Name borrowed from Coldplay's Fix You.
"Pavel? What's wrong?"
Pavel growled as he threw the towel down on the chair beside the bed. Any other time and he'd be surprised at himself but Hikaru looked shocked enough for the both of them. Instead, Pavel just fixed him with a hard stare, jaw clenched, hands in front of him.
"What do you mean 'what's wrong'?" His accent twisted harshly around his words and he threw his hands up "What could you possibly mean by that? I am having the time of my life!"
Hikaru sat up in their bed, looking thoroughly confused, but with his dark eyes guarded. He opened his mouth to speak but-
"I mean, what could be bringing me down? I am having so much fun. So much fun!" Pavel cried, almost losing his eyebrows to the wet curls plastered to his forehead. Pavel's eyes were hard and sharp and he couldn't remember the last time that he'd been like this. Years, probably. When his neighbours said he was too young for Starfleet.
"Pavel, you're-"
"I have had enough!"
Pavel dropped the sarcasm as he moved over to the set of drawers with his clothes in. He yanked the drawer open, making it jam from the force, before pulling out clothes and dropping the towel around his waist.
Hikaru didn't understand. He didn't get it. Pavel didn't want to spend all of shore leave in a hotel room. He didn't want to spend all of shore leave away from everyone else. He didn't want to spend all of shore leave being held like a captive.
"Pavel, I don't-"
"I am going out." Pavel said, stepping into a pair of boxers and pulling them up. His voice was flat and he didn't look at Hikaru as he reached for his jeans. He didn't look, but that didn't mean that he didn't see Hikaru straighten up in the bed.
"I thought-"
"You thought wrong." He buttoned his jeans, determined not to flush from the self conscious feeling he always got when Hikaru's eyes were on his skin. "I cannot stay in here any longer."
"Why?" Hikaru's voice was hard. Defensive.
"Because I can't stand it!" Pavel cried, turning, eyes on Hikaru as he lifted his shirt over his head. "We used to have fun! We used to see people. Now you just cage me like an animal. I am not your pet. We have been on shore leave for four days and I have seen nothing and no one. I need to get some air and I need to see something other than these four walls!"
"So what? Being around me is such a pain now?" Hikaru threw the duvet off and got out of the bed, crossing his arms over his chest and staring hard at Pavel who was sitting to pull his shoes on.
"Yes! Right now it is! Why are you so jealous recently? You have nothing to be jealous of!" Pavel stood and fixed Hikaru with a look that resembled Hikaru's when he left the bathroom. "It is offensive, the way you don't trust me. You think I am about to leave this room and jump on the next man I see-
"I do not think that and you know it," Hikaru's eyes were dark and his words were solid, clunky, like they didn't fit.
"What else could it be? Why else would you be locking me away from everyone? You never used to be like this. You used to laugh when we were with people, now you just drag me away from them. Am I not allowed friends? Can't I-"
"You want to know what it is?" Hikaru all but hissed as he walked around the bed towards Pavel. Pavel stuck his chin out defiantly, not submitting to Hikaru's unspoken challenge. "It's them." Hikaru pointed towards the door, not looking away from Pavel. "It's the way that they look at you. Like they could eat you. It's not exactly like we're a secret and they do it anyway. They look at you and I can't stand it-"
"Then that's your problem isn't it?" Pavel's voice was low and steady again, his accent thick. Hikaru didn't open his mouth. He didn't look away. "I am going out."
Hikaru didn't try to stop Pavel as he moved around him and picked his jacket up as he left their hotel room, half slamming the door behind him.
Pavel didn't see Hikaru for the rest of that day. Or night. He'd spent the day exploring the planet's local beach areas feeling somewhat dejected and annoyed at himself for blowing up like that. The air was needed, the hotel room was getting stuffy and sunlight felt good on his skin. But he knew that he'd be enjoying it an awful lot more if Hikaru was with him.
Hikaru. Pavel had noticed it for a while now. Sometimes at the console during a shift Hikaru would be quiet, or would be sullen when people would try and make conversation. The smiles that used to be broad when Pavel joked with him seemed strained somehow. Pavel had assumed that he'd just been tired those days so he didn't press it, but it was clear that something was up when he'd make faces when Pavel left to work on his projects with Scotty and Spock.
