Basically Taito (yes, I am living in season 1, and I love it!).... Matt is left by Tai and he has to deal with the emotional reprecussions.... I guarantee this is not what you expect.... Lyrics are from "I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan (I love her!) and I really feel that they fit this fic.... if you are demented like me. : )
Three Days
I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road
Three days since he was here. Three days since he left. My sheets still smell like him. Cinnamon and musk; pure Tai. I snuggle closer into them, embracing the comforting scent. He always smelled so good. Beautiful and manly, a scent I never tired of being near. But he left. He's not here with me anymore.
So I grab the pillows and hold them tighter, wishing it was him, his poofy hair tickling my nose. I loved his hair. I loved his everything. I loved him. But he left me. Three days ago he tried to walk out of my life and away from me. But he could never leave me. A love like ours is forever. Three days ago, he left anyways.
Salty tears cascade from my eyes as I silently cry, wishing for him to love me again, to love me at all. I don't know where he is, but he's never coming back. I love him, his beauty, his pure perfection, I love it all. But he's never coming back, and it's my fault. It's his fault that it's my fault.
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears
Three days ago he left me. He's not coming back. Tai will never hold me in his arms again, he'll never whisper comforting words to me while I cry, he'll never do anything ever again.
Memories resurface of all the times we spent together; all the times we spent just with each other, staring out my window into the street below; the times we spent making love, slowly and passionatly, savoring every moment; the times he slept as I watched him, memorizing his every movement, his every line, his every curve. I memorized him completely.
I commited Tai to memory, learned him by heart, so that he could be here with me when he's gone.
on my island of hope
a breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek
I never wanted him to leave, I would never want that, but I knew that he would leave. Tai was a beautiful person and I could never be as perfect as he was. I tried to be everything he needed, everything he wanted, but it was impossible. He wanted so much: he wanted his free space, he wanted to be left alone, he wanted to leave me. And he did.
Tai left me. I wanted to be his everything, around him every minute, never missing a moment of his beauty. I could have been everything for him, too. I could have locked him up in my apartment, chained to the bed, forcing him to love me as much as I loved him. He would have no choice but to love me then. But I would never do that. Our love was a fee love, it just didn't work out like it should have. I loved him and he left me.
Oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away
I never told him how much I loved him. I never let it slip how much I worshiped the ground that he walked on. Letting a secret like that out could cause me pain. He hurt me anyways.
But I tried to tell him I loved him. I looked deep into his mocha eyes, locking them with my azure ones, but I could never go on. He was too beautiful, I couldn't spoil that beauty. I couldn't let my filth leak into his pure heart.
But three days ago he left. Three days ago Tai tried to walk out of my life: the life that I had so carefully set up.
I love you
and the night's too long
and cold here without you
So he left me, left my perfect world where everything was fine. He left. And I never got to tell him how much I loved him.
Now I sit here on my cold bed, smelling the sheets and hugging the pillows, crying for a love that was never returned. Why didn't he just stay? Why didn't he just love me? Why, Tai? Why?
Tai was perfect. A perfectly beautiful doll to live in my perfect world. More tears pour from my eyes as I wonder how me possibly could have left me. I was perfect. Perfect for him. Beautifully and painfully perfect.
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words
to say I need you so
My Tai, my beautiful perfect Tai, left me three days ago.
Three days.
Three days have passed since I killed him. I loved him, so I had to kill him. He left me, I had to kill him. It's his fault. He was so beautiful. I had to kill him.
And I forgot to tell you
I love you
I wrote this while listening to Sarah McLachlan by myself... Kenzie had gotten offline and left me all alone so I was kinda sad and very alone and this is what happened.... Sorry.... it was really weird and messed up, I know this... feel free to flame me... I probably deserve it.... and I like to laugh.... : )