Disclaimer: I'm just playing in the Glee sandbox. If you recognize it from elsewhere, I don't own it.
Established Ships: Klaine, Brittana, Samcedes, Finchel, Tike, Luck, Nuinn (Nick/Quinn), some Warblers/OCs
Timeline: Summer 2011 (between Seasons 2 and 3)
Rating: K+ / T
Spoilers: All of Season 1 and 2
Author's Note: Hello, I'm Heather. I'll be your author for this one-shot series.
These "outtakes" are moments that never made it into my very long, very complex story A Fine Frenzy. They are all some form of filler, backstory, or tangential scene that did not move the main plot forward. I still had a desire to write these scenes, however, so I've decided to post them separate from A Fine Frenzy.
Most of these scenes can stand on their own, but I've made sure to include a brief recap at the start of every one-shot anyway. It's not necessary to read A Fine Frenzy if you'd rather just enjoy these scenes, but I would highly recommend reading the recaps in that case. Needless to say, everything here is a spoiler for A Fine Frenzy.
I have a long list of one-shots to write, so be sure to add an author or story alert to get an e-mail when a new one-shot is posted. Thank you for reading and even more for reviewing.
Previously in A Fine Frenzy ...
Brittany probably had no idea what was going on, but if she was able to speak Elizabethan English in iambic pentameter, Kurt would eat all his Hermes scarves.
o o o
Sharing the stage did nothing to diminish Blaine's stage presence. He was every bit as charismatic as during glee club competitions, and Will had to admit Brittany killed Audrey's part. He felt Shannon's shoulders shaking with laughter, and Emma had a hand pressed over her mouth to stifle her giggles.
"That's going to be tough to follow," Shannon said breathlessly, dabbing at her eyes, after Blaine and Brittany left the stage.
A Fine Frenzy
"Eat Your Scarves"
Wednesday afternoon saw Burt and Carole bustling around the kitchen trying to prepare everything just right for the surprise celebratory party. After he accidentally confused baking soda and flour for the second time, Burt started to wonder if he wasn't more of a hindrance than help to his wife. He would have gotten out of her way, but watching Deadliest Catch while his wife slaved away in the kitchen didn't sit well with him.
"How about I start on the decorations?"
Carole smiled appreciatively at him. "They're in the box behind the couch. Don't push yourself too hard, Burt."
"My heart isn't going to give out from standing on a chair and pinning streamers."
Getting Kurt and Finn out of the house to prepare for the party hadn't been easy. Normally, a surprise party for their sons would involve Blaine and Rachel keeping them away all day, but Burt and Carole had decided Blaine and Rachel should be guests of honor too. After all, all four teenagers had landed lead roles in the musical.
Pulling in any of their other friends to help had seemed wrong too. All the kids had been cast in the musical. Asking the supporting players (or bit part players) to plan a big celebration for the leads was just plain tacky. So Burt had resorted to the last possible option: forcing Kurt and Finn to work at the shop all day, thus keeping them out of the house and their significant others away as well. Burt didn't like lying to Kurt – he'd left early citing a dentist's appointment, because he knew saying anything about a doctor would unduly worry Kurt.
Carole had the cake out of the oven and on the cooling rack when he came back in with the box of decorations. She went back to making the unpronounceable French entrée that would thrill Kurt and had a vegan option for Rachel as Burt unrolled the paper streamers and climbed onto a chair to tape them in loops around the cupboards. Carole's laughter filled the kitchen almost instantly.
"Oh, Burt," she giggled. "Forget the loops, sweetheart. They're all uneven. Just twist them and tape them to the tops of the cupboards."
"Streamers are supposed to be looped," he argued, quoting Kurt from his eleventh birthday party.
"Not when you also have bunting."
"I thought you made a sheet cake."
Carole laughed joyfully again and went back to dinner without commenting. With a sigh, Burt twisted the streamers until a paper rainbow decorated the cabinet tops. Within the hour, a huge banner reading "Congratulations" stretched across the kitchen window, colorful balloons floated over the table, and Burt had discovered what bunting really was. Carole applied the finishing touches to the cake decoration and took it into the laundry room to surprise the kids with later.
"Go get changed, Burt!" Carole ordered.
Six o'clock had rolled around sooner than they had realized. Finn and Kurt would be finishing up at the shop any time now and heading home. Rachel and Blaine both knew to come for dinner at six-thirty because they had been invited and accepted last night.