Pavel didn't know what it was. It appeared that his genius was limited to mathematics and physics. He'd think that he'd done something wrong but Hikaru was always the same as he'd always been when they were alone in Hikaru's bedroom. His embraces … they may have been tighter. His gazes might have lasted longer and seemed distant. But probably not. The natural sun had most likely made his head skew and he was over-thinking and complicating and that is one thing that he knew couldn't be good. He just needed to go to Hikaru and apologise.
That was when he was snapped from his reverie.
"Chekov!"
Glancing up, Pavel saw that it was the captain. Beside him was the doctor, McCoy … Bones. McCoy. Kirk's face broke out into a broad smile and McCoy shuffled and gave a small "Hey, kid."
"Captain, Doctor," Chekov said to them, looking up from his seat on a bench not too far from their hotel.
"Where's Hikaru?" Kirk asked, looking pointedly to the empty space beside Pavel.
"Oh, he's um, at the hotel room. He's just tired I think," Pavel said, giving a weak smile.
"Hey, well me and Bones here were about to meet some of the others and hit up some bars," Kirk waggled his eyebrows. "Wanna come with us?"
Assuming that Kirk had exhausted the rest of the planet's bars, but Pavel didn't mention that. Instead he shook his head, opening his mouth to say that he couldn't, he ought to be returning to Hikaru soon, it'd be getting late and he'd been alone all day.
"Aw, c'mon, squirt. How old are you now? 18, 19? Come and have a drink with the men," Kirk smirked, his eyes glittering, teasing.
"I am 19, I am not a child!" Pavel quipped. Kirk just laughed, but it was one of those things that just nagged at Pavel. He wasn't a child, he'd earned his right to navigate the Enterprise and he knew that everyone respected that, it was clear. They respected it, but it didn't mean that they always took it seriously and being called a child was still so, so frustrating. But being around his superiors, even on shore leave, always turned him into the Pavel that was eager to please, eager to prove his worth as a navigator and an adult. So he couldn't put any real annoyance behind his words.
"Good! Then you'll come with us," Kirk said, laughing as he reached to pull Pavel up by his arm.
"Leave the kid alone, Jim, if he doesn't want t-"
"No, I want to come," Pavel interjected, standing. He wasn't going to go back to Hikaru like a child. He was going to make the most of his shore leave and if Hikaru was going to stay in their hotel room, then he's a selfish idiot. "I do, I want to come with you."
Kirk broke out into his biggest smile yet and clapped Pavel on the arm, turning to McCoy and grinning like he's proved something.
"Well, let's see where the liquor's at, hmm?"
A few hours later and Pavel's slumped on a barstool reeling out his love life problems to Kirk who doesn't seem much like he's listening and more like he's ordering drinks, shots, something with alcohol in and Pavel doesn't seem to find himself minding, enjoying the numb haze that's swallowed his brain, his thoughts somewhat fuzzy around the edges, but determined clarification in everything he's telling his captain. McCoy had been with them a moment ago, muttering something to Kirk, eyes glancing at Pavel, Kirk's following, and Pavel had meant to say something about that but he'd been distracted by the not-quite-empty glass in front of him, downing it and then McCoy had gone, to the men's room Kirk had said. And Pavel probably would have said about how he can go to the men's room too if he wanted to because he's a man and he's allowed. But he didn't because Kirk was watching him and something told him that it would be a stupid thing to say, even through the big smudge that his mind was at that moment.
"But Hikaruuu," Pavel whined out, sighing and sitting straighter. "He's being really stupid. You've been with people right, Captain? What makes them stop being stupid?"
"Ahaha," Kirk's laugh was awkward and he scratched his neck. Then, "Don't call me Captain here, we're off-duty."
"Ack, sorry, Captain. Ah! Sorry!"
"Jim," Kirk said simply, glancing over Pavel amused, eyes soft at the corners all the same.
"Jim?"
"Yeah?"
"I was just testing it."
"Oh. Well, how was it?"
"How was it?"
"Did it pass? Your test?"
"Oh!" Pavel laughed, head tipping forward before looking back up at Kirk. "Yes, it passed."
