A/N: Hey! Merry Early Christmas! This is part of the Merlin Secret Santa fic exchange organized by The Hope Lions. Thanks to Fangirl of Fitness for the idea that sparked this, and The Hope Lions for letting me participate I hope you enjoy part one of this multi part story. Part two should be up in a few days. I do not own Merlin... at all. Nope.
Poised
Part One
It had been a year and a half since the king's death and Camelot, outwardly at least, prospered. Queen Guinevere's reign was one of compassion and strength. One could not say that she was not upholding her late husband's legacy. Arthur's spirit lived on, even if his physical life had been cut short. Only those who truly knew the queen, her most trusted advisors and friends knew how much the death of Arthur still weighed on her, and as the day drew closer, the annual celebration of their victory in the Battle of Camlann, many took notice.
One who took particular notice was Sir Gwaine. He heard the way her voice shook, even as she laughed off a joke Merlin had made, being particularly clumsy that week, even in his job as advisor and court sorcerer, just to allow a moment of levity. He noticed the way she moved past the chambers, scarcely glancing to where her king's desk still took up a corner. Most of all he noticed how she disappeared at seemingly random times, just stood and took her leave, poised, but for a slight shaking of breath.
Gwaine noticed this in his queen, but saw only that young woman he had met in the market, weighed down by an impossible grief, one that the whole kingdom felt, but none as profoundly as she. Many others, besides those in the court, in the closest circle, the Round Table, were only grieving for their king, not for Arthur as he truly was. There were only so many condolences one could receive from those that did not know the man.
It was after one of these instances that he decided to follow Gwen. He had just come back from visiting Merlin and Gaius only to see Gwen holding a small flower in between her fingertips with tears rolling down her cheeks. Before he could go over to her, she was on the move again, walking at a normal rate.
Now where are you running to this time? Gwaine frowned, deciding then. He would see for himself.
Gwaine made sure to keep further back, and avoid any branches in the road, counting himself lucky the queen had decided not to take her horse. When they finally stopped, they were in the middle of the forest just outside Camelot.
Gwaine watched as the queen stood, inhaling and exhaling, careful and trembling breaths. Her hands were clasped together as though in prayer. Her eyes closed. "My King." Her voice was level. "My love." Slightly higher in pitch. "Arthur!" Now it rose, came out wrangled with sobs as her chest heaved and she fell forward onto her knees. Her shoulders shook as finally Gwen broke down, away from her subjects, away from her friends, away from the court, in the middle of the clearing where caution and restraint could be thrown to the wind.
Gwaine watched this display, feeling tears prickling at the corner of his vision, his own pain and fear and compassion for this woman so broken by grief for her husband, his own grief for a man he had grown to respect and honor and hell, even annoy, as one would a brother, as so much more than his king, propelling him forward and onto his knees beside her.
Before he knew what he was doing, he had taken her hand in his own. "Gwen…" Titles be damned, just another aspect of the mask she had had to bear for much too long.
Gwen flinched at the contact, but quickly wiped her face, straightening her shoulders as she turned to look at him. "Sir Gwaine."
Gwaine shook his head, giving a small smile. "Ah, ah, none of that official stuff. It bores me to tears."
Gwaine could see her holding back a laugh, small and hesitant, but her eyes showed that he had done his job. He had amused her if only for a moment, brought back the Gwen that Arthur would like to see had he been there, that they all would like to see return to them, but just as quickly it faded. "What are you doing here?"
"I saw you going off alone, I thought you could use a friend." Gwaine said.
"Thank you," Gwen patted his hand. "But I'm fine, really." Before Gwaine could respond, the queen was on her feet, beginning to make the walk back leaving Gwaine dumbfounded as he watched her retreating form.
A/N: So, that's part one. Part two will be up before Christmas Eve. :) In Part Two: Merlin takes notice, celebration preparations are in full swing, and a Gwaine/Merlin team up to help Gwen among other things.