Okay, so this is my first The Host story. I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Host nor do I own any of the characters. All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.
It has been two weeks since the rains stopped and we are finally able to move our mattresses back into our rooms. The sleeping arrangements had been modified so that Jared and Melanie have a room to themselves, and Ian and I now share a room together. I do not know exactly how I feel about this new room assignment. I am equally joyful and nervous to spend my nights with Ian, in my new body especially. By searching her memories, I can tell that I am in store for many new experiences, for Pet was very a naïve and young soul.
But these new bodily experiences, such as the shyness and uncontrollable blushing, are the least of my worries tonight. I am afraid of Ian. I am afraid because I do not know what his expectations are for our future as roommates, particularly our first night alone. I do not wish to intrude on his personal space nor do I want him to feel pressured to do anything. But I do not know what I expect from our future as roommates either. This is all very confusing, even without the extra voice in my head.
My mind has been whirring all day, going over every possible outcome of bringing up our new living situation, but I cannot bring myself to confront Ian about my concerns. The shyness shuts down every sense, forcing my thought process to come to a rapid halt. Thus, conversing about my qualms and anxieties becomes ever more difficult. Ian has noticed, of course, that I have been distancing myself from him and that makes me feel even guiltier of a crime I have not, nor do I intend, to commit. Breaking his heart.
So here I sit, in the bathing room, playing out in my head how our conversation will unfold. It has been a little over a year since I arrived on Earth, diving headfirst into the drastic range of human emotions that I have never experienced before, and a little less than a year since I arrived in the caves, being thrown into the perplexing life of rebel humans. Needless to say, I am still unsure of the proper conduct between two people who love each other. I love Ian. My heart quickens as I think about the day he confessed his love for me. I know I love him, but I am afraid of the physical love that goes beyond touching, hugging and the occasional kiss. The only knowledge I have of this further expression of affection is from the memories I rummaged through while in Melanie's body. Still though, I am embarrassed to think about how much I do not know about this world, it makes me feel weak.
I am not sure how much times has elapsed since hiding out here in the bathing room, but reluctantly I decide to seek out help. My bones ache as I stand up from the hunched over position I had taken. Apparently, I have been here longer than I originally assumed. Slowly, I make my way through the tunnels of the cave that I have come to memorize delaying the unwanted discussion about to ensue. I find myself knocking softly on the door to a room that I was mortified to enter.
"Wanda?"
"Melanie?" I spoke softly, staring at my feet. "Can I talk to you?"
I could feel the blush creeping up the back of my neck and then flush over my face. Melanie stepped out of her room and grabbed my shoulders causing me to look up and meet her gaze.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Her eyes are searching mine trying to find an answer to her question hidden beneath the front I'm putting out.
"I'm fine. Well at least in the way you're thinking. I am wanting some answers to quite personal questions…" I trail off leaving my explanation at that.
"Oh, well what's up?"
"Can we maybe talk in a more… private place?" The blush is returning slowly as Melanie nods and starts walking back the way I had come.
Once we get to the bathing room we sit near the edge of the ground where the roar of the water drowns out our hushed talking. I fumble over my words and try desperately to get to the point that has been buzzing in my head all day. My face is now overheated by the shyness and I can feel some sweat starting to form on my forehead.
"Just spit it out, Wanda!"
"I'm afraid of Ian!" Finally the words are out there but they aren't necessarily the right words. "Well, I'm not afraid OF Ian, I'm just afraid of Ian."
The puzzled look on Melanie's face shows me that I'm just talking in circles here and not making any sense.
"Oh…" Her response was almost unspoken. "You're afraid of being alone with him tonight?"
I could only nod, too flustered to vocally admit my weakness in front of her.
"Wanda, I have one question for you." She started, determined. "How does your love for him feel?"
I was caught off guard at the fact that she just switched roles here. I was supposed to be the one asking the questions, not her. But nonetheless I pondered over the question on the table at the moment. How does my love for Ian feel?
"How is it supposed to feel?"
"I can't tell you how your love feels. You, and only you, know how you feel when you kiss him, or touch him. What goes through your mind when you catch him staring at you? Or when you are surrounded by everyone, but feel like it's only you and him in the room when he looks at you." Melanie's determination is easily recognized by her features and facial expressions. Her eyebrows knit together, overshadowing the intense glow to her soul-less eyes.
"It feels… wonderful." I sigh, feeling defeated. "He makes me feel like the luckiest soul in the universe. Of all the planets I have lived on, all the hosts I have occupied, I have never wanted another person so badly. I have never felt such an attachment to someone that I would easily give my life for them. I would do anything to make sure he is happy and safe. He is my partner, for life. I wouldn't want to live another life without him. I finally found something I would die for."
Melanie's face was that of victory as I realized I had answered all of my problems with that simple proclamation. Bursting into hysterics at how ridiculous she probably thinks I am, I lowered my face into my shaking hands. Curse this unneeded anxiety that is producing a weakness I never imagined I would have to deal with.
"Wanda, you love him and he loves you. He would never pressure you to do anything that you are not comfortable with, but you need to talk to him about this. He's worried about you, you know." A sensitive demeanor took the place of her victorious expression she previously wore.
Once again, I pulled myself to my feet and brushed my hands off on my worn jeans. Melanie wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave me a reassuring squeeze as we walked back towards the rooms. She stopped me in front of her room and looked me in the eyes as I suddenly became aware of the serious tension between us.
"I am right here if you need anything. I mean anything." She was speaking in her loving mother tone, which I only recognize from the memories of her and Jamie when they were on the run. "I will even kick Jared out if you want to stay with me. Only for the night though…"
"Thank you, Mel."
"No problem. And everything is going to be fine. He will understand."
With that I nodded and made my way further down the hall of doors. After a few minutes of shuffling my way down the dusty cave hall, I came face to face with the two real doors that separated mine and Ian's new room with the rest of the caves. I knocked so lightly on the door even I questioned if I actually made contact with the wooden mass. But my efforts paid off when the door was lifted and placed back against the other to reveal those vivid blue eyes I have come to love. I unexpectedly became nauseous as my head started spinning, and my world was swaying from side to side, messing up my balance.
"Wanda?" His voice was husky with restless sleep and worry. "Wanda, are you okay?"
Okay! So I hope you liked it. I'm not sure if I want to make this a full on story or if I should just leave it as a oneshot, although I kind of left it on a cliffhanger.
Anyway, if you read it then can you please review it? Let me know what you think, if you like it and should continue or not. And please no hate, if you have constructive criticism that would be great but don't just bash on it. Thank you!