"Good." The corners of Kirk's eyes softened even more and Pavel could could see him move closer in his periphery as he took another drink from the new, full glass beside him. He didn't object though, he was finding that he enjoyed the captain's company. Which reminded him.
"But you didn't answer me, I need to know how to fix Hikaru," Pavel turned in the barstool to face Kirk directly, eyebrows pushed together, curls bouncing with his movement.
"Really? You're really asking me for relationship advice?" Kirk asked, incredulous. Pavel thought about that.
"I suppose not," he glanced back down again, brow relaxed but mouth down-turned at the corners.
Kirk downed his beer, almost in one go, before sighing. Pavel missed the inch closer that Kirk got as he turned back from ordering yet another drink.
"What was it that Doctor McCoy said to you? He's been gone for quite a while?" Pavel asked, lifting his head again.
"Nothing, just bitching about something probably," Kirk waved it off, giving Pavel a curious look. It made Pavel laugh, he hadn't seen that expression on Kirk before, it was odd.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing," Pavel laughed, shaking his head lightly.
"Y'know, it seems to me that Hikaru is jealous about something," Kirk said with a knowing look, nodding like he'd just made a great deduction.
"That is what I've been saying the whole time! He thinks that people have been looking at me, as though that's my fault. And it's not even true, I'd know if people had been looking at me," Pavel scoffed, scowling at the bar top. Kirk raised his eyebrows slightly, mouth forming a small o.
"People have been looking at you have they? Looking at you like, interested looking at you?" Kirk asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Apparently. Hikaru's just being silly and jealous and-"
"Hmm, I don't know," Kirk cocked his head to the side and shrugged.
"What?" Pavel looked at Kirk, eyes slightly wide. "What do you mean?"
"Well, all I'm saying is, Hikaru's right to be protective. I wouldn't be surprised if Hikaru saw people making eyes at you. Hell, I don't know how you've got through two years of the Enterprise and not noticed," Pavel just stared at him, mouth open slightly. Kirk shrugged again. "You're hot stuff."
Pavel laughed.
"You're a good friend to Hikaru, but you don't have to defend him, Captain-Jim," Pavel smiled to Kirk. He was proud of Hikaru for having such good friends, even though he'd been a little off with them recently.
"I'm not. A few years ago you were jail bait," Kirk nodded, like it was common knowledge, sympathising that Pavel didn't know.
"What? Really?" Pavel's mouth pulled up at the corners. He'd never really considered himself attractive, let alone "jail bait". His curls were annoying, bouncing and getting in the way and he'd always been on the skinny side, thin as a board. He hadn't really found them all that appealing, himself.
"Are you kidding me? Hell, I'm probably the one that Hikaru's most pissed at," Kirk said, looking at Pavel's curls and the light smattering of freckles that the sun had brought out. Pavel's eyes watched Kirk's moving over him and he would have blushed had he been sober.
"You're lying," Pavel shrugged, turning back to face the bar, half smirk of disbelief stretching his face.
"Nope. When you asked what Bones had been saying ... he was telling me not to hit on you. He has as much faith in me as Hikaru has," as he said this, he managed to close even more distance between them, not that Pavel noticed.
"Well, it's a good thing you listened to him then, isn't i-" Pavel hadn't expected to see Kirk so close when he turned back, their shoulders almost touching and Kirk's face inches from his.
"Sorry?" Kirk grinned. "What were you saying?"
"That it is a good thing that you're not trying to get in my pants," Pavel almost whispered, breathy and low. He didn't know why Kirk was so close to him but all that he could register right now was the fact that he was and that his body was warm and undemanding. It wasn't possessive.
"Oh," Kirk's voice was equally quiet, barely audibly above the din of the bar, but deeper, husky. "Who told you that?"
With huge eyes, Pavel felt his jaw slack. He couldn't stop staring at Kirk, his eyes, blue, so blue, so blue that he felt like he could get lost at sea and there was something in them, he knew what it was, he'd seen it before.
"You are not serious?"
Kirk nodded slowly, not breaking their eye contact. Pavel could feel his heart, blood pumping through his fingertips.
