Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.
A/N: I was planning further 'Desire..' chaps but this popped. I was going to include it in the main story at first but this works too i guess.
Enjoy~
Desire for a Spark – Empathy
When I watch the small, naked moon, descending to this peculiar planet called Earth, far from home and on a mission I can't agree with, I can't stop myself from reminiscing the times, when our prey used to be our glorious prodigy, the genius flier, the ultimate soldier.
I was ready to follow him to the ends of the universe back then. I believed he was someone special, someone who could do great things for the Decepticons, and seal the fate of our enemies for good, bringing Cybertron peace at last. I wanted to stand by him and witness the grand revolution I believed he would be the cause of. I knew he would.
All he needed was someone who'd approve of him, someone who'd recognize his infinite zeal and use it. I still don't know if it was his own misplaced trust, or if was one of fate's cruel games, that made him see that special someone in the one mech who was bound to let him down. Why it was Megatron who became Starscream's sun, I do not know, but what I do know is that this predilection has never been not one-sided.
That is why it feels wrong knowing we must hunt Starscream, and not because of Megatron but because it's the Fallen's wish. There is something suspicious about this, but I the truth eludes me. I don't know if the cause I'm fighting for is still the one we shared back in the old days, when things were simple, when our home was safe, when the only demons around were our own, and when the rules of the game were clear. But as a soldier I must do my duty, even if it is fighting the one I believe to be the key to our salvation.
It is eerily strange that landing on this planet reminds me so much of the moment when for the first time since Megatron's rebellion, our return to the haven of Kaon's walls felt foreboding. Something had been coming, something big.
It began after a simple mission; our squadron was sent to intercept a large Autobot energon supply transport. It was supposed to be an easy task; take out the sentries, strafe the convoy and return home victorious, with a month-worth supply of the fuel.
But something had gone horribly wrong.
As I walked side by side with Starscream, whose wounds, in his opinion, weren't serious enough for him to remain in the repair bay, I tried to recover the memory files of the ambush, that turned out to be set up on us.
We had been completely taken by surprise, and the enemy forces, whose numbers were quite impressive considering there weren't many of us to go against, would have crushed us with little difficulty if we hadn't retreated in time. We've lost two of our fliers in the one-sided battle that ensued and Skywarp, who was now lying in statis in the bay, was also almost destroyed.
From what I could recall and deduce, it seemed the Autobots had had every intention of pulling us into a trap, and that they had known it was going to be an air raid, for they never once shifted their optics away from the sky. They had knowm it was going to be this particular team too… Starscream's team.
I was sure there had to be a spy among us, someone who let the enemy know about the specifications of Megatron's orders, and inform the enemy of a chance to take Starscream down. He was notorious amongst our enemies, as well as our numbers for his exceptional skills in the air and his brutal manner of dealing with the unfortunate fools who stood in his way. Such an opportunity, therefore, could not have passed unexploited. It would have also dealt a heavy blow to our side, Starscream being a high ranking officer in our army, and the recently appointed Air Commander. Let me add that it was quite an impressive feat for such a young mech to achieve so much, deservingly, and I wanted nothing more than to get my claws on the traitor who had wanted to bring him down.
But the time wasn't right, as we were rushing to a meeting. I had promised myself I would bring that matter to Megatron as soon as possible, but I had a sinking feeling I would not be getting such
an opportunity during the assembly. Both Starscream and me knew what its purpose was and there was no avoiding the upcoming reprimand, so I followed my trine leader through the eerie hallways of the Kolkular fortress in silence, bracing myself for what was to come.
Now that I think about it, I was actually doing it in his stead.
The briefing chamber was empty aside from a few of the highest ranking Decepticons, for which I was extremely thankful, but from their mocking expressions, I could guess the news of this meeting would spread among our troops faster than high grade during a victory celebration. The only mech who didn't show any sign of scorn was Soundwave, and I don't think it only had to do with his mask.
As always, he stood among us as the impartial spectator, observing and recording each glance and shift, prepared to later use that knowledge against us, if Megatron so wished. The Lord himself was seated on his throne, a foreboding smile spreading on his face platings. I knew then for certain that nothing good would come out of this for us, Seekers. Especially for us, Starscream's trine. Especially for Starscream himself.
