Here Comes the Sun
Second in the White Walls series.
I woke up that morning like I had every day for the past two years. My clock began to buzz, and I cracked one eye, considering hitting the snooze button and letting myself sleep the day away.
Then my song came on, and I scowled. Dirty trick, that was. Lousy, dirty trick.
But there was no way I could shut down again. Not with that song playing.
"Here comes the sun, du du du du," I hummed along to the familiar lyrics. It was as easy as breathing, and felt better. "Here comes the sun. And I say, it's all right."
It was ten o'clock. Exactly. My medicine would be waiting for me, along with breakfast. Maybe it was all right.
I didn't bother to change out of my pajamas. I rarely did. I did take the time to notice that my roommate was gone. It was always hard to keep track of her, what with her being totally off her rocker, and all.
"Little darling, it's been a long, cold lonely winter." I used to sing a lot more. People used to like my voice. But I didn't much anymore. Only one song. "Little darling, it feels like years since you've been here."
I sidestepped the ghost boy as he ran past me, giggling. If he tried to run through a wall again, he was going to have to go back to tranquilizers. Poor kid. Not that I cared.
The meal room was emptying out, at this time, which was exactly as I planned it. There was the nurse boy, who had already caught my eye, and was coming over with my tray.
Melanie and Wanda were still at their seat, which was odd. We usually missed each other at breakfast.
"Hi, Sunny!"
Waving meant Wanda was in charge. I tried to smile, decided it wasn't worth it, and looked down at my tray instead, searching for the little paper cup.
It was missing.
My pulse quickened, and my eyelids slipped. Man, I was so tired. "Idiot." I needed that stuff.
The guy was back, frowning. "You okay, Sunny?"
I shook my head. "Forgot my pills."
Jared looked almost sorry. "You've got an appointment today, remember? No medicine 'til after."
Ugh. My head was pounding. "None?"
He shook his head. "But its visitor day today. You can have some for that, if you want."
Visitor day! I had forgotten. It was almost enough to force a smile on my lips. "Okay." I turned away from him, and began to poke at my boiled egg. He was always worried about me not eating enough.
"Here comes the sun, du du du du." I raised a fork, and smashed down on the egg hard enough for the shell to shatter. Staring at the spiderweb cracks made me feel more than a little ill, so I peeled away the top layer, and began to devour the insides.
"Does Melanie have anyone coming to visit today?"
Everyone knew not to ask if Wanda was having any visitors. She would always shiver, and get a terrified look on her face. But Mel was safe.
She just shrugged. "I dunno. I don't think so." She glanced at me sidelong, and smiled shyly. "And you?"
I didn't bother to answer the obvious question, instead going back to my egg.
I loved eggs. All you had to do was crack them, get through the pointless white stuff, and there was the yellow happy bit. Me and eggs were a lot alike. We both had the sun inside us. You just had to look for a little bit.
Wanda winked at me. "We guessed as much. Are you going to sing?"
She asked the same questions every time. Melanie mixed it up sometimes, but that last one always managed to make an appearance.
"I don't think so," I always made sure to whisper. Even Ian's friends had trouble hearing me. It was more than just a habit, though. My aching throat was a constant reminder. "Not today, Wanda." I tried not to think about how she had found out about my voice, and focused on my meal.
A lady a few tables down from ours began to scream.
"The aliens are here! In our minds! You have to fight! You have to-"
Jared was next to her almost immediately, soothing and calming. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, but the volume made my head hurt. Wanda was laughing, hands clasped together as if it had all been one big show played out for her own amusement. She wasn't narcissistic or selfish. She just had this strange way of looking at things, a way that showed the girls their own special corner of every event. How they were connected, and where they fit in.
"Hey, Sunny," Wanda had a serious expression on her face now, and she was staring at me. She knew I hated staring. "Did you see me this morning? I got lost, and Mel couldn't find me."
"I was asleep." My simple answer was whispered around the piece of sun in my mouth, but she understood the gist.
