felt..good...he felt like he was worthy of life, like he deserved to live and for that he fought, just to feel alive. There was a thrill to it, a sensation that rushed through his blood, whenever he wielded his blade. The feeling to dance at the edge of life and death, to know that he could die easily if he fails. Maybe he was just masochistic, or maybe he was clinging so hard to his own life that he could actually feel it inside himself. Maybe it was just something else...a passion for life, a life that can end so fast and the thrill when he can snatch it away from the Death himself, again and again. Yes, he could surely say that the pain and fear, the hate and admiration for his enemy made him feel alive. He had always been conflicting, mostly to himself, he could love and hate, feeling dead and alive at the same time and feeling joy and pain amidst a fight. There was no home waiting for him, the only thing he could call home was the battlefield, his territory, the only place where he could feel alive.

However, it was taken from him now..he sighed and closed his eyes. No need to regret it...it was over, and he'd better surrender to it before it tears him apart. Maybe it was easier that way...

The door clicked, but he didn´t bother to turn around, he didn´t want to see who was entering the room, must be a nurse or some doctor. No one comes to visit him, that he´d figured out ever since he was awake again. But as the person approached, his guts told him that there was something...light steps, balanced and graceful like a...he turned swiftly, only to be pinned down by strong arms, pressing his wrists next to his head. The air felt colder by the moment he was looking into a very familiar face.

Ice blue eyes, not entirely different from his own stared back at his and the predator straddling his belly shot him an amused look, wild and barely held under control, animal and mocking with a wide grin. Vamp...his heart beat faster for a short moment, before he brought it under control again. He just stared at him, his eyes blank and his face emotionless...so he was still alive. The romanian monster, a dancer with knives...his enemy.

"What are you waiting for? Kill me and be done with it. After all, it is what you came for, am I right? Settling the score and accomplish whatever mission had been given to you." He blankly stated and relaxed under the heavy weight on his thighs. If it ends here, at least it was a good ending to his life...

There was a low chuckle above him, a sound that rumbled through his whole body as the other man leaned closer.

"No resistance? I told you, to kill me, boy. What happened to you, what about not wanting to die so soon?" It wasn´t a question, it must be rhetorical, Jack thought and shrugged as best as he could do with his arms pinned down. Somehow, he´d missed his voice, the low purring that made him tremble, the foreign accent hidden under those words that always sounded malicious and alluring, like venom dripping from his lips. Something gathered in his guts, an unknown feeling that made him feel slightly dazed, as he tried to speak.

"Maybe, I changed my mind." He only answered, turning his head away so he´d not to look into Vamps face. He felt weak and exhausted, his voice sounded thin, like he hadn´t talked to anyone since weeks. If that lunatic was here to kill him, it doesn´t matter to him anymore. He´d lost everything worth living for...just like Vamp.

"Emptiness..." The man just stated, and he let go of him, just sitting on his thighs and looking thoughtful for a moment. Jack almost believed he could see a knowing look in the vampire's eyes.

"There is nothing left of me, nothing worth being alive for, so, it doesn´t matter anymore. Do whatever you came for, I con´t care!" He waited, watching the ex member of Dead Cell with a look of defeat in his eyes. No one would miss him, so he could rather die here as well, at least he knew his killer, and he trusted him that he would do it fast.

But there was something rising up in his guts, especially as Vamp leaned closer, propping his elbow against Jacks chest, he grabbed his face with both his hands and forced him to look at him. For a short moment Jack watched him wide eyes, impressed at how gentle the touch of a monster can be. There was something in Vamps eyes, something Jack could recognize within himself as well...it was pain that flashes in those eyes. They made the icy blue irises deepen, only intensifying the strange feeling...

"Is it all what is left of you? Giving in so easily?" Jack flinched as a thumb gently stroke his face, tracing his jawline up to his lips and down to his chin, twisting his face up as if to examine him.

"You are giving up too soon..." Vamps voice hat softened, he noticed and tried to flinch away, but the demon held him securely.

"What should I do about it? I have lost everything...just like you!" He hoped to enrage the other man, provoking any aggressive reaction out of him, just to be sure that this was indeed Vamp he was talking to. He wanted the man to hurt him, he wanted to see his wrath, see him being alive and raging, snapping at him like a wild beast and hopefully kill him finally. But it did not happen...instead he immediately regretted it when he dared to look into his eyes, seeing right through those living orbs to recognize the broken man behind them. Broken and lonely, he lost his loved ones twice, he died several times only to wake up in a world without anything he could cling to...live was never fair, especially to those who didn´t deserve it. Vamp remained silent, there was no rage in his eyes, no anger, as if there was nothing left of those feelings.

"What do you know about losing everything...what would you know about the true meaning of loneliness. You are denying...that´s all, boy. I am not here to bring you death, even if you are waiting for it. All I want to do to is remember you of something..."

Jack felt his guts sink as he waited for what would happen, he could feel Vamps weight shift on his thighs as the man leaned down closer, forcing Jacks eyelids shut with his thumbs. He felt highly alarmed suddenly, anticipating something that he tried to forget, he wriggled under Vamp feeling unsure by now and wanted to bread free. But as soft lips covered his own he fell silent, eyes widening in shock, but not because Vamp was kissing him, but because it felt good...he never thought of Vamp being a good kisser at all. The strange feeling in his guts radiated through his body, making him feel dizzy and light headed as he gave into the kiss, closing his eyes again to savour the moment. His heart was pounding hard against his ribcage, his cheeks flushed and his body was trembling soon as a tongue flickered out to caress the corner of his mouth. He parted his lips, letting go of any coherent thought in his head, if he wanted to object, it was too late already, why not relishing what was given to him so voluntarily? Vamp was gentle, almost careful as he deepened the kiss, he held his breath all the time, purring only once as Jack reacted to him. He could feel those sharp canines with the tip of his tongue, as he tried to kiss him back. It felt strange at first, but then he realized that those feelings the Romanian awoke in him felt good...alive...the electricity of the contact seemed to give him back something he thought he´d lost. He realized that he was not dead inside, he could still feel, even if he couldn´t tell what he was feeling, but it felt right, for the first time, since he awoke with this body it felt right, it felt like it finally belonged to him. His hands moved up, cradling the back of Vamps neck, gently toying with some strands of raven black hair and moving down his broad shoulders, tracing the muscles hidden under his porcelain skin. But then Vamp broke their kiss, practically tearing himself away from jacks face.

"Don´t.." he whispered, his voice cracked as he fought for self control. There was pain in those eyes, as if those touches reminded him of something, he looked distant for a moment. Jack flinched as Vamp leaned down again, his lips brushing against his ear this time.

"Remember this, whatever feeling you have experienced just yet. Remember it, whenever you feel empty again...boy." He whispered softly and kissed his cheek. With his words said, he stood up and left the room, as if nothing ever happened, leaving Jack alone again. The room felt colder now, as if the life faded away with Vamp gone, Jack sat up stared at the door...

"Vamp, you idiot.." He whispered and remained like this until he fell asleep again.