My world is crashing all around me. I could not believe this is happening to us after all we've been through. I could already feel my eyes burning from the strain of reading something beyond ridiculous. Even when my eyes blurred from the effort of willing the words into something sane, it did not stop being ridiculous.

I set the letter I received this morning on top of my ruined breakfast. I didn't realize that I had, somehow, managed to blow my pecan pie around me to smithereens until after I read that joke of a letter. I even found splashes of my pumpkin juice in Harry and Ron's faces, which, to my relief, didn't even notice since they were busy looking like someone stuffed poisonous doxies down their throats. Not that I could blame them. They, too, received the blasted letter.

"This had better be a joke." Ginny said, smoke coming out of her ears, looking at Harry while stabbing at her lamb chops.

"Couldn't be. It's got the seal and everything. Bloody hell." said Harry coming out of his trance. Ron couldn't speak, yet. He was a horrible shade of puce, his left eye twitching madly. My mind was already running full throttle, you could almost see it combusting under mental strain.

The Ministry of Magic had officially gone barmy and hammered the final nail in my coffin… or their coffin when I'm through with them because I'll never let this slide. They've been changing a lot of wizarding laws after the war to accommodate the "New Era" and the possibilities it offered. The reforms were generally harmless and quite productive in terms of unity. It established the belief that muggles are to be left alone and the prejudice against the muggleborns were discouraged. They created laws aimed to prevent another war, which previously decimated almost half of the wizarding population- but they must be failing, because unless this new clause about the Marriage sodding Law is eradicated from the face of the Earth, so help me, there'd be another war. And this time, instead of a noseless Hitler-wannabe, they're gonna be dealing with a crazy muggleborn witch instead. I'd even make sure to have Harry The-Boy-Who-Killed-Noseless-Hitler-Wannabe on my side. Ron, too. And Ginny , whose bat-bogey hex and general badassedness (I know it's not a word but even my mind right now is a seething mess), can be a great force to be reckoned with. Dammit, I'd do anything to put a stop to this farce.

"Really? Arranged marriage? Is that all the solution they could think of to prevent us dying out?" Dean Thomas, a half-blood, said in exasperation, breaking my reverie. "Couldn't they just, I don't know, encourage procreation and reward people with three or more children instead?"

"Apparently, they didn't think this through. Blasted morons these ministry officials are. Poop for brains idiots. Sad clowns…" I chanted with colorful profanities and, if I do say so myself, creative expletives. Ron finally snapped from his shock and joined me in cursing the ministry, dropping f-bombs over and over. Ginny didn't take long to join in as Harry covered Luna's innocent ears while shouting obscenities himself.

"Shut up all of you!" Padma and Dean said together.

"…squashed, pimply-bummed cockroaches …"

"My ears are bleeding! Stop it!" said a random witch from the Ravenclaw table.

"… brainfarts, dimmer than Dudley's black-souled aunt…"

"Merlin's blue balls! You four could really cuss up a storm! I expected nothing less from you three but I didn't know you had it in you Hermione! Luna, I hope you don't copy their example." Neville chided us, despite his own use of swear words.

We grudgingly stopped but we we're still fuming. Harry stopped covering Luna's ears when he was sure we stopped cursing and she resumed staring at nothing, still thinking about her letter.

The majority of the students inside the Great Hall must've been anticipating a fight to break out as they looked at our table intently, probably wanting to jump in, just in case they could get in a swipe or two. At the corner of my eye, I saw Malfoy at the Slytherin table chewing his food calmly while watching us, clutching his own letter. That puke-inducing ferret. I don't care what most of the female population here at Hogwarts is saying about his oh-so-glorious hair and whatnot. He was still a prat.

"You'd be surprised how Hermione can be when she's agitated like this." Parvati scoffed at Neville. She would know since we share dormitories with three others. I gave her a warning glare.