"I know that. But I was just making sure I hadn't wandered into your dreams, or anything. Tangled with your nightmares."
I hadn't had any dreams last night. "No. Didn't see you. You should ask Ian. One of his friends must have seen you."
Head shaking, she leaned in to tell me a secret. "Actually, Mel says that I'm supposed to stay away from him today. Because I kissed him on the cheek yesterday, and she demanded to be reimbursed."
"Oh." I scooped up the last piece of egg, and debated asking if I could have another. "Well, at least you didn't have to give it back."
"Give the kiss back?" She shuddered. "That would be so mean. And second hand kisses don't get nearly enough on the market for it to be worth it."
I didn't try to wrap myself around that puzzle, instead looking around for Jared. He wasn't close enough for me to get his attention by whispering, and there was no way I was going to raise my voice like the crazy lady had. Oh well. Only one egg for breakfast then. And no meds. My stomach was already twisting, and I dug my knuckles into my eyes. Sometimes, if I did this right, I would see the sun that hid underneath my eyelids. But not today.
"Sunny!"
My eyes blinked, and I opened them to the odd sight of Wanda and Mel's double-colored eyes only a few inches away from my own. I flinched back, almost tumbling out of my chair in the process.
"What?" I hissed. Wanda just shrugged.
"You looked as if you had gone and lost someone, too."
I scowled at her, suddenly growing tired of her and the confusion that seemed to follow her like a cloud, twisting and turning until every one of her sentences came out tangled.
"I'm going to get ready." She didn't ask for what. Maybe she knew I had no answer. Instead, she waved again as I stomped off.
The radio in my room was still playing. It had switched to something popular and new. It sounded like scratching disks, in my mind. But I was much too tired to bother turning it off. I wanted my cds. But they had all been taken away, ever since I accidentally smashed one and realized how sharp they could be.
My eyes were just closing when the door swung open and Jeb popped his head through. Jeb was the only one who could get away with not knocking.
"Hey, Sunny. Your appointment starts in fifteen. Get dressed, okay? She likes it better when you dress up for the occasion, remember."
And he was gone again. I scowled at the closed door anyway. I hated these appointments, and I hated the lady that ran them. She never told me her name, and I was glad. She was vile, and she glared, and she didn't like my sun. Just like my parents. She worked for them, though she pretended she didn't sometimes. To make sure I was retaining information, she calls it. She likes to screw with my brain.
But visiting hours would be after, I recalled, and sat up straight. I wouldn't want to have to change again.
Armed in his favorite outfit, I squinted as I opened the meeting room's door. It was heavy, but had been left ajar, so that it swung open eerily when I nudged it.
The lady was already there, whispering to Jeb about something. When he saw me, he straightened, standing up and offering me his vacated chair.
"Just on time." He acted as if he hadn't just talked to me ten minutes ago. "I will leave you girls to it, then." He left quickly. I walked over and slouched down in my chair, wishing he could stay.
The woman was staring hard at me, and I knew she wanted to watch me squirm. So I forced myself to sit perfectly still.
After a few tense minutes, she finally broke the silence.
"So, Jodi," she started, breaking eye contact to look down at her chart.
"Sunny," I corrected automatically, causing the woman's lips to purse.
"Sunny. Your file here says that you've been doing pretty well the last couple of weeks. How have you felt?"
I shrugged, and began to examine my fingernails. The paint was all ripped and cracked, like bad eggs or a baby's head.
The lady was looking at me as if she expected more. Deciding I didn't care, I scowled, and proceeded to scrape the rest of the polish off of my nails. I didn't like babies. They scared me.
"Sunny?"
"Good," I said, just to get her to stop staring.
It seemed to work. She went back to scribbling on her notes. "Maybe its time to try without the medication for a bit, then."
My fingers clenched, as the nails dug themselves into the bits of tender palm. My facial expression didn't change.
"Oh."
