Advance Wars: Endgame
Chapter 1
By RocketDarkness
Sami stretched, yawning. Vacations were good. Vacations with friends were better. And vacations with friends after having defeated a psycho bent on taking over the world were best. Sure, it had been years since the combined might of all four armies had destroyed Sturm. However, the rewards were still being reaped. Currently they were on a mountain getaway, high in the Alara Range. Sliding her light blue shades back down, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. That is, until a volleyball smacked her in the face.
"Sorry, Sami!" Max shouted, grinning nervously. No reply.
"I think you killed her, Max."
"Nonsense! I just conked her on the head, that's all!"
"She's not moving"
"You sure? I'm pretty sure I saw her arm twitch."
"You gonna check her or what?"
"I'm not going over there…she might kill me!"
"She's not conscious."
"She could be!"
"Fine, I'll do it." Andy walked over to Sami's limp form, and tapped her on the shoulder. After receiving no response, he proceeded to poke her arm. "Max, I think we should take her inside the cabin for now. Come help me out."
"Alright…" Max quickly came over, and picked her up in his muscular arms. "See, kid, this is what you should strive for when you're older: muscles mean lots in this world!" He grinned crookedly. That is, until he was punched in the gut by a very angry Sami. Max fell to one knee, gasping.
"Do NOT touch me."
"Sure…thing…gah!"
"Oops. Did I hit him that hard?"
"I'll get the ice water Sami, you stay here." Andy ran to the cabin, hoping in the short time he was gone they would calm down. When he returned, however, Max was still on the ground, holding his stomach. "Wow, Sami, you sure hit hard."
"It's all in the element of surprise, Andy." Andy simply sat down to minister to Max, while Sami decided to go back inside. Sliding her glasses off, she stuck them onto her hip, with one of the ends holding them to her side.
Sami glanced at her watch. Many hours had passed, and neither Andy nor Max had come back in. 'Max is probably trying to make Andy lift weights again…of course, knowing Andy, he would gladly go along with it. He and Max are best friends, practically.' She thought nothing of it, and simply went back to watching TV and slowly nibbling on a chocolate bar. However, many hours had gone by and they had not returned. Worried, she stayed up to keep watch for them. By ten, however, the sleep got to her and Sami collapsed into slumber.
When she woke up, she quickly threw her large, orange flannel blanket off and went around the house in search of her missing friends. Peeking in through the beige hallway, she saw Andy and Max passed out in the game room; a board of Risk lay in the center, partially covered by Max's head. Tiny cannons were scattered across the room, and one of the dice was stuck up Andy's nose. Sami simply sighed. 'Boys will be boys.' She decided to start breakfast.
Half an hour later, Sami took pancakes off the grill and omelets out of the frying pan. She had made enough for Max and Andy, but they weren't awake. Yet. Grinning devilishly, she grabbed a firecracker that Andy had left around when he was blowing up pinecones the other day, and dashed to their room. Max had rolled over, and had tiny green infantrymen from Risk stuck in his hair. Suppressing a laugh, she lit the tiny firecracker and put it down on the board, next to Max and Andy's ears.
Andy and Max both jumped up in surprise, the die in Andy's nose shot across the room and made a dent in the wall. Max, meanwhile, ran around the room, convinced they were under attack.
"You guys sure are gullible…." Sami said, laughing evilly.
"That's just mean, Sami, I mean, I was—hey…. something smells good!" Andy quickly forgot about the practical joke and headed for the kitchen.
"C'mon, Max, let's go eat."
"Oh my GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KITCHEN!?"
Andy grinned halfheartedly. "I guess I got a little carried away while eating…"
"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat apples with a fork. You agree, Sami?"
"Nell's gonna go berserk on us for this!"
"Oops."
"Let's see how much oops helps you when you're in the hospital! Get over here, you little…!"
"Run, Andy! I'll hold her back as long as I can!"
"I thought vacations were supposed to be fun…" Sami moaned, sighing. "The entire time was like a big war…but worse…"
"Eh, cheer up, Sami, we're home now, so don't be all wound up!" Max chirped in, having quite enjoyed his retreat. He did seem oddly perky, but Sami simply attributed it to the chocolate she let him have. Glancing out the window, she sighed in satisfaction. She, Sami, had helped to ensure the safety of this entire beautiful world. Sighing again, she simply watched the landscape pass by. Some time later, she was awakened by Max shaking her lightly.
