When I Woke Up

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Star Wars franchise. The only part of this story that belongs to me at Kyehna and Kelin.

It did all feel like a crazy dream. Once again having a sadistic madman in my head mumbling promises of power and seemingly unattainable freedom. Currently residing in a legendary space ship that's framed into the earth of this strange planet. Watching Marr die. Watching as I stabbed my lightsaber straight through the emperor, no, Valkorion's chest. Waking up to find, not my ship and my crew… my family, but Lana. Five years. Force, did I wish this was all a crazy dream.

Once everything settled down on the gravestone I decided to check my messages to see if anyone in my crew had tried to contact me over the years. Nothing. Not one message from my crew, but there was a letter from someone I did not suspect.

Theron Shan.

From: Theron Shan

Subject: For when you wake up

I've written this message twice now. Okay, more than twice. Kinda weird writing something that may never be read. Lana says you're locked in carbonite, but alive. (Yeah, we're in touch. Long story.) I like to think you're having one crazy dream. And maybe I'm in it. But I don't want to presume. We never really declared what this—you and me—is… was…. Have I mentioned I'm bad at relationships? Another reason I'm a workaholic.

I'm rambling. The point I'm trying to make is—whatever's between us, I want you to know that I care about you. A lot. The whole galaxy's lost its mind. The thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you're out there, and we're putting together a plan to rescue you. I might not be there—we've all got our parts to play—but I haven't forgotten about you or our time together. I never will.

A crazy dream… and he's in it? What we are? We all have our parts to play… our time together…

"Hey, you all set to go?" a voice and hand on my shoulder bolted me out of my thoughts as I quickly turned to see Koth with one hand on the large bag hung over his shoulder and his other hand gently resting on his blaster. His demeaner was easier going and more humorous than I was used to. This coming from a member of the dark council who has a pirate, a very confused Jedi, a blood thirsty Kaleesh, a century old shadow killer and an artifact obsessed historian as her crew. After five years, I could only hope they were all doing well. "Hey, are you okay?"

Koth displayed a certain level of concern on his face which puzzled me. I was a master in many things regarding the force: persuasion techniques, lightning storms, corruption. However, I was a mere acolyte when it came to understanding people.

I was sold into slavery at 9-years-old by my parents. They sold me for money to buy spice, which I discovered years later, ended up killing them. After being sold into slavery, I started working the streets by stealing as much as I could to make money for my master. If I came back without enough, I was beaten. If I was caught, I was beaten. If I came back with too much and upstaged the other kids, I was beaten. Another slave, Kelin, was the only other person who I could remotely resemble as a friend. We shared our small portions of food with each other, tried to double on our blankets at night to keep each other warm and tried to come up with excuses to keep the other from trouble. When our master got Kelin killed, I tore him apart. The Sith who discovered the bloody aftermath explained that I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to. The anger inside of me called upon the force that I hadn't used since birth and caused the lightning that shot from my fingers to mangle him in two.

I was 17 when that Sith took me in to be his slave instead. He trained me enough to keep my power at bay so there was no chance I could split him in two as well. That lasted until I was 21. Someone on the council, who was never identified, had him killed. That's when they sent me to Korriban to start my real training. That seems a millennium ago now. Receiving any form of genuine emotion leaves me with nothing but confusion. Even with my crew. I talked to Ashara often about many things. She's the reason I started questioning the Sith and their code. Though I would never consider myself a Jedi, I'm not sure I could consider myself a Sith now either. Andronikos is probably the one person who could get me to actually smile, and that's because there was no bullshit in our relationship. We drank, we talked about the past and played pazaak. That was it. He was never a touchy-feely person either which is why it worked. Then of course you have the other three in my company. Talos is a good man, but not much for personal conversations. Xalek and Khem, well… Koth is one of the only people I've spent time with who actually seems… normal? Other than…

"Of course. Where are we headed to?" I knew we needed parts for the ship, but I left the planning to Koth since he knows the Gravestone better than Lana or I.

"Right… well, I'm reading a lot of different signatures on the surface. Once we leave this beauty, I'll have a better idea of what I'm looking at here."

"Then the surface is where we shall go." Koth gave a quick nod before following my lead off the Gravestone. Our boots echoed across the metal floor of the ship. Static and sporadic electrical trills sounded from the other rooms. She had a long way to go before she was ready to fly again. Once on the surface, Koth lead the way to where he thought the different parts would be. We ran into a few of the creatures lingering around the swampy area, but they were easily disposed of.

A crazy dream… what exactly did his message mean? Yes, Theron and I had a relationship of sort. I flirted, he flirted back. I kissed him, he kissed back. We fought and planned well together, but what did that all mean?

In the past I had slept with many men, but not with the notion that I would ever see them again after the deed was done. Theron was different. Of course, we hadn't slept together, when would we have had time? While drowning in pirates on Rishi? While fighting off Revan on Yavin? During the destruction of Ziost? No. He was right. There was never a time to talk about what we were. I can't say I never thought of it. I usually never gave a second thought for the men who frequently walked in and out of my life, but Theron kept coming back. Why did he keep coming back? Why would he be in my dreams?

