Okay time for a new story! Again I'm sorry I haven't been on the site lately. For anyone who's waiting on updates for my other stories, I had my computer and laptop pin-locked because I annoy the hell out of my parents with my hourly fix of squealing at random things when reading stuff they don't need to know about! XD But yeah updates on my other stories should be up within the next few days. Thanks for bearing with me! ^^
I had no idea what the inspiration for this story was but yeah my imagination is pretty much messed up. Either way enjoy reading. =D
Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto! Who me? Yes You. Cower at my feet! You know you want to join the dark side... We may not have cookies but we have sinfully hot men... (Oh god, that's like my paradise though I would still very much like the cookie! XD ^^)
"Grr I can't believe Itachi is getting married. Who does the stupid bitch think she is anyway? Marrying Itachi my ass! She doesn't deserve him!!" A drunken Sasuke slurred angrily as he drank his ninth cup of sake before forcefully smashing the glass into the table top. He couldn't get the woman's face out of his head as she begged Itachi to marry her. She'd even had the guts to come with her brother to ask Itachi to marry her. Who the hell did she think she was?
"What's up Sas-UKE, sounds like you're jealous?" Naruto teased but he too was on his ninth cup of sake.
"How can you call me jealous? You're the one who pissed a picture of yourself pushing a girl of a cliff looking victorious and smug on that wall outside the ramen stand!" (A/N {Insert // o.O // Emoticon} Bet you didn't know our kawaii little Naru-chan was such a talented pisser?)
"So, that doesn't mean anything. It could be that Sakura girl from work always trying to get in your pants!" The blonde said trying to clear his name but Sasuke knew better.
"Yes that's why you spelled her name out before pissing all over it huh?" (A/N I swear Naruto was bursting, he was literally on hands and knees {get the pervyness out of your head!} begging for a sanitary room.) Sasuke drew closer to Naruto.
"What does Itachi even see in her? She's got big, fake, plastic boobs that would probably deflate if I poked them with her six motherfucking inch stiletto boots."
Naruto sighed as he downed yet another cup of sake. Then all of a sudden an idea so brilliant and ingenius hit him that he was sure Albert Einstein would have been proud.
"I don't know Sasuke. Maybe if we dressed the way she does, Itachi would look at us too." Naruto didn't know what he was saying. It was clearly the alcohol speaking for there was surely no way the great Uzumaki Naruto would willingly suggest wearing stiletto boots and a mini skirt. It must have really been the liquor controlling their minds for the supposedly greater Uchiha Sasuke was actually contemplating the idea!
"You know, I think it could actually work." The youngest Uchiha said after a few minutes of drumming his index finger rhytmytically against his temple.
"Really?" Naruto looked incredulous.
"Yes really." Sasuke said flipping his phone out of the pockets of his Emporio Armani suit.
"What are you waiting for then? LET'S DO IT!!"
Silence…
After the short moment of awkward silence, both men suddenly jumped from their seats with new found energy and motivation.
"Who the hell were those guys?" A man with spiky silver hair asked the brunette sitting next to him.
"What do you mean, you work with them… EVERYDAY!!" The brunette looked baffled.
"Oh… Strange…" The silver haired one looked appalled.
"They gave you a lift here. How do you expect to get home?" The drunk one grinned sheepishly at him while the brunette thunked his head multiple times against the brown wooden bar.
Sighing as he pain finally coarsed through his head, he rubbed his temples soothingly. He needed new friends or at least new drinking buddies. The world was falling to the mercy of broken hearted GAY men…
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In Sasuke's sleek black Range Rover
"Karin, can you organise two of your slutty outfits by the office within an hour." Sasuke spoke into the phone. The consumed alcohol making his head spin endlessly but that wasn't going to stop him from saving his brother from the bitch he was 'getting married to.'
"How are we going to get him alone once we're dressed?" Naruto started undoing his baby blue button up shirt and black tie. "That woman was fucking hanging of his arms the enitre time. It was sickening to watch."
"Its okay, Itachi is home alone. I heard her sickly sweet voice on the phone. She said she was going on a spa day to beautify her ugly self!" Sasuke stated calmly. He was surprised he could control his emotions in such a state. He was undoubtedly drunk, broken hearted, maybe a little psycho but he wouldn't admit that out loud and maybe just slightly motivated.
Naruto was persistent on taking the easy was out. "Oh My God the horror! Are you sure we can't just mow her over and make it look like an accident; I mean it's perfectly believable. She was careless and ran into the garden where we so happened to be patiently waiting for her in a factory size lawnmower. Or better yet we could accidentally tip some poison into her cup of tea, I mean it's not our fault there conveniently happened to be a bottle of morphine, acid and sodium carbonate next to the milk glass. Of course it would remain a complete mystery as to where the green bottle came from and I would make sure I burnt my suit so we don't leave any evidence behind." Different scenarios continued to run through the blonde's head as he thought of possible ways to kill Itachi's 'bride to be.'
"Yeah. They're all brilliant ideas Naruto." The raven said sincerely. "If Operation: Itachi Seduction doesn't work, those will be back-up plans!"
