Lost
A/N: At the heart of studying for exams, I felt like writing this up. So here it is. It's not much so bear with me. Definitely weaker than my other one shots. I might come back to fix it another time. Just realised, I don't use character names.. so just assume it's SxS pairing.
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Her voice sounds like honey. She looks beautiful as usual. She smiles at me adoringly as she speaks about her day. I nod every now and then, but the truth is her words are unheard by me. All I can think about is how I am going to break her heart.
How do I tell her? How do I tell her my heart is elsewhere and no longer with her? I don't have the strength to go on pretending and I think deep down she knows it too. She doesn't say anything, but I know she doubts me when I tell her I'm late because of traffic or I didn't pick up the phone because I was in an important meeting.
Still, she's stood by my side for the last two years despite my attempts to push her away. Always willing to make compromises for my stubborn and inconsiderate personality – but that isn't enough for me.
I don't know when I started feeling this way and I can't remember why it began, but I've dragged it out for long enough. I promised to always protect her and love her and hold her, but now I can't even protect her from myself. Chatting away, innocently smiling and sending secret glances at me, I feel my insides start to break. My resolve weakens...
She places her coffee onto the coffee and smiles adoringly for no reason at all. I don't smile back. How am I going to break it to her...? I've rehearsed countless times in front of the mirror and thought of all the possible scenarios. She might cry, pour coffee all over me, scream... the list goes on.
Taking a deep breath in, my eyes scan the cafe, eyes darting back and forth. I pick things up and look under them as if searching for something.
"What are you looking for?" She asks curiously, but I detect the concern.
"I've lost my feelings for you"
Her smile weakens.
"I better help you look for them then shouldn't I?"
"They've been gone for a long time."
There is no use saying I am sorry. She wouldn't believe me. I can't even believe myself. I'll only hurt her more by saying it. She just keeps smiling. As her cold coffee leaves the coaster, bitter tears fall one by one. I desperately try to hold on to my emotions that tell me to hold her and apologise and tell her she was the most beautiful person to ever grace my life.
She gets up abruptly and places a few bills on the table. Still smiling she tries to be brave and just walks away without another word. No questions asked. I don't even get to explain myself. She could have had any reaction. I was completely prepared. Without looking back, she walks towards the future. All I can do is watch her back as she disappears.
What did I just do?
You just let her go, fool.
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-muchlove myvroses