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Hey. Svonnah here again. I hope that you all aren't tired of my fan fics yet, cause I love them immensely and could not stand to have them be borded at. Forgive the grammar. But you get it, right? Anyway, this fic is AGAIN about Rachel, but that's ok, you know?
The greatest thing about using these Evita songs is the power of their words and music. And if you've ever seen the movie or are acquainted with the soundtrack, you know what I'm talking about, and can have a much deeper respect and appreciation for these fics. I know that I cannot compare to the original meaning of the songs, but they work so perfectly I couldn't help myself.
In this fic Rachel discusses her final moments and her life in general, Jake deals with his own guilt and Tobias's suffering, and Tobias tries to come to terms with Rachel's death.
IMPORTANT: Three people share the telling of this song fic. The first one is Rachel, characterized by bolded song script. The next is Jake, who is underlined, bolded, and italicized, and finally is Tobias, who is just bolded and italicized.
The Choice Was Mine
(Rachel) The choice was mine…and mine completely…Don't blame Jake, I wanted to say to Tobias. I chose this. I'm doing this for you…
(Flashback to earlier days) I could have any prize that I desired…Who had I been back then? Did I really have a thought worth having? Wasn't I just some dippy airhead with a temper problem?
I could burn with the splendor…of the brightest fire…I could have been someone. A model…a gymnast…I could have been…yes, I could have been…but think of what would have happened to Earth…
Or else…or else I could choose time…This was the better choice. I had bought everyone's lives. And paid with my own…
Remember…I was very young then…You have to understand, when this started…I was so young…so…so innocent…
And a year…was forever…and a day…I remember after that first week of fighting time kind of sped up…I aged overnight…I woke up one morning and was 18, on the run from Yeerk forces…trying to save the world…
So what use…could fifty, sixty, seventy be?Time went so fast…but it also went so slow…those five years of my life were the longest I had ever experienced. Besides, what would I have done after the war? Gone insane…I wasn't meant to do that. I wasn't meant to grow up.
I saw the lights…and I was on my way…After that first taste of battle, I knew where I belonged. This was where I was supposed to be…I started changing…
And how I lived…I was almost super-human back then…so big, so fantastic…so strong…they all depended on me to carry them…and I did…
How they shone…but how soon…the lights…
Battle was glorious! It was in my nature…it was wonderful, it was everything…but I guess I liked it too much…
Were gone…
There was one battle in particular…
…
Their faces…oh, it was terror. I demorphed and they were all staring at me, with large, hollow eyes, asking, pleading…wanting me to say it hadn't happened.
"Rachel," Jake said. "You went too far."
I was panting. I was angry. Above all, I was mad at myself. I felt as if I had been scrubbed raw with harsh brushes. I half expected to stand up and have my heart fall out onto the cold floor, still beating and trying to live.
They were right. I was out of control. But I couldn't stop…not yet…
-
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Jake screamed, coming towards me. I was afraid he was going to hit me, but I was wrong.
He instead embraced me in an all-including hug, and I found myself sobbing.
"No more, Rachel. No more," he whispered fiercely. "I know you've been through hell. We all have. But you…Rachel, this has to stop. When you fight, it's not you…it's one large, consuming whirlwind of killing…and it's killing you too."
"I know," I sobbed. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Jake said blankly. "You've saved our lives more times than I can count. But you're going to destroy yourself in the process. No more."
"No more," I repeated.
And from that day forward, I took no joy in killing…until one day…
-
He was down. I saw it.
(Tobias,) my mind whispered, not believing.
It was then I knew how much I loved him. It was there, with a thousand enemies at my back, and Tobias in front of me, impossible to reach, that I fully comprehended how much I wanted him, how much I needed him…
I don't remember anything else, only that I was hell-bent on getting to him, telling him…
When I finally woke up, I was holding Tobias –human- in my arms and we were both crying silently together…
I looked down and saw we were red with blood…I looked up and suddenly I knew.
"Rachel," Jake's voice was completely self-hating, pleading, non-believing, disappointed, angry, reluctant…"Rachel, you're done."
I nodded. I knew. I knew…
Jake didn't let me fight anymore. Not for a long while…not until I could convince him I could control myself…could sacrifice Tobias's life, or my own, to save everyone else…could go into battle and not slaughter every living being just because they were that: living…
(Jake) The choice…was yours and no one else's…"She didn't have to!" I screamed at Tobias.
"But she did because you told her to!" He screamed back, holding Rachel's lifeless body.
"No," I snarled, and put my face inches from his. "She did it so none of us would have to. She did it for you. I would have been glad to let us all handle it, but NO!"
You can cry for a body in despair…"Tobias, you have to stop," I said, weeks later, touching his heaving shoulder. "She's gone…"
Hang your head because she is no longer there…"She wouldn't want you to be like this…don't disgrace her memory by wishing she wasn't dead…"
To shine…to dazzle…or betray…The world saw her as a hero. We never really told them about the way she fought…they way she wasn't human as she killed…
How she lived…how she shone…"Jake, Rachel was everything to me," Tobias confessed through his tears, whispering in the shallow moonlight. "We…we had plans…we were going to get married…I loved her so much…"
But how soon…the lights…were gone…"She was too young, Jake," Tobias said, sitting back. "We were all too young for this."
"Do you really regret it?"
"She didn't. I won't either…"
I nodded, but inside…
I thought back to when I thought it would never end, that we would go on fighting the Yeerks forever. We would all always be there…but suddenly the war was over…gone…and so was she…
(Tobias) Eyes…hair…face…image…I brushed my fingers over her red lips, then leaned down to kiss her one last time…
All must be preserved…Rachel's body was saved. They made her a thing of plastic.
The body was mounted in a special grave in her own, private cemetery…there was an empty tomb beside her…waiting for me…
Still-life displayed forever…I looked at her through the glass. People would come to see her…to see us…for generations…
No less than she deserved…Her fake body sickened me…but she deserved it…she deserved to be remembered…she deserved to be understood…to be immortalized…
Gong…Gong…Gong…Gong…Gong…Gong…Gong…
I walked by the glass one last time, struggling just to do that simple act I had done for nearly seventy years.
I looked up and cried, seeing her there, still so beautiful…still my Rachel…
"I'm coming," I whispered to her. "I'm coming home…"
I felt the familiar pains in my chest, and it wasn't long before the attendants rushed out to catch me as I fell…