"Don't tell me that you're okay with all this bull." I bit out. "I mean, who forces people who are NOT in-love to marry each other and practically orders them to have at least three children, THREE! They are beyond freaking mad!" I almost screamed while banging the table with my fists.

"See what I meant?" Parvati ignored me and winked at Neville.

"What?!" I fumed. "After this Marriage Law clause thing, all you could comment on is my behavior? Of course, I'm taking this very badly and as all respectable people in this flipping country, so should you!" I spouted at her. That girl is dense, I tell you. She may be twins with Padma but all the intelligence went to her sister.

"She's right Mione, you're quite scary when you're like this" Ron chimed in, his mind taking him, probably to that one time when I sent those birds after him. Funny how the story never mentioned him being attacked by a big spider and Peeves pelting him with the dungbombs I 'generously' gave. Heehee. I probably shouldn't enjoy his misery so much.

Luna patted him reassuringly in the back, then said, "At least she didn't turn you into a blast ended-skrewt then splashed you with bubotuber pus."

"She what?!" asked a horrified Lavender.

"Oh, it's nothing." I smirked. Goyle deserved it. That was a good one. I never even got caught.

"She scares me, too." Harry added looking back when she discovered Dobby's body after they apparated from the Malfoy manor and what she did to Bellatrix in retaliation during the war. Poor Bellatrix didn't stand a chance and was reduced to an insane, blubbering mess before Molly finished her

off.

Before he could turn his thoughts to Rita Skeeter, another unfortunate soul who crossed Hermione before, Dean interrupted him. "But Hermione's right to be upset, though. What gave them the right to force us into a marriage and even dictate how many children we should have?"

"Yeah, the ministry trying to repopulate the magical world like this… it's bonkers. You'd never hear something like this in the muggle world." Harry mused.

"I'm not really all that disturbed." said Padma.

Oh, great, I must've made a mistake about her intelligence. Why did she get sorted to Ravenclaw again?

She continued, "It's not really all that surprising since this happened before in the 1500's. There had been a war and it killed almost all of the wizarding population. The law enforcers panicked which led to the creation of the first Marriage Law ever passed. Can't blame them, though. After that war, only about 500 witches and wizards remained who could still procreate and they we're scared that the magical line would vanish altogether if they don't do anything about it. I mean these people could decide not to have children or whatever. We should be thankful that they reduced the required number of children that should be born per arranged couple to three."

Alright, so she's smart. Even I didn't know about that. But the question is why would they resurrect an ancient law and not try to devise a new plan to encourage baby booms instead? I wondered if it was because it was a success back then. I have got to get my hands on that info.

"Wait, what? They were required to produce how many babies exactly?" Ginny asked, incredulous.

"Five." Padma answered.

"Five, huh." Ron sniffed. "That's nothing on my family. We Weasleys are a fertile bunch."

"Eew, gross Ron," Lavender recoiled from him, repulsed. She would never want that many kids. Why, that would be disastrous for her body.

"Shut your gob, Lavender. My family's not gross, besides I'd like to have at least 7 kids" snapped Ginny. Harry spilled his pumpkin juice. Everyone in our table stared at her. She must be kidding.

"What? I love kids!" defended Ginny. Nope. Not kidding at all.

"Actually, I love the plan. I'm partnered with the delectable quidditch Keeper for the Wimbourne Wasps: Cormac McLaggen!" gushed Parvati. She must really think she's lucky. Poor girl. Ron and Harry exchanged pitying looks. After Mclaggen graduated from Hogwarts, good riddance by the way, he tried out for professional quidditch and, surprisingly he was given a spot. I think he was still sore about the fact that Ron beat him from that position for the Gryffindor team before. Egotistical and incredibly boring though he be, I'd rather have him than who I'm partnered with. Thinking about the name that the ministry paired with me, it's all I could do to keep myself from self-destructing.