"Your parents want you better, and though they understand that the medicine was important, given your state at the time, they think that it is about time you stop using it." The lady was going on about colleges and jobs and permanent records, but I wasn't listening. I had heard it all before. And I knew what a load of crap it was.
They didn't like that these doctors wouldn't let them control who could see me. They were trying to take away my sun.
One of my nails bit through my skin, and I winced as blood began to leak out of the wound. Immediately, the lady looked squeamish.
"What did you do that for?" she asked crossly, as if I were a bad dog that had pissed on her rug.
I just shrugged, and dipped my head. "Didn't mean to."
The lady stood up, and walked over to the door. "Stay." When I made no attempt to move, she nodded once, as if congratulating herself, then stepped out of the room.
My gaze drifted down to my fist again. I opened it slowly, then closed it tight, and watched the blood well between my fingers. Another scar, to go with the rest of my white, pitted collection. Maybe I could take a peek underneath my long sleeves, pick up the pen the lady had left on the desk...
"Sunny!"
I jumped. Jared was standing in the doorway, looking cross. I pulled my hand away from the pen in a hurry, and tried to hide the blood from his view.
Nothing escaped his quick eyes, however. He crossed the room in two large strides, and pulled my hand out of the protective position I had it in. His dark eyes flashed when he saw the wound, and he glared at me.
"Sunny. What did you do this for?"
"Didn't mean to," I whispered. "Wasn't thinking."
He sighed, and pulled me out of the room, down the hall and into one of the bathrooms. There, he carefully washed off the blood, and bound my hand tight enough to stop the flow. All the while, he talked. His voice didn't raise again. It didn't need to. His words were bad enough.
"We'll have to start watching you closer than ever now, Sunny. You were doing so well, too. You did this with your nails?" I nodded, even though he didn't even look up. "Those will have to go, then. Cut down to the nubs again. And they had just grown back."
My hand was all bound up now. I ducked my head as his expression softened. "I should revoke visiting privileges for this, you know." My head shot up from where I had been staring very hard at a piece of rust on the sink's piping. The horror was obvious in my eyes. "But I won't. I know that the visits help you more than the medicine or the shrinks, anyway."
Wordlessly, I stood there for a moment, shaking. Then I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight. He tensed- this kind of stuff wasn't allowed, never mind what him and Melanie got up to- but didn't comment. I released him quickly, and forced my mouth into a smile.
"Thank you, Jared."
He looked awkward, standing there with a spot of blood on his white orderly outfit. I backed up until my back nudged the door open, then turned and slipped through it.
I couldn't wait any longer. My hand was throbbing and my head hurt, and the visiting hours would be coming up pretty quickly anyway. No one would look for me there, either.
Humming again, forcing the song out through pursed lips, I snuck over to the room of visiting, slipping through the unlocked door. When the door closed, I blinked rapidly, finding myself in total darkness.
The switch was to my right, I reminded myself, and tried not to forget to breath as I clicked it, and waited for the lights to slowly warm.
There was someone in the room with me.
It was a big someone, a someone whose muscles were obvious under his thin shirt, with a wide smile and his arms outstretched.
His eyes were on mine, and I froze, making his grin freeze on his face.
"I wasn't sure if they would let you out early-" he began, but I didn't give him a chance to finish. Instead, I threw myself into his arms, causing him to laugh as we fell backwards onto the couch. A note burst out of my lips, the last note of the song I had been previously humming. It was faint and weak, a mere mockery of what I had been capable of before. But it was the best I had managed in as long as I could remember.
He was still chuckling as I curled up on his lap. One hand was already in my hair, smoothing out all the worries that had gotten tangled there, knotted up over the past two weeks since I had seen him.
The other hand was on my arm, rolling up my sleeve as he traced old lines. Looking, always looking for new ones. I could feel his relief over finding none on one arm, before he switched over to the other.