After Burt emerged from the bedroom in his best pair of jeans and a tucked in plaid shirt, Carole instructed him to "keep everything warm" and rushed off to change into her party clothes. Burt eyed the many covered dished around the kitchen wondering just how he was supposed to accomplish the task of keeping cooked food hot.
Carole had been acting a little frazzled for the past two hours. He'd never seen her that way before, and it unsettled him. But he did understand it. Carole had never planned a party for Kurt before, and she wanted to live up to his son's admittedly high standards. She had nothing to worry about. She had accepted Kurt for exactly who he was, and he would love her forever because of it, whether she made fashion or party planning missteps or not. But he loved her even more for caring so much about his son's preferences.
Burt shut the kitchen door when he heard a knock at the front door and peered out the window to see Blaine's Mustang in the driveway. Finn and Kurt were running late, which Carole noted with panic in her voice as she rushed into the kitchen. Maybe to see about keeping the food warm herself. Burt wished her luck.
"Blaine," Burt said, opening the door and waving the young man in. "Come in. Kurt's not back from the shop yet. I was about to turn on the game. Cardinals are playing. That's your favorite baseball team, right?"
"Yeah, definitely. I haven't been to a live game in a while, but I try to keep up on their standing in the league."
Blaine sat down on the couch while Burt occupied the armchair. He felt a little uncomfortable being alone with his boyfriend's father. The last time they'd held a conversation without anyone else present, he'd asked Burt to tell Kurt about gay sex. And then started dating Kurt two weeks later. He literally bit his tongue to keep from saying anything inappropriate.
Rachel arrived in the next ten minutes, thus saving Blaine. She wanted to go into the kitchen and help Carole, but Burt positively insisted she sit down and watch the game. She stared at Burt like he'd grown a third eyeball.
"I feel like I've gotten to know Blaine pretty well, but we don't ever get to talk, Rachel," Burt explained.
Rachel's expression softened and she perched on the couch next to Blaine. "It would be my honor to get to know you better, Mr. Hummel. Of course Finn and Kurt have told me all about how you're a wonderful, loving, accepting father." Burt shifted uncomfortably under the praise. "Also, my dads have said they would like to have a joint family dinner sometime. Neither of their fathers reacted well when they came out, and they're very impressed with your support of Kurt."
Burt did a double take. "He's my son." He looked away awkwardly as Rachel and Blaine beamed at him, and then exchanged significant glances, as if to emphasize to each other Burt Hummel's greatness. "Let's, uh, watch the game."
The door banged open five minutes later, and Kurt's raised voice reached the living room. "You are incorrigible! Why, why, why would you do that? Dad is going to murder you. Murder you, Finn! As in, you are going to die tonight!"
Kurt stomped into the living room, his cheeks flushed and a stony expression on his face. He wore oil-streaked coveralls from the shop, and grease stains had smudged on his pale face over the course of the day. The hairspray had been worked free, and his askew hairstyle flopped into his eyes. He stopped dead when he saw Blaine sitting on the couch, and with a squeak, turned and fled up the stairs.
Blaine sat unmoving on the couch. His brained had short-circuited. It kept repeating over and over: Kurt. Oil. Grease. Bent over a car engine. Kurt. Oil. Grease. Bent over a car engine. He shifted on the couch and crossed his legs in what he hoped was not an obvious manner. He didn't even notice Finn come in in a similar state and explain to Burt, shame-faced, that he had accidentally cut a brake line while doing an oil change.
"Seriously?" Burt sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Okay, Finn. I think you're meant for front office work. You've tried, and there's no shame in admitting you don't know your way around a car."
"Yeah, just let your gay brother handle auto repairs," Kurt quipped, reappearing in the living room. He had washed the dirt off his face and put on a pair of skinny jeans and green top. He perched on the arm of the couch and blushed whenever he caught Blaine looking at him.
After Finn had cleaned up and come downstairs again, Burt loudly announced it was time for dinner. Exchanging curious expressions, the teenagers followed him into the kitchen. Blaine hung back a little, and catching the hint, so did Kurt.
"You know how you asked me to forgo the gel and wear my glasses next time we're alone?" Blaine asked. Kurt nodded, his eyes darkening. "I have a mutual request."
The countertenor's eyes widened. "You cannot be serious."
Rachel's cry of delight ended their conversation for the moment. The boyfriends dashed into the kitchen to find it decorated for a party. Burt and Carole stood beneath a "Congratulations" banner beaming proudly at the teenagers. Seeing their shocked and delighted expressions, Carole rushed over to hug each of them.
"We are so proud of all of you. When you told us yesterday you all had leading roles, we knew we had to do something special for you," she gushed.
