Disclaimer: Most everything is property of Joss Whedon and crew. You'll know who is of my own making.
This is a sequel that,while probably still entertaining, won't be as good unless you've read the first story A Class Act. But I'll try to make it clear what's going on in case you don't feel like reading the first one. Enjoy!
River tapped on her brother's door politely. "There's a woman on the intercom who wants to speak with the captain," she said.
The reply that came after a moment was, "Did you check his room for him?"
She huffed professionally, as teenaged girls can, and rolled her eyes to the door. "Tell him to dress quickly and come to the bridge. It seems important- maybe Alliance."
Inside the room, Simon's blood froze. "You didn't answer the signal, did you, River?"
"No," she said, her voice dripping with annoyance. "Zoe did. She sent me to get the captain while she stalls. Can you please send him out?"
Her brother sighed. "Just... go wait by the bridge and see what they want. Out of sight," he added, as though she wouldn't know already. He waited until her footsteps were inauduble, then released the breath he'd been holding. "Guess you're needed," he informed Mal, who was sitting naked on his bed.
"You reckon?" Mal teased, grinning a self-satisfied grin. "Y'know," he began, pulling on his undergarments, "I don't think you need to be hiding this from your sister. I'm all for people minding their own business and all, but no sense in playing dumb. She knows. Everyone knows. Ain't much to keep covered anymore."
"I know," the doctor admitted. "It's silly, but it still feels..."
"Wrong?"
"No, no, not wrong, per se, just..."
"Completely wrong?" Simon's face fell, and Mal smiled. "Come on, doc, I ain't like Kaylee. You say the wrong thing to me, I ain't gonna walk off in a huff. I know how unnatural this all is. Seems downright eerie sometimes," he admitted.
"Exactly!" Simon exclaimed, excited that Mal understood. "Not that I don't, ah, enjoy it, because I do, but-"
"No need to explain. Being with another man, having never been before, just feels strange. Makes enough sense to me."
"Right. And I don't mind people knowing-"
"Nor do I-"
"-but I'd just as soon not discuss it. Especially with my little sister."
The captain nodded. "Lucky for you, no one really cares to discuss it, except your little sister." He winked at the doctor and snapped his suspenders into place. "Okay doc, best go see what who wants."
Simon frowned slightly. "Didn't we agree to use actual names in bedrooms?"
Mal ruffled Simon's too perfect hair. "I'm on duty now, doc." He left the medic to his own devices, feeling rather good about himself. Having been in an intimate situation with Simon for the past few weeks had been awkward and at the same time rewarding. There were some things women just didn't seem to get. A woman wouldn't have understood the need to seperate busieness form personal. Simon, though, could understand that when Mal yelled at him in the infirmary it had nothing to do with what would happen later in the bedroom. There was a comfort in that.
Zoe looked something close to livid by the time Mal reached the bridge. River was standing just outside the door, listening to whatever conversation had been brewing. He checked out the face on the monitor, realised it was someone he did not recognize, and felt a bit relieved. This woman on screen may have been looking to cause him new problems, but at least she wasn't resurfacing old ones. "Greetings," he said pleasantly to the sour pussed woman who'd signaled him. "I'm Captain Reynolds, I understand you need to speak with me?"
"Captain Reynolds," she began, her voice taking on an attitude no Earth That Was diva could ever hope to match, "you owe me money."
He gave a startled laugh. "Money? I'm sorry to be rude, ma'am, but... I ain't never seen you before in my life."
"No, I imagine you wouldn't have, neither," she spat. "You remember a fella by the name of Tompkins?"
Mal looked at Zoe, who mirrored his blank stare. Tompkins... Oh, right! Mal remembered him, but vaguely. Elias Tompkins had been a nothing of a man they'd done some dealings with a few months back on Persephone. It'd been a small trade operation- Mal had given Tompkins a few hundred credits for some parts for the ship. Second hand parts, but well kept and so far have proved very reliable. "Yes, I remember the man," Mal told the woman, although he failed to see where it resulted in his owing her anything. "Thin man, sorta nervous. Sold me some parts."
"That'd be him," the woman agreed. "He's my husband. I keep track of finances, and the amount he turned over for his labor to you don't add up to the amount he said you agreed on!" She looked about ready to punch through the screen and raise all hell in Mal's bridge.