"Sami….Sami….we're home…" She opened her eyes, and saw Max's big grinning face. Grinning, she lightly pushed his face out of the way and strode into their quarters. She brushed herself off as she went. The nap had caused her green, baggy shorts and old white T-shirt to get wrinkled. As she made her way to the door, she was glad to be home. They had agreed years ago to share a very nice—and very large—condominium together. Pushing the white door open, she strode into their large living room. Quickly looking around, she found what she was looking for: her chocolate bowl. Striding over, she grabbed a few Hershey's Kisses from it, unwrapped them, and popped them in her mouth. Savoring the rich chocolate taste, she was unpleasantly interrupted by the ringing of their phone.
"Andy! Get it!"
"Alright…Hello? Hey Nell, how's it going?" He grinned widely. "You got a call from the cabin owners? How much is it going to cost to get the syrup stains out of the ceiling? And what about the omelet smeared on the rug? I see…" Andy blinked twice. "You want to speak to Sami? All right, just a sec…Sami! Get over here, Nell wants to yell—I mean, speak—to you!"
Sami walked over cautiously, and lifted the phone up as if it were a bomb primed for detonation. She was right. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE CAUSED SO MUCH DAMAGE IN THAT CABIN?! THEY'VE GOT A RED DIE STUCK IN THE WALL! I THOUGHT I COULD COUNT ON YOU TO KEEP THEM UNDER CONTROL! AND THIS ISN'T EVEN INCLUDING THE PHONE BILL YOU RACKED UP!"
"Nell, wait a second. Phone? I'm sure I never used their phone, and I don't recall Max or Andy ever using it either. Are you sure there's a phone bill?"
"Yes, and although we can't find exactly where the calls were directed to, there's at least a few phone calls that aren't even to Orange Star territory! You know how much it costs to phone internationally…."
"Yes, I know. I'm going to talk with them, all right? Keep me posted on any other…expenses…we've racked up. I'm really sorry about this, Nell."
"It's all right, I guess…. I know Max can cause lots of trouble when he puts his mind to it. I should know, I am his boyfriend."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyways, see ya Nell."
"Bye."
Sami sighed. Who had been using the phone? And more importantly, why had they been calling other territories? 'They were probably just making prank calls…I wouldn't be surprised, knowing them. She was glad the day was almost over. "I need chocolate…"
A/N: An unusually humorous chapter, compared to what's in store...
Chapter 1
By RocketDarkness
Sami stretched, yawning. Vacations were good. Vacations with friends were better. And vacations with friends after having defeated a psycho bent on taking over the world were best. Sure, it had been years since the combined might of all four armies had destroyed Sturm. However, the rewards were still being reaped. Currently they were on a mountain getaway, high in the Alara Range. Sliding her light blue shades back down, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. That is, until a volleyball smacked her in the face.
"Sorry, Sami!" Max shouted, grinning nervously. No reply.
"I think you killed her, Max."
"Nonsense! I just conked her on the head, that's all!"
"She's not moving"
"You sure? I'm pretty sure I saw her arm twitch."
"You gonna check her or what?"
"I'm not going over there…she might kill me!"
"She's not conscious."
"She could be!"
"Fine, I'll do it." Andy walked over to Sami's limp form, and tapped her on the shoulder. After receiving no response, he proceeded to poke her arm. "Max, I think we should take her inside the cabin for now. Come help me out."
"Alright…" Max quickly came over, and picked her up in his muscular arms. "See, kid, this is what you should strive for when you're older: muscles mean lots in this world!" He grinned crookedly. That is, until he was punched in the gut by a very angry Sami. Max fell to one knee, gasping.
"Do NOT touch me."
"Sure…thing…gah!"
"Oops. Did I hit him that hard?"
"I'll get the ice water Sami, you stay here." Andy ran to the cabin, hoping in the short time he was gone they would calm down. When he returned, however, Max was still on the ground, holding his stomach. "Wow, Sami, you sure hit hard."
"It's all in the element of surprise, Andy." Andy simply sat down to minister to Max, while Sami decided to go back inside. Sliding her glasses off, she stuck them onto her hip, with one of the ends holding them to her side.
Sami glanced at her watch. Many hours had passed, and neither Andy nor Max had come back in. 'Max is probably trying to make Andy lift weights again…of course, knowing Andy, he would gladly go along with it. He and Max are best friends, practically.' She thought nothing of it, and simply went back to watching TV and slowly nibbling on a chocolate bar. However, many hours had gone by and they had not returned. Worried, she stayed up to keep watch for them. By ten, however, the sleep got to her and Sami collapsed into slumber.