"You shouldn't have said that," Pavel whispered. Kirk simply shifted his weight, bringing him centimetres closer, inching between Pavel's legs. Pavel could feel Kirk's breath playing over his lips.
"You're probably right. Being a genius and all," Kirk smiled wide, white teeth. "But the question is, ensign, are you going to stop me?"
Pavel couldn't speak. His voice has disappeared, having jumped ship with his brain. Unfortunately, his motor functions were still in order and he found himself leaning into Kirk's warmth.
Kirk's eyes flicked down to Pavel's lips before he covered them with his own, raising his hands, one to Pavel's hair, twining through his curls and the other to his waist, to keep him from slipping off the stool. He hummed as he moved against Pavel, pulling him closer as he pushed himself between Pavel's legs. Pavel's hands spread out over Kirk's shoulders, before one ran through his hair, bringing him closer, wanting more of this, his kisses that didn't taste of jealousy, his touch that didn't burn with obsession. He let himself dissolve in it, melting under Kirk's caresses and kisses, which were becoming more heated the longer Pavel got lost in it, letting his mouth open for Kirk's tongue which was tracing the seam of his lips, welcoming him instantly for a battle of dominance that Kirk was most certain to win, but Pavel put up a fight, he wasn't going to submit that easily. He gasped into Kirk when he felt fingers creeping under the hem of his shirt, thumbs rubbing circles into his hips and he couldn't stop the moan that escaped.
"Hey! Get a room!" Kirk pulled back, but stayed in Pavel's personal space, both of them breathing each other's air and staring, eyes blue and green, blown and dark. They didn't look in the direction of the bartender, at the other end of the bar. "If you're gonna keep that up then you're going to have to leave, this ain't a place for your homosexual lovemaking."
They laughed softly, but it died quickly with the meaning behind the accusation and what it meant.
"So, do you ..." Kirk asked, forehead over Pavel's. "Want to find a-"
"A room?" Pavel's voice returned, just as hushed as Kirk's.
"Yeah," Kirk breathed, his breath smelling faintly of toothpaste and the beer they'd been drinking.
"Yes."
"Yeah?"
"Yes." Pavel nodded, curls springing. "Yeah."
Kirk watched Pavel for a few seconds longer, before reaching for his jacket and shrugging it on and Pavel did the same.
"Are you-"
"C'mon," Pavel cut Kirk's words off, taking him by the arm and pulling him towards the door. They could hear the bartender's own cheery laughter as they left the premises.
It wasn't long before they'd found themselves in Kirk's hotel room, or so Pavel assumed, he recognised that wasn't the one that he and Hikaru had checked into but he was hardly in a state to remember. They were struggling their way across the room, arms fumbling with each other's clothes, lips and tongues marking and claiming.
There was a faint light shining through the blinds, bathing them in strips of orange in the darkness.
"Dammit, Pavel, let me get you naked," Kirk groaned behind Pavel's ear, fingers pulling at the hem of Pavel's shirt.
"Ah, sir," Pavel panted under Kirk's tongue, tugging at his hair, bringing him closer, frantically squirming against Kirk's body, practically rutting. Kirk's head jerked up, a spark glinting through the heavy lust in his eyes.
"Say that again," he said, voice husky, eyes intent on Pavel's.
"Sir, sir, fuck me, sir," Pavel moaned, before his tongue darted out, a pink slip wetting his lips as Kirk growled, ducking to bite at Pavel's exposed collarbone, hands tearing at his jeans. Pavel pulled Kirk up, needing Kirk's skin as much as Kirk needs his, and pulled his shirt off before tugged him closer via his belt, desperate to get some body contact between them.
Pavel's jeans were feeling constrained as it was but the burning friction of Kirk's jean-clad erection against his own drew groans worthy for porn stars out of them both.
"No, naked, now," Kirk insisted, pulling back to tug his shoes and jeans off, Pavel doing the same, muttering "Da, da."
"I really want to fuck you, I want to fuck you so hard," Kirk moaned, pulling Pavel in for another hungry kiss, putting his arms down to Pavel's thighs and lifting him. Pavel let himself be lifted and wrapped his legs around Kirk's waist, bringing their cocks together. Kirk moved them to the bed, dropping them onto it, bounding with the mattress. He ran his hands up and down Pavel's chest, flicking his nipples before recapturing his mouth with his own. "You have no idea do you? How fucking hot you are, always sitting there on the bridge, right in front of me and I just want to fuck you, right there in front of everyone, over the console. Bend you over, or have you on your knees with my cock in your mouth."
