(The lights come down on a TV studio. The world famous quiz show, Friends or enemies is about to start. The host comes to the front to introduce the contestants)
Host: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Friends or Enemies! The contestants today are…
(A group of 10 people enter, the host calls out their names)
Host: And today's contestants are… Jin Kazama! Feng Wei! Ling Xiayou! Panda! Heihachi Mishima! Nina Williams! Anna Williams! Steve Fox! Hwoarang! Brian Fury!
(audience cheer, as the split into two teams, Jin, Xiayou, Heihachi, Nina and Brian on one team, Steve, Anna, Hwoarang, Feng and Panda on the other.)
Host: Ok, teams, stand by your buzzers. The first question, for 5 five points. If you know the answer, press your buzzer! OK, first question!
(The lights go down on the studio, just showing the host and the contestants)
Host: In the nursery rhythm, Baa Baa Black Sheep, how many bags full did the sheep have?
(Bryan presses his buzzer. Unfortunately, as Brian is a Cyborg, he reacts to the buzzer. He is electrocuted, and been shown twitching madly, until he finally explodes. All that's left of him are his shoes, which are smoking.)
Nina: Dammit! We've lost a blummin' team member!
Host: Ah… I didn't expect that to happen… Not to worry folks! We have a back up!
(Mokujin appears out of nowhere, and joins Jins team.)
Heiachi: He can't even talk! How the bloody hell is that fair!?
Host: Not to worry! We had installed a translator in him. Mokujin, please test your translator!
Mokujin:… (Makes whatever noise a piece of wood would make)
Translator: I am a cheesecake. Please smell my armpit.
Host: Excellent! Now, let us proceed!
(Jin is about to protest, but Xiayou grabs his arm and shakes her head.)
Host: Well, the next question is for 5 points! Which country, beginning with K is situated between and China?
Hwoarang: (jumping up and down, bashing his buzzer) Ooooh, I know this! (beep) I know it! (beep) It's… Kentucky! (beams)
Steve: (whacking him on back of the head.) It's Korea you muppet! You come from there, too!
Hwoarang: (rubbing his head) Ouch… oh yeah…
Host: I'm sorry, but we have to take your first answer, it was in fact, Korea, not Kentucky!
Steve: Hwoarang, you bumbaclard!
(Anna walks up to the host. She leans over the desk showing him her cleavage.)
Anna: Surely it's be right to give us that teensy little point? Hwoarangs young and foolish. (grabs his tie and pulls him forward, she whispers in his ear) I'll make it worth your while…
(The host runs a finger round his collar)
Nina: Don't give that slut anything!
Anna: Shut it you bitch!
Nina: No, you shut it you dirty whore!
Anna: Your just jealous cos daddy loved me more!
Nina: Don't you DARE bring daddy into this! (jumps over the desk and launches at Anna. They begin bitch fighting. Hair is being pulled, slaps at being thrown, and they fall on floor rolling around. People in the audience begin chanting, "fight, fight, fight!" the guards rush over, and pull them apart. They join their teams again.)
Host: Right. I think we should call a break for a few moments, till everyone's calmed down.
announcer: We'll be right back after these few short breaks. Keep tuned in!
(switching to the adverts)
Wang: Are your crows feet getting you down? Do your friends laugh at your wrinkles? Then try this new Mishima wrinkle free cream! And in no time, you too will be looking as young as me! (he grins, emphasising his wrinkles more. Somewhere offstage, a woman screams and a baby begins to cry)
Ganryu: Are you tired of being the fat one in your group? Then try my new diet! The Ganryu-Loves-You diet will make the fattest of people look slim! I did it, and just look how slim I am! (falls through floor)
Kazuya: Watch out for my new chat show, Chat with Kazuya, we're I'll be offering advice to families who need it! You can all count on uncle Kazuya to sort your family problems, being a family man myself!
(lee enters)
Lee: What's this bullshit? Your father threw you off a cliff, you hate your son, and cheated on your wife with your sons fiancé!
(Kazuya punches Lee. He is knocked out.)
Announcer: Now we return to Friends or enemies!
Host: Hello and welcome back. Now, lets proceed with the game. Stand by your buzzers teams, here is your question for 10 points.
Feng: (To Hwoarang) Owww, you dopey twat, you just stood on my foot!
Hwoarang: did not!
Feng: Did too!
Steve: Oh, shut up you two!
Hwoarang: Your mum didn't shut up in my bed last night!
Nina: Will you stop dragging me into this!?
(Steve launches at Hwoarang, punching him. They knock into Feng, and he gets involved in the fight)
Anna: Like mother like son! Get in there lad!
Nina: Oi, leave 'im alone! (begins fighting with Anna again)
Heiachi: (To Jin) see, your gay little boyfriend always ruins a good day out
Jin: He's not my boyfriend! (runs towards Heiachi for a fight. Heiachi runs away, and Jin chases him around the studio)
Xiayou: Jin Jin! (chases after Jin)
Panda: Xiayou! (chases after Xiayou)
Mokujin: Oh, what the hell. (runs around in a circle)
(There's chaos in the studio. The host struggles forwards and addresses the audience)
Host: Well, that's all for Friends or enemies! Tune in next week, when we will have Rayman, Spyro, Lara Croft, Crash Bandicoot and-
(Anna is sent flying into the host. He is knocked over. Anna stands up and scrams at Nina)
Anna: You bitch! I broke a nail! Your so gonna get it!
(Chases Nina offstage, hitting her with a suddenly placed handbag)
THE END