His muscles tensed under me, and I smiled. There was nowhere else that I could be completely relaxed. Nowhere else that could make me feel warm all over. He was my sun, and I couldn't get close enough.
But he had found the new bandage that covered my hand. Twisting me around so that our faces were only a few inches apart, he frowned.
"What did you do, Sunny?"
I squirmed, enjoying the closeness more than I should. "Nothing." My arms were still stuck beneath him, but I didn't think I minded. I was flying with my sun. Too high for little things to reach. "Accident."
He was still frowning, so I reached up and bumped noses with him. This got his expression turned around, and he reshuffled me so that I was comfortably tucked underneath one of his arms.
"You were humming when you came in."
I nodded.
"Still listening to that old stuff, then?" His tone was teasing, and so was his gaze. My heart fluttered, basking in the warmth.
"Of course."
He leaned down and kissed me then, and my stomach dropped and my ears roared and every piece of me burned with my sun's heat.
That was what she first saw, when the door opened.
There was a strange screeching noise, like dying cats or brakes giving out, and both of our bodies tensed. His lips left mine, as he turned to face the door"Hello?"
It was the woman. She had her arms crossed over her chest, looking indignant and very red. Someone had forgotten to talk to her about some of the more detailed facts of life.
"Mr. O'Shae," she spat, through gritted teeth. "What are you doing?"
He relaxed again, and I sank a little further into his embrace. "I'm visiting my girlfriend." He threw that term around with all the ease in the world, but my cheeks burned. It was one word I still had trouble trying to say.
"I believe that Jodi's parents have already expressed to you-"
"Sunny." I whispered it at the same time that Kyle did, though his tone was closer to a shout than anything else.
This seemed to be the last straw for the lady. Her cheeks flushed, and her breathing began to sound harsher. "And that is just the point. You've got her going by a different name-"
"She chose it herself."
"-and alienating herself from her family and friends-"
"Again, her own choice, though not one I blame her for. And how could you call those girls her friends?"
"-and both her parents and I have agreed that this is mostly your fault in the first place."
His shoulders slumped. He didn't say anything to that, and a different sort of heat rose in my veins. I let it out by glaring as hard as I could at the offending piece of filth.
But she wasn't looking at me. No, her eyes were focused totally on Kyle, as she circled in to feed on his flesh like a vulture.
"In fact, I plan to go and have a chat with Mr. Jebediah. It is my belief that you are worsening her condition, and that not allowing you to visit her at all would help her a load more than these worthless drugs and never-ending therapy sessions."
"No!" I shouted, then clapped my hands over my mouth, as tear welled in my eyes. I had gone and done it now. That was much too loud. My throat was bleeding, I was sure of it. It was burning in the bad way again, and I buried my face into Kyle's chest, hoping the woman wouldn't see my tears.
It didn't matter. I could hear her 'hmph' of victory. She had won. She was going to shoot down my sun...
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Jared's voice, the same soothing tone he had used to calm the Alien lady this morning, now terribly polite as he ushered the struggling woman out the door.
"You're upsetting the residents, and we simply can't allow that. Jeb is busy right now, if you would like to come back at a later time, or maybe in a few weeks, I'm sure that he'll help explain things to you. Of course I'm not being condescending..."
His voice faded from earshot. Kyle lifted my chin, and kissed me again. It was different than the first, full of apology and worry. I could not tell him that I was okay- I probably wouldn't be speaking for the next few days, I should probably go get Doc- but I could show him, in the way I kissed him back.
Like a song played once a day, I knew how to enjoy the sunshine while it lasted.
A/N: Boy, that was a long one! So, now I've done Mel and Sunny. I plan to do a oneshot for most of the major characters of the Host, and some of the minor ones as well, but the order is not particularly important. So if anyone really wants to see their character done, tell me in a review, and I will do that character next. (Note: Mel and Wanda will both get their own oneshots)
I have a feeling there might be some questions for this one, so ask away, and I will answer as best I can. Also, any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Until next time!