When she woke up, she quickly threw her large, orange flannel blanket off and went around the house in search of her missing friends. Peeking in through the beige hallway, she saw Andy and Max passed out in the game room; a board of Risk lay in the center, partially covered by Max's head. Tiny cannons were scattered across the room, and one of the dice was stuck up Andy's nose. Sami simply sighed. 'Boys will be boys.' She decided to start breakfast.
Half an hour later, Sami took pancakes off the grill and omelets out of the frying pan. She had made enough for Max and Andy, but they weren't awake. Yet. Grinning devilishly, she grabbed a firecracker that Andy had left around when he was blowing up pinecones the other day, and dashed to their room. Max had rolled over, and had tiny green infantrymen from Risk stuck in his hair. Suppressing a laugh, she lit the tiny firecracker and put it down on the board, next to Max and Andy's ears.
Andy and Max both jumped up in surprise, the die in Andy's nose shot across the room and made a dent in the wall. Max, meanwhile, ran around the room, convinced they were under attack.
"You guys sure are gullible…." Sami said, laughing evilly.
"That's just mean, Sami, I mean, I was—hey…. something smells good!" Andy quickly forgot about the practical joke and headed for the kitchen.
"C'mon, Max, let's go eat."
"Oh my GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KITCHEN!?"
Andy grinned halfheartedly. "I guess I got a little carried away while eating…"
"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat apples with a fork. You agree, Sami?"
"Nell's gonna go berserk on us for this!"
"Oops."
"Let's see how much oops helps you when you're in the hospital! Get over here, you little…!"
"Run, Andy! I'll hold her back as long as I can!"
"I thought vacations were supposed to be fun…" Sami moaned, sighing. "The entire time was like a big war…but worse…"
"Eh, cheer up, Sami, we're home now, so don't be all wound up!" Max chirped in, having quite enjoyed his retreat. He did seem oddly perky, but Sami simply attributed it to the chocolate she let him have. Glancing out the window, she sighed in satisfaction. She, Sami, had helped to ensure the safety of this entire beautiful world. Sighing again, she simply watched the landscape pass by. Some time later, she was awakened by Max shaking her lightly.
"Sami….Sami….we're home…" She opened her eyes, and saw Max's big grinning face. Grinning, she lightly pushed his face out of the way and strode into their quarters. She brushed herself off as she went. The nap had caused her green, baggy shorts and old white T-shirt to get wrinkled. As she made her way to the door, she was glad to be home. They had agreed years ago to share a very nice—and very large—condominium together. Pushing the white door open, she strode into their large living room. Quickly looking around, she found what she was looking for: her chocolate bowl. Striding over, she grabbed a few Hershey's Kisses from it, unwrapped them, and popped them in her mouth. Savoring the rich chocolate taste, she was unpleasantly interrupted by the ringing of their phone.
"Andy! Get it!"
"Alright…Hello? Hey Nell, how's it going?" He grinned widely. "You got a call from the cabin owners? How much is it going to cost to get the syrup stains out of the ceiling? And what about the omelet smeared on the rug? I see…" Andy blinked twice. "You want to speak to Sami? All right, just a sec…Sami! Get over here, Nell wants to yell—I mean, speak—to you!"
Sami walked over cautiously, and lifted the phone up as if it were a bomb primed for detonation. She was right. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE CAUSED SO MUCH DAMAGE IN THAT CABIN?! THEY'VE GOT A RED DIE STUCK IN THE WALL! I THOUGHT I COULD COUNT ON YOU TO KEEP THEM UNDER CONTROL! AND THIS ISN'T EVEN INCLUDING THE PHONE BILL YOU RACKED UP!"
"Nell, wait a second. Phone? I'm sure I never used their phone, and I don't recall Max or Andy ever using it either. Are you sure there's a phone bill?"
"Yes, and although we can't find exactly where the calls were directed to, there's at least a few phone calls that aren't even to Orange Star territory! You know how much it costs to phone internationally…."
"Yes, I know. I'm going to talk with them, all right? Keep me posted on any other…expenses…we've racked up. I'm really sorry about this, Nell."
"It's all right, I guess…. I know Max can cause lots of trouble when he puts his mind to it. I should know, I am his boyfriend."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyways, see ya Nell."
"Bye."
Sami sighed. Who had been using the phone? And more importantly, why had they been calling other territories? 'They were probably just making prank calls…I wouldn't be surprised, knowing them. She was glad the day was almost over. "I need chocolate…"
A/N: An unusually humorous chapter, compared to what's in store...