"Who's gonna be the fortunate Potter-to-be, eh, Harry?" asked Parvati, suddenly intrigued. Oh, no, now everyone's eager to know the others' assigned partners. Now is probably a good time to excuse myself and plot on how to get out of this miserable mess but I'm quiet curious, too. Not that I'm hoping that they got partners as despicable as mine. No, not at all.

I could practically hear Harry groaning, " Astoria Greengrass. " I don't know why he's complaining. Green eyes, beautiful, blond, hot and curvy in all the right places, I'd say he won without even doing anything. I'm straight but I find myself fangirling over the Slytherin.

His disappointment might be because he still had feelings for Ginny but that's just my guess. After the war, they never got back together. Ginny told me that the flames died down, whatever that means.

"Who's yours Dean?"

"I got Daphne Greengrass. Hmm, I guess we'll be related somehow, Harry," Dean responded.

Another guy that got lucky. I didn't know what the ministry was thinking.

"Who is yours Ginny?" Dean proceeded to ask. He couldn't hide that he still harbored a crush on her. I'm not surprised, really. I'm certain she had a fan club.

Ginny grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Well, I am going to be a Zabini soon. Not bad. I'm gonna send flowers to whoever paired me with him. He's not bad-looking and he looks like he's intelligent, too." She flipped her hair, obviously pleased. I knew she would be. I saw her looking at him sometimes with that glint on her eyes.

Hmm. This is bad. Ginny's not upset with the Law because she likes her partner. Blimey, if this keeps up I'd have no one to start a revolt with. I have to convince everybody that this marriage law hogwash was a bad idea; that it violated our right to freedom of choice. But before I could protest, Ginny asked Neville who he's partnered with.

"Cho Chang" he responded with shoulders slumped. I don't get it. The boys got the prettiest girls in school and they're miserable. But then the more miserable they are, the more rebellious they'd be and they'd make the perfect accomplices. Down with the ministry, I say!

"I don't see why you should be all glum about it." Padma pointed out, defending her friend. "You're so lucky. Me? Not so much. I got Creevey! Dang it, I got Creevey!"

I grinned inwardly. Recruiting Padma to the No-To-The-Marriage-Crap-Law movement would be easy. Well, the name of the whole institution is still under construction. I wouldn't want to give it a crappy name. Look at where S.P.E.W. got me.

"Older Creevey or Younger Creevey?" asked Ginny trying to sound sympathetic.

"The older one." A despondent Padma answered. I pity the girl. Collin is quiet the perv. No wonder he likes clicking his camera so much. "Anyway, I'm much more interested on who the ministry partnered with Luna."

Everyone turned to look at Luna who was preoccupied at the moment with whatever's going on in her head. Her blue eyes have that hazy, dreamy look. I smiled. Look at her all peaceful-like. Leave it to her not to be fazed by something as preposterous and scandalous as the situation all 16-35 year-old students found themselves in just this morning. She's like the baby of the group and even though she talks about something absurd most of the time, we just find it adorable. Since 3rd year, we (Harry, Ron, Ginny, Dean, Neville, Lavender, the Patil twins and I ) looked after her and hexed the balls off of anybody who'd make fun of her. Suffice it to say that no one bothered her since then. Parvati gently shook her out of her bubble and asked the question again.

"Oh, I got Cedric Diggory." she said turning red.

"Oh, congratulations Luna" said Dean. "I heard he is a chaser for the Puddlemere United. Lucky bugger." Like that's the only reason why he's awesome. Boys, honestly. Cedric is ruggedly handsome with that six-pack abs and he's very smart, too. Although, he and Harry had some traumatizing time together during the Triwizard Tournament, they managed to escape together from that graveyard thanks to Cedric's quick reflexes and Harry's cunning. Winning the tournament together while defying death at the hands of Voldemort at the same time is hard to shrug off as a mere incident. So they became fast friends and are still keeping touch with each other. He is even keeping an eye on Harry in case he changed his mind about being an Auror and try out for his quidditch team instead.

"He has such great skin! And his hair is to die for" cried Parvati, bringing me back to the present.