The blonde nodded his head enthusiastically before removing his trousers leaving only his boxers pn as they arrived in the car park at 'Uchiha Corps.'
Hurriedly, both men stumbled into the elevator, their movements slightly disoriented from the vast majority of alcohol they'd consumed earlier.
"So are we ready to do this?" Sasuke asked as the small ding in the elevator signalled that they'd reached their floor which happened to be only two from the top.
The blonde pumped an eager fist in the air. "Believe it. I was born ready!!"
After creeping their way through office after office pretending to be ninja's in boxers, the pair finally reached their destination. They could see a light on in Sasuke's office and they immediately dashed into the spacious room. Their eyes widened when they saw the items Karin had brought.
Right there on the leather couch were two extremely revealing outfits for the men to wear in order to carry out their plan. For Naruto undoubtedly because there was no way Uchiha Sasuke was going to find himself in such ridiculous colours, there was a short white frilly skirt with an orange tank top which just barely covered the blonde's belly button. There was a pair of orange fishnet stocking that could be pulled all the way to his thighs. There was a head band with orangey-red fox ears and red knee length seven freaking inches leather stiletto boots. Naruto stared at the clothing items before looking at Karin suspiciously. You'd think after seeing the deadly yet extremely provocative clothing, the man would want to reconsider the plan but no not Uzumaki Naruto. The blonde instead asks the most obvious question that's swimming and running through everyone's mind.
"What size are the boots because you know I have small feet for a man of my age." Karin stared at him her left brow twitching before explaining that she'd bought the shoes before coming here as a bribery if they'd let het take pictures for her 'YAOI' scrap book.
Sasuke's costume was similar except he had a black leather skirt and midnight-blue fishnet top. His stockings were black lace and he too had fuzzy kitty ears. He looked at the items sending Karin an approving look.
"Those will definitely do but where are my boots?" She reluctantly held similar boots to Naruto with lots of laces but his were black leather.
The men got dressed with much needed help from Karin. They'd suddenly gotten a new level of appreciation and acceptance for her crazy ways. You'd have to be a genius or in Sasuke's words a "full-time prostitute" to be able to figure out how to put on the red-head's clothes. After reluctantly allowing the woman take pictures of their very embarrassing wardrobe while she pressed a crimson soaked clinex tissue against her bleeding nose, the pair dashed back for the elevator only tripping three times before they finally made it to the safety of Sasuke's Range Rover.
"Itachi's gonna be blind if he can resist us after this." Sasuke said confidently before pressing the gas pedal. (Sasuke: With much difficulty I'll have you know. Me: We know, just shut up and let me finish. *Grumbles curses!*)
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At Uchiha Mansion where Naruto also happens to be living
The pair hesitantly got out of the car as Sasuke parked in the garage of their mansion-like home.
"Naruto, this isn't the time for hesitation. I'll be damned if I put on this killer shoes for nothing." Sasuke said as he held the blonde up by the shoulder so they could help each other keep their balance.
"Killer boots." As if deaf to everything else the raven had said, Naruto corrected the only error he'd heard.
"Yeah that's right. These damned killer boots."
The pair slowly crept into the house just in case Itachi's soon-to-be-wife happened to be stalking around the place. It ate away at the raven's heart to know that his precious aniki was just going to marry a random woman he had not once brought to the house. The first time Sasuke saw her was when she was asking Itachi to marry her and he had without any hesitation said "Yes" while he knew his darling otouto loved him with passion that demonstrated that his sibling was hinting at a relationship way more physical and emotional than 'brotherly love.'
They walked past the living room only to walk back in when they saw a figure staring unblinking at the flat screen TV screen. Looking over at each other quickly they decided their outfits were good to go before stalking to the living room. Thanks to the plush carpeting of the living room, the loud clanks of their stiletto boots went unheard. Inching closer and closer towards the oldest raven from behind, both Naruto and Sasuke slid curious pale and tan hands down Itachi's shoulder.
Itachi flew of the chair when he felt hands slithering down this torso. 'That's what you get for not buttoning your shirt Uchiha.' He thought solemnly before it occurred to the business owner to look at the unknown things that were trying to molest him.
His eyes flew open at the site that greeted. Right there, he pinched himself to confirm to himself that he wasn't dreaming. Shit, that kind of hurt but yes pain is good. Pain makes you realise that you're not in dreamy-land meaning that the plan worked and he really wasn't dreaming or dead and gone to heaven. Resuming his last thoughts; right there were his darling little otouto and his golden friend. He felt something slide from his mouth down his jaw and unto his neck. Yup the greatest Uchiha Itachi was drooling and panting profusely.
"What are you guys wearing?" He came closer towards them to take in their absolutely delicious outfits. "Though hard to believe, I'm seriously not complaining."
He watched as both males smirked to each other before those sinful legs slipped over the black leather couch. He could feel a substance almost running down his nose. He quickly wiped off the blood before it had a chance to run down his nose. Damn nosebleed.
