Title: Life is like…
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Category: CJ/Leo…sprinkling of others
Series: Life is like…Weddings; Comfort; Rejections; Announcements; Moving on; Decisions; Love.
Spoilers: None
Archive (if applicable): The National Library http://westwingstories.com/library, also FF.net
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: Small sections of life over the course of a couple of years
Author's Notes: -
Disclaimers: Life is like me not owning anyone you read here.
*
CJ doesn't know what she's doing here, she feels uncomfortable and out of place despite the fact her administration friends surround her. She has the strongest desire to walk out.
But she doesn't.
He had to choose Christmas Eve didn't he.
That's how it got started for them, she had innocently come over to cook him a Christmas meal the year after he split from his first wife. She spent the next three years eating meals with him.
On the fourth Christmas Eve they had had a fight. She wanted to go back to California to work and he had wanted to stay on the East Coast.
A compromise couldn't be reached and she'd packed her bags and left before the New Year. They hadn't spoken since and that was 2 years ago.
A month ago she got the invitation in the mail
She told herself she was adult enough to be able to go, to cope with watching him marry someone else and devote the rest of his life to her, and wish them well in their new life. She wasn't convincing enough.
Her name was Mary Smith and CJ knew literally nothing about her, not that she wanted to. Less was more, or she might be inclined to measure herself next to the woman who stood where CJ had seen herself, one day in the future. Not that she liked to say it out loud to often, having missed her chance.
"What's up with you?" Toby elbows her in her left side...again, after hours on the plane fighting over the armrest.
"I left the tag on my dress, it's sticking into me." It couldn't be farther from the truth, but it's enough to convince Toby.
"What's wrong with you, you earn eight hundred thousand dollars a year." he says incredulously and CJ rolls her eyes because the fact she now earns more money than he seems to be a sore point for him.
"I didn't know if I'd like the color on me." She snaps, what a joke the dress is navy blue. A red head can't go wrong in a navy dress but Toby doesn't know that. He should, he's married to one. Based on the last twenty-four hours CJ could swear it's Toby in his third trimester, not Ginger who is grounded till she gives birth.
Her stomach does summersaults as Leo comes out from a side door and stands in front of the priest; he's wearing the tan colored suit she loves him in so much.
While he waits he scans the faces in the pews, searching for her she's sure. In a useless attempt to hide herself she bows her head and when everyone stands to watch the bride come down the aisle CJ remains seated and hidden, not to mention grateful.
When the bride passes her, CJ gets the strangest feeling of conflict from the woman, as if only half of her is traveling down the aisle towards Leo. CJ shakes it off, putting it down to her imagination and the fact that because she can't be with him, she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. If she can't be happy, how dare he.
Toby knows in 2 years since they split, CJ has only half-heartedly been seeing men, as if she were gay and keeping up appearances.
The people in front of her sit down and he clasps eyes on her, letting them linger a little to long. It's convenient the stare can be misconstrued as him watching his wife to be as she takes her last steps up the aisle.
It is CJ who breaks off the stare between them.
She holds her breath as the 'speak now or forever hold your piece' part comes up. It's now she's supposed to stand up in front of the entire congregation and confess she still loves him, he's the only man for her, that he still harbors feelings for her and she should be the one up there under the veil, except that she's adult enough not to do that. Still she feels Toby's eyes coolly watching her for any signs of irrationality.
"I'm not going to do anything." She hisses.
"Good." He says levelly.
In the end she doesn't have to do anything, the gods are working in her favor.
In full view of everyone the bride leans in to speak into his ear. She can't read Leo's reaction for Mary's face but when she pulls back he seems to be in a melancholy of mixed emotions.
A murmur erupts through the church as they continue to converse with one another for a couple of minutes, CJ becomes increasingly uncomfortable hoping her name isn't flying around up there. When they're done they exchange kisses on the cheek and she walks back down the aisle, without him.
Leo shakes the hand of the priest as if thanking them and then speaks to ex-President Bartlet in his capacity as best man. CJ watches Leo disappear through the door he entered.
A couple of moments later Jed Bartlet announces there isn't going to be a wedding.
~*~
Is this a reception CJ wonders, there's no speeches, no first dance of the newlyweds, no throwing of the brides bouquet. There's not even a bride and groom. It's just a whole heap of people drinking and dining on someone else's tab, celebrating something that didn't happen.
As the rumors start to circulate on what actually happened at the altar, CJ puts down her champagne and heads to the elevators and up to her room.
She rides in silence up to the sixth floor looking down at her toes, the elevator pings announcing it's reached her floor and she looks up as the doors open.
He's standing outside her door, waiting for her to get off the elevator.
CJ panics pressing the button to shut the doors again, but he's already seen her.
She presses every button between 7 and 21, which is the roof then crumbles, crouching in the corner of the elevator.
Between 8 and 12 she considers getting another room, 12 and 17 going to another hotel, 17 and 20 flying home tonight. She steps out at the roof realizing how ridiculous all the ideas were. What is she afraid of she questions, is she afraid of him or what she might say? CJ adjusts her dress and presses the elevator down button when it arrives she presses 6 with renewed confidence.
Not surprisingly he's still there.
"Hi." He says softly.
"Hi." She replies unlocking her door avoiding his eyes. They stand in silence for a few moments.
"Would you like to come in?" she asks precluding it with a large grab for air.
He nods in the affirmative.
"Drink?" she opens the mini bar.
"Please." She grabs two Diet Cokes.
"Five hundred people downstairs getting pissed and eating like Kings and Queens on me and you hand me a Diet Coke." He says ironically.
CJ holds out the real thing.
"There are some interesting theories going around downstairs about what went on today."
"Let 'em talk, you're the only one who needs to know the truth."
"What is the truth?" CJ sits in a single chair across from him, kicking off her shoes.
"The truth is she left me, but unbeknownst to her, I left her too."
"Ok."
"What a time not to drink." He says ironically.
"It's probably best you don't."
"Her ex-husband rang today, out of the blue after five years, wanted to wish her luck, but wanted to let her know he'd have her back at anytime to give it another go."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, he always had a stronger pull on her than I did. Her first love, married for thirty five years, father of her children, what could I stack against that."
"Still his timing sucked."
"Not from his perspective."
"I guess anytime became sooner rather than later."
"It was the best thing to happen."
"So what do you want to do now?"
"Give my honeymoon to Jed and Abbey and go back to work on Monday."
"Your wedding and everyone else is reaping the benefits."
A long silence passes between them filled only by the swish of Coke in their cans.
"CJ you and I…" he starts.
"Don't Leo."
"Don't what?"
"Don't sat whatever you were about to say, I can't do this not here, not tonight, I fly home tomorrow and you've just walked away from an engagement at the alter."
"I'm sorry."
"That's Ok."
"I should go downstairs." He stands from his chair, empty can in hand.
"Goodnight." She whispers hoarsely.
He puts the can on the table next to her chair and brushes his lips across her cheek, lingering a little too long for friendship. He moves his face till he's looking straight at her and before either realizes it; they're swapping soft sweet kisses.
Everything that is familiar about each other comes flooding back to them.
~*~