Dear Grandma,
I am missing you right now, Grandma. And sometimes I just find myself staring at nowhere and thinking of you. I wonder what you are doing right now; do you have your own garden in heaven? Are you still busy with your flowers, singing to them while watering them? I know how much you love your garden. Sometimes, I choose to stay in there, I can feel your presence there.. I know you are a great doctor, I wonder if you are still doing your profession there in heaven. You always told me before when I was still a kid that once you are in Heaven, there will be no pain, only happiness. So there would be no patients to care there in heaven..I guess. Do you miss being a doctor, Grandma Grace?
I am missing you…so much. That sometimes, I can see you standing in front of me, with open arms, and when I run to your embrace, you will be gone. And then I realized, it is just a dream. A wonderful dream because I can see you as alive as you can be, but it is also a sad dream, because before I can even reach your arms to feel your embrace, you eventually disappear just like the bubbles that you used to play with me in your garden. Remember how happy we were? You will blow the bubbles and I am running after them trying to catch them in my hands and they will be gone. I am happy for them to be gone because I am sure you will blow more bubbles for me to chase. But unlike that bubble, I am sad because you will disappear in my dreams..I hope I can chase after you. But I know now, bubbles is not you..
I am missing you terribly Grandma. It is your birthday today. It's only been more than a month since you went away. Last year, we were all gathered in your house to have the usual family dinner. You were smiling to all of us, giving us hugs and kisses as if it would be the last. And yes, that was the last. Last hug and kisses on your birthday…because today, what's left with us are memories.
Yes..memories. But I am happy because I have those with you. I can still remember that big smile in your face, after my first day in school. I asked Dad if we can drop by the hospital because I want you to see the star stamp in my hands and the drawing that I made. My teacher asked me to draw what I wanted to be. And I told her I want to be like my Grandma Grace, she's a doctor and she's helping anyone who is sick. And I draw you and me in our white doctor gown. And you have that biggest smile in your face as you hugged me. You said you were proud of me, that I did great on my first day in school. You have no idea how happy I am that day.
How about during bedtime, and I was sick, and you stayed on my room with Mom and Dad. I can still remember how worried Dad was, and you decided to stay to see how sick I was. And I can't sleep that day. Mom is done reading my bedtime story but my eyes are still wide open. You sit beside me and sing me a song until I fell asleep. I wonder…is there someone singing to you there too when you can't sleep? I wish I can be an angel even for a day, so I can be with you in Heaven even just for a while and sing to you too. You know Grandma..I saw Ted in the garden one day listening to his Ipod. I sat beside him and asked what he's listening to. He let me listened to the song and he said that is his song for you. I told him it will be my song for you too. I hope this is a song that I can sing to you if I can. But of course, there's no way for you to hear it. I will just write the lyrics here. I remember you once told me that if I write my wish in a paper, tie it in a balloon and let it fly..it will reach Heaven and God will read it and make it come true but I need to be a nice girl first so it will be granted. I've been a good girl Grandma, and after I write this letter to you, I will tie it in a balloon and let it fly. I hope it will reach Heaven and you will be able to read it…of course I want God to read it too.
Here's the lyrics of the song Grandma. And this is my song for you. I hope you will like it the same way that I do.
Every day when school got out You were like my mother Even though I can't touch your face You were like my mother
I'd get off the bus and I'd run down
That old dirt road where you were waiting for me
On the front porch in that blue swing
You'd be smiling and we would sing
'Amazing Grace' and 'Jesus Loves Me'
You were my best friend
You were everything I want to be
And all the good inside of me
There's never been
Never been another
That loved me like you did
My grandmother, my angel
I feel you with me every day
I wish you could see all my dreams coming true
When I get lost I close my eyes
And I feel you shining down so bright
I feel you shining down on me
You were my best friend
You were everything I want to be
And all the good inside of me
There's never been
Never been another
That loved me like you did
My grandmother, my angel
Did you like it Grandma? I hope you really do. Sometimes when Dad found me crying because I am missing you, he always told me that you are my angel now. I love Grandma Grace and I will never get tired of missing you. I love you very much.
Your Granddaughter,
Phoebe