A/N: I had a burst of inspiration! If this goes over well, I might actually write an entire story. Incredible. I'm just going to tell you guys right now, not much of this is going to be consistent with what actually happened in the books, because Rita wouldn't write it that way, would she?

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money. I mean, at all. I'm a laundress. 30$ a week. I'm definitely not making any money off of this.

Summary: In July of 2000, Rita Skeeter (having just finished Snape: Scoundrel or Saint?) begins work on her next project, a biography of Harry Potter. These are her drafts.

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Harry Potter: Hero or Heretic?

Foreword

Having interviewed the young Harry Potter during his experiences during the Triwizard Tournament, I feel as though I am an authority on the subject of the young boy wizard. I had the pleasure of interviewing him numerous times, including the now legendary interview in 1995 where he informed the world of You-Know-Who's return. In just twenty years of life, he has accomplished more than most wizards would dare to dream. However, we must ask: Who's toes did he tread on to succeed? What is Harry Potter hiding? Is he the hero the Wizarding world admires, or a heretic whose dastardly, sometimes despicable acts will ruin our world? Will he soon prove to be more powerful and evil than the Dark wizard he infamously defeated?

Chapter One: A Hero's Family & His Early Life

Born to Lily "Ginger" Evans and James "Toerag" Potter on 31 July, 1980, Harry James Potter was an average baby. His mother and father both fought in the, to this day, mysterious organization known as the Order of the Phoenix, founded by Albus Dumbledore (to read more on the Order, please refer to The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, circa 1997, copyright Rita Skeeter and Daily Prophet publications).

Both his parents were sorted into the esteemed house of Gryffindor. Lily Evans, a muggle born witch, is described by former Potions professor Horace Slughorn as "bright, vivacious, charming. A pleasure, possibly one of my favorite students ever to have in class. Gifted, just gifted. Shame she left us so young…". Lily was a talented student, and very kind. She was liked by many classmates in all houses, reportedly having a relationship with Slytherin student Severus Snape (see Snape: Scoundrel or Saint? for more details), and being named prefect in her fifth year. Gifted in Charms and Potions, Miss Evans is known to have received nine O.W.L.s and eight N.E.W.T.s. She was a member of the rather exclusive 'Slug Club', headed by Professor Slughorn,

His father James was a troublemaker in school who frequented detention. Described by former Care of Magical Creatures professor Stvoreni Zena as "a troublemaker, talented but more interested in fun and practical jokes than real study." With friends such as convicted outlaw Sirius Black, werewolf Remus Lupin, and Death Eater Peter Pettigrew, it is a wonder that James Potter lived to be twenty-one at all. His friendship with Black was brotherly, they even lived together when Black left his house in 1976. Black was legendarily convicted of killing twelve muggles and former friend Peter Pettigrew, but the conviction was posthumously overturned in 1995, after twelve years in Azkaban and two years spent on the run.

Harry's young parents both received the esteemed honor of becoming Hogwarts Head students during their seventh year in 1977. James, not even named a prefect, was rumored to have bought the spot from Professor Albus "Dingbat" Dumbledore, solely for the purpose of working with Miss Lily Evans, with whom he was enamored. Harry's parents started a relationship which severely affected their work, but did lead to their marriage as soon as the two graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Lily and James's participation with the shady Order of the Phoenix against the rising regime of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, as well as a prophecy made by an unknown Seer (rumored to be Sybil Trelawney, though this is unlikely as she is confirmed to be a fraud), made them prime targets for You-Know-Who. After only three months in hiding, they were found and murdered. One-year-old Harry survived.

How a one year old baby defeated such a Dark and powerful wizard was a mystery for some time, to be delved into by later chapters of the biography. Harry Potter, newly orphaned with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, was delivered to his mother's sister's home, to live with Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley Dursley.

The Dursleys raised him as their own, though were very abusive. Harry was locked in an arachnid-filled cupboard under their stairs and often deprived food and basic necessities. He was sometimes not allowed bathing, and had to wear clothing handed down from his morbidly obese cousin, Dudley. Harry's aunt and uncle beat him with a cane, ands sometimes attacked him with dogs.

Their behavior is one of the reasons that Harry, known for being aggressive and quite angry, turned out the way he was. He once tried to murder the family by blowing up their house, only for it to turn out that they had gone on a vacation.

Harry showed magical prowess from the time he was very young. At age seven, said a muggle teacher (who was told that he was a mass murderer in Croatia so she would comply), "he was an odd, odd boy… I remember, these boys were chasing him, and he just ended up on the roof! Not a clue how, not a clue. He was a good student, always had his homework in, never any trouble… just an odd boy, is all. And that scar! How incredibly unique! I worry, I think it was his parents' deaths that turned him into such a creature… stunned to hear of the murders though, so unlike him".

Accomplished as he was, Harry was downtrodden by his aunt and uncle when his Hogwarts letters arrived. They burned the letters (and brutally burned Harry with a cigarette as well, when he tried to take them. He should have been in the hospital for weeks with all the burns on his body), and went on the run to a shack on an island in the middle of Lake Windermere. Rubeus "Crazybat" Hagrid, who refused to comply with this interview, went out to find them on the orders of "Dingbat" Dumbledore, where he used magic to nearly kill Dudley Dursley. He was taken to a muggle hospital barely an inch from death, but thankfully ended up recovering. That would have been a nasty bit of legal issues for good old Crazybat Hagrid.

Harry, now on the arm of Crazybat and with a small understanding of the Wizarding World and his fame there, was ready to depart for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

But was Hogwarts ready for Harry "Potty Pothead" Potter?

Next up, Chapter Two: First Year: How Harry Potter Almost Followed in You-Know-Who's Treacherous Footsteps.

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A/N: Yes? No? Maybe so? What do you guys think? It's a pet project, I haven't finished a real story since I was about twelve. And lets not go there…