Kurt took in the multi-colored decorations around the cabinets, window, and table. It wasn't the sort of décor he would have picked out personally. It looked like his parents hadn't decorated anything other than children's birthday parties before. But he was touched by the gesture nonetheless. Blaine, Rachel, and Finn wore huge smiles to match his own.
They took places around the table while Carole uncovered the dishes. Kurt's breath stuttered as he observed the French cuisine. He was torn between thanking Carole for the fancy spread and asking if she had something with less butter for his dad.
"So we want to hear all about your auditions," Carole said, as the dishes passed around the table. "All we got last night was a lot of excited squealing."
All eyes turned to Kurt and Rachel. Finn and Blaine had been much more subdued at dinner. Disregarding the pointed looks, the two divas launched into detailed renditions of their moment on the stage in front of the three teachers. Rachel insisted on acting out her monologue, but Carole skillfully managed to divert the performance until after dinner.
"So who is everyone else playing?" Burt asked. "I can't imagine Brittany having a speaking role."
"Actually," Blaine said, his eyes darting sidelong to take in his boyfriend's guilty expression, "Brittany and I auditioned together. We did a comedic scene from As You Like It, and the judges adored Brittany. She had them laughing out loud she was so good. She's playing a fairy maid to the Queen of the Fairies. It's a small part, but with several speaking lines."
"Well, what do you know," Burt mused. "The daffy cheerleader can do Shakespeare."
"Mmm, yes," Blaine replied, this time fully looking at Kurt. "Brittany can speak Elizabethan English in iambic pentameter."
The rest of the dinner guests caught on to some inside joke happening at the table. Kurt's cheeks had turned a delicate shade of pink, and he pursed his lips while casting a warning glare at Blaine. The Warbler wasn't backing down, however. With a mischievous smile, he let the others in on the joke.
"Kurt thought the same thing you did, Mr. Hummel. In fact, the night of the sleepover, after I decided to audition with Brittany, he pulled me aside to warn me against it. He said, and I quote, 'If Brittany can speak Elizabethan English in iambic pentameter, I'll eat all my Hermes scarves.'"
Rachel raised her napkin to cover her mouth, but her eyes danced with mirth. Finn grinned lopsidedly. Kurt fairly glowered at his boyfriend.
"Yes, well, I am not actually going to eat my Hermes scarves."
"No, I agree. It would be terrible for your digestion," Blaine teased. Kurt rolled his eyes. "But you did imply you'd get rid of them if Brittany got a speaking part, which, I have to say, is really mean, Kurt. I think as punishment, you should donate your scarves to Goodwill."
At that, Blaine leapt up from the table and bounded for the stairs. Kurt sat at the table for a moment, shocked beyond belief, before his brain began screaming at him. With a shout, he raced after his boyfriend.
"Blaine Anderson, don't you dare touch my Hermes scarves! Do you have any idea how many hours I worked in the garage to pay for those? And your body will be found floating in the Ohio River if you so much as lay a pinky on any of this year's collection!"
Kurt burst into his bedroom and made a beeline for his small walk-in closet where he kept his scarves neatly folded in a shallow drawer. He found Blaine standing in the center of the closet, a beatific smile on his face and a rectangular red box tied with silver ribbon balanced on his palm. Kurt's panic melted instantly.
"Your name might not be in lights at the Renaissance Faire, but it will be someday. This is just the first of your many, many starring roles."
Blaine extended the arm holding the present, and Kurt accepted it while making eyes at his dapper boyfriend. He tugged on the ribbon and lifted the lid off the box. Kurt's breath caught in his throat as he stared down at the beautiful pale blue scarf. His fingertips grazed over the material.
"Blaine," he gasped, "this is vintage Hermes!"
The shorter boy nodded. "Only the best for you, Kurt." He lifted the scarf out of the box and tied it around Kurt's neck. "I'm really glad you picked an outfit that matches the scarf."
Kurt's fingers found the material at his throat again, and he played with it absently between his thumb and forefinger. "Blaine, I can't. It's too much." He started to pull off the scarf, but Blaine stopped him.
"No, please don't. I want to give you something special so you can always remember that moment when Mr. Schuester called your name."
Blaine adjusted the scarf around Kurt's neck until he deemed it perfect, and then led his boyfriend out to the full length mirror. Kurt sucked in a breath. The vintage Hermes looked at home around his neck, and the color made his eyes appear to flicker between blue and green.
"I had a reason for picking that particular color," Blaine confirmed.