"Starscream," Megatron's falsely kind voice echoed in the chamber, sending shivers down my circuits. I was never good around him, like Starscream was . "I wasn't aware you were given the position, and therefore the right to question my authority. I've sentenced mechs for treason for less than this."
"I wasn't trying to question your authority, master," Starscream answered as collectedly and inoffensively as possible, lowering his voice to a more bearable pitch than usual, but there was no hint of fear, or deceit in his tone or pose. This was a trait that differed him from other Decepticons; while in most cases you could recognize a mech was lying by noticing certain gestures, you could tell in the same manner when Starscream was telling the truth. I, being by his side the longest, could see that instantly and I was sure, absolutely, unquestionably sure that Megatron could see it too. However he chose not to show it.
"Don't lie to me, Seeker!" he bellowed, rising from his seat, making me want to shrink behind my trine leader, who did not even flinch. I thought I would hear the gathered officers snigger, but the silence was deadly. "Explain why you ignored a strict order, a simple order, which cost us not only energon but strategic position in that area?"
Starscream remained as still as a statue, but from the rapid whirring of his engines, I could recognize his growing agitation; Megatron was skillfully pushing the right buttons to break Starscream's resolve, and I knew that it was his main objective. He was toying with my trine mate, looking for a reason to have his way with him and 'put him in his place', and all I could do was watch, unable to help him. Everyone knew standing up to Megatron was suicide.
"If I hadn't made that decision, Megatron," Starscream rasped, his voice wavering, his claws clenching at his sides. "Your army would have lost more than just that. My entire team would have been destroyed for nothing but your gratification if we had remained there. There was no energon, Megatron. It was a trap designed to kill us. I had made the right choice to retreat."
Unsurprisingly, Megatron didn't take well to his confident reply, and with one swift strike he sent Starscream tumbling to the floor, the side of his helmet where he was punched dented. He didn't shoot him, or call him a traitor, didn't order him to be taken out for termination. He just regarded him pompously, distaste obvious in his features.
This time I did hear the muttered laughs. With a growl, I turned to glare at those who dared take pleasure in my leader's humiliation, shielding him from their mocking stares. They were all my superiors, but I didn't care. I answered to Starscream and Megatron only. I was about to come up to the nearest sneering con, and really start a brawl but Starscream grabbed my arm and shoved me violently towards the door.
"I didn't tell you to stand up for me," was the only thing he spat at me, his voice filled with venom, his pride obviously wounded. It had always been so easily hurt.
I looked him in the optics, but the Starscream I knew and respected was gone, again. His place was taken by the severe and alien warrior who was ready to crush anyone who threatened him. I backed away; I knew there was nothing left for me to do. He didn't want me there because I failed him.
The others also felt the pressure of his cold optics on them because they momentarily lost their amused expressions, and replaced them with hateful, or fearful glances, obviously ill at ease being in the same room with now two most deadly mechanisms on Cybertron.
Starscream measured everyone in the chamber, and then, unafraid, turned to gaze at Megatron, the newly awoken confidence radiating from him, his engines whirring rapidly but steadily. From the corner of my optic I saw Soundwave nodding slightly, but I could not guess if it was an approval of Starscream's composure, or if he was simply glad to witness his punishment, which I feared was now imminent. Then our Communications Officer left his spot, and headed to the door, moments before Megatron told us all to leave. I threw a worried glance at Starscream; I knew the next time I'd be seeing him would be in a far worse state, but he ignored everyone but his tormentor, shut out everything around him, focusing only on proving Megatron his worth.
Soundwave ushered everyone out, telling us to carry on with our tasks. I stayed; my task was to be at Starscream's side, whether he wanted me there at the moment or not. Soundwave regarded me coolly but let me be and together we stood guard over the massacre that was unfolding behind closed doors.
I would have gladly erased my memory of all those hours spent at that door, waiting for our leader to end his "lectures" so that I could carry Starscream to the repair bay, sometimes with the help of Skywarp, or Soundwave, but somehow I never could bring myself to do it. Maybe I kept those files as a reminder for myself, so I would never be tempted to cross Megatron. Or perhaps I felt it would have been disrespectful to simply destroy the record of Starscream's unfortunate transformation from the flier I once could call a companion to the bitter mech I'm afraid to approach, yet still respect.