"That can't be right," Zoe said, mainly to Mal.
"You calling me a liar!" Mrs. Tompkins challenged.
"No, it ain't that," Mal said immediately. "It's just... we met Mr. Tompkin's wife on Persephone. And, well... you ain't her." While Elias Tompkins had been a completely forgettable man, his wife, Edith, most certainly was not. She was dark skinned and round, her excess pounds filling out delicious curves that were hugged smartly by a satin wrap dress. In contrast to Elias' grubby pale skin and his weak coffee colored eyes, everything about Edith had been exuberant and vivid. Her cocoa eyes popped, her velvety skin glowed, and her voice was like chocolate milk- creamy and satisfying. Even if Mal's memory of the vixen had been skewed by fantasy, the woman chewing him out on the screen was no comparison to Edith. This woman had brassy hair pulled back tightly into a bun that you could almost hear screaming in pain. Her face, ruddy with anger and probably liquor, seemed to have itself set perpetually on "as unattractive as I can make myself". There was no sparkle in this woman, no pop, and as Jayne would have pointed out had he been in the room, no great rack either.
"What're you on about?" she snapped. "Of course I'm his wife! Been married near ten years now!"
"Listen, Edith, there must be-"
"Edith?" she shrieked. "The hell are you talking about? My name is Gertrude!"
"...Okay... Look, Mrs. Tompkins, I'm not quite sure what's going on here, but let me tell you what I do know. We come down on Persephone a few months back, like you say. We got some parts from your husband Elias, also like you say. Now, here's where it gets tricky, I think. We were introduced by your husband to a woman named Edith, who he said was his wife."
"Well she sure as hell ain't me!" Gertrude barked.
"No, exactly my point. The woman we met was a dark-skinned lady, about five and a half feet high, dressed real fancy."
Gertrude's face wrinkled in displeased thought. "I ain't sure where you're going with this," she said dangerously. "Why would Elias lie about this woman being his wife?"
"I'm sure I don't know," Mal said smoothly, starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. "Seems the both of us have been mislead by your husband. All I know is after meeting Edith, we paid him our 400 credits and went our own ways."
"Four hundred?" Gertrude asked weakly, her aggressive demeanor snapping like kindling. "That's the amount he said you agreed on, but he didn't turn over not half of that."
"Says we stiffed you, huh?" Zoe asked.
"Says you told him you'd leave the rest in town for him and never did."
"Seems to me," Zoe continued, "he's hiding something from you. Maybe hiding a lot of things. This happen more than once, customer not pay what they said?"
"Sure," Gertrude admitted. "Elias ain't the brightest man. Real gullible. He-" Her eyes widened, as though a horrific realization overcame her. "He gets conned easy," she finished. "You said his wife's name was Edith?"
"Yes ma'am," Mal agreed.
She nodded sadly. "I think I know the woman you mean. Pretty thing, young and fat?"
"More curves than fat," Mal said, before Zoe had a chance to jab him in his side. "I mean yes," he said quickly. "Dark skinned fatty."
Gertrude slammed the console in front of her. "That wang ba dan!" she shrieked, all the fire in her coming back blazing. "I can't believe after all these years! Scoundrel!" Her eyes were intense, and both Mal and Zoe were pleased to be nowhere near that woman at the moment. Just seeing her face on the screen was enough to give you the spooks. "I'll get that cheating bastard, you'll see!" Gert declared before snapping off the transmission.
Zoe and Mal waited in the silence for a moment, then started laughing. "My God," Zoe said through chuckles, "how do we get involved in these things?"
"Can you imagine," Mal choked, "her spending all that energy trying to find us just to chew me out on conning her husband, when he's been conning her the whole time?"
"Smart man," River called from the doorway. "Acted a fool to fool everyone."
"Indeed," Mal agreed, wiping his eyes. "Oh, that ain't right, laughing at her."
"She almost came through the screen," River said, her voice ominous as usual. "I thought she could touch us."
"Sure am glad she couldn't," Zoe responded.
"Kaylee is making soup," River said randomly, drifting out of the bridge like the delicious smells wafting from the dining area could carry her there.
Mal looked at Zoe again, chuckled, and decided that a big bowl of Kaylee soup (and sharing this story with the rest of the crew) would just make this day better.