It took a lot to startle DJ Octavio.
It's not like he was putting on a false bravado for his vassals; there just seriously wasn't anything that could really surprise a veteran of the Great Turf Wars. A sudden scare was like a sudden change in music—it had about the same impact on him, too.
So it was only because Octavio was so level-headed that he was able to completely control his expression when two of his highest-ranking Octolings brought to him a baby Inkling boy.
Splatatatatatatatatatasplatoon~
"READY WEAPONS!"
Inkling Scum (or to those who didn't completely hate his guts, just Scum) lifted his Octoshot to aim at the squid-shaped target. It was designed to simulate an actual moving Inkling, with a smaller-than-usual bulls-eye to condition an Octarian's aim. To his sides, thirty others did the same.
"BEGIN FIRE!"
At the instructor's call, Inkling Scum and his class of trainee Octolings fired a barrage of shots at the fake squids. They were only allowed to fire three shots from this range—the base number of hits to splat that the Octoshot needed to do its job.
"CEASE FIRE!"
Inkling Scum shook himself out of his battle trance and appraised his target. Father would be proud; he had shot the squid's bulls-eye with impeccable accuracy, even adjusting for the error of his gun. The squid itself was immaculate but for a single stain of ink on its weak point. There was no runoff either; Inkling Scum had been taught from a very young age never to waste a drop of ink.
"Present yourselves by rank for evaluation!" the instructor (a Twintacle who had fought in the Great War) all but shouted to the class.
Inkling Scum immediately took his place at the front of the nascent line. It was simply a matter of course to do so; he was a battle genius, after all. Even though he had never experienced a Turf War (the Octarian kind) in his life, his movements, efficiency, aim, and tactical sense were all top-notch.
The Twintacle Octarian, mustache bobbing up and down as he spoke, began to announce their scores. "Viola, accuracy 77 percent! Rosa, accuracy 80 percent! Jaune, accuracy 81 percent! Schwartz, accuracy..."
The names and the corresponding scores tumbled down on the Octolings. Many became a bit dejected, especially those at the bottom of the rankings. Octarians didn't train weaklings to be in the army, and those who couldn't match up would have to abandon their military prospects. Failure brought great shame upon the name of an Octarian family, more so if it were a naturally-gifted Octoling instead of a regular male who was failing.
It was also because of this issue that Inkling Scum's presence at the top of the ladder subjected him to the ire of the entire Octoling corps. To not only have a talented male, but a talented male Inkling-!
"…Rouge, 96 percent! Amarillo, 97 percent! Blanc, 97 percent! Lima, 98 percent!"
This guy's stamina was amazing, considering how old he was. Inkling Scum tuned out the droning until the instructor reached the very last few names…
"Gelb, 99 percent! Lila, 100 percent! Inkling Scum, 100 percent!"
The Inkling boy glanced to his right at the only Octarian in the world that he could ever consider his rival—Lila.
She wasn't as good as he was, but she was pretty darn close, all things considered. Lila was one of the best Octolings in their grade, perhaps one of the best in recent history. She was diligent, intelligent, graceful…
And absolutely ruthless on the battlefield.
Yeah, Lila was the incarnation of Octarian ideals. Inkling Scum was definitely the best at battle, but no one could find a more loyal, more motivated, Octarian. It helped that she came from a very prestigious lineage as well; her ancestors were regarded as great heroes, and were very high up in the Octarian caste system.
She regarded him through tinted, metallic goggles. "Is there anything you want to say, Scum?"
The instructor was still talking in the background, discussing what the majority of their classmates needed to do in order to improve, but Inkling Scum ignored the incessant lecturing.
He grinned at her cheekily. "Just that you'll never surpass me."
Her lips twitched erratically, which probably meant she was trying to smile—she had a lot of trouble with that due to her strict upbringing. "One day," she said, "I will be rubbing your face in the dirt, little squid. One day."
This only served to widen his smirk. "Maybe in your dreams, you lousy excuse for an octopus."
They chuckled icily, reveling their private joke.
Yep, they were best friends alright. If Inkling Scum had spoken similarly to any other Octarian, he would have been beaten within an inch of his life.
Procupine's Explanation Corner; READER DISCRETION ADVISED
The Octolings in Inkling Scum's class are all named after colors. This is a relatively recent naming fad in Octo Valley; the Octarians had found a multilingual color lexicon from the Old World a few decades ago and put it to use as a book of names. We have evidence that they can understand human writing because some of the sunken scrolls are actually human documents (the contents of which our Inkling player characters can read just as easily as Octarian and Inkling text).
The lowest scoring Octoling in Inkling Scum's class actually hit her target three times out of three, but was unable to score a direct hit on the squid target during some shots. A perfect score would necessitate perfect shots; the center of each shot should be aligned with the center of the target.
In regards to the irony of a weak male Octarian teaching Octolings, it should be noted that male Octarians were first delegated to combat duty near the end of the Great Turf War, to increase the numbers of the losing Octarian would not be an understatement to say that the Octarian forces would have lost way earlier than they had without the support of the males.
On another note, Octarian segways (designed to allow the stubby-legged Octarian males and young children to get around quickly) were repurposed for battle during the Great Turf War, lowering mobility in favor of adding weighty ink tanks and Octoshots (these are now the standard model segways). They are powered by... power orbs.