A/N: Done in three parts, as a response to a community challenge on LiveJournal: 'conversation with a third party'. Yes, it's crack again. Don't say I never warned you. :)
Misunderstood
Fifteen minutes after Harry fled the café in humiliated rage, Severus had Skeeter cornered in her own office, looking rather astonished that he'd followed her.
"What do you want, Professor Snape? Surely you can't think I won't print what I've learned."
Snape smiled thinly. "It has come to my attention that you are an unregistered Animagus, Miss Skeeter. I find that interesting."
Skeeter displayed equally thin lips. "You can't blackmail me, Snape."
Snape sneered freely. "Blackmail? What could you possibly offer?" he snorted, and spoke the Animal Nature spell.
Rita Skeeter never saw it coming. Severus was almost surprised, really.
Still Misunderstood
"Well, he can be a complete shit."
"And he's a twit."
Harry snorted. "Back to the rhyming game? We agreed to this interview."
Severus smirked at the reporter, hired after Skeeter's inglorious death under a random bootheel. "Harry doesn't always enjoy my sense of humor."
The reporter - Loudon? Louis? Harry couldn't recall - swallowed thickly and smiled.
"I see, Mister Snape. I have questions... may I ask one or two?"
Severus nodded.
"Rumor claims that you began dating when Mister Potter was eleven."
Harry grabbed Severus' upraised wand. The reporter skittered out of the room. "Don't, love. For me."
Curious
"Daddy, how was I made?"
Harry mussed his son's hair. "Magic, love."
"Daddy!" groaned William Albus Snape, aged six years.
Severus, having finished the supper dishes, sat next to Harry. "Your Daddy is correct, Will. In rare instances, when two powerful wizards are particularly compatible, their magic makes it possible for them to bear a child together."
Will rolled his eyes. "I know that part. I mean, how did I get inside you, Father?"
Harry was desperate not to laugh. "You did say you'd be the one to explain things, Severus. You're more precise, yes?"
Severus Snape turned bright pink.