By Dannette Lawrence
~Sam and Harrison forever!~
Summary: Sam thinks about Harrison.
Confusion. That is what enters my body whenever Harrison John, my best friend since god knows when, comes around me. It's weird, whenever he is around I have this need to keep him near me, I don't want him to leave, afraid he won't come back, that he will be gone forever and he'll never know. He'll never know that I love him, I wish I could say I have loved him forever but I haven't, these feelings that control my body nowadays have just recently come up, it happened right after Nicole told us she was going to do the operation for Harrison. That moment in time I realized that everything isn't what it seems, I mean Nicole seems to be this horrible and evil person but at that exact moment she showed this incredibly caring side to her, so I told myself I would never let looks decieve me. Then one morning I woke up and looked at Harrison, like I have done a million times but this time it was different, because for once in my life when I looked at him, my heart started to quicken, I felt butterflies in my stomach and I felt this urge to hold him near me, to make him understand.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you just keep it to yourself because even the thought that they would reject you hurts you so much that it's unbearable? I couldn't deal with Harrison rejecting me, that would destroy my whole world, so I keep my love for him to myself, because he could never love me. After all I'm no Brooke McQueen, I don't have the beauty she has, she is beautiful from head to toe, her pinky has more beauty then I do, after all I'm just Sam McPherson. Harrison has been in love with Brooke ever since he was a little boy, classic case of puppy dog blues, she was his friend until she became miss popularity and then she forgot he even existed and even though it hurt him beyond words he fell in love with her willing to sacrifice everything for her. I could never top what Brooke is to him, I'm the girl he comes to when he needs a shoulder to cry on, I'm the person he goes out with just to hang out, I'm second best and always will be. I stood by his bedside when he was in the hospital and prayed for him to get better, screamed out to the gods and anybody else that would listen to let him get better but while I was doing that him and Brooke grew closer, not only is she his dream girl, she is now his best friend, who I used to be. Me saying that I'm not jealous of Brooke and Harrison's newfound friendship would be a lie, I was his best friend and now she is, she had to take the one thing that was mine.
Sometimes I think I see Harrison staring at me in the more then friends way, but I shake it off as me in another daydream. He couldn't possibly feel that way, it would be too perfect, it would be like a dream come true. The thing I don't get it is why doesn't he like me? He likes every other girl but me. Ranging from Lily to Brooke to even Mary Cherry, but he never looks at me. Not once. So I distance myself from him and go to the first person who shows any sign of romantic feelings towards me, George Austin for example. I don't love George, but I will learn to, what other choice do I have? I don't want to be the girl that stays in the background and watches the guy she loves chase after every other girl in the world, but never once looks at her. I don't want to be the girl that hides her love for that guy and remains to be single hoping he will come to her and devote his undying love. I can't be that type of girl, I never have been and never will be, I'm the type of girl that takes action doesn't dream, I'm the type of the girl that does the dirty work, the kind of girl that isn't afraid to make the first move... but when I'm around Harrison, I'm not that type of girl, I'm a weakling and I hate that Harrison is the one that makes me feel that way.
I hate that I can't make him see how perfect we would be together, how great of a couple we would make, I hate that I can't make him love me back. I would do anything for him to notice me, even if it was for a second. To make a long story short... I love him but he doesn't love me back and I will never be able to have him, so I keep my feelings for him to myself, I have no other choice.
Until he shows any sign of mutal feelings I stick with George getting closer to him with every passing day, I find myself exchanging little love notes with him, we exchange longing looks in the halls and we kiss each other and hug and hold on to each other, and I feel myself slowly falling in love with George Austin... I pray that Harrison falls in love with me before I am lost in George Austin, trapped in the idea of George Austin... if Harrison came to me and told me that he loved me, I would gladly give up George Austin to be with him... but until he does, I stay with George Austin and I keep it to myself.
Verse 1:
I looked at you a thousand times
This time when I looked at you
There was somethin' new
How could I be so blind
We shared our secrets in the dark
And though we were only friends
I don't know when the feeling changed within my heart
Chorus:
Baby
Ooh, I keep it to myself baby
Ooh, I'm fallin in love with you
Ooh, The harder it gets cause
You don't know the love I'm feelin'
Ooh, I keep it to myself baby
Ooh, I'm fallin in love with you
Ooh, I don't wanna push you away
Cause no one makes me feel like you do
Verse 2:
I dream of you all through night
Holding you tenderly right here with me
Wrapped in my arms so tight
But when I start to tell you how I feel
You tell me 'bout someone new whose right for you
If you only knew my loves for real
Chorus
I'm wonderin' if you feel the same way I do
Then we both could be together forever
Why do I hide all my feelings inside
If I know your the only one for me
The deeper that it gets
The harder that I fall, fall baby
Chorus
-Monica "I keep it to myself"