I remember like it was yesterday, how broken and desperate Starscream seemed after that particular session with Megatron. He stayed in stasis for days, the Constructicons working hard to bring his internal structures and his flight capabilities back into shape. I sometimes wonder, perhaps partly jealous and partly amazed at the twists of fate, if Starscream did not owe his speed and agility to Megatron and his cons, who have spent years fixing and perfecting his frame. Then I remind myself of the price he'd paid to be where he was now, and I know I would never want to trade places with him, no matter the gain.
While he was out, the spy had been captured, Soundwave having scanned the processors of the new recruits, and discovering a heated Autobot follower among our ranks. Needless to say, his fate couldn't have been worse if he had met Megatron on the battlefield. The satisfaction I got from his punishment was almost clouded by the sheer terror I felt observing our leader fully engaged in the tortures. Seeing what was left of the foolish Autobot, I had really started to believe Megatron did have a soft spot for Starscream, as absurd as that might've sound. But when I told him about the spy and his death, he didn't seem at all moved, simply stating that it was a fate that awaited all traitors, and that Megatron did what was necessary.
Before he had come back online, I had visited him every day, and when Skywarp got out, we used to come see him together. I have not shared my assumptions about Megatron and Starscream's cruel games with my other trine mate, I felt I had to keep it secret from anyone and everyone. The only other mech who was aware of this, and unlike me knew the truth, not only guessed it, was Soundwave, but to this day he's remained as silent as a grave. I wish I could understand the reasons for his unwavering discretion, but he is an enigma to me, and I have no delusions of ever fathoming his true intentions.
Lacking the knowledge the Communication's Officer had, I was only able to feel trepidation and awe at what Starscream was starting to become. I was sure he knew something I didn't; he never hid his disdain for my petty worries, as he called them, when I urged him to stop challenging Megatron's patience. I did not want to see my friend on the verge of death, the result of the twisted sport they both designed and perfected. I did not want to see his spark extinguished because he wanted to prove something impossible, but for all those years living his pain, I never noticed the birth of a creature far superior than what he had once been. Then again, I am still not sure what he has become and what that transformation will bring us, but I want to believe in him; even now, when I am set to hunt and kill him, I believe he knows something I do not, and I want to trust his conviction.
It was impossible for me to comprehend his folly and his stubbornness back when I was close to him. I was blinded by my own needs, by the attachment I felt for him, seeing him only as my trine mate and Air Commander. I did not grasp the bigger picture when he allowed me a glimpse of his true intentions, his true goal.
"This is too much," I had told him once, many years after that unfortunate mission, when I could no longer stand seeing his wings broken, and his spirit confound in the wrecked frame. He didn't answer. I had told him he was foolish, and that he was going to get himself killed. Destroyed by the mech he had chosen to live for. I did not want that for him. I had asked him to stop when it was still not to late.
He had simply laughed.
"This is why he chose me," he said, perfectly at peace, never looking at me but at some remote point on the horizon. "I am his Air Commander, his Second in Command, Thundercracker," he faced me, his optics suddenly scornful, but it was not me he was angry with but himself, I had realized with astonishment. "I must become stronger than this, stronger than anyone before, even stronger than him. He needs me to."
I was at a complete loss, there was nothing I could say to this, without calling him mad or obsessed, which I knew he wasn't. His optics were sharp, he knew exactly what he was saying, and that was what had frightened me the most. "I must become something much greater than what I am now, Thundercracker. I must be invincible, more than just a soldier, more than just a follower. For him I will become the symbol of the Decepticon cause."
"He will kill you for saying something like that!" I couldn't hold it anymore, that cool and calculated tone while he spoke of such irrational things giving me the shivers. He regarded me blankly, not really seeing me, then turned back to the horizon, suddenly flexing his fully repaired wings proudly, his optics flashing confidently, thinking only about Megatron.
I was still too close to him to comprehend at that time but now I know.
"He will understand it in time."
Starscream has always known things I do not. But I do know it was fate that had brought him and Megatron together, and I refuse to believe there is no greater purpose in this. He may be called mad, or a traitor, but I know his true goal and, even though I may doubt it at times, I want to believe he will achieve it. After all, even death could not stop him, and it is the will of the Allspark that keeps him alive; the greatest and the most powerful force in the universe that's guiding him. It cannot be wrong.
And Megatron will understand.