Naruto walked up to Itachi and being the flexible man that he was, threw one leg over the other's shoulder causing his skirt to writhe up showing a throbbing manhood to Itachi's pleasures. Sasuke suddenly appeared from between Naruto legs and kneeled in front of his brother's crotch. Itachi could do nothing but watch as the raven's tongue flicked over the zip before using his teeth to pull down the metal binders. Itachi's trousers fell to the ground with an inaudible sound and Naruto and Sasuke smirked when they saw the pre-cum stain on the other's boxers. Bringing his legs down, Naruto pulled off Itachi's shirt exposing creamy ivory skin. The blonde licked his lips seductively.
"Do you want it 'tachi?" Sasuke and Naruto said teasingly both slowly unzipping their belts and taking of their stockings.
Snapping immediately from his pleasure filled dream-like state, Itachi growled and pinned both boys underneath him watching as they blushed heatedly.
"Give it to me." He growled again using his teeth to rip Sasuke's fishnet top. The youngest Uchiha and Naruto stared at each other before losing it and pressing their lips together. Itachi watched the kiss, erection throbbing painfully as they grew more intimate and hands started roaming semi-clothed areas. Not being one easily content with being left out, he guided his arms up both of their skirts successfully gripping their equally erect members. Both gasped into their kiss before breaking apart from some much needed air.
"Ah 'tachi." They moaned simultaneously before staring at each other and giggling like lunatics.
"Aniki, I would have thought you'd put up more of a fight seeing as you're getting married and what not?" The raven smiled bitterly but the expression was left unread through his lust filled eyes.
"Huh?" Itachi looked downright confused. "Who's getting married?"
Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other mirroring Itachi's confusion.
"You are." They said like they'd rehearsed speaking simultaneously beforehand.
"I am?" He asked again not sure where this way going.
Sasuke spoke up this time. "Yes you are. Stop lying to us. I specifically heard that brunette bitch ask you to marry her and you said 'YES' Damnit. You knew how I felt. You knew how Naruto felt, so why'd you still say y-yes?" Sasuke could feel tears threatening to spill out of the corners of his eyes but he bit his lip hard willing the salty liquid to evaporate and crawl back into his tear glands under his heated glare. Itachi seemed to consider what his brother said before slowly kissing his long black lashes.
"You've got this all wrong Sasuke; you too Naruto." They stared questioningly at Itachi waiting for the oldest raven to continue. He sighed before going down and kissing the blonde this time.
"Sasuke, Naruto, I promise I'm not getting married." He reassured them. When they looked completely lost he petted them having taken his hands from gently stroking their lengths somewhere during Sasuke's outburst.
"But I clearly heard her ask you to marry her." Sasuke remained persistent; he heard what he heard.
"Sasuke you're right. She asked me marry her but not marry her!" Itachi stated calmly. His brother's stupidity surprised him sometimes.
"Huh?" They both said in unison again. Naruto looked like he was going to pass out soon. You'd probably have to be of 'Uchiha genius standards' to understand what Itachi was saying.
"You know Naru, Sasu, you should ask next time you misunderstand something. She asked me to marry her."
Both boys stared at his with extreme confusion. Itachi continued.
"As in marry her and her fiancé." Their jaws dropped but then something occurred to the blonde.
"But 'tachi, you aren't a priest."
The raven smirked that arrogant smirk that Naruto and Sasuke wanted to kiss right off his lips.
"That's true but this is Japan and I am an Uchiha. I can do a lot of things with my name especially if it's for the woman I introduced to Obito."
"Shit, Obito's her fiancé?"
"Yeah!"
After a long time of awkward silence, Naruto finally spoke up while still trapped under Itachi.
"Guess we messed up huh? Okay Sasu lets get out of these killer clothes." Sasuke complied and they tried to make a move only to find themselves pinned underneath Itachi weight.
"Who said you could leave? I still have a problem down there." Without looking both looked at Itachi's hardened erection and pounced on him knocking him to the floor.
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Outside the two men who were with Sasuke and Naruto at the bar rolled their camera at the XXX rated action happening inside.
"I knew you we should have followed them Genma."
"And you've never been more right in your entire life Kakashi."
~OWARI!~
YAY!! Lol so what d'you lot think huh? Bet you didn't see that coming did you. Or maybe you did, my summary probably gave it away.
Itachi: After all the effort they put into getting into those sinfully revealing costumes, you don't even type the lemon? God you're a disgrace to writers.
Me (Pirate): Shut up I'm tired, it's my third one-shot today, give me a break yeah!
Sasuke: That's not an excuse. I wanted action.
Naruto: Well we did get action. She just didn't show it to the rest of the world.
Me (Pirate): The rest of the WORLD will know soon enough; as soon as Genma and Kakashi edit the Disk that is.
Uchiha's: You're a bitch you know that right? *Stalk towards me*
Me (Pirate): Yeah I know. *Runs away!* Naru please end this for me.
Naruto: While she's being an idiot, please R&R, they make her jump with joy. Literally. She'll be grateful if she doesn't get her ass kicked by sex deprived Uchihas. Well either way, thanks for reading =D :3
Ja~