"His eyes change colors, too. I wonder if he's a half-vampire like the rumors says." remarked Padma.

"He is so masculine! The epitome of manliness. You lucky, lucky girl!" Lavender congratulated Luna.

"He is intelligent, too. Washboard abs…yum", I added with relish and a hint of jealousy. If he got partnered with me instead…

"Oh, not you too Hermione!" complained Ron. "We get that he's a great catch, alright?"

"Yeah shut up about him already", grumbled Neville.

"Hey! He is good for Luna. At least she'll be fine if ever she married him." Harry defended Cedric.

For some reason Luna frowned at this. "I don't like him", she said. Jaws are dropping all over the floor at her remark. She is also doing that thing where she pinches her earlobes. That's not a good thing. It means that she's really annoyed and extremely pissed.

"Oh, come off it. He only teased you like that back then because he likes you", Padma explained with a smile. I remember Cedric's adorable pranks to our beloved Luna before he graduated. They were cute and harmless but she doesn't like it. He is the only one who could annoy Luna so much and he made sure that she would always notice him. I heard that after he graduated, he writes to her continuously almost every other day just to remind her of his existence and, of course, to annoy her.

Luna's mood just plummeted more and Dean, who was sitting across from her, patted her hand to soothe her. Harry who is in her right is looking uncomfortable so he asked Lavender who her partner is to direct the flow of the conversation away from Cedric.

"Well, I got Terry Boot or some such kid, I don't really know who he is", said Lavender. "Who did you get Ron?" she asked her one-time fling.

"It's Parkinson. Crap." Ron whined, remembering his situation. " Blimey, can you imagine me and her spawning little blighters, running around Diagon Alley? It scares the hell out of me." he ranted, obviously repulsed by the idea. Not that it would do him much good. I assume that pug-nosed Parkinson already read who she's been partnered with since she's looking our way. I just don't understand why she was staring at Ron like he's a meal or something. Eww. Gross.

"And she clearly doesn't mind", observed Luna. So, I wasn't the only one who noticed. Everyone looked highly disturbed by this.

Oh, no, she's coming over!

"Hello, Gryffindorks… or should I say Gryff-in-laws", Pansy drawled, shimmying at Ron's side.

We all looked at her like she's a dung-infested, pimply cow. While Ron was trying to get away from Pansy (tough luck, it looked like she didn't need a sticking charm, those arms should belong to a man), Pansy sneered at me and asked, "So, Granger, did you like your partner?"

Oh, no, she didn't. I thought they would all forget to ask me that question but the stupid bint just had to bring it up. I'm already considering employing Peeve's assistance and sneaking her a Weasley Wheezes nightmarish fart cupcakes. Oh, she'd fart all day. Hah. Evil bitch. I have to place an order tonight.

"Why so silent mud…er, Granger?" she covered her slip of the tongue with a cough. Smart girl.

"Yeah, Mione, why aren't you answering her question. The cow has a surprisingly coherent question" said Ginny. Now all of them are looking at me. Dang. Pansy didn't even bat an eye from the insult. She was enjoying this too much.

"It can't be all that bad, Mione. Come on, spill." Ron prodded. I am silently fuming now. This is bad, very bad. Harry is doing the scrutinizing-face thing again and Luna is looking at me with pity in her eyes since she already peeked at my letter earlier.

"Okay, the suspense is killing me! You better tell us already!", exclaimed Lavender. I took a deep breath. I should have bailed when I had the chance. Stupid, stupid. Let's just get this out in the open and get it over with.

I took a deep breath, but before I could utter a word, someone stood behind me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Why, are you ashamed to tell your friends about me?" Malfoy butted in, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. I jumped, startled, and looked at him. Stars above, he is smirking! I want to wipe off that smug look in his face and hex it to oblivion.

Nothing could ever compare to the cursing that followed. Yours truly swearing the loudest of all. Poor Luna had to join in on the riot for solidarity and all.