Pavel bucked up to Kirk, his flesh tantalisingly close, but held just out of reach. He whined when Kirk laughed and moved away whenever he arched his into him.
"I want it, I want your cock," Pavel keened, fingers bunching in the bedsheets as Kirk licked at his throat and neck.
"Ensign."
"Captain."
"On your knees, ensign."
"Yes, sir," Pavel whispered as he rolled onto his front, lifting himself up before Kirk's hungry eyes.
Kirk could have been more gentle, he could have taken more time as he stretched Pavel, but neither of them had the patience for it, they were both desperate for the friction. Pavel's face was buried in the pillows, unable to keep still as Kirk moved his spit-slick fingers inside him.
"More," Pavel groaned, feeling red clouds bloom over his back. "I need more."
"Where are your manners ensign?" Pavel could hear the glee in his voice, the smug quirk of his lips and he cried out as Kirk crooked his fingers, finding that spot, the delicious spot inside him.
"Please, please, Captain, I need you, ah, I need you inside, please," there was more but it was unintelligible, his words were slipping into more Russian than English and most were lost to the pillow smothering his mouth.
Kirk was gone and back with his ever handy lube before Pavel began to whine at the cold rush of air and empty, hollow feeling that his hand had left and then Kirk was there, behind him, one hand on his hip, the other guiding himself and then there was the pressure and every single time the initial breach was the best and worst part for Pavel. The burn of being stretched by something much larger than a finger or two, it hurt, but it was so good, so, so good and Pavel had forgotten about Kirk's reputation but now he could feel it, it was the only thing he could feel, Kirk's ridiculous cock inching in, spearing, spreading, stretching him and it was delicious hot warmth all through him and Pavel was backing onto it, needing to have it, crying out when it hit that spot again and again and again and there was something in the back of his mind but this was too much, too good and it took over his conscious, pulling him into Kirk's rhythm, hard and fast, sloppy and urgent and Pavel had to bite his bottom to lip himself crowing out the pleasure.
Pavel came first, one hand flying over his cock, gasping at his release, long, drawn out breaths as he spilled over the sheets, tearing the orgasm out of Kirk as he clenched down around his cock, tightening, pleasure mounting and then he let go of Pavel, letting him collapse limp, falling over him, panting.
He rolled onto his back and pulled Pavel to him, who rested his face in the crook of Kirk's neck. Kirk let his arm rest around Pavel's shoulder, holding him there, feeling the sweat drip from his hair onto his collarbone, running down the side of his chest. Pavel's breathing evened slowly as his small exhalations stuttered over Kirk's skin and he pulled his leg over Kirk's, tangling them together as Kirk pulled the duvet over the two of them. He let his fingers draw easy, gentle patterns over the few freckles on Pavel's shoulder as he felt his navigator's breath ease into something heavy and sleep soft. Pavel moved slightly, getting more comfortable as he sighed an almost silent "Hikaru" onto Kirk's neck. Kirk watched Pavel's head, his fingers tracing those feather-light touches.
Pavel knew the instant that woke up in Kirk's arms that he'd ruined everything. His eyes felt tight and he knew that he looked a mess, yesterday's clothes and riot of hair and when he opened his own hotel room door he could see that Hikaru knew exactly what he'd done.
He'd been expecting an argument, but this was worse. Yes, there was the anger, but that dissipated to disbelief and then to nothing in half a second. His stare was empty, devoid. Pavel had only gone and proved him right, that he can't be left alone. He can't be trusted. And it hurt. It cut at Pavel and as Hikaru threw his clothes into a bag and moved past him he could only look at the floor and feel the growing hole his in chest suck at his defences. The door slammed behind him and he felt it all come rushing, he gasped as his hand came to his mouth, the sting in his nose sharp and the wetness in his eyes pouring, flooding his cheeks, unsteady streams. His chest rose and fell erratically with his cries as he crumpled onto the bed that Hikaru had slept in alone that night.