The Little Things
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
It's the little things that remind her of him. She knows she shouldn't be thinking about him, about what they had, what they didn't have. Something that's so small can trigger a memory that was once so fond to her, so big to her back then.
Sometimes when she's in the shower, the rush of the water hitting her makes her want to bend her knees and jump. She can actually feel the roughness of the rock against her feet. She can hear the sound of her body, his body, hitting the water, that slowly engulfs them both. She can hear his calls to her and if she closes her eyes she can see the waterfall that they once called there own.
She's in the supermarket, she hates the small confined isles, how they've crammed everything into one small space. She hates the feeling of being trapped, not being able to run somewhere. Anywhere. Then suddenly she's in the cages again. Looking across to him; it was his fear too, both of them shared that. The feeling of being locked up. They'd both tried to escape it their whole life, but it caught up with them and together they came through it.
She passes a child with a small teddy polar bear and she can hear his words echoing in her ears. "I just shot a bear!" It was the first time they'd properly met. The pain is etched on her face and a women gives her a smile as she looks up from her list; milk. She moves down the next isle, it's the fridges and its cold. As usual. As always. it's the one thing in the store that never changes, because it can't. And this is when she wishes she'd fell in love with Jack. He wouldn't have changed, he'd have always been the compulsive 'save everyone' man. That is, if she'd fell in love with him. Sawyer changes day to day. Maybe even second to minute. That's what she liked, he was unpredictable. Just like her. But everything comes at a price. And that was his price, his unpredictability, you never knew whether he'd stay or go. And if he went, you'd have nothing, but if he stayed you'd always be wondering when he was going to leave. It was a curse either way. But you'd have to believe in curses to see it as one. And she didn't believe in curses.
She picks up the pint of milk, slowly dropping it into her trolley; "I bet you never been to Disneyland!" She looks at the little blonde haired boy sauntering after his mother, the little girls smile turns into a frown as she runs to her own mom. The little girl hasn't been to Disneyland, because the little girl is Kate.
"I never been to Disneyland..… Ah, that's just sad."
She can hear the little girl reply; "Least I've never worn pink!" She laughs as the little girl sticks her tongue out and smirks as she watches the little boy start to argue. But now she remembers the game, the full game. It started so innocent, silly things like never having kissed a man. Then it changed. Secrets were revealed and things started to get bitter.
"I never killed a man"
She doesn't like to remember them times. She can feel tears burning the back of her eyes; as she remembers that she's in a store. She cant just day-dream here. What would people think?
She shakes her head, moving on towards the next isle, she loves how theirs no organisation, how it can go from frozen foods to fruit. Suddenly that brings her back to Sawyer. His tent. "Maids day off"
She's looking back down at her list, moving further around, trying not to get in the way of mothers and prams. She hates how they always seem to end up right under your feet, and how the children run in front of the trolley. She's in front of the strawberries now, "I noticed something else too. You taste like strawberries." That was the first time she'd learnt of his name. His proper one. It felt strange at first, calling him James. When to her, he wasn't. But it sounded better, it fitted him more. Then eventually the name began to role off her tongue effortlessly.
"Oh, sorry" She apologized as her trolley clinked with another.
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He's cant believe he's here. It seems to surreal. Yet, everyone needs to eat. Right? He struggles as he looks around; tins, bread, frozen food. He doesn't know were the start. Well, the beginning might help. He thinks to himself. But where the hell was it?
He starts walking and he's wondering whether this is what it'd be like if they…forget it. Its to hard to say. Too painful to think about. He can hear the small pattering of feet behind him; he sighs. She's still there. He couldn't deal with the accusations if he lost her. Here of all places.
He's down the electronics; well he doesn't need another TV. Well he might, all that it plays now is children's shows. He moves further down the isle; the quiet grumbling behind him makes him take note that any second there could be tears and pleas of 'when are we going, I'm bored!' He's looking at the TV screen, the picture shows a waterfall; its not as beautiful as there's, it doesn't look anything much like it. For starters its too big, there's no bushes or trees surrounding it and however hard he tries to listen he cant hear the happy laughter that should go with it. He cant see her.
He doesn't have a list. No, he's not that organised. So soon he finds himself aimlessly wondering again, picking up products, looking at them but not really understanding why. He's seen people do it, so he does it. Might as well look like you know what your doing.
"Oh, sorry" He only hears the clink; he doesn't exactly know what the women's apologising for. He looks up, his eyes catching a familiar face.
"Kate?" He couldn't believe it. Was it really her? He felt he needed to touch her, feel the softness of her skin just to convince himself.
"Sawyer?…What are you doing here?" She stares at him in disbelief. He looked better than he did a few months ago. Less drunk anyway. She'd thought deep down, although she didn't want to admit it, that he'd go the same way Jack did. And she didn't want that. Not for him.
"Erm…shopping…for food, like everyone else" He answered, hoping that she wouldn't take the obvious answer as sarcasm. He didn't want this meeting to go the way the last one had. He'd changed. Genuinely changed. He hoped that maybe she could tell.
"There's no need for sarcasm." She answered, he obviously hasn't changed, she began to move the trolley round him, she didn't want an argument here of all places.
"I'm not being sarcastic."
"Well, it's hard to tell sometimes. Goodbye Sawyer" She pushes the trolley away from him, when suddenly a little blonde haired girl runs in front of it, she stops, lets out an irritated sigh, then begins to move on.
"Daddy can I push the trolley?"
"Hah!" Sawyer chuckled "Yeah sure ya can….when ya tall enough to see where ya pushing it"
"I can see!"
"Kate!…Stay there Clem" He points at her, himself having no idea what effect that would do, but it was in a magazine he'd read, something about being the authority figure. "…Kate!"
"What?" She turned around, half annoyed, half pleased that this time he'd ran after her. She hoped he would before, although he was probably too drunk to make it up the stairs. She kept telling herself not to get involved, she'd only have her heart broken again. And she shouldn't have it broken. It wasn't fair.
"So…erm…I sorry y'know..." He stammered, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, his eyes down. "about the stuff in the bar…" He looked ashamed. Maybe he was? Maybe he had changed. But the hurt she felt the first time made her wary of his actions, she shouldn't get involved.
"Why didn't you come after me?" She didn't know where it came from, she didn't know why she asked. She knew she shouldn't have. She was getting involved. But she had to know.
"I didn't know you wanted me to" He looked her straight in the eye and she once again searched for some emotion. This time she thought she saw a flicker of guilt. Maybe he has changed.
"…So I was just wondering whether you wana go out for a drink sometime?"
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Ok so how was it? I will only continue if people think its good enough, so let me know. Thanks for reading :D (there will be more speech in this fic) Ideas are welcome as always ;)