Chapter 1

Peeta's POV

After taking the last few bread pans out of the oven I hear the pitter-patter of rain on my kitchen window. I dust off my flower covered hands and walk to the window over the sink and examine the black clouds that have formed in the sky. The rain is coming down harder and harder I hope the roof holds up it has been raining none stop this spring. I think that last time I saw a cloudless blue sky was the day I got back to 12. It's weird to think how it's already been about a month and life is almost normal. I try and stay away from Haymitch and Katniss as much as I can, because of my flash backs. Though they aren't as frequent but still happen almost daily My biggest fear is at the Sunday dinners they make me come to I'll just loose it. I try to speak as little as possible and avoid looking at them, but sometimes I slip up and catch my self-staring at Katniss. I know she knows I'm staring, but she's nice enough not to react she just continues eating.

After I dry my hands I catch a glimpse of something in the middle of the victor's village. I think it may just be a shadow, but then I realize its Katniss. She stands there with her arms wide like she's embracing the rain. There is a ghost of a smile playing across her face. Before I can stop myself, I'm sprinting out of my door still in my apron. As soon as I step off the porch I'm soaked to the bone in seconds. I run towards her, but she doesn't react to my loud sloshing through the mud. I know she hears me coming though, she can hear everything, but she just stands there with her eyes closed and lets the rain drops run down her face. I stop in front of her panting and examine her. She is in a t-shirt and jeans which are soaked and stinking to her, and she's bare foot. I just stare at her trying to figure out why I came out in the rain. Looking down at my muddy feet, shift my weight between them to stop myself from staring. I contemplate turning around and running back to my house but before I can she speeks.

"Enjoying the weather? "She asks still not opening her eyes.

"Why are you out her Katniss?" I blurt out before I can stop. Now she opens her eyes and stares straight at me. Her grey eyes shining against her olive skin and dark brown hair which is hanging loose around her face. I can't help but admire how beautiful she is.

"I'm trying to wash it all away," she smiles crookedly at me. "I thought that was obvious," She ignore my wide eyes and raised eyebrows and sits on the muddy ground getting her jeans all dirty. There is a long pause. The though of running back to my house pops into my head again. But I cant bring myself to move.

"Peeta do you realize how much we've missed out on. We should have been allowed to laugh and play and..." She flops back in the mud witch cause it to spray out from under her in all different directions. Her expression changes and her eyes narrow "be everything we aren't," she spits venomously. But there is something softer almost sadder under her words I sit on the slippery ground next to her and ignore the mud seeping into my pants, and I consider all she has said.

"Are you drunk?" the question tumbles out before I can think of something better. She laughs though.

"No," she closes her eyes once more. Waiting for me to respond. I contemplate her words.

"You're right..." I pause "but I'm not going to wish the past was different," she lets out a snort. "We can't change all that we have been through, and all the people we have lost...and all that we've done," I watch her body go still.

"I'd change everything. Right now, if it could," and I know exactly what shed change. The memory of us standing in the arena holding out the berries flashes through my thoughts and I know she's wishing she ate them, without handing me any.

Another long pause passes. Katniss' fingers slide through the mud. Shouldn't I be saying words of comfort. Convincing her that we are lucky to have what we have and should not even think about how both of our deaths would of made life easier.

"Then let's change it,"

"What?" I ask barely catching her whisper

"The future… Our future," there was something hidden in the tone she stated that last part. But ignored it because it held to much confusion for me to process.

"How?"

"Let's do all the things we never were able to do,"

"Like what,"

"When I was young I always wanted to fly,"

"You are drunk aren't you" now she let out a genuine laugh. The kind that sent a shiver down my spine. It was almost musical. "You wouldn't have been able to fly before all this happened?" I took a risk and splashed her with the muddy water in front of me.

"I don't care what you think I'm going to find a way to," she sat up abruptly splashing me back "What about you?" I'm caught off guard by the question and I spit out the first thing I think of.

"Breath under water."

"ok we'll go swimming and figure it out," the she stops like she remembers something " do you remember how to swim," I'm shocked I don't know the answer. She must see the confusion on my face cause she frowns her grey eyes storming with concern.

"I don't think so," I look down at my hands feeling upset.

"That's ok I'll teach you. No biggy," trying to change the subject I say

"What else do you want to do?" She puckers her lips stumped.

"I wana cut my hair,"

"Why?" this very normal statement make me nervous. I'm very fond of Katniss' hair. Its familiar.

"It reminds me of everything," her eyes become down cased, and I know I need to say something to distract her. I observe her choppy singed hair burned off from the bombs that took her sister. Even thought I don't want her to cut it I don't think I'll feel any remorse when it's gone.

"I'll cut your hair if you teach me how to swim," the corner of her mouth twitches up in a crooked smile. After a rumble of thunder and a flash of heat lightning lights up the sky Katniss askes.

" anything else you wana do?" Trying to redeam myself for my previous answer I think hard. I look over the victors village and towards town. Its been in the process of being rebuilt since before I go here. Pretty soon it wont even resemble the old 12.

"I wanna have a dance" I bite the inside of my mouth "to celebrate when everything is rebuilt," I whip my head to face her again when I hear her snort. She wrinkles her nose at me. "What?"

" Nothing I just should have expected it. You would wana do something for other people," she rolls her eye and I can't help but let out a laugh. We're silent again. Slidding our hands through the mud. It's a comfortable silence though. One I could bask in for a while until the silence is broken shouting. We turn to see Haymitch at his door waving his fist at us and shouting profanities.

"What the hell are you two idiots doing in the rain?" we both look around and are surprised by the growing puddle under us and begin to laugh. Katniss jumps up and reaches out to me I hesitate only a second before taking it then we run towards Haymitch's house. "why are you coming here I don't need your wet asses in my house," he screams at us, but he's to slow to close the door because we both sprint in and fall to the ground in his entranceway panting. "great just great," he stands over us with his arms crossed "I'll get some towls," he sighs and walks down the hall. "I assume your not going back in the rain tonight," He calls from the bathroom.

"yeah probably not," Katniss reply's crossing her legs and making herself comfortable in the entrance way.

"then you guys can crash in the living room," he comes back and throws towls at us, but I get up right away.

"I can't stay,"

"kid your not going back in that storm," I try to convey my reasoning with my eyes

"Haymitch I can't,"

"Peeta's just afraid he's going to hurt us," Katniss states bluntly as she wrings out her drenched hair with the towel. Something boils up inside of me before I can stop myself I'm shouting

"Yeah I am alright!" my fists clench. "Just let me go" all I wana do is leave, but I can't look away from her stormy grey eyes she has be glued to the spot. Then Haymitch's voice breaks through the trance her eyes have put on me.

"kid your never going to get better if you just keep hidding in your house,"

"how do you know what will help me Haymitch?" I lunge forward and grab his shirt i feel the tears in my eyes, but i just stare at him almost begging him to give me a solid anwer"how do you know i won't hurt one of you? If i ever did anything to hurt either of you... I don't know what I'd do," the fight in me is gone as fast as it came. i release his shirt and take a step back "sorry,"

"its ok kid," he places a hand tentatively on my shoulder " we all have our scars and all we want is to help each other heal," I nod my head barely taking in his words. "stay the night I'll stay down here with you two I barely sleep anyway so I'll just keep an eye on you," all I can manage is a defeated shrug and I move move towards the living room.