Kurt closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to his boyfriend's in a soft, passionate kiss. His fingers played with the curls at the nape of Blaine's neck, and Blaine's hands cupped his cheeks lightly.
"I have something for you too," Kurt said, pulling away. "It's not here yet, but it should be by early next week. I can give you a hint, if you want."
"You just got me a present for getting the Six Flags gig. You didn't need to buy me something else." Kurt refused to dignify that with a response. "Okay, okay. Give me a hint."
"L'amour est un oiseau rebelle."
Blaine's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's so sweet, Kurt. I know you're not a fan of opera."
"Anything for you."
The boys were kissing again when a throat cleared in the doorway. Burt stood there looking a little awkward.
"I just came to make sure I didn't need to put Blaine's body in a trash bag and dump him in the river. So if we're all still alive, Carole says it's time for dessert."
Kurt and Blaine followed him down the stairs and back into the kitchen where Rachel, Finn, and Carole waited anxiously. Kurt flounced inside and showed off his pretty new scarf.
"Look what Blaine got me!" he cried. He danced around the table, preening for everyone. "It's vintage Hermes!"
Rachel looked expectantly at Finn, who shifted uncomfortably.
"So, uh, mom. You said something about dessert?" While Burt and Carole went to the laundry room to get the cake, Finn leered accusingly at Blaine and hissed, "Dude, you're making me look bad."
The Hummels came back into the room balancing a giant sheet cake between them. They gingerly placed it on the center of the cleared table so the teenagers could see the decorations. Instead of generic flowers and lace around the rim, Carole had created icing leaves and berries. The message read congratulations to Kurt, Finn, Blaine, and Rachel.
"Mrs. Hummel, this is looks incredible!" Rachel said. For once, she sounded genuinely humbled.
After a round of pictures involving the teenagers posing with the cake, and another with them hugging Burt and Carole for the party, they sat down to enjoy dessert. Kurt was trusted with cutting the cake, though he lamented destroying Carole's decorations to do it. Burt pulled out a half-gallon of ice cream, and Kurt was too overwhelmed by the party, cake, and Blaine's present to protest. A bottle of bubbly was found in the refrigerator, and they drank the cider from champagne flutes.
Carole refused to allow the teenagers to help her clean up, and Burt agreed with her. Guests of honor should never have to help at their own party. He sent them on their way with warnings to leave their bedroom doors halfway open.
"I do have something for you, Rachel," Blaine heard Finn say, as the tall boy led his girlfriend into his bedroom. Blaine would never mention Finn hadn't considered getting Rachel a gift until he'd suggested it yesterday.
Kurt stood in front of the mirror admiring his new scarf when Blaine walked in and eased the door halfway closed. He lingered out of Kurt's line of sight, warm happiness spreading through him just seeing Kurt appreciate the gift so much. He didn't have long to wait before Kurt noticed his presence, however.
With hands on Blaine's hips and a hungry look in his eye that foretold a heated make out session, Kurt walked him back to the bed. They crawled across the comforter, stretching out and tangling their limbs together. Kurt pressed his lips to Blaine's, and soon his tongue pressed for entrance. Blaine happily obliged, opening his mouth and welcoming the intrusion. He sucked on Kurt's tongue, catching his boyfriend unaware, and the most glorious moan escaped his throat.
"I love it when your voice goes deep," Blaine murmured, moving his lips to suck on Kurt's earlobe.
"I love you."
Blaine pulled back to gaze down into his boyfriend's eyes with a hopelessly punchdrunk look in his eyes. He didn't care their fiery passion had melted into loving embraces. He liked the slow, intense way they kissed at times. It left him free to explore and adore Kurt in equal measure.
"I love you too. Bitchy comments and all," he teased.
"I can tell," Kurt giggled. "If one crack about Brittany's intelligence got me a vintage Hermes scarf, I can't imagine what some other quips could get me. Hmm. Let's see. If Finn and Rachel last the whole summer, I'll burn my entire Alexander McQueen collection. If Quinn doesn't get a boyfriend and cheat on him by the end of summer, I'll go back to school shopping at Wal-Mart. If – "
"Stop it. You're being mean," Blaine said, but the corners of his mouth turned up in an amused smile.
"Okay. How about this one?" Kurt asked. He tightened his hold around his boyfriend's neck and looking up into shining hazel eyes. "If you don't stop scolding and kiss me this instant, I'll – "
Kurt never had to finish his threat. Blaine lowered his head and kissed Kurt soundly.
Translation: L'amour est un oiseau rebelle "Love is a rebellious bird." This is a famous line from the aria of the opera Carmen.