Harry knew he loved Sirius.
In a way no one understood.
In the shower he leaned against the wall, pleasuring him self while thinking of Sirius.
Having the most erotic dreams of his godfather above him, pounding into him.
Harry had told Ginny, he thought she would understand.
She backstabbed Harry.
She owled her family and told them, they disowned Harry from there family.
Harry grew angry. He picked up a bottle of vodka he stole from Malfoy on the train.
The substance washed over him, comforting him gently.
Sirius.
Harry's mind raced through the fantasies of that name.
Lying on his bed with Sirius overhead panting. Hands touching every part of his skin while they kiss with passion.
He leaned on the headboard with the bottle still in his hand, his hand stroking himself faster with every moan.
His thumb rubbed the head, pre cum dripped onto his fingers. He gently pulled the foreskin back touching the sensitive flesh.
He stroked harder as he though of his dark haired lover. His fingers were covered in pre cum, shining wetly as he lowered them to his opening.
He slipped a finger past the tight ring, then two, then three.
He wished only Sirius was touching him like this.
He longed for his loving touch, to gaze into the sapphire eyes and say ' I love you'.
But Sirius was dead.
Gone to never come back again.
No one understood how his death affected Harry. No one cared. Remus locked himself in his own room to die alone, not thinking about what harry needed, or ever wanted.
Harry cleaned himself and dressed in his best robes. There was a letter he had wrote on the kitchen table, waiting for all the members of the order to find as they came down for breakfast the next morning.
He lay on his bed with the bottle in his hand, and a pill in the other.
He took the pill and swallowed with vodka.
Harry knew he loved Sirius…and now he would get to say that.