The need. The need was far too great for him to ignore it. He looked around the room at the people who had come through for him on countless occasions and knew how much it would hurt them to know that they had failed.

Not necessarily that they cared about what happened to him, only that they had failed in keeping him safe as they were supposed to.

Everything seemed so stupid, so quaint, when he thought about it. Pointless, useless. He felt useless, that he was here served little or no purpose what so ever. No matter what he did, no matter what the team did, there would always be terrorism, people would always be killed. So, what was the real point in being here?

It happened that he slipped into a deep melancholy and that it took a while for him to slip out of it, there were times where it seemed like his life had no purpose. To him or to others. It was in times like that when TC, his new partner, had to fish him out of it and show him the meaning again, to show him what good they really did here.

God, how he needed her now. But he couldn't turn to her, she wouldn't understand. She would blow him off as just another dirty junkie agent.

Not that the woman didn't have compassion, she possessed both empathy and sympathy and there was nothing she couldn't help him with… just not this.

He rubbed his face and looked in her direction. She was working with Tony and apparently felt his eyes on her because she turned to him and smiled.

A true friend, a confidant, someone he could trust… he had gotten all that back so why the hell did he feel like this? She was the rock he could lean on, his port in a storm. Her mere present had been enough to lift his spirit in times, so why the hell didn't he had the guts to tell her?

He didn't have guts at all when it came to her. He didn't dare to call her by the same name his coworkers did because it was the same name Kim's mother had held. He didn't dare to tell her how much she meant to him and he sure as hell didn't dare to tell her about his addiction.

But why? He had twisted and turned his head a hundred times and wondered what kind of powers this woman possessed that made him scared of telling her what was really on his mind.

She brushed by him and left the room.

Tony was talking to Kim. His sweet daughter who had experienced enough pain and misery to last a lifetime. What would it do to her if she found out that the need had returned? Would she turn her back on him and not care or would it tear her up?

He couldn't take the thoughts, the wondering, he couldn't withstand the need anymore so he got to his feet and left the room, heading for the garage.

"Where are you going?" asked TC as he approached his car.

"I just need to get away. Fill in for me, ok?"

"But Jack…"

He sped off before she got a chance to finish that sentence. He drove for a while till he got to the cabin at Big Bear. There he locked himself in and took a deep breath before he sunk down on the couch.

This had to end, dear God, this had to end or he would go insane or die.

He got out the things he needed from his little black medical bag and prepped the needle. He didn't want this but he had to have it.

The rubber band was tightened around his upper arm and he found a suitable vein to stick the needle into.

He took a deep breath and released it before he stuck the needle into the vein and freed the syringe of its contents. Then he leaned back and let everything be washed away.

He had no idea how long time had passed as all sense of time had been washed away but as he sat there he could see a person approaching him from the other room. At first he couldn't see clearly, only the blurry outline of a human being. As the person drew nearer he could see that it was a woman dressed in a floral summer dress.

He blinked as he was sure that it was his imagination playing a trick on him but the person kept coming for him as he opened his eyes again and now he could clearly see who it was.

"Teri."

"Yes, Jack." She smiled and crouched down beside him.

Now he knew that he was dreaming. She was dead. But he could feel her brushing his hair away from his eyes and caressing his cheek.

"You've really done it this time, darling" she said softly. Her eyes were filled with tears.

He reached out and dried the tears away and she leaned into the touch. "Why are you so sad?"

"It makes me sad to see what you are doing with your life, you know so much better than this."

"If I can't have you there, what's the point in going on? You have no idea how much I miss you."

"Yes, I do" She gave him another smile through the tears. "I know how much you miss me, I can see how loosing me has made you end your own life but you're still alive and you have so much to live for."

"What?" He spat the words out bitterly. It seemed like she was rejecting him.

"Kim needs you, Jack."

"She is engaged to be married, the last thing she needs is a failure, a looser like me."

"She has lost her mother, don't let her loose her father. She loves you so much and can't stand loosing you."

"I can't go on without you."

"Yes, you can. You have always been the strong one, don't let anyone change that. All you have to have is the will to live and the rest will follow. There's so many people who care about you, so many who will be there for you and all you need to do is to reach out your hand and they will pull you in."

"What's the point? Everything seems so pointless."

She kissed his forehead. "You are allowed to feel blue at times but don't say that it's pointless. What do you think would have happened if you weren't around?"

"It would have made no difference."

"It would, Jack. We could only speculate about what would have happened if you weren't around to stop the nuclear bomb, we can only speculate about what would have happened if you weren't there to stop Stephen Saunders."

"Two rights doesn't make up for the one wrong."

"Jack…" A tear ran down her cheek. "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

"What?"

"You have taken an overdose and you are going to die."

He stared at her. Then he brightened up. "Now we can be together."

She shook her head.

"Everything will be ok."

"No, they won't. You have done a terrible mistake." She got to her feet. "Come, I'll show you what will happen when you're not around to save the day."