"Hello… philosopher? Are you still alive in there? The carbonite didn't fully damage your brain did it?" Koth's voice brought me back to the task at hand again. As I looked at him I was once again faced with the same look of concern he gave on the Gravestone. Similar to the look Theron gave me before the fight on Yavin. The look he gave me when he found me on Ziost.

"Philosopher?" I questioned.

"Ah! So, you are still alive! Good. Yeah, philosopher. I don't know, you've had the same look stuck on your face since I picked you up on Zakuul. It's like you're constantly thinking about something. Philosophers constantly think about stuff don't they?"

"In the simplest of definitions yes. They seek wisdom or enlightenment."

"Well that definitely rules you out then," I thought Koth's cheeks would split open from the smirk that appeared on his face.

"Excuse me. Are you implying I am neither wise nor enlightened?"

"I'm just saying you're currently running around, knee deep in force knows what, searching for ship parts to repair a century old ship that's stuck in the ground with a guy you hardly know so we can go force knows where to save the galaxy from certain evil. Wise and enlightened are not words I would use in this situation."

The laughter came out before I could stop it. Koth's eyes widened as he stumbled back into a mud pile, quickly causing him to fall straight into a pond of murky jade water. His mouth dropped open as his arms held his blaster and half of the large bag over his head above the foot of water he was currently soaking in. My mouth shut as I tried to contain the laughter bouncing around in my chest. I efficiently called upon the force to lift him out of the water and place him on his two feet on dry land. I wrapped one arm across my chest and the other arm covered my mouth.

"I do apologize. I understand I am a grave force to be reckoned with, but I did not think a simple laugh could knock a man off his feet."

"Yeah, well, I didn't expect a philosopher to laugh so we're both a little shocked here." Koth grabbed pinches of his pants as he shook as much of the water off as he could.

"Have you ever been in love, Koth?" I asked simply.

Koth stopped in his tracks and glanced at me in his bent over position. "Come again?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Straightening up, he cleared his throat a bit before placing the bag at his feet and crossing his arms across his chest in a manner that stated he was more uncomfortable than defensive. He picked at his jacket a bit as he swayed slightly back and forth. Turning his head to the side and scrunching his eyebrows he responded, "Huh, I don't think so. Looking back, I've always been too busy to ever think about it. Flying has kind of been my life for so many years, no one has ever been able to compare." Nodding, I looked slightly to the ground, my thoughts back to the letter. Back to the idea of dreaming about Theron. "Uh, why do you ask? Is this some philosophical question?"

Looking back at him, I smirked before thinking about how I wanted to pose this predicament I was in. Explaining battle plans or possible tactical advantages was second nature to me now. I sometimes dream about different battle scenarios, but I've never given a thought about what it would mean to dream about a man. To dream about Theron. To want to.

"No. Just curiosity."

"Curiosity… right." Koth picked up the bag and dropped it across his shoulder again before looking at the scanner on his wrist to see if he could pick up any other parts nearby. "Well, out of curiosity, have you ever been in love?"

"That is what I am curious about." I wasn't quite sure why I was saying these things to Koth or why I even thought this should be a conversation to have now. I do know I lost five years in that prison. Five years of teaching Ashara and Xalek. Five years of drinks I could have had with Andronikos while playing Pazaak in the cockpit of our ship. Five years of stories from Talos. Five years of glorious victories with Khem. Five years… five years of figuring out what this is with Theron. I missed five years.

Kelin once told me I should smile more and open up to others. He said keeping everything to myself and never confiding in those around me would end up killing me. He said it would cause my deepest scars. Of course, he said this after he received his third beating that day, while I hand fed him his dinner in our cold pathetic excuse for living quarters. But more than his wounds, it worried him that I was too closed off. That I was going to live the rest of my life with words unsaid. Maybe that's why I was opening up to Koth. Maybe I was finally too tired to carry these scars around alone.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Once Koth spoke again, he was right in front of me. His hand was gently touching the armor on my shoulder as he looked right at me, no more concern on his face. It was replaced with genuine interest and… friendship.

"Later." I patted his arm twice before walking ahead of him to return to our original mission. He didn't question nor pester. His steps fell right behind me as we walked quietly across the swamp floor once more. Right now, that was enough. There would be time to talk about Theron. With luck, I would be able to talk to Theron again. For now, we need to find parts for this ship, get it in the sky, get an army and take Arcann off that throne.

"Koth?"

"Yeah philosopher?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For making me laugh."

The footsteps stopped behind me.

"Anytime, Kyehna."

From: Kyehna

Subject: For when I see you again

I will be honest from the start and tell you I have written this message a thousand times. When Lana told me five years had passed, I panicked for the first time since I was a child. I did not know how to feel or what to think. Strangely, my first thoughts were of you. Logically, it should have been of my crew or the council. It should have been of the empire. No, instead, I had thoughts of you. They vanished quickly as I was then being chased by Arcann and his entire army, but that story has already been told. If it is not one tyrannical emperor, it is another.

Theron. I do hope you are well. I care for you more than I would dare admit, but you are right. We all have a role to play in this. Lana got me out and has been a vital advisor every step of the way. Koth is a brilliant pilot and strong voice for this cause. Senya has had information that could turn this war in our favor. Even HK has been shooting as many of our enemies down as possible. What I am trying to say is, whatever your role is in all of this, I understand. I can only hope that you come to me in one piece when you are done. Until then, I will